Evening, Lowtown
It was the last day before the expedition. Fenris had already been packed three days. He was regretting it now, because he had nothing to do and his anxiety was through the roof. So, in spite of his refusal to join the 'End of the World' party at the Hanged Man, he went anyway. He figured if he couldn't get Hawke out of his head, he might as well see her. That usually had a fifty-fifty chance of breaking the fantasy.
He knew they'd grill him for showing up after his mean refusal. In his ghostly walk, Fenris thought of an excuse that would make him not look bad.
He could say... that he felt sorry for them losing out on his presence. No, no, too grandiose. He didn't do grandiose. Plus, it sounded like he cared. That was no way to present himself.
Descending the stairs to Lowtown, the Hanged Man could be heard from a distance blasting a weird kind of music. Nothing like Tevinter music. It was... playful, dancy. He didn't dance. He suddenly felt blue... He should go home. But a thought came over him, that in his unenthusiastic inflexibility, he was driving away chances to feel good.
He could say... that his plans fell through, and so he had no reason not to come now. Something inside him commanded his nostrils to snicker. Who would believe he had "other plans"?
Outside the entrance he saw Hawke, Varric and Isabela laughing hysterically. Hawke had colourful paper garlands around her neck. Still had the low long pigtails and messy hair. There were splashes of her drink all around her.
"Look who decided to join us!" Isabela said, hands on her hips. "I thought you said you were too good for lowlife parties."
"I said I had better things to do," Fenris said flatly.
He didn't.
He looked at Hawke. Hawke looked at him. She blew up into little snickers.
"Okay?" Fenris said with a raised eyebrow.
He could say that he wanted to check her state of mind. No, no, that would sound pretty mean, and like he cared. A briefing. He came for the briefing, since everyone was here, and he thought he'd miss out. Simple. Professional.
"She was having a little panic attack about tomorrow, so I gave her something," Isabela said, amused.
"Yeah, they made my boohoos go away," Hawke said, out of it.
"You drugged her?" Fenris said judgmentally.
"We never said that," Varric said lawyerly. "Don't worry. We're watching her."
"Thank goodness you were here," Fenris said sarcastically, crossing his arms.
"Do you have anxiety too? I could give you some," Isabela said, searching her pockets.
"No," Fenris said sharply.
"Then why'd you come?" Varric asked with a humorous smile.
"I came for the brie—" he tried to get a word in.
"He can't stay away from me," Hawke interrupted, her cheek smooshed against the wall. She was this close to making out with it.
In the awkward silence, Varric and Isabela slowly looked towards Fenris. "Oowooo," they said.
Fenris felt like he had too much face on his face. "I came because I was bored. So far, nothing has changed." He paused. "Move."
Varric and Isabela made way, but kept oowoo-ing him until he closed the door in their faces.
"We held hands," Hawke mumbled in a happy haze to nobody in particular. "Twice," she said with two fingers up high, as if that was an achievement.
Evening, The Hanged Man
Inside, it wasn't as lively as advertised. Their usual table at the back had two pitchers and some more silly garlands up on the wall. Carver and Merrill were in a deep chat. Anders and Aveline were playing a new game.
"What's that?" Fenris said.
"Diamondback," Aveline said, very concentrated. "I don't understand this game."
"Varric got us into it," Anders explained, who was more sucked into his drink with a green straw.
Half an hour later, Fenris stole their money. Aveline lost her shit.
"How?!" she lamented angrily. "You don't even know the game!"
"Neither do you," he said.
"Varric warned you, Aveline," Anders said nonchalantly.
"It feels like he's cheating. Are you cheating?" Aveline demanded.
Fenris shrugged. "I just do it mathematically."
"Oh, I just do it mathematically," Aveline mumbled over him. She looked at Anders. "That's still cheating, right?"
"Don't be too upset," Anders said, smiling. "This is just a three-player deck, and to be honest," he said and covered a burp, "I wasn't paying much attention. He can't rely on math with a bigger party."
"Then bring a bigger party," Fenris said, leaning back in his chair.
"Let's pause." Aveline looked at him. "How are you feeling, Fenris? About tomorrow."
"I'm a little worried now that I saw those clowns outside," Fenris said.
Anders started cringing and laughing. He pretended to be Hawke and said, "Varric, do you see? Do you see? Reading is just hallucinating stuff while staring into a chunk of dead tree! Stop writing about me on dead trees, Varric!"
Aveline chuckled to herself.
"Really, Aveline? Even you?" Fenris said in a disappointed tone.
"Even me what?" she asked innocently.
"I thought you were the law," he said, raising a judgmental eyebrow.
"I am the law," she said confidently, drinking. "But I'm off duty. Consequently, I saw and heard nothing." This was true, he noticed. She didn't have her guard uniform, just civies with naked arms. The muscles on her were quite impressive.
"Plus... she was… kind of annoying," Anders said, raising an eyebrow.
Aveline nodded a tired nod. "I was this close to slapping her. Good thing I didn't or I'd have—"
Fenris stopped paying attention since the muscles. Aveline flicked her fingers in his face.
"What are you looking at?" she said, a little irate.
"Nothing... uhm... nice muscles," he said awkwardly.
She looked at her arm. "Thank you," she said, unsure of herself. "Don't really get that a lot. I appreciate it."
