Chapter 27: Our Destinies Are One
The past hour or so felt very much like a dream to Regulus. Though he had chosen to return home of his own volition, the fact he sat on the floor of the front hall at 12 Grimmauld Place, actually holding Kreacher in his arms felt entirely unreal. That wasn't exactly logical, he knew. Had he not expected to find Kreacher or had he expected the elf to turn him away? In truth he had no idea. It was just that he'd imagined and longed for this for so long, it was difficult to process that it was actually happening. He was here with his friend again. Kreacher did not hate him. He was even extremely happy to have Regulus back home!
"I love you so much," he said, holding Kreacher close. As it had for the past hour, his gaze devoured the elf, drinking him in while silently assuring himself that this was real. "Please, never leave my side again for any reason ever!" It struck his heart how old Kreacher now looked. Elves lived longer than wizards and Kreacher wasn't much older than Regulus so he shouldn't look so worn and tired. It was all Regulus's fault, and he hated himself for that.
"Kreacher promises...but he was not the one who left," the elf said quietly.
"I know," Regulus said. "But I commanded you to leave me in the cave and I was stupid. I wanted to spare you having to deal with that again and look what happened. You were the wise one. You knew how it should be done and I did not listen. In my attempt to spare you pain I only gave you more."
Kreacher looked up at Regulus, expression surprised then cautiously pleased. "Does Master Regulus mean it? That he will listen to Kreacher from now on?"
"Yes," Regulus said without a second of hesitation. He shuddered, lowering his head to rest against Kreacher's own. "Gods I ruin everything I touch. I don't know how I can ever make this up to you."
"Master Regulus does not," Kreacher objected in a whisper, raising his hand to touch Regulus's cheek.
"We have so much to catch up on," Regulus said, unable to look away from his friend. "Shall we go into the sitting room?"
Kreacher hesitated, then nodded. "Kreacher is afraid he has not kept the place up as he should. He was a bad elf. A sad tired elf who lost everyone he loved. It hurt too much to make the place beautiful for no one else to see. He is sorry."
"Oh Kreacher! You have nothing to apologize for," Regulus assured firmly. "I can't say enough that it was all my fault. While I was just as miserable these past eighteen years, I was the one who inadvertently caused it all while you were completely innocent. The upkeep of the manor is the least of what matters. But what of Mother? Didn't she mind the house not being looked after?"
Kreacher blinked. "Master Regulus does not know," he murmured, expression showing sudden distress.
"Know what," Regulus asked and Kreacher hesitated for a long moment before slowly replying.
"Master Regulus's mother died in nineteen-eighty-five."
"But wasn't Voldemort dead then," Regulus asked through his shock and disbelief. "How? What happened?"
Kreacher shook his head, face full of old grief as he recalled the event for Regulus. "The Dark Lord was indeed dead then, but Kreacher does not know how the Mistress died. She was...ur...actually she was here on the floor when Kreacher found her. He summoned the Aurors when he realized she was cold and lifeless." As he spoke, Kreacher pointed to the end of the hall closest to the library door to indicate where he'd found Regulus's Mum.
Regulus was numb with shock, joy temporarily quashed at this dreadful news. "But if it wasn't Voldemort who did it, what could've happened?"
Kreacher shook his head. "Kreacher has always wondered that. The Ministry never drew any true conclusions from their investigation, but Kreacher does not feel they tried very hard," the elf said darkly.
Sighing, Regulus climbed to his feet, Kreacher still held in his arms. The elf was so light, so thin, and that made him worry. His mother's death was a mystery he intended to solve, but doing so would not bring her back. First he would attend to Kreacher who was, thank all the gods, still alive for him to worry over. "You need to eat," he said firmly. "You're far too thin, my Dearest One."
"Kreacher does not shop for food much, so there is little in the house," Kreacher said. "He is afraid he can not prepare Master Regulus the sort of meal he deserves at present, but soon Kreacher shall go shopping for everything he needs to make all Master Regulus's favorite dishes." As he spoke, the elf's face brightened. "Kreacher has so missed cooking for Master Regulus!"
Regulus felt his first pang of sadness over the fact he could no longer eat food. He would truly miss Kreacher's cooking now that he knew he could have actually had it again. This also brought to the forefront a topic he had yet to broach with the elf. The topic of vampirism and all its implications for the two of them. Walking from the hallway where his mother had apparently died, he carried Kreacher into the parlor and settled down onto the sofa with the elf on his lap. "I am not hungry but I would very much like it if you ate something soon. We can go shopping together eventually. I will hide under a cloak with a deep hood so as not to draw attention to myself. We can't have many people at all knowing that I have returned. The risk I feared of bringing trouble to those I love with the fact I still live is still very real, after all."
Kreacher nodded. "Whatever master Regulus wishes." Those were words Regulus never expected to hear again. He drew Kreacher closer to him to quell the groundless fear that the elf may simply vanish from his arms.
"I suppose I should explain why I do not wish to eat," Regulus said. There was so much he wanted to tell Kreacher and to ask him in order to catch up on all the wizarding news he'd missed while away. He had to begin somewhere, though, and the vampirism was rather a big deal. He suddenly felt unexpectedly uncomfortable. What if Kreacher rejected him or considered him filthy because he was now a vampire? "I...I knew he would try to kill me and that the lake may do it for him. You were unable to resist it, after all, and I was still intent on leaving you out of it. So...I became a vampire. It made me faster, stronger, and most important of all far more resilient. I did not believe I would even be thirsty for the lake water because all I can ingest is blood, but the spells Voldemort placed were unfortunately stronger than my vampiric instinct. I very much wanted to drink the cursed lake water as it turns out." He shuddered in disgust as well as shame at the memory. "Dora rescued me from the lake, but I was in there for...at least half an hour I should think. Though in truth my sense of time was surely distorted by all the fighting against the Inferi.
