"John you're the oldest and her favorite, you should be the one to make these decisions," his brother implored him.
"Is she really that bad, Bernie?' John asked, a stab of guilt piercing him as he realized both how long it had been since he'd seen his mother last and how reluctant he was to see her now.
"Why don't you come see for yourself?" Bernie snarled through the phone.
"Calm down Bernie, I'll talk to my boss and see if I can get the time off. If I can I'll grab the first train I can get," John promised.
"OK, see you soon I hope," Bernie said.
"Yeah, real soon, Bernie. And Bernie," –
"What?" Bernie replied a bit impatiently.
"Give Mom my love and," John paused for the briefest moment, "keep a piece for yourself, OK?"
"Yeah, you too," Bernie said, realizing that was about as close as his cynical, sardonic big brother was going to get to saying I love you.
When he hung up, John looked around the squad room. He noticed that everyone was trying to pretend they'd been too busy to overhear his conversation with his younger brother, but he decided not to be fooled.
"That was my brother Bernie, he called to let me know my mother has had a stroke, and he thinks I should get down to Pikesville to make some arrangements for her care," he explained.
"Oh John," Olivia exclaimed.
"Was it a bad one," Fin asked.
"Bernie didn't think so, but he doubts she'll be able to continue living at home on her own. That's why he wants me down there. Wants me to be the bad guy who tells her she has to leave the home she's lived in for over half a century," John said slightly bitterly. "Of course he's also trying to make me feel guilty for not being there all along. Guilt tripping me about being the oldest and her favorite, all that crap," he added angrily.
"Are you?" Fin asked.
"Am I what?' Munch asked back.
"Mama's favorite?" Fin asked with a smile.
"Screw you," John said softly, and then headed to Cragen's office.
"Better question would have been are you feeling guilty?" Elliot said.
"Well the answer to that's too obvious to even ask," Olivia said.
"I don't think he's looking forward to this trip," Fin said.
"Would you be? You heard what he said, his mom's had a stroke and he's going down to his hometown to move her to a nursing home," Elliot argued.
"Maybe he doesn't have to do that, he might be able to move her to an assisted living place, that might be more acceptable to her," Olivia suggested.
"Maybe, but I wonder what Munch's Mom is like, I mean I wonder if she's anything like him?" Fin pondered.
"Good question," Elliot said.
Munch had explained his situation to Cragen, and in turn Cragen had told him to take whatever amount of time he needed. Fin drove him to Penn Station and relayed Olivia's suggestion and everyone's well wishes.
"John, don't let your little brother or the situation get to you," Fin said, as he helped John get his bag out of the car. "You want me to call Novak, and tell her you won't be able to make the Anderson trial?"
"Uh, no I'll call her myself on my cell from the train," John said a bit nervously, wondering if his partner was catching on about him and Casey.
"Hey Casey," he said, trying to make his phone call on the train without being too obtrusive. "I'm on a train to Baltimore."
"Why?" she asked, somewhat alarmed.
"Bernie called, my Mom has had a small stroke, and he felt I should come down and help out with things."
"Oh John, sweetheart I'm so sorry. I wish I could go with you."
"Yeah I wish you could too, but I know you're up to your neck in cases, and I'm sorry I won't be there for the Anderson trial."
"Oh don't worry about that I'm sure Fin can cover for you."
"Look I'll be staying at my Mom's in Pikesville and you should be able to reach me on the cell. I'll call you tonight before going to bed, OK?"
"OK, don't forget because I won't sleep well until you call me."
"I promise, love you baby."
John paid the taxi driver who had brought him from the station. He carried his bag up to his family home and dug in his pocket for the key he still possessed, put it in the lock and opened the door. John stepped through the front door and set his bags down and looked around the living room. Somehow it didn't feel as warm and hospitable as when his mother was in it. He couldn't smell anything cooking or hear the teakettle about to whistle. Most of all she wasn't there fussing over him, telling him he looked too pale and too thin. He shook himself from his reverie and looked for his mom's car keys. He wanted to go to the hospital and see her this evening before visiting hours ended.