"Don't listen to Isabela," Anders said comfortingly, though nobody asked him to bring up the subject. "She's obviously insecure. Right, Fenris?" he said, eyeing him intently.
"What?" Fenris said, confused. "I don't understand."
"Nothing. It's absolutely nothing," Aveline assured him.
"Isabela keeps making fun of Aveline's... uhm..."
"... yes?" Aveline said with scratch in her tone.
"... intimidating physique and/or attitude?" Anders offered, a little scared.
"Right," Aveline grumbled and drank.
Anders eyed Fenris again angrily as if to say something. What did this mage want from him? He wasn't a... consoler. He didn't even think he'd ever used that word in a sentence his entire life.
Outside the Hanged Man
A rat went by, and Isabela had to drag Hawke away from trying to befriend it.
"This may have been a mistake," Varric said, rubbing his forehead.
"Oh, yeah," Isabela said sarcastically, holding Hawke, "the sweating and catastrophising was much better."
"You guys are mean," Hawke said sleepily on Isabela's shoulder.
"I just didn't expect her to get that bad. She's usually comical about blood, death and failure."
"Yeah, 'cause joking about it reflects a lack of vulnerability."
"You know, you're not helping."
"Not helping?" Isabela said angrily, and pushed Hawke towards him. "I gave her drugs and kept her away from vermin. It's your turn to be helpful."
"Well, obviously I failed," Varric said grouchily, and balanced Hawke with one distant finger. "What if she freaks out like this in the Deep Roads? You think Fenris is gonna soothe her nerves?"
"That won't happen," Isabela said.
"Yeah, I'm chill," Hawke said, very chill.
"You don't freak out in the face of it," Isabela went on. "You freak out when you've got nothing but time with your thoughts," she said, poking Hawke's forehead.
"No more thoughts!" Hawke shouted. Isabela retracted her hand to massage her ear.
"She looks good for standing," Varric said, retracting his finger too. "Why don't we go inside before she alerts all the thieves in Kirkwall about her emotional problems?"
"It's cute you think that hasn't happened yet," Isabela said, smiling to herself.
"There's... uhm... nothing wrong with big girls," Fenris tried to say awkwardly.
"Big girls, tall girls, nerd girls, cat girls," Anders said, distracting himself in the process. "All great! Right?"
Fenris sighed heavily. "Sure. Girls are great."
"Haters gonna hate," Anders said to Aveline, sipping from his straw.
"Look at you two, Mr Feminists," Aveline said derisively. "But I bet when you rub one off it's all princesses and damsels in distress with you."
"Not always. Sometimes it's tall warriors who can crush me to death. The world is full of great people to rub one off to," Anders said happily.
They both looked at Fenris. He definitely felt like he had too much face on his face.
"I'm not going to share my fantasies with you two," Fenris protested.
"Ah, so he does have fantasies," Anders said devilishly, sipping his straw.
"Who doesn't?" Aveline said. "I'm quite partial to the thought of Drakon and Calenhad."
Anders came forward. "Like, together? At the same time?"
Aveline smirked.
Anders thought about it.
"Can we play?" Fenris said tensely.
"Oh, look at him blushing," Anders said mockingly.
"Don't listen to him," Aveline said. "He's a lightweight."
"I'm a lightweight," Anders agreed, sipping the last of his straw loudly.
Fenris grinned and poured him some more cocktail. He was going to bleed the mage dry.
"Aww, look at you being nice to Anders," Hawke's voice came beside him.
"What? No," Fenris said nervously, turning around. "I mean... yes. I am nice."
"Now I know why you have to rely on math," Aveline whispered to him. "You can't bluff for shit."
The others came and squeezed themselves in.
"Why is it so dead in here?" Hawke complained.
"Why don't you liven it up, then?" Isabela said, squeezing in next to Aveline and pretending it was hard.
"We really need a bigger table," Fenris grumbled. "There's that one in the middle that's always empty. Why don't we go there?"
Aveline put her cards under her chin and eyed it intently. "You'll see."
A heavy stomp and rattle behind him, and Fenris turned around. Hawke was on top of the table, all eyes on her.
"Here we go," Varric said, intertwining his fingers.
"People, people! Tsk, tsk. You are sad!" Hawke shouted dramatically.
"Eat my dick!" someone said from another table.
She grabbed her crotch and said, "You first, boy."
General vowels were exchanged in the crowd.
"I'm going to the ass-end of the world tomorrow and I need a party!" Hawke shouted. She pointed to the musicians to liven it up, and she started stomping her boots and clapping to the beat.
"Go home!" someone said.
"Nuh, uh, party first!" she insisted, clapping in rhythm. "I'm not getting off this table until people are dancing and singing with me!"
"Show us your tits!" someone else said.
"Sorry, Sir, but you need to be at least five thousand times more intelligent to see these Fereldan beauties," Hawke said, clinking on her chestplate.
"Ya! Long live Ferelden!" someone shouted, which attracted some ire from the Kirkwallers.
"Oh, pish posh!" Hawke said derisively. "What kind of Fereldans sit around in a sad room too chickenshit to buy a third pint and sing? You're not my countrymen! Look at those Kirkwallers over there! They're at round number six and they broke two glasses already! Also... you Sir... Sir.. yes, you—you have really nice hair. What's your secret?"
