The Nazgul Tales…
Summary: For the first time, hear the Nazguls' side of the story. Follow the infamous nine as they travel through middle earth on their master's bidding and… well, basically mess everything up.
Disclaimer: All people, things, and places in or related to Middle Earth belong to JRR Tolkien, not to me. :)
Chapter One: Why Frodo Got Away
(Early April, 3018)
Nine dark figures rode on horses as black as pitch. They thundered through the countryside, leaving only death and despair in their wake. They rode with a purpose, heading in a line as straight as an arrow for…
"Where are we going again?" Number Three asked Number One. Number One stopped his horse, causing Number Two to crash into it.
"We are headed for the dreaded realm of Hobbiton, in the bleak country of Shire, where darkness rules the day, and cruelty never dies!"
"You mean the place where dull, short people sit and eat mushrooms, right?" Number Five put in icily. "And at this rate, we're never going to make it. This is the eight-hundred and ninety-seventh time Number Three stopped us to ask!"
"And you're counting because…" Number Seven inquired.
"Why don't we all just move on, and resolve our differ—"
"Shut up, Eight."
"You know," Seven cut in, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…well… I've been looking at the map, and…" he hesitated, but continued at Five's glare, "It seems that…we're headed in the completely wrong direction. I suspect that by tomorrow afternoon we will have reached the Far East side of Gondor."
A stony silence greeted this news. Finally Six whimpered, "He's gonna kill us." No one asked who 'He' was. No one had to.
Five cleared his throat, and then snapped, "Don't be such a sissy, six! Besides, we might still get there in time to catch up with this 'Baggins' fellow. He'll probably still be at home, smoking his pipe and tending to his garden. After all, how intelligent can a 'halfling' be?"
"Something tells me you're going to regret that statement." Seven put in thoughtfully.
(Late September, 3018)
"Aha!" Number One drew up his horse and pointed dramatically to a large sign that read: WELCOME TO HOBBITON! (and, added underneath, "HOME OF BAGGINS") "I knew we would make it!"
"And it only took a little more than half a year!" Two added, seemingly pretty proud of this fact. The withering glare he received from Number Five went blissfully unnoticed.
"Now, we should probably find where Baggins lives." Seven put in hastily, "But we have to be careful about doing it. We don't want Baggins to get the hint that we're looking for him."
"Let's survey our options," Number One began, "We can ransack the country side, burn houses, and screech the name 'Baggins'!; We could slaughter all of the halflings until we find the one with the magic ring; We could—"
"We could just ask directions." Eight suggested hopefully. "There's a rather nice looking man over there that I'm sure could help us."
All nine Nazgul turned to look in the direction Eight was pointing in. A fat, balding hobbit stood in the middle of his vegetable garden, staring at them with an odd look on his face.
Number Five got down from his horse and shoved his way past the others. "Mortal! Where can I find Baggins?"
Number Three also got off of his horse and walked up beside Five. Curiously, he asked, "Baggins? Who's that?"
Before Five could attempt to kill Three (again) Eight stepped in between them. "Come now, you two, quit bicker—"
At that moment, Number Nine's horse randomly decided to buck him off. Nine went sailing over Six, who squealed and ducked. At the same time, Six accidentally jabbed his heel into his mount's side. The horse galloped forward, crashing into Number Seven, who tried to calm the frightened horse while still on his own mount. Six's horse slowed down, but continued walking, effectively dragging Seven out of the saddle and into the dirt. Number Four attempted to get down and help, but his foot got stuck in the stirrups and he ended up dangling upside down from his horse by one leg. Number Two yawned, unaware of everything that had just transpired, and asked, "What time is it? It looks like it's getting rather late."
All of the while, the confused hobbit looked on, wondering if perhaps he had smoked just a bit too much…
Number One finally decided to take things into his own (nonexistent, if you think about it) hands. (Just how do they wear those gloves?) He spurred his horse forward, jumping over the gate to the old hobbit's house, and landed beside the now terrified man. "BAGGINS!" he half-screeched, half-hissed in his most dramatic, evil voice.
