Chapter 21: Making The World A Better Place
Now that Regulus's hunger was satiated, he was finally able to actually contemplate the technicalities of feeding. He had many questions for Pandora when they arrived back home. The idea of killing someone daily was disconcerting, and he resented Voldemort for putting him in such a situation that he'd had to make that choice for his survival. As soon as the front door to Dora's house was closed behind them, he asked his first question.
"Do I have to kill to survive?"
Dora frowned in mild annoyance as she turned to face him. "Some overly soft souls choose not to but either they are weak from underfeeding or they take half the night to get enough blood. Feeding a little from someone then making them forget, then finding someone else and doing the same and again and again until you're full is, frankly, an unnecessary waste of time."
"So a vampire must instead be a murderer daily," Regulus asked and Pandora huffed a sigh.
"It's survival of the fittest. You are more than a human now. To be a murderer you would still be one of them, killing your own kind...those equal to you, and this is no longer the case, Regulus. You're going to have to change a lot of your human opinions now if you are to adapt, for they are no longer suitable. You are no longer human."
Ordinarily Regulus would've been devastated to lose his humanity...because it went hand in hand with his pure blood status in the wizarding world and his values as such. Voldemort had taken nearly everything, though, shattering many of his beliefs in the process. Right now he knew he was still shattered over that and mainly only cared about having Kreacher with him. This vampirism...it wouldn't be so bad, he told himself. It had its perks, and apparently it'd even drawn the attention of a Death Phoenix which was pretty bloody brilliant, he had to admit!
For his part, Mortis still sat on Regulus's shoulder, calmly gazing about as Pandora led the way back into her sitting room where Regulus had woken only hours before.
"Fine, but can I kill murderers, abusers, people like that? Is there a way that I can use my mind reading abilities to find those sorts of people," Regulus asked. He seated himself on the sofa where he'd remained unconscious for two weeks. "I feel I've done enough harm to Kreacher, to my family, hell to the world by supporting Voldemort. So if I could take evil people out, I'd be...repaying my debt somehow."
"Yes," Dora said, expression relaxing. She was apparently relieved that Regulus was no longer resisting the expedient vampiric method of taking his daily sustenance. "You can do that. The method isn't as fast as simply calling those who wish to die, but there are enough dreadful criminals in a large city that it shouldn't take you more than half an hour to find someone whom you deem to be suitable. That brings me to the matter of your training. We should begin that soon. Are you up for it tonight?"
Regulus nodded. "Of course. I just want to write Kreacher one more time before we begin." He couldn't imagine why the elf hadn't responded to him yet and now that the distracting hunger was gone, his concern over the situation was nearly consuming. This second note was shorter. He told Kreacher to at least respond that he was alright, and they would take it from there. He charmed the note to return to him and sent it off with the pigeon charm.
"Do we go back out onto the streets to begin," he asked Dora when the letter had vanished from his hand.
She nodded. "Your mind must be able to hear that which you are learning to shut out. On a busy street you will be surrounded by many minds. Learning the mental shields is more overwhelming in a large crowd, but also faster because you will have a greater need to do so than with only one or two busy minds bombarding yours," she explained. "You must learn to shut out the thoughts of others around you first, then learn to open your mind to those thoughts you wish to hear. The opening is rather like a filter on the shield that I will teach you first." Regulus nodded his understanding. The way Dora spoke of the mental shield and the filter made it all sound very much like magic. He always enjoyed studying the mechanics of various spells so found himself excited to learn these new skills. "Are you wanting to wait for your elf to reply to the letter," Dora asked and Regulus nodded. "How long should that take?"
"Well...He should've already replied by now so I don't know," Regulus admitted. His panic was beginning to rise as he silently acknowledged just how out of control the situation was becoming with too many concerns and unanswered questions.
"Well we can wait another hour and then we need to go," Dora said. "Why can't you just go home eventually and speak to him directly?"
Regulus shook his head. "I got my father killed, Kreacher nearly killed and who knows what he did to the minds of the Lestranges and my cousin because we involved them. If I return I put Kreacher and my mother at risk, and probably my cousin and the Lestranges as well. No. I can't risk that," Regulus said firmly.
Dora sighed. "Well that's complicated. Should I go in your stead," she offered.
Regulus was very tempted by that idea. If Grimmauld Place was being watched, though, it may not be safe for Dora either. Perhaps that's why Kreacher would not risk replying. It was the only thing that made sense. Of course this did not ease Regulus's worries in the slightest, sense or no. "If I haven't heard from Kreacher in a few days perhaps. Thank you, Dora," he added warmly and she nodded, giving a small embarrassed shrug. When Kreacher hadn't replied in an hour, Regulus sighed and stood. "I suppose we should begin my lesson," he said reluctantly. He really wanted to continue waiting, but he understood how important it was to learn these new vampiric skills. Dora had made it clear that young vampires could go mad if assaulted by too many thoughts for too long and that was a risk he didn't wish to take. Before they departed, Regulus placed an illusion charm on Mortis so that he simply looked like a common parrot riding Regulus's shoulder. It wouldn't do for any Muggles to notice the death phoenix. With a sudden pang it occurred to Regulus that Kreacher had missed sharing in the wonder of Mortis's arrival. The elf would meet him soon, but he wasn't able to share in the wonder of a death phoenix coming to Regulus after all the mistakes he'd made. It was as though Mortis's seeking him out was a confirmation that things could still somehow end well. It wasn't the same without sharing it with Kreacher. The elf would surely take comfort in the good omen as much as Regulus if not more.