There came more outrage and one very helpful hair tip. Fenris made a mental note.
"Yeah! Yeah... That's what I thought!" Hawke shouted to the Fereldans. "Prove me you're Fereldan, you little—" she said and grabbed her crotch again.
Fenris chuckled involuntarily, but no one could hear him over Isabela's laughter.
Then she started singing, or more accurately, war-crying about voidfire.
"You are not serious," Fenris said tiredly, looking at Aveline.
"Uh-huh," Aveline said, drinking.
"Oh, there goes my sister," Carver said, bringing Merrill to the shmooshening. "Yeah, voidfire!" he war-cried, and checked if Merrill was watching.
"Thad... ish awesfome," Anders said through his straw. "Voyfayah!"
"Yeah, girl! Sing it!" Isabela cheered on and danced with her torso. "Voidfire!"
Varric whistled loudly. "Voidfire!"
"Wait, wait!" Isabela said and grabbed some of the candles on the sill to give to people.
"This is real?" Fenris said judgmentally. They all scowled at him. "Voidfire?" he said, raising an unsure fist.
Hawke changed to a softer tune, wobbling. "I've... had enough... there's a voice in my head... says I'm better off dead..." Then she roared loudly and stomped, "But if I... SING ALOOONG... A LITTLE FUCKING LOUDER... TO A HAPPY SOOONG!" The tune was happy in a weirdly angry sort of way. She beckoned for more people to come. "Yeah, we'll be alright!"
"Woo! Take your clothes off!" Isabela egged on.
"Come on, people, back me up!" Hawke demanded. "E!... A-T-M-Y-P!" she chanted. "U!... S-S-E! Let's hear it!"
"Eat my pusse?" Varric said, breaking into laughter. "Maker, I love drunk Hawke."
"Not really helping our stereotype, but okay," Aveline grumbled.
But the crowd didn't care. Isabela really didn't care. They were up and cheering like school kids. "E!... A-T-M-Y-P!... U!... S-S-E!"
"Yeah, THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Hawke growled loudly. "Long live Ferelden! Fuck taxes!"
"What's wrong with taxes?" Fenris shouted over at the others.
"The rich aren't paying them!" Varric shouted back helpfully. "Plus, the spikes all over town not getting removed!"
"Does your city have an assembly?" Fenris shouted back.
"Technically, it has a council of nobles that sits bi-yearly—"
"Maker, you guys are so boring I'm gonna kill myself!" Isabela shouted at them. "Come on, Big Girl! Let's dance!" It took her a few relentless tries for Aveline to agree. "Blondie, get your ass here!"
Anders seemed upset to leave his straw, but got up, half-tripped a few times, and joined them in dancing/jumping/cheering.
"Every now and then we get that feeling... And the great big void inside us opens up... and I really wish that you could help, but my head is like a carousel," Hawke sang more softly, doing circles and jumbling her hair, "... just going 'round in circles! Just going round in circles..." Aveline held Hawke's leg helpfully as she was about to fall.
"Stop brooding and take a candle!" Varric shouted over the table at Fenris.
"Fine..." Fenris sighed, and raised a candle, unmoving.
"The world... has coalesced... into one giant mess... of hate and unrest..." Hawke went on. "BUT IF YOU SING ALOOONG... A LITTLE GODDAMN LOUDER," she war-cried, "TO A HAPPY SOOONG! WE'LL BE OKAY!" Pigtails were flying, boots were stomping, the table was wobbling.
It was nothing like the opera house in Minrathous.
"Not your style, Broody?" Varric shouted.
"I don't know... Is this a Fereldan thing?" Fenris shouted at Carver.
Her brother held his chin in both delight and condescension. "Screaming fatalistic shit on party music? Very Fereldan. Boosts morale up like nothing else."
Varric started sticking flowers into arrows and shooting them through the empty spaces between Hawke's head and limbs. Petals fell on the screaming girl.
"Come on, sing along! Let's sing along!" Hawke demanded. "A little... fucking... LOUDER!"
Isabela and Anders were headbanging unhinged, while Aveline played balancer in between them and Hawke.
"Now don't you feel... SO MUCH BETTER?" she said ironically and signaled for another chant.
"E!... A-T-M-Y-P!... U!... S-S-E!"
"Yeah, that's the spirit!" Hawke cheered, grabbing herself again.
Fenris buried his face in his palm.
After another two songs about unlikely animal friendships and how unfair classism was, Hawke needed to be taken home and put into bed. Carver took her on piggy back while Varric briefed them.
"Alright, kids, have a good sleep and we'll meet in the Merchants' Quarter at 6AM sharp!"
"I want more beer!" Hawke protested.
"There's more beer in your bed. I saw it earlier," Carver lied.
"Oh... ok, taker me... taken me thereyer," she said softly, but fell asleep on him.
"Sure we can't convince you, Blondie?" Varric asked.
"Nope," Anders said, trying to cross his arms, but it was just too much for him not to lean on something for balance.
"You're packed, elf?" Varric said fatherly.
"Since three days ago," Fenris replied.
"Nerd," Isabela said, leaning on the door.
"I like your style, Fenris," Aveline said approvingly.
