Sex God?
Summary:. Is Sirius truly a sex god or is his shampoo the reason for his success with the ladies? Remus Lupin finds out the not-so-hard-way.
Disclaimer: Do I even have to tell you?
I hate mornings, especially Monday mornings, Mondays with the Full-Moon mornings. It's like suddenly I feel ready to bite off somebody's head but am not allowed because or else Sirius will steal my chocolate stock and hand it out to the sweet-toothed first years free of charge.
As it is, today I wanted to bite off Prong's head and then crush it till it was dust. Why? Because he happened to be the particular human with the task of waking me up. I, Remus John Lupin aka Moony.
I guess this is how the morning started. I was dreaming, a really good dream, well, with a Hawaiian dancer. I know, I know, what am I the studious one thinking of Hawaiian dancers in my dreams? But the thing is, my dreams come from my subconscious and my subconscious is the reason I'm a Marauder so… I think that pretty much explains everything.
So, I was dreaming, Hawaiian dancer swaying yaddy yaddy yah, when suddenly she starts poking me! Could someone explain what the bloody hell that might be about? So anyway, she kept insistently poking me, and I HATE being poked, when suddenly she started having the face of my mum and well, said word 'Mum' came out of my mouth and then James Potter unleashed his never-tiresome wit.
That happened to be sarcasm if you're wondering.
Said James Potter then went on –once I was fully awake and able to appreciate his wit- "Moony-kins, I know we're close and all, but I'm afraid I'm not ready for pet-names, we're not THAT far into our relationship!" And then he grinned his ladies-I'm-coming grin and whiskered away before I could claw him.
A relationship! I tell you…
So, seeing as I was awake, not FULLY mind you, I decided to go and take a shower before Sirius woke up and used all the hot water, stayed there for three hours gelling his hair and then came out looking like a movie star and demanding us to ask for his autograph. Yeah, I think his cousin Bellatrix purposely dropped him as a baby.
Anyway, got into the shower, did the whole stripping thing and NO, there wasn't an audience of any kind, and got into shower. Did all the stuff you do in a shower but then made a crucial mistake, instead of using my shampoo, well, I used Sirius's. And let's put it this way, Sirius is very overprotective of his shampoo. He even enchanted it so that there was an alarm system that would warn him if someone misplaced it, used it or took it, has a charmed tag on which is written in neon lights: NO TOUCHY and so on… so yeah, today wasn't really a good day.
Well, one good thing is that the alarm system didn't seem to function. Something to have been expected, I do believe that Sirius cast that particular spell while he was playing a game of exploding snap, so… I was safe for the moment.
You're most probably wondering, what did I do? Well, I quickly got changed, ran out of the dorm and once I got into the common room, well, that's when things got strange.
I'll remind you now that in the Marauders, Sirius and James have their own fan-clubs and I have a group of library girls 'mooning' over me as Wormtail likes to say but I'm not exactly oozing of sex appeal like my other two fellow mischief makers and I happen to like it that way.
So when I DID step into the common room and the girls all turned around to face me, I knew something, was wrong, truly wrong. Especially when Lily Evans came up to me and started saying all sorts of brainless things such as, "Hello Remus, have you been working out, your arms looks so hard, can I touch." Or "Oh, Remus, you're so much hotter than Sirius and James, I can't believe I never realized you were a sexy-beast!" and then I knew that either someone had played a twisted prank on me or that my death was near because when Prongs heard of this, I was one dead werewolf.
And when Sirius's current play-thing came up to me, I was SURE to be the on the fur market of dark creatures.
"Uh, Lily, Logan (last name, Sirius isn't exactly gay), I, uh, I really have to go… you know, library and stuff to learn, people to curse… Right. So um, say hi to Sirius for me eh, Logan and Lily, uh, James wanted to see you… right. Um, bye!" And then I high-tailed it. Though I did hear Lily say something about studious being sexy or something.
And as I continued down the corridor, running I might add, even the Fat Lady said something about how she had noticed me before but didn't have to courage to speak out and she's only hit on one student in the past… SIRIUS!
That's when I realized, Sirius wasn't a sex god, he had sex god shampoo!