John walked into his mother's hospital room tentatively. She was lying in the bed, a white haired olive skinned woman, she looked very small and frail to her son. A woman who looked to be in her 60s was sitting near her bedside crocheting something in sherbet colors. She looked up as John entered.
"Hello, you must be the older son. I'm Marilyn Katz. I'm a sitter. The hospital has me come in and sit with certain patients, like your mother. She doesn't need a skilled aide with her all the time, just someone to help her with little things because of the stroke," the woman explained in a quiet voice.
"I see," John said.
"It's OK to wake her. She's been wanting to see you," the sitter told him.
"Mom, Mom," John said softly then touched his mother's shoulder.
The older woman woke revealing dark brown eyes, and the typical asymmetry of facial features caused by a stroke. She looked at John with confusing and final spoke, "Jake?"
That his mother didn't recognize him was painful enough, but that she though he was his father struck him in a way that was almost unbearable.
"No Mom. It's me, it's Johnny," he said, imploring her to recognize him.
"Johnny? No, you can't be my Johnny. He's run off to New York City. He doesn't come around anymore," she said and then turned her head aside.
"I'm sorry Mr. Munch, stroke victims are like this some times. They get a kind of dementia that's almost like Alzheimer's. But don't fret, you come back tomorrow morning she might be much better. Late evenings are bad but mornings they are much better. You be here when visiting hours start, OK?" she said in a motherly way.
"Yes, yes I will, Mrs. Katz, thank you and thank you for staying with my mother," John said gratefully.
John leaned over his mother's bed and placed a kiss on her cheek, "Night Mom," he said with a choked voice.
He drove to his brother's home and they talked for a few minutes agreeing to go see their mother together in the morning, then he drove 'home'. He was surprised to find it was only 9pm. He knew he's told Casey he'd call before going to bed but he wanted to talk to her now.
"Casey, God how I wish you were here with me tonight," John said over the phone.
He told her about his visit with his mother and how she'd thought he was his father.
"Oh John," she wished she could crawl through the phone to comfort him.
"When my dad was alive, people used to say how much I looked like him, but after he died, everyone stopped doing that," he told Casey in a quiet voice.
"Why?" she asked, not knowing John's biggest secret.
"Because my father didn't die in some normal way, he didn't get sick or have a heart attack or die in a car accident. He committed suicide. He blew his brains out. No one wanted to remind me or my mother that I looked like my dad," he answered.
"Oh darling I wish I could be there to hold you now," she whispered over the phone.
"How is it you already know me so well? I kept thinking, all I want now is to hold Casey. Oh Casey, if she's like this from now on, then it's like I've lost my Mom too."
She could hear him breaking down over the phone.
"John, I've got to go now, I'll talk to you soon," Casey said and hung up the phone.
John looked at the phone perplexed. One moment Casey was being so supportive and the next she had to go. What the hell was that about?
Casey called a cab and flung things into a suitcase. She was pretty sure the last train to Washington DC left a little after 10 and it had a stop in Baltimore. She could probably be at John's by 1 or 2 am at the latest.
John made some soup, a sandwich and some tea, and then tried to find something to watch on TV. He found he couldn't sleep. So he was still awake when a taxi pulled up in front of the house at about 1:30. He looked out the window beside the front door and saw a young woman get out of the taxi and pay the cabbie, as she began walking up to the front door with her suitcase he realized it was Casey and threw open the door.
"Casey, what are you doing here?" he asked.
"I couldn't let you be alone here to deal with this. Now can I come in?"
"Yeah," he stepped back, took her suitcase from her hand, shut the door and then pulled her into his arms.
"I don't know what's going to happen the next couple of days for your Mom, but whatever it is, I'll be here for you, OK John?"
"OK."