Isabela coughed. "Couple of nerds."
"I like nerds," Hawke mumbled, asleep.
Carver smiled tensely. "Okay, time to go home. Merrill, I'll take you too."
"That's sweet of you. Thanks!" Merrill said, going by their side.
"I like nerds, too," Carver said flirtatiously.
Isabela rolled her eyes.
"Alright, we're gonna go, too," Aveline said, going next to Fenris. "Bye guys, be safe and good luck out there!"
"Bye, kids," Varric said, but couldn't help himself and shouted after Carver. "Boil her some eggs or something, for the hangover!"
Fenris and Aveline walked back to Hightown. There was an awkward silence.
"Are you safe, Fenris?" Aveline asked motherly.
What a stupid question.
"No," he said flatly.
"I'm going through Jevan's old reports. They're neglected, poorly kept, but some mention you."
Fenris looked sideways, containing his anxiety. "Thank you for getting rid of them."
"I didn't," she said, which annoyed him. "It's probably a good thing you're skipping town for a few months."
"That's not why I'm doing this," he said.
"Why, then?" she asked. "Trying to get on her good side?"
"Wouldn't you?" he said flatly.
"Well, at least you're honest," she grumbled. They walked on. "You know, some guards give people the opportunity to lie if it will keep the peace."
He didn't need protection, nor a cover up, nor this headache of a conversation.
"You can see what I am," he said and walked faster. "Lie to yourself if you must."
"I'm trying to help you, ass," she said, outwalking him.
Fenris pursed his lips and inhaled. "I'm not used to this."
"You had better get used to it fast. You're about to spend a very long time in the worst place in the world with those people."
Fenris stared at the Keep. "I did not think this through."
Aveline chuckled. "Just remember, for all intents and purposes, they're your friends now."
"I wouldn't go that far," he said.
"Trust me, you need them to be," she said, going up the stairs alone. "You can hate each other when you're back in Kirkwall."
Fenris frowned. "Why are you only telling me this now?" he said in annoyance.
"You don't make a good first impression," Aveline said from afar.
"You think I can just take up a camaraderie class ten hours before the expedition?" Fenris fired back. He was but a tiny speck of angry white hair now.
"Consider the expedition your class," Aveline shouted back from up high. "Hope you graduate!"
Yeah, right, the angry speck of white hair thought, and took a right for the Chantry district.
Sunrise, Merchants' Quarter
Hawke looked at her small backpack and then stared at Fenris' monstrosity.
"Well, we certainly have different views on baggage," she said with a raised eyebrow.
"Each with how much they can carry," he said flatly.
"The Deep Roads will be nice and virginal, ready for a good deflowering," Bartrand said grossly.
"Well, that's an interesting image," Varric muttered sarcastically.
"Your brother's kind of a tool," Hawke said to him.
"You just noticed that?" Varric said.
"It's going to take a week for us to reach the thaig, and it's a lot of risk we're taking here, but the rewards will be just the sweeter," Bartrand continued.
"Unless a dragon's sitting in it, then I'm out," Hawke whispered to Varric.
"Oh, quit your whining, Pantaloons. We took down a dragon just last week," Varric retaliated brotherly.
"It wasn't a big dragon... it was a like a teen dragon. It didn't quite know where its place was in the world."
"Hawke?"
"Yes, Varric?"
"No. Whining."
"Is that a breach of contract or something?"
"Why, yes, it is, signed and sealed under the No Whining Act of 8:34 Blessed."
There was a small commotion behind them, as Anders showed up harassed by Bartrand's guards.
"If you just let me talk to Hawke—"
"What are you doing here?"
"Well..." he said, scratching his head, "I was putting out milk for invisible cats this morning and... I changed my mind. I want to come. You're my friend, and you need my help, and I need you alive too, so... here I am."
Hawke seemed genuinely touched. "Aww... Thanks, man." She put her arm on his shoulder and addressed the others. "Grade A healer in the house!"
"He-hey, told you it'd work!" Varric said. "Welcome to the team!"
"Mage," Fenris greeted him flatly.
"Wait, who invited the old woman?" Bartrand said curtly.
Shit...
Sunset, Vinmark Mountains
It was a refreshing change of scenery; dark green trees towered over other luscious trees, there was mud everywhere, and the woods entertained and surprised them with all manner of animal noises. The dusk was rosy above.
Hawke took her team ahead for recon.
"Hey, can you put these in your bag?" Hawke asked the elf in a rush, holding a bouquet of plant crap.
"Oh, so now you like the big bag?" Fenris said sourly.
"Well, I just don't get why you need so much shit to bring with you," she said.
He took off his bag and put it on the ground, opening it. "It doesn't have a lot of shit. Not yet. That's the point, isn't it? So you can get all that money you need."
"Oh," she said.
He stood up, catching his breath, and gestured towards it. "Go on, then."
She smiled with one corner of her mouth. "Thanks."
"Plants ain't gonna make you any money, Chuckles," Varric said.
"They're gonna make Anders able to make us potions, doofus," she said. "You gotta be alive to make money."
"Yeah, that's the trouble with it," Varric said tiredly.
They set up a modest camp waiting for the others.