"Did you just turn him into a parrot," Pandora breathed, liquid brown eyes widening. Grinning, Regulus shook his head.
"No. It's only an illusion."
"Hm, still fascinating," Dora said. "I'm looking forward to seeing magic all the time," she admitted with an eager smile.
"Well you shall. It's the least I can do for all you've given me," Regulus said.
Soon they stood on a busy sidewalk, city nightlife teaming around them. The bright street lights, loud Muggles and rushing cars omitting foul fumes overwhelmed Regulus's senses. The contrast between Dora's cool quiet house and the activity on the street was a shock to his mind. "Begin by simply noticing all the thoughts around you," Pandora instructed. "And before you say that you can't help but notice them, I mean really notice them! Allow them to bombard and overwhelm you." Regulus nodded. The idea was unpleasant, but he understood that learning the skills in which Dora planned to instruct him, would help a great deal. After a few moments in which Dora gave him time to become fully bombarded, she continued. "Now imagine closing your mind down. Just folding it inward." Regulus did and the thoughts became fainter and fainter. The more he closed his mind down, the less he heard from the minds of those around him. "Very good," Pandora said, surprise in her voice. It was only when Regulus had to open his eyes to look at her that he realized he'd closed them along with his mind while concentrating.
"Truly?"
"Yes! That was very fast. Most young vampires struggle with that bit for weeks and you did it in minutes! I'm so proud of you," Dora gushed. "Perhaps being a wizard and working with complex spells gives you better focus," she speculated. "Either way, though, I am still extremely proud! I have made the most brilliant new vampire ever." She gave a satisfied grin. "Eventually when you meet some of my friends, I shall be bragging."
Excelling wasn't new to Regulus. He was proud of his academic accomplishments, so did not feign modesty as that always seemed ridiculously fake to him. To excel in such a foreign thing as vampirism, though, was pleasing. "Thank you," he said, gaze dropping briefly to regard the toes of his black wingtip shoes.
"I'm almost tempted to start teaching you the filter so that you can read those minds you would like to while shutting out the rest, but I don't want to push you too fast. That could be reckless and as a result could prove to be a setback in the worst case. For now, I would like for you to continue practicing the art of simply closing your mind."
"But I've already done that," Regulus protested.
Dora smiled. "Yes, but doing a thing once is not the same as maintaining it. We will walk the streets of Rome and you will work on keeping your mind closed. If this presents no difficulty among the onslaught of busy minds passing around you, you can drop the shields and put them up again. The more you practice, the faster you will be at shielding your mind and the stronger your shields will be. The minds around you can challenge your shields as it were. You have to keep those shields firm by ignoring outside influences."
Regulus nodded in understanding. They spent hours walking the city while Regulus kept his mind closed. Dora was wise to have him practice, because he discovered that his shields could slip if he became too distracted by foreign external factors. Once a loud Muggle truck caused his shields to falter and he was able to hear the thoughts of the driver until he closed his mind again. Another time a loudly barking dog startled him and he was able to hear the thoughts of the dog's owner as well as everyone else around them on the street. When a man shouting obscenities out the window of his car at another driver did not cause him to drop his shields for a third time, Regulus gave a pleased laugh. "I'm getting better," he told Dora.
"Your progress is truly amazing," she said. "Other young vampires are distracted by far less when their shields slip."
"I do a lot of reading...Always have," Regulus mused. "Perhaps my skills of concentration are also helping me in this."
"Oh I am sure they are," Dora readily agreed.
When they arrived back home about an hour before sunrise Dora led Regulus up stairs and into a guest bedroom. Instead of a bed, an ornately carved coffin of ebony wood stood against the far wall. "I took the liberty of having you a coffin ordered while you were ill," she said. He blinked. He'd never given any thought to where vampires slept. With everything else going on, it hadn't seemed as relevant somehow, though it perhaps should have.
"So we must truly sleep in coffins? That isn't just something from Muggle culture?"
Dora shrugged. "It is not always necessary, but it is safe. It protects one fully from light and also prying eyes. I kept the sitting room dark while you were recovering there because I didn't want to bring your live meals upstairs. Many of them were filthy and I do have my standards."
Regulus was glad to hear it, considering the violent and messy way she apparently enjoyed feeding. "Standards are good," he murmured.
"If someone ever broke into this house,though, or I had to have something repaired during daylight hours, a coffin hidden away upstairs keeps you away from prying eyes and a lock on the inside of the coffin lid keeps anyone from getting in."
He nodded. "I understand. And it is a very lovely coffin, thank you."
She smiled almost shyly. "Well...you are a man of breeding and taste, and I felt your coffin should reflect that."
Hearing that was nice. It meant he hadn't lost everything for this new existence. Now if Kreacher would only respond to his letters, the elf could join him and they could truly begin a new life, leaving the past behind as much as was possible.