Author's note: The flashback sequence is largely based on a scene in Peter David's SM-2 book. And a special thank you to conan98002 for providing a little bit of inspiration near the end of the chapter.

Chapter Three

It was impossible for Peter to describe the myriad emotions that were roiling beneath his mask. He imagined that if he were on a couch in a psychologist's office, he would be telling the shrink that he was elated and grief-stricken at the same time. But he could not vent those feelings, not now, not when saying the wrong thing would only make things worse for Mary Jane. He decided that he would try to neutralize her hostility towards him, paradoxically, by agreeing with her. "Parker does sort of have a reverse Midas touch, doesn't he?"

"You got that right," she pouted, reaching into her purse and pulling out a pack of Kleenexes. "Everything he touches turns to sh . . . lead." And before he could even defend himself or his actions toward Mary Jane, she began to tell him her tale of woe about what had transpired earlier that evening.

"Mary Jane," John asked, the edginess in his voice obvious. "Are you sure we're not moving too fast? I mean, we're rushing into this thing like there's no tomorrow. I just . . ."

"You just what?" Mary Jane interrupted nervously. "Why can't you just stop asking questions and accept that I want to have a life with you? Don't you want to be with me?"

"Of course. But I just want to make sure that we're not doing this because you have something you need to prove, or because you're trying to get over someone, or . . ."

"John, that's silly," Mary Jane cut him off, her anxiety becoming more pronounced. "Let's not go there tonight."

"M.J.," John replied with a gentle firmness. "I think we need to go there. There's something going on that you're not dealing with."

"John, for the last time, there's nothing wrong. I'm okay, really." She got up and sat down on her sofa next to him, caressing his cheek. "I'm just a little . . . jittery, that's all. It's just pre-wedding stuff. I'll be over it in a day or two. Please . . . for me . . . for us. Let's just drop it."

But John wouldn't drop it. He seemed hell-bent on opening up a lot of his fiancée's old wounds, forcing issues out into the open that she preferred to keep buried. "M.J.," John said distantly as he got up from the sofa and donned his NASA sweatshirt. "I may not be the smartest guy around, but I think my eyes and ears are in perfect working order. Ever since that night you said you had a bad performance, you've had this spaced-out look in your eyes, and every time I ask you what's wrong, you give me this cock'n bull line about everything being hunky dory." He opened her front door. "Well I don't think so. The truth is, I think you're having second thought's about the wedding and you just won't admit it."

"No John," Mary Jane pleaded, sensing that something bad was coming and feeling as though all her insecurity buttons were being pushed at the same time. "I'm not having any second thoughts, I swear. I care about you. I want to be with you . . ."

"Do you love me?" John asked.

Mary Jane briefly hesitated. She had wanted to say yes immediately, but it took considerable effort to force the word out of her mouth.

That fleeting delay was enough for John. "I think we're going to have to re-evaluate this whole situation," he said sadly as he turned away from Mary Jane and walked out into the corridor.

Mary Jane's face turned white. She followed him into the hall. "Please, for God's sake, don't do this!" she begged, tears beginning to form behind her eyes as she reached for his broad shoulders. "I'll get over it, I promise. Just don't . . ."

"M.J." John said, trying reassure her as much as possible. "I didn't mean to suggest that we cancel the wedding outright. I'm just saying that we should stop, catch our breath, and make sure that getting married is really what we both want to do. Let's just put it on hold for a while, that's all."

"And how long is 'a while?'" Mary Jane asked, fighting to keep the tears at bay.

"That depends on you, doesn't it?" John replied firmly. "I'm sure I don't need to remind you that being an astronaut's wife isn't easy. You'd be alone a lot of the time, while I'm on a mission or in training. And if I get picked for the big one, you're going to have to deal with reporters and the media and all that. You may have to take a call from the President one day."

"Don't you think I can handle those things?" Mary Jane challenged him, her voice on the verge of breaking.