The first to catch up were the miners. Since the disaster in the Bone Pit, the miners went on strike. Hawke was at Hubert's throat. It wasn't looking good for the Orlesian. So, he made the pragmatic decision of sharing his profits with someone who could, in his words, "translate" for him. Hawke did a good thing not punching him in the face, and argued they should both reserve 5% of their shares for improved equipment and unforeseen disasters. Hubert grumbled and shook on it. Then the new translator proceeded to give 35 out of the 50% share back to the workers, after taxes. The weakening of greedy hierarchy hath begun.
"Hey, boss." A couple of miners came to them, holding a piece of dark green rock. "Look at this beauty."
"What am I looking at?" Hawke asked in confusion.
One of them squatted at the fire place, giving the rock a proper display. "Veridium, this is," the Fereldan said. "Fish wives' tales say this rock comes from the Fade. There's so much of it, it started growing out on the other side."
"Whoa," Hawke said, squatting down too. "Fade rock? What do we need ourselves Fade rock for? I don't want my metal boots turning into demons while I sleep."
Fenris watched her, doing a mental eye roll. She was such an actress.
"Never seen veridium turn into demon rock before, boss. But it's tough as shit. You might wanna pocket this for a good sword or shield."
"No pocketing," she said, raising a finger. "Unless it's something hilarious. Like a demon eyeball. I doubt anyone'll want to pay for something like that."
"Oh, they'd pay for it," Fenris butted in. "There's a market for demon hunting memorabilia."
"Do you know any demon hunters?" Hawke said, raising an eyebrow.
"I'd like to think of myself as one," he said, crossing his arms.
"Oh, I'd like to think of myself as one too, once I pick one up from you guys," a miner said. "I come back to Kirkwall with a demon horn or something, it'll get me laid for years."
"So, really, we're marketing to—" she said.
"Lunatics," Anders said, coughing.
"Perverts," Varric added.
"I'd pay for it," Carver said, petting his bicep.
"You don't need to pay for it. You'd just need to pick one up," she said. "But please don't. You hang some demonic monstrosity up on the wall, it'll give both Mother and Mojo nightmares."
"As if I'd still be living with you once this is over," Carver said.
She seemed a little hurt. But she pursed her lips. "Sure, demon eyeballs for your bachelor pad. It'll get you so laid." She rolled her eyes.
"So laid!" Carver shouted happily, raising his ale with the other miners.
Hawke looked in Fenris's direction, putting a hand on her hip. "That why you want demon memorabilia, too?"
"I don't need silly souvenirs for that," Fenris said with an arrogant smirk.
Hawke couldn't help but like the elf's non-aggressive, detached masculinity in contrast to the rest. Even Varric was one to display sometimes, and she found that tedious and boring.
"Do you get laid, though? I mean, really," Anders butted in sardonically.
"Do you?" Fenris shot back calmly.
"I get around," Anders said, shrugging. "I just can't see what people would find appealing about you once you open your mouth."
Fenris chuckled meanly through his nose, shifting in his seat. "Thankfully, I don't speak much."
Charming, modest… What was she thinking? Stop thinking about it!
At least she could call bullshit on his 'man of few words' shtick. He'd talked her ear off the other day, and though it made her feel guilty to admit it, he was quite interesting to talk to. She could probably call bullshit on him getting laid too. He didn't seem like a casual guy and his flirting was, on the whole, terrible.
"Well, thank the Maker for that," Anders said meanly.
Bartrand's people caught up and set camp. Some more people joined their fire circle for food and drink.
"There, that log's empty, where the knife-ear's sitting," a Kirkwaller said to his friends, coming toward them.
Hawke took a step forward, her tone darkening. "Call him a knife-ear again. I dare you," she said.
"'Aight, whatever," the guy said, taking a seat on the log. "I don't get this political correctness crap," he mumbled to his mate.
"Please, I'm not holding a goblet of fire in front of the Kirkwall assembly," Hawke intervened.
"Exactly," the Kirkwaller said. "That's all fancy noble crap. What good does it do us? This is the real world."
"Yeah, I wager not being an asshole in the actual real world does us more good overall," she said.
"No, it doesn't. It's just fancy virtue signaling at the top manipulating us dirt people, here where the real problems are," he said.
"'Cause racism isn't a real problem?" she said.
"It's not a big problem anymore," the Kirkwaller said, coming forward in his seat. "Look around," he said, waving his bottle, "we're working for the dwarves, and working side by side with elves, Fereldans, all that lot."
She rubbed her forehead. "Alright… first of all, we're not dirt people," she said, flailing her arms around the camp. "We're the backbone of the economy. Nobles wouldn't know how to wipe their own arses in the morning without people like us. They're useless!" she said. "Second of all, it's important right here, where the real shit is, to be good to one another. Build trust, form strong connections, help each other, be united. If anything the nobles up there are doing to manipulate us, it's to keep us all divided with silly shit like gender, race and nationality. Kirkwallers and Fereldans. Humans and elves—"
"Mages and non-mages," Anders added.
"Yeah," Hawke said shortly, waving towards him, but went on passionately to the racist.
Fenris repressed his instinct to protest, because he was interested to see where she was going with this. In the thinker position, he watched her curiously by the fire, her hair redder and her zeal even more.
