Disclaimer: if I owned ed,edd,n'eddy I'd be the happiest girl in the world, but I'm not, so there!
It was dark.
The sound of clucking surrounded him. Ed smiled. Yup, this was definitely his happy place. So feathery and warm!
A few seconds passed. Then suddedly Rolf flung open the chicken coop door glaring at ed, nostrils flaring. "he of much neck and little chin! What are you doing in Rolf's chicken pen yet again?" Rolf grabbed ed by the back of his shirt and dragged him away from his feathery friends.
"I love chickens, Rolf!" ed cried in protest.
"why are you not in the process of maddening your sly-ed boy associates?" asked rolf.
ed stared at him trying to process what the angry foreigner was saying. His tongue stuck out of the side of his lips.
Rolf sighed. Sometimes the noodle-headed ed-boy's stupidity amazed even him. "where are your friends? The two-cows-short-of-a-farm under handed one and the head in sock ed boy and what of their pact to keep you away from Rolfs chickens lest Rolf unleash his forty days of terror upon their miserable heads?"
Ed stared. he had never heard of such a transaction "ummmm.. eddy's still sleeping cuz it's Saturday. He always sleeps in on Saturday. He threw me out the window when I tried to crawl into his bed!"
At this point it was Rolfs turn to stare.
"…and double-d's doing his homework, I told him 'homework's for eating double-d not doing', then he hit me with a ruler!" he waved his arm in the air to accentuate the horror of this terrible act of domestic violence. " ..so yea then I had to spit it out.." ed clutched his hands behind his back, and started scrawling patterns into the floor with his feet, looking dejected.
"okay ed-boy. Rolf is in a jovial mood today, it must be nana's squid innards breakfast still churning in his bowels, but you may go without Rolf beating you repeatedly with a shovel"
"oh okay" ed smiled but didn't leave " um, can I have a chicken?"
Rolf reached for his shovel and ed ran for his life.
Ed stopped running near nazz's house it had just occurred to him that Rolf wasn't chasing him anymore. Ed frowned now he was lonely again he was pretty sure no-one in the cul-de-sac wanted to play with him, with the possible exception of Johnny who still scared him and was hard to find anyways. Ed sunk to the ground. He felt something in his pocket and pulled out an egg. now how'd that get there? Ed puzzled. there was only one explanation.
"oh I laid an egg!"
well this was exciting news. Ed gushed with parental pride. Wait till he told edd and eddy! Won't they be proud?
Loneliness forgotten ed made his way to eddy's house.
Meanwhile eddy, the man with the plan, self-appointed leader of the eds was snuggled up in his bed snoring silently and dreaming ..of cash.
"meheh oh yea" he muttered drooling into his pillow as gaint quarters floated past his vision. Then, unexpectedly, they started to shake and fall "gah!" eddy woke up with a start. ed was shaking him. He pushed the idiot away " ed? What do you want? Gerrof!"
"I'm a mommy now, eddy!"
eddy stared. "wha?"
"look!" ed held up an egg.
"where'd you get that, ed? Did you steal that from rolf? Do you know what rolf said he'd do to us if…"
"I laid it, eddy!" ed said with hardly concealed pride.
If a needle had dropped at that moment you'd have heard it loud and clear. The silence stretched.
"DOUBLE-D!"
eddy ran all the way to double-d's house with ed in tow.
Edd (aka) Double-d had just finished an extensive saliva removing procedure in order to remove the remains of ed's drool from his biology assignment, Eating homework! How irrational! When eddy slammed the door open, he never knocked anymore, you know? Never.
"double-d! ed's been laying eggs!"
"eggs, eddy?" double-d pulled out his magnifying glass as ed held up his pride an joy, while eddy waved his arms around in panic.
"it's merely a chicken egg, eddy."
"I mean it's not like I did anything to him, I didn't do nuthin I.. chicken egg?"
"I'm a chicken?" said ed holding his egg close to his face " oho, what do you know!"
"no, ed, your not." Replied double-d
"aaaww" ed pouted "can I hatch it then?"