The Hobbit pointed a shaking finger. As one, all of the Nazgul turned. Two houses away was a nice little hobbit hole. It was completely identical to every other hobbit hole in Hobbiton… Except for the fluorescent, flashing lights that read "THE BAGGIN'S RESIDENCE."
After a moment of silence, Seven flatly stated, "How in Middle Earth did we miss THAT?"
"It's… understandable…" Number One made a noise that sounded like a cough. "Now… FOREWARD!" He rode down the dirt rode, cape billowing impressively behind him. He was shortly followed by Number Two (but not for long…he started after him, but then turned and accidentally went in the wrong direction), Number Three (who got halfway there, forgot what he was doing, and got off of his horse to pick daisies), Number Four (still upside down), Number Five (who also made it halfway there, before seeing an opportune moment and got off his horse to throttle Three), Number Six (dodging glances and whimpering to himself), and Number Seven (who had to stop to help Number Five). Number Eight was still back thanking an extremely bemused hobbit for giving them directions and apologizing for any damage done to the vegetable garden, and Number Nine was unconscious in a ditch somewhere.
Just as One rode up to the hobbit hole, a dumpy, snobbish looking hobbit woman yanked the sign that read "THE BAGGIN'S RESIDENCE" of the ground and tossed it aside.
Number One blinked. "Is this not the House of Baggins?"
"Not anymore it isn't!" the hobbit woman snapped, "You just missed him. He left this afternoon. Good riddance, I'd say! Finally this home belongs to the Sackville-Bagginses!"
Number One just stared at her. Number Four and Number Six (the only other two that had made it) rode up beside him. "Is something wrong?" Six asked in a shaky voice.
"Baggins doesn't live here anymore. We JUST missed him." One looked atSix for a moment before asking, "What's the matter with you?"
"W-Well you see… it's kind of getting late… and there's no moon tonight… and my battery-powered nightlight ran out, and… well… I… I'mafraidofthedark."
Before One could respond to this ridiculous statement (or discover where Six had gotten batteries) Numbers Three, Five, and Seven caught up with them. "Where's Baggins?" Five demanded immediately.
"Not here. He left this morning."
"Where did he go?" Seven asked the hobbit woman.
"As far as I know, he went to visit relatives in Bree. Strange folk up that way. I hope he stays there."
"So do we." Seven replied sincerely.
Lobelia gave them all a suspicious look. "Frodo isn't here anymore, so beat it. I don't want everyone confusing his weird friends for mine."
The six Nazgul turned their horses and began riding dejectedly back up the road. "Now what?" Five finally asked One snappishly, "This is all your fault to begin with! If you hadn't led us in the wrong direction in the first place—"
"What's going on?" Number Eight had reappeared, leading two horses carrying the unconscious bodies of both Two and Nine.
"What happened to Two?" Seven asked before One could answer.
"Got knocked out by a low tree branch. I found him in the forest back there. Now, where is Baggins?"
"In Bree, apparently." Seven answered glumly.
"Not yet he isn't!" Five said suddenly, "If he only left this afternoon, then he'll still be on the road! We can catch him before he even gets there!"
"Good idea, Five!" Eight said, ever optimistic, "I'm sure we'll be able to stop him. After all, he couldn't have gotten far!"
"The forest is big. And Dark. And Spooky. And Big. How are we supposed to find him? What if he doesn't stick to the trail?" Six questioned.
"I know what we shall do…" Number One held a finger up in the air, "We shall Divide and Conquer!"
There was a pause, and then suddenly Three asked, "Where are we, again?"
(A/N: I hope you enjoyed it so far! Chapter Two will actually probably be up tomorrow, since it's Spring Break. For anyone who is interested, each individual Nazgul has their own personality. Here is a list of them:
Number One: Dramatic
Number Two: Oblivious
Number Three: Forgetful
Number Four: Clumsy
Number Five: Sarcastic/Bossy
Number Six: Wimpy
Number Seven: Sensible
Number Eight: Nice/Helpful
Number Nine: Unlucky
Thank you for reading! Please tell me what you think, and review :D
Hilary