"I mean don't you see how they're distracting us with useless drama?" she said. "Kirkwallers are super unhappy with the growing numbers of Fereldans here and they're resentful when they get aid. They say 'Well, where was my aid when I needed it? Why are they giving it to them?'. And I say, that's a good question. The target of the hate is misplaced, but it's a very good question. Where indeed was the aid for Kirkwallers, long before this Blight shit happened? Where was the Chantry's aid to humans before they decided genociding elves was a bad idea? You're right that there are real problems we're not holding them to account for. We pay tax, and where does it go to, other than Keep renovations and Senechal Bran's peacock wardrobe?"
People chuckled, remembering Bran's sanctimonious manner of being.
"Doesn't it also go to the Guard?" Fenris intervened calmly. If anything, to remind her not to trash Aveline near Varric's ears.
"Well, that's one good thing it goes to, I guess, now that Vallen is in charge," she said. "But that's what I mean, right? There was so much fucking corruption."
"Oh, Guard-Captain Vallen," one of them said, laughing and holding onto their pint. "Man, would I let her inspect my quarters."
Some of them laughed and made wolf noises. Fenris flinched and covered his ear in annoyance.
Varric looked around to see the women in the group looking tired and annoyed.
Hawke crossed her arms.
"Right, sorry boss," he said, drinking shyly.
"Uh-huh," she said, contained but threatening.
"You can't stop corruption, sweetheart," the racist joined back in. "It's a dog-eat-dog world."
"It doesn't have to be," Hawke said, uncrossing her arms. "Whatever happens here, for instance, no one gets left behind."
"Not even that chappy?" the racist said, pointing back at Sandal in the distance, who was enthusiastically barking at Mojo.
Hawke smirked. "What's your name, man?"
"Martin," he said. "Why?"
"What do you do, Martin?"
"I'm a carpenter."
"Well, that guy is a savant enchanter. It's a surprise the University of Orlais haven't poached him yet."
"But he's so…" the guy said, confused.
"Go on, finish that sentence," Hawke said, smiling sadistically.
Martin cleared his throat sourly and drank.
"I thought so," she said, and prepared to leave. "Work together. Talk to each other. We could all learn something cool from one another."
"Jeesh, who made her queen of the world?" Martin said sourly to his friends. "I bet," he said, laughing, "I bet she's one of those freaks. Likes stepping on blokes' junk."
"Puts them in a garbage bag and kicks'em around," another said, spinning and spanking the air.
Martin stood up and held the air in front of his chest as if he had huge breasts, and mockingly pretended to be Hawke. More laughing incurred.
"That woman you're impersonating, so very badly by the way, is leading the expedition with Bartrand and I, pal," Varric said calmly, warming his hands.
Martin's face became paler than a ghost and he, and his breasts, deflated. "That… uh… that Hawke?"
His friends started comically orating the tragedy of the shit he was in.
"But she's so…"
"Go on," Fenris said calmly, looking at him. "Finish that sentence."
Varric seemed surprised and nodded approvingly towards him.
Sunset, Vinmark Mountains
A few days had passed. Hawke was pacing forwards and backwards, trying to keep her wits about her after they were attacked by darkspawn. It meant they were getting closer to the entrance, but it also meant uncomfortable flashbacks. It had been some time since the Blight. What a good time that was.
"Hawke," Fenris's voice came flatly from behind.
"Wha—?" she said, waking up from her thoughts. He was holding a flask of water towards her.
"You have gone purple," he said.
"Ah," she said, smiling shyly and taking the flask. "I love purple, but it's not my colour," she said, drinking.
"No, I suppose you're more into…" he said, sizing her up. Teal sweater, a small simple breastplate, two belts, brown trousers and chunky boots. "Turquoise shit?"
"It goes well with my hair," she said, pulling on one of her braids.
"I'm glad to see you shortened your bangs," he said, receiving the flask back. "I don't know how you tank with hair in your eyes."
"Oh, please," she said. "By the middle of a battle your hair turns into bloody face curtains."
He chuckled. "True," he said. "But it angles my face well."
"Yeah, it does," she said unthinkingly, and became awkward. "Cool… uhm… hair," she said, the last word in a rush, and tried to change the subject. "How's it going back there? Are you getting along?"
"I've camped with chronically human squadrons before," Fenris said, a little tiredness in his voice.
"You don't have to just take it, you know?" Hawke said amicably. "This ain't Tevinter."
"Don't worry about me, Hawke," he said wearily. "You should hear how they talk about you."
Her eyebrows rose and met tiredly. "Ball-busting sex jokes, I presume?"
"Oh, and how," he said calmly.
"Troglodytes," she said, crossing her arms.
"I don't partake," he said. He felt like he needed to make clear there was a distance between him and the 'troglodytes', which she found funny.
"I didn't think you're type," she said, smirking warmly.
A non-troglodyte approached her eagerly. It was Anders. Though Fenris disagreed with the categorisation.
"Hawke, can we discuss strategies now? I can stay awake with you and keep watch in the meantime," he said.
"Sure," she said calmly and sat down. "What do you want to discuss?"
Fenris stood there awkwardly, and they both looked at him. Hawke gestured for him to take a seat next to the mage.