"well…"
"no, ed! Get rid of it!" eddy tried to snatch the egg from ed.
"it my baby, eddy." Said ed matter-of-factly holding it out of the short boy's reach. "I'm going to hatch it!" he grinned trying to place the egg under his butt while pushing eddy away.
"no, ed! Don't!" double-d seized the egg right before the surprised ed's rump hit the ground. The smartest of the eds cradled the little egg in his arms and chided the lump "you could've cracked it! This is no mere toy, mister, it's a new and delicate shell-incased life! You should be careful."
"oh I will, double-d. I'll take care the little whatchamacallit! I'm a good mommy!"
double-d looked down at the while oval in his arms. "I don't know, ed. We should return it to it's real mothe… um"
ed pouted.
"um…"
his eyes filled with tears
"u-um…"
his lips quivered
"oh dear.."
a giant tear slid down the side of his face
"oh, of course you can hatch it!" edd finally gave in "with constant supervision I'm sure you'll succeed! Me and eddy will help you.."
eddy, who had been grinding his teeth in the corner for the past few seconds, choked on his own spit "WHAT!"
"eddy we…"
"no way!"
"aw come on eddy look at him!" double-d pointed at ed who was pouting again.
"no way am I gonna waste my time trying to hatch a stupid egg!"
"I love babies eddy" ed interjected
"everyone loves babies ed" said double-d
"I don't!" growled eddy, starting to walk away "stinky little…hey wait!" he turned grinning from ear to ear "he's right everyone does love babies!" he snatched the egg out of double-d's arms "baby animals are love! At least to sissy twerps like jimmy and sarah! They'd pay big bucks to coo at them! We could be rich thanks to this little what-cha-mahoosit" he stroked the little egg on it's assumed head, then turned to his two associates "what-cha waitin for boys? We're gonna hatch us an egg!"
"oh boy" yelled ed galloping around the room
"shall I start building an incubator?" suggested double-d happily
soon the egg lay on a large nest of two-ply tissues made by ed. the thing was seeded with little heater devices inside cooking mitts courtesy of edd. Eddy's only contribution was a cash sign drawn on the egg's side in red crayon. The eds gazed their pride and joy.
"I called him Scott, guys!" said ed.
"that's nice, ed" smiled double-d
they stared some more.
"so…" eddy's grin wavered "when's it gonna hatch?"
"well" double-d replied " a normal chicken egg usually takes up to twenty-one or so days to hatch"
eddy paused for a second as the information slowly leaked into his mind. "twenty-one days!"
"um..well we don't know how long rolf had it for all we know it could hatch any day now"
"for all you know it better!" snarled eddy
at that moment a strange hissing noises started coming from the nest .
fsshhit fkssstt fiszzzzkt
ed's pupils slowly went their separate ways in amazement "scott speaks" he said
"oh dear!" double-d exclaimed rushing to the nest and pulling out the fizzing oven mitts "the batteries have run out!" he explained
"no money?" eddy wimpered
"not unless we keep him warm, eddy" double-d scooped the egg into his shirt
"other chickens sit on their eggs" said ed
"your not a chicken ed your to heavy to sit on scott you'll crush him"
"aaaaawww"
"someone's gotta be tiny enough to sit on that thing while we get new batteries" said eddy
double-d stared at him
"what?"
"come on ed I don't think there are any batteries in my house I'm afraid that in my inventive fervor I used them all up"
"let's check my house!" yelled ed happily, running out the door
inside double-d's house on the kitchen table on top of a toilet paper nest eddy sat grumbling to himself "…the things I do for money"
meanwhile at rolf's house. Rolf was busy counting his eggs. rolf never understood the concept of not counting eggs before they hatch that which Kevin once uttered was foolishness to rolf. back in the old country eggs were always counted and kept track of.
"…slorgy. Neip. Smeep.." rolf counted under his breath in his own foreign language "…smoklazork! …..SMOKLAZORK? one of rolfs eggs has been plundered!" rolf threw back his head in horror some misbegotten fool had dared snatch away rolfs future foul! Who! Who would do such a thing? Of course there was only one so devious….