"Master Regulus allowed this vampire Dora to be with him in the cave and made Kreacher go home," the elf asked, expression hurt. Regulus hastily shook his head.
"No. It wasn't like that. Dora, as my maker was able to track me. I did not tell her where I was, but she found me regardless. She came to check up on me because she, apparently did not trust me not to do anything stupid."
Kreacher's lips twitched. "Perhaps this Dora is wise," he muttered. Pretending not to hear, Regulus went on with his explanation.
"My plan was to finish up at the cave, get back to you, and then you and I would go to Dora together. I planned to ask her to turn you into a vampire as well so that you would also be safe from any attempts of Voldemort on your life. He already tried once, after all. Vampirism also allows us a far longer life, and I thought that you would want to share that with me."
"Kreacher...Will do anything Master Regulus wishes," the elf said, expression one of dazed shock.
"Right now you need to get yourself healthy again," Regulus said, pushing through the discomfort and keeping his mind focused on fixing things with and for Kreacher no matter what. "When you are healthy again you will be strong enough to accept the vampiric change with no problem." At least the elf hadn't rejected him and vampirism outright, Regulus thought. That was very good.
"Kreacher is ugly now," the elf said. "Kreacher knows. Master Regulus will not wish to share his physical affections with someone as hideous as Kreacher has become through sadness and neglect."
"It isn't like that. I just want you to be yourself again," Regulus insisted. Bending he trailed his lips over Kreacher's until the elf's mouth opened under his. It had been so long, and he didn't care how Kreacher looked. He felt like the same Kreacher Regulus had always known when his mouth responded to Regulus's own and his arms came up to slide in that sensual way around Regulus's neck. At the elf's touch, Regulus's breath caught and his heart skipped a beat as he melted with the heat of the sudden, sweet familiar desire that swept over him. Their bodies had been without one another for far too long, and that was all that mattered. Regulus craved the touch of the only person he'd ever desired, as much as he craved the reassurance that he was truly back where he belonged.
"Please," he rasped, gaze full of need as it locked desperately onto Kreacher's own. "Unless...my being a vampire bothers you..."
"Kreacher...Doesn't know," the elf said hesitantly. As ever, he was honest with Regulus above all others. "If Master Regulus is still the same Regulus, Kreacher does not mind. Will Master Regulus be able to restrain himself from killing Kreacher for his blood, he wonders? He has heard that vampires are feral."
"Does it look as if I want to kill you," Regulus asked, lips twitching up slightly. "That is...I had other things in mind."
"But can Master Regulus control himself now," Kreacher insisted and Regulus nodded. "Of course. I was never feral and I had an excellent teacher in Dora. She took good care of me. I think you shall like her very much, and I can't wait for the two of you to meet." Regulus gave a dry chuckle. "She will be overjoyed that we are together again, because there has not been a single day that I did not speak of missing you, Kreacher. I was likely quite the wet blanket for her."
Kreacher frowned. "Did Master Regulus cover this Dora like a blanket when he wrongly believed that Kreacher did not want him?"
Regulus laughed, drawing the elf even closer. "No. I do think she may have been interested, but both of our hearts lay elsewhere. She has an unhealthy love for the vampire who made her and I could never enjoy the touch of anyone but you."
"Why is it unhealthy to love the vampire who makes one and does this mean that Master Regulus can not turn Kreacher?"
"It is only unhealthy because he is a git to her," Regulus explained. "So I am free to turn you and you are free to love me after." He chuckled before growing serious once again. "I won't do that until you look the way you wish to, though, because you are trapped with that forever. The way you look when you're turned is how you will always look," he told the elf. "That is why I haven't changed at all."
"Master Regulus is beautiful and he shall always be," Kreacher said, raising a hand to trace the contours of Regulus's face.
"We will get lots of food into you which shall set you to rights in no time, and you shall be beautiful again as well," Regulus promised, meaning it. Kreacher with his hawk like features had always looked far more distinguished and intelligent than other elves, and Regulus did truly find him beautiful.
That thought brought his mind back to bodily needs. He had so longed for Kreacher's touch over the years and now that they were in one another's arms again, his body was practically screaming its longing. Bending he brushed his lips across Kreacher's. "Please," he whispered and with a crack the elf apparated them upstairs to Regulus's bedroom.
"Kreacher tried to keep the place dusted, but...it hurt so much coming in here...Even to see the sign on the door written in Master Regulus's precious hand...It made Kreacher miss him so much!"
The elf's voice broke on that last bit, and so did Regulus's heart. He silently vowed that he would spend the rest of eternity somehow making his stupid mistake right with Kreacher. "My love...The state of the room is of no matter...I am so sorry...I swear I will never do anything to cause you pain again. Please..." What he was pleading for, Regulus didn't even know. He had no right to ask Kreacher to stop hurting so that he did not hurt even more. He had no right at all. Deciding to stop talking, he drew Kreacher close, attempting to kiss and touch the pain away for both of them. It seemed that time slipped away, and it was as if they had never separated. All was forgotten as they gave one another pleasure. The more they gave the more their pleasure starved bodies required, both recovering quickly after each time, springing to life and demanding more. It was nearly two hours later when at last they were entirely spent, simply lying together in the now dark, familiar bedroom in one another's arms.