Anders prepared to speak, but Hawke shooshed him for a second. "Carver! Varric!" she shouted and beckoned. "Unscheduled meeting!"
Carver's eyerolls couldn't get any louder.
"Right, so—" Anders started.
"Actually, not so fast," Hawke said, narrowing her eyes. "Let's start by discussing how you make up for your little merry-go-round with the expedition."
"Well, sure, what do you want me to do?" Anders said, smirking. "Wash your coat? Make you soup? Warm your bed?"
Please can I just hit the troglodyte? Fenris thought, daydreaming.
"You can start by telling me all about the Hero of Ferelden."
"You know I can't discuss Grey Warden business, Hawke."
"Oh, come on, I don't need to hear company secrets. She's public knowledge, and I want all the knowledge I can get."
"I don't know…"
"Oh, come on, Anders. She was in Lothering and I completely missed her," she whined.
"Fine, but nothing about my time with her," Anders said.
"Ooh, kinky," Hawke said childishly.
"My admiration for the Hero of Ferelden will not see the light of the day if there indeed was anything kinky between you two," Fenris said.
Carver and Varric joined in at the worst minute.
"Nah, she wouldn't even look at me," Anders said, holding his knees. Fenris looked very pleased. "Not like that. She's married."
"So, the rumours she's King Alistair's mistress are all crap?" Varric said. "Wait! Unless…"
"I don't think her schedule allows time for a husband and a lover, believe me," Anders said.
"So, who's the husband?" Carver asked.
"This Antivan guy. Constantly flirts with himself," Anders said.
"The assassin?" Carver said, dumb-founded. "No way!"
"Way," Anders said, laughing.
"The assassin, you say?" Varric said, interested. "What's he like?"
"Well, you know Fenris?" Anders said, wiping the air in his direction.
"Uh-huh?" Fenris said, annoyed.
"Basically, the opposite of that," Anders said, smiling.
Carver and Varric laughed. Hawke looked annoyed. But Fenris was wrong about the reason why.
"We've spent 70% of this conversation talking about her husband," Hawke butted in. "I wanna hear about her already!"
"Right," Anders said, and a moment of awareness crept in. "You know, maybe we are pigs."
"Speak for yourself," Fenris said.
"Calm down, Fenris," Hawke said. "We all know what a raging feminist you are."
Anders guffawed derisively. "What?" he said in pure amusement. "You're a raging feminist?"
"I am a feminist," Fenris said. "Getting enraged."
Hawke looked extremely pleased with her crossed arms, but it wasn't clear how much of it was approval and how much of it was entertainment.
"It's alright, Fenris. I'm bringing this back to what's important. Now tell me about Tabris," she demanded of Anders.
"Right, so first thing you notice about her—she's smart as a whip. Next thing, she's quite unforgiving. You can't have a little rest from all that damn running without her assigning you extra Keep duty," he said, a little resentfully.
"Don't worry, Anders. You can rest your little legs with me," Hawke said in amusement, holding her chin. "Go on."
"Well, she's got red hair, like you. But she's shorter, of course," Anders said.
"Of course?" Fenris said, raising an eyebrow.
"'Cause she's an elf," Anders said.
"Mhm," he said through his hair. "Stand up," he said, doing so himself.
"Why?" Anders said defensively.
"Go on," he said calmly.
"May I take this opportunity to thank you for inviting me to this hilarity," Varric whispered to Hawke.
"I got you, man," she said, fist-bumping him.
"Ugh, fine," Anders said and stood up.
Fenris came forward and looked him in the eye. He cracked his neck loudly and straightened his back. He slightly outgrew Anders. "Nice boots, by the way, human," he said.
"No, yup, the hunchback has it, ladies and gentlemen!" Varric said, entertained. Judge Hawke and Judge Carver clapped dramatically.
"Whatever," Anders said, looking him in the eye. "Height doesn't mean anything."
"It doesn't, and yet you felt the need to make it something," Fenris said darkly.
"Oof," Varric said playfully. "Hunchback's killing it tonight, folks!"
"Alright, boys, calm down," Hawke said in amusement, putting a stop to it. "Sit down and let's hear more about my favourite hero."
"Alright, here's one for Mr Raging Feminist," Anders said, sitting down.
"Goodie, goodie!" Hawke said enthusiastically.
"The story of how Tabris became a Grey Warden. Normally you hear all these fucked up stories about criminals joining the order," Anders said. "Now here's her crime: she was kidnapped with a bunch of girls from her Alienage by this pig noble who wanted to rape them. Oh, and on her wedding day, by the way."
"Whoa," Varric said, his mouth open. Now that was a good story.
"So, she slaughtered him and his goons," Anders said proudly. "Neat, right?"
"Fucking awesome!" Hawke said, snapping her fingers with force. "Maker, I can't believe I was this close to saving the world with her."
"You mean, we," Carver said sourly.
"Yeah, of course, we," Hawke said, clearing her throat. She forgot he was there.
Anders laughed. "Is that what this is about?"
"Well, you're Fereldan, too, right?" Hawke said. "Where were you when that shit was happening?"
"Trying not to get annulled by my Knight-Commander," Anders said sourly.
"Ah, yeah," Hawke said, grimacing empathetically. "I heard that was a shitshow."
"A profound shitshow, I hear," Anders said. "You couldn't swing a rock in any direction without hitting a demon."