"Of course I do," John replied resolutely. "But that's not the issue, is it? The issue is whether you want to, and quite frankly, I'm not seeing the one-hundred and ten percent commitment that I think I have a right to expect from my future wife." He extricated himself from Mary Jane's grasp. "I want you to think about it," he reiterated. "Long and hard. If you have any unresolved issues left over from your prior relationships, settle them. Once you do that, we can resume the countdown." He paused momentarily as the elevator doors opened, quickly stepping in and turning around. "Because I've seen what happens when a mission that should be aborted goes ahead anyway. You may thank me one day, Mary Jane," he called as the doors closed.

But Mary Jane didn't hear that last part. She ran back into her apartment, slammed the door and crashed onto her sofa, sobbing hysterically, convinced that John had just dumped her. Notwithstanding his reassurances, she had no doubt that John intended to call off the wedding. She could hear her father, drunk, laughing at her in the midst of one of his all-night binges . . . "See! I was right! No man will ever want you!"

Peter didn't know what to say, other than to express his sympathies. Still, it was vitally important that he find out exactly what the reason was for Mary Jane's anger toward him. "I'm so sorry to hear that, Mary Jane. But I still don't understand what all this has to do with Peter Parker."

"Wait," she told him between sobs. "There's more."

Suddenly, Mary Jane's thoughts turned to Peter Parker, that great big jerk who stood her up more times than she cared to count. He did this to her! Just as she's getting her life straightened out, he shows up out of the blue and starts in with his stupid mind games again. Did he really expect that she would just break off her engagement to a steady, reliable and devastatingly handsome hunk of a man just so she could be humiliated again? What nerve!

Mary Jane frantically went back over her conversation with John, moment by moment. What was it that he said . . . something about settling prior relationships . . . Oh my God! It can't be! John somehow got it into his head that she still had a thing for Peter. She realized that in order to salvage her engagement and get her wedding back on track, she had to disabuse Peter Parker of whatever illusions he had about "picking up where they left off." She would have to tell Peter, once and for all and in no uncertain terms, that there was nothing between them, that she was moving on with her life, and that she did not care to see him again.

Mary Jane picked up the phone and dialed Peter Parker's telephone number. But her hopes of doing it quickly and cleanly over the phone were quickly dashed when the robotic voice of the Verizon operator droned, "We're sorry, but the number you have dialed is no longer in service. Please check the number and dial again"

"Arrrrgghhhh!" she growled, furious that she would have to deal with Peter Parker face to face. Steeling her resolve, she put on her jacket, picked up her purse, and stomped out the door and into the night, looking for an address on the western side of Greenwich Village.

Peter just sat there, dumbfounded, unable to believe that anyone could have the consistent bad luck that seemed to be visited upon him with frightening regularity. For all of Mary Jane's insistence that it was too late, for all of her professed intent to tell him to buzz off, he had gotten through to her just enough to convince her fiancé that she still had feelings for somebody else. He had won! But now it was impossible for him to claim the fruits of his victory. His responsibilities would never allow it. His heart breaking, he realized that he could nothing other than help M.J. repair her relationship with John. The whole affair was so bizarre that it had become surrealistic.

"I don't think things are quite as bad as you might think," Peter said, mustering whatever reassurances he could under the circumstances. "I mean . . . from what you just said,John just wants to be sure that you're ready to commit, that's all." He may have sounded objective and detached, but he sure didn't feel that way.

"I don't know," Mary Jane sniffed, her tears starting to flow again. She turned toward him and looked deeply into his mirrored eyepieces, as if searching for the windows on his soul. "Do you know what I'm really afraid of?" she asked.

Peter shook his head numbly.

"Facing Peter Parker again. Seeing those big blue eyes with that pathetic lost-puppy-dog expression."

"And why is that?" Peter asked in a subdued whisper.

"Because . . ." she sobbed, her voice breaking as she finally gave voice to the very thing that she had been struggling to deny, "I still love him."