"You hear?" Carver said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well," Anders said shyly. "I had escaped for like the thousandth time when Uldred started stirring up polemics."
"That's… what happens when you give Libertarians power," Fenris said tiredly.
"I'm pretty sure that guy was just crazy," Hawke said. "Plus, the Circle in Ferelden is strongly Aequitarian."
"Pshhht, I wipe my bottom with Aequitarians," Anders said. "The only thing they let me bring as a boy was my mother's pillow, and she had to fight them on it tooth and nail. It was a mind-numbing prison. The only friend I ever made there, the only person who gave a damn about me, they transferred to Kirkwall after our Harrowing. People were getting ideas. I fucking hated it there." The pain on his face was undeniable.
"Then why did Cullen say they might as well have been servants to the mages?" Fenris said.
"Leave it alone, Fenris," Hawke said softly. Not the time to push him when it got so personal.
"No, it's fine," Anders said a little irately, looking at Fenris. "Because Cullen was a dumb recruit who got traumatised by that shitshow. So, he overcorrected and went to Kirkwall, where you can't swing a rock in any direction without hitting an extremist."
"And look where it got your friend," Hawke said with a sad expression.
"Yeah," Anders said, resting his chin on top of his knees. He looked desolate, broken.
Hawke went and sat down next to him and hugged him. "You have us now, okay? No Templars are gonna take you away ever again." As she did, she was facing Fenris, whom she shot a murderous look that said he was done talking.
Oh, great. The mage bears his heart out and Hawke's all over him like he's a wounded puppy, Fenris thought. If he did the same, she'd have to hug him for a thousand years. What he didn't allow himself to admit of, however, was that he would have liked a hug too. But she might sooner animate a corpse to hug him than do it herself, if their first meeting was any clue.
"But Tabris saved the Ferelden Circle," Hawke said, trying to swing the conversation around.
"She did," Anders said, calming down and shifting in his seat. "I can't believe a non-mage gave a shit."
"There are good people out there," Hawke said, taking him by the shoulder. "You just gotta find'em. Then join them in the hairy pit stain of the Free Marches!"
"Hey, hey, watch what you say about Kirkwall," Varric said, quite hurt.
"I meant the Deep Roads," Hawke said chuckling.
"Oh, then yeah, hairy pit stain's quite accurate. Carry on," Varric said nonchalantly.
"You really have no love for your gold-plated noble caste pin," Fenris said, amused.
"Told you," Varric said, laughing. "I don't lie all the time!"
"Only when it's easier to, right?" Carver said, smirking.
"I really can't be assed sometimes," Varric said, chuckling.
"Well, here's to all of us coming out alive of the hairy pit stain!" Hawke said, urging a toast.
"I'll hold you to that, Sister," Carver said, raising his drink.
"Aww," Hawke said, looking at the others with a mushy smile. "See? He really does love me."
"Love was never the question," Carver said, smirking. "It was liking."
Hawke showed her tongue childishly.
"To useless drama!" Varric said, raising his drink.
"And to good, strong women!" Anders joined in.
"Who's the raging feminist now?" Fenris said, smirking.
"And to feminist men who can't quite get it right!" Hawke shouted, very entertained.
Sunrise, Deep Roads Entrance, Day 1
"Well, here goes nothing," Hawke said.
"I shit you not, Hawke, if we don't find anything in there and we get eaten by an ogre, I'm tossing Bartrand to it first," Varric said.
"I thought you wanted a dragon to be the star in this story," Hawke said, smiling.
"I tend to bullshit when I'm uncomfortable and… I'm very uncomfortable," Varric said.
"Don't worry, Varric, I won't let any big bad dragons come get you," Hawke said, taking him by the shoulder. "Just the small ones."
"Oh, there won't be any small dragons when I tell this story," Varric laughed as they entered.
Sun Position Unknown, Deep Roads, Day 3
"Hawke," Fenris said flatly as she was leaning on a big rock.
"Yes, Mr Feminist," she said with a fake, toothy smile.
"Are you ever going to stop calling me that?" Fenris said, leaning next to her.
"Oh, come on," Hawke said in amusement. "You know I like my feminists."
"Do you, now?" Fenris said, smirking.
She crossed her arms. "Unless they're pretending to be to get into my knickers."
"Knickers are the last thing on my mind in this voidhole," Fenris said, his head falling back on the rock.
"Are you holding on okay?" Hawke said.
"I'm fine," Fenris said coldly, crossing his arms. "Just… a lot of darkspawn."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," she said, sighing deeply.
"And the smell," he said, shaking his head.
"Maker, the smell," she agreed with a whine.
"No knickers on anyone's mind, I wager," he said.
"Speak for yourself," she said, smirking. "There are troglodytes, sure, but some of us like to look forward to something to keep us from dying in this voidhole."
"Whose knickers are you thinking of then?" he said, smirking back.
Her playful smirk turned into a chuckle. "I'm not gonna tell you," she said, then uncrossed her arms and left him alone on the rock.
Fenris remained there, arms crossed, and pursed his lips. He really couldn't tell if that was a flirt or an invitation to fuck off.
Disclaimer: Apart from that improvised chant, I totally took the lyrics from "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon.