TITLE: His Crime
AUTHOR: Simply Kim
WORD COUNT: 3,755
PAIRING/S: Ishida Uryuu-centric with Hints of Ichigo x Ishida
GENRE: Alternate Universe/Angst
DISCLAIMER/S: I'd love to have the creativity and talent Kubo Tite does. Unfortunately, I don't, so I don't own any of these characters or the series... just this story.
NOTE#1: This is the first of five stories in this arc that takes place after Aizen, so I'm branding it an AU because I am absolutely sure neither the manga nor the anime would venture to this direction. It's just wishful thinking on my part. Anyways, bear with me. XD
NOTE#2:Blah or Blah is for emphasis. /Blah/is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). /Blah/ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. Blah is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).
NOTE#3: The Bounto Arc didn't happen. The past scenes here are heavily manga-based.
HIS CRIME
It was all his fault.
He thought he could have it all.
He thought he could grasp everything with both hands.
He was wrong.
Ishida Uryuu sat defeated on his room's hard wooden floor, ignoring the hot searing pain shooting up his backside in protest. He continued staring at the lone picture on top of his study desk, the only item he permitted to grace the dullness of his sanctuary. It was of him and his sensei way before the trouble started.
He supposed this was how the Shinigami captain Kuchiki Byakuya felt before. He swore too much, and ended up paying for his mistakes thereafter. He felt as if he was being tugged from all directions, in danger of getting ripped up – all because his pride was too much.
Now that everything ended, what was he to do with his pride?
He choked back a sob and curled into a ball, filled with misery and some sort of longing he could not explain.
Maybe, just maybe... tomorrow is going to be a better day...
He closed his eyes and tried to keep his mind in one piece – at least, for the night.
OxxxOxxxO
Apparently, it was not going to be a better day.
"I'll be at the parking lot at three."
It seemed as if his father, Ishida Ryuuken, decided to resume his parental role, entering his life once more unannounced. It wasn't as if he didn't like it... it was just new to him. After all, no one could ever replace the father he found in his sensei before. Ryuuken was stoic, unaffectionate and mindful of manners. He spoke almost clinically, so much so that the younger Uryuu wondered if he thought of him as one of his patients rather than kin.
That was to be left to the imagination.
He waited until the car he came to school in sped away to the direction of his father's workplace before he turned and started wandering to where his classroom was. Enough was enough. He didn't want to put his hopes up anymore. He had enough bad experiences to trust anyone at this point. Not his father, not his teachers, not –
"No. I'm not going to let you copy my homework again, you lazy bastard!"
Not Ichigo.
There he was, within Uryuu's line of vision, trying to evade his pleading friend, Asano Keigo. He watched as they scampered away, off to where the classrooms were, off to where they would come to a compromise. Ichigo, after all, could never resist friends in need no matter how stupid the request was.
Not Ichigo.
He could still pinpoint the focus of the stiffness on the other's shoulder. It was close to the heart, that wound. The last time they crossed paths, he was the one who threaded an arrow through it.
Never Ichigo.
Around him, noise erupted, from squeals of girlish glee to brash male banter. Every person connecting to another in the hopes of finding the right person to spend time with...
Only he was alone.
No one wanted to spend time with him.
It wasn't as if he wanted to spend time with them either.
After all, the one he craved attention from was off-limits.
OxxxOxxxO
Nothing changed much, except maybe his father's disposition. Oftentimes, Rukia came from Soul Society to come visit the red-haired loudmouth, most of the time alone, the rest with another Shinigami. He did not know this because Ichigo or Rukia told him – it was because he felt them. Now that he had full Quincy abilities, he could easily pinpoint whose energy it was he was feeling. His skills, now honed to perfection, were apt in focusing on unseen entities and touch them with precision.
If he could.
He wanted to reach out and grasp them, make them pay attention to him, acknowledge him. However, his vow made to his father impaired that need. He really felt like Kuchiki Byakuya... that was for sure. After listening to his depressing story, he couldn't help thinking that he could very well fit into that brand of angst at the moment.
He had broken his vow twice. First when he helped Aizen Sousuke's plan dissipate, and second when he challenged Ichigo to a fight once again. In the aftermath of the former, he was hailed one of the heroes... the latter, he was the antagonist.
And he did something he wanted to take back.
He almost killed Ichigo with that fateful arrow.
He would've won too if not for the sudden appearance of Ichigo's hollow, switching with him and nearly taking off his stringing arm
In the hospital, the only one who visited him apart from, surprisingly, his father, was Orihime. She stopped by just to say that he was very cruel, and that she wished he would get well soon enough so he could go right to the next room and apologise to Ichigo.
It was then that he realised he had no one. Orihime, the one who had taken his side since he knew her, just left him for his rival. It was a hard pill to swallow but he did it nonetheless. All he did was to remain quiet, smile wanly and nod once.
The moment he was discharged, he went home without apologising.
OxxxOxxxO
It was probably the smell of beef stew Uryuu was cooking that made his father wander into the kitchen to stand beside him, taking a peek at what he was concocting. An amused snort followed, and Uryuu wondered tensely at what made the older man do so.
As the brown sauce bubbled, he finally had enough and turned sideways a bit, glaring. "What?" He grated out self-consciously.
"Nothing." Came Ryuuken's reply.
"You're laughing at me."
"I have no reason to." His father said with uncharacteristic patience. "I just remember that stew. Father used to make that for me when I was young. I had no patience to learn how to make it though. I see he passed the recipe to you."
It was probably the longest set of words Uryuu had ever heard coming from him for quite a long while now, and frankly, he was suspicious. "Resenting me for it, I suppose?" He responded dryly, placing a small amount of liquid in the tasting saucer he held with nimble fingers. "I could always give you the recipe provided you ask nicely."
Ryuuken raised a brow and allowed a small smile to grace his normally rigid features. "You're the domesticated one, you keep it."
Uryuu's blood was boiling, but even in his anger; he couldn't quite keep his surprise from seeing that small telltale smile hidden. Splotches of red marred his cheeks, even more so when his father suddenly grabbed hold of the tasting saucer he held and took a small sip. He almost reared back, but was stopped by the tight steadying grip on his wrist. "What – "
"Hmm..." The doctor murmured appreciatively as he collected the flavour left on his upper lip with his tongue. "You're good." His eyes bored into his and another smile graced his features, this one almost rueful.
Uryuu didn't understand any of this. Was this really the father who had been so inattentive of him while he was under his grandfather's care? If he knew him well enough, he would've thought that the man was plotting something evil against him. He decided it would be better if he just played his cards right and stop being over-emotional and over-analytical about everything. If he didn't he would suffer a nervous breakdown. "Of course it's good." He declared, switching to bravado mode. "I made it." With a shooing motion, he turned back to the boiling pot before him. "Wait in the dining room, this will be ready in a few moments."
He didn't notice the sudden flash of sadness in his father's eyes.
OxxxOxxxO
Here he was again, swamped with emotions he didn't need.
In his room, his private sanctuary, he mourned the loss of what he had almost gotten completely. In his mind's eye, he could still see Orihime's smile, Rukia's encouraging grin, Chad's quiet strength... and Ichigo's challenging gaze.
Ichigo...
His desire, if he could call it that, was the one that drove him to do what he did. He was better off without his Quincy powers. That way, he would've gained so much more – like friendship... or even love, but that was too farfetched to hope for.
It all started from a nightmare, that day when he challenged his classmate, Kurosaki Ichigo to a duel, the duel in which he utterly lost... and in the process, saved the very kind he was trying to compete with. That in itself was unforgivable. However, on the following days that followed, what he felt started to evolve. The more he saw the kind of person the temporary Shinigami was, the more he saw his abilities, the more he saw the kindness that lurked deep inside him despite his potty mouth... the more he felt drawn to him.
Drawn so much that he wanted to be the only person Ichigo saw. No Rukia, no Orihime – just him.
But that would never happen.
Just the act of saving someone who popped in his life for a short while was enough to let Uryuu know the painful fact that no one would ever be held dear in the Shinigami's heart. He was just like Orihime in a way, loving him from afar, trying to be useful, trying to stop being a burden, and because of that, he sympathised with her.
It was the feeling of helplessness that probably spurred him to accept his father's wishes. Helplessness from the lack of his abilities, helplessness to help save people – and the helplessness of not having the leeway to grasp the hand of the one he held dear. In a way, it saved him, that painful condition.
He severed himself from the bonds that tied him and the others who had stormed Soul Society so confidently. For the sake of bringing back his heritage... and propping up the premise of his freedom's agonizing beginning.
However, the horror of what lay for the world pushed him to drop his vow and take up arms. Fully recovered, he fought side by side with the ones he swore never to associate with again... his father, unexpectedly, backing him up at opportune moments.
Uryuu sighed, wrapping his blanket around him more snugly, resuming staring off to the photograph that was showcased on his table. "I am such an idiot." He muttered under his breath.
An idiot.
Ishida Uryuu challenged Kurosaki Ichigo to a duel once again... to make him acknowledge not the power of the Quincy, but his very existence. It was unnecessary, but it happened. Ichigo accepted for some reason, and it raised his spirits up.
The fight dragged on, destroying everything in its path. He supposed the other was fighting for his warrior's pride, just as Uryuu had been when they first met. But he, the one who initiated it, was fighting not for his Quincy pride anymore, but his own purposes. He wanted to be acknowledged as his equal, to be thought of as someone whom Ichigo could never cast away for the sheer power and determination he possessed.
He wanted Ichigo to see him – only him.
But that ended in tragedy.
They nearly killed each other. Each wearing scars inflicted by the other, scars whose existence showed not so much externally, but inside, where their hearts lay.
If only...
OxxxOxxxO
Uryuu sat up abruptly, his groggy mind trying to pinpoint what it was that woke him up.
TAP. TAP. TAP.
Someone was knocking on his door. Steeling himself, he sat up straighter. "Come in." He called out brusquely.
As expected, his father entered and closed the heavy door quietly. The older man crossed over and sat on the edge of his bed. "Uryuu." He started, eyes gleaming almost catlike in the dark. "Have you thought about what I asked you before?"
His mind suddenly cleared up.
"About that..."
"I suppose not."
"I have."
"Oh?"
Uryuu nodded tersely.
"But you're having second thoughts." His father finished for him.
"..."
Ryuuken took a deep cleansing breath and reached out, placing a warm hand on his son's head in an uncharacteristic gesture of comfort. "You can't leave them behind. Your friends."
"Ryuuken, I –"
The older Ishida stood up; the hand that a few moments ago was on his son's head dropping limply to his side. "Think about it some more. Decide what you think is best for you."
Ishida Uryuu watched his father walk towards the door, a hand grasping the doorknob and twisting it, opening the wooden barrier of his room stiffly.
But before he slipped out, his comment caught him off-guard.
"Uryuu, you really are an idiot."
OxxxOxxxO
There were many things hindering him from firmly believing that what he chose was the right one.
First was his lack of full trust on his father. He was the one who made him choose, and he didn't know fully what his intentions were. Like right now, he was living with him under his grandfather's roof, leaving the luxuries of a penthouse suite just to keep him under surveillance. He never understood what he was thinking. He was running hot and cold at the same time – sort of like him, he thought. Maybe it ran in the family. Nevertheless, he felt like he should really try to grasp his father's mindset and try to understand it completely before he made his decision.
Second was his apprehensiveness of the unknown. He didn't exactly know what was waiting for him at the other end. What would happen to him then, would everything change so drastically that he would lose sight of what was important? Could he even dare take the first step to leave the past behind? It wasn't as if doing what Ryuuken proposed would help them escape prying eyes.
And then there was the issue of his stupid emotions.
He sighed for the umpteenth time, prompting another round of staring from his classmates. He could feel his eyes staring at him as well, and it made him feel a bit edgy.
These things had to end.
His future hung unbalanced because of all these. He had to find a way to face his problems and solve them.
He was tired of running away.
OxxxOxxxO
He was about to enter the apartment when he heard conversation inside. Senses on alert, he leant against the wooden door and listened through the peephole his grandfather placed strategically for him to see what was going on from both sides easily. It had never been used before, but now, Uryuu was grateful for its presence.
He pressed his ear against the small hole and listened carefully, masking his energy, careful not to let his presence be felt.
He could hear the unmistakeable voice of his father talking quietly.
"Everything would go according to Uryuu's decision."
Uryuu knew instantly what Ryuuken was talking about. He frowned and listened some more. It was when the other answered that his eyes widened in disbelief.
"You have placed a lot of burden on your son since he was born."
Urahara Kisuke.
What does Urahara-san know about us? How did he –?
"You talk as if I'm being cruel, Kisuke."
"Aren't you?"
"No."
It was the heart-wrenching pain in Ryuuken's voice that made Uryuu's heart clench.
"You didn't let him explore his heritage, that's why he's now subversive of your wishes."
"I know." Came the older Ishida's response. "But what I did before was not cruelty. I wanted to protect him. We were hunted down by your kind before, and if ever he manifested a single bit of his latent abilities while young, the lineage would be destroyed. I didn't want him to die."
"You know we meant well."
"I know, but I didn't approve of your measures."
"It's not going to happen again, now that I'm reinstated in the Twelfth Division and your son had captured the admiration of the others, especially my vice captain, Mayuri. But that one, when the massacre started, it was wrong, but it was for the best."
Reinstated? Uryuu thought in surprise. That means, the captain I faced before was demoted? The need to rejoice was blocked by his father's answer.
"Is it?" Ryuuken asked mockingly. "If I didn't manage to convince Isshin when he tried to kill me and my family because of that stupid order, would we all still be alive today? Do you know how painful it is to revoke one's heritage in exchange for freedom?"
There was short moment of silence before Urahara spoke. "Yes. I know." He allowed quietly, almost distantly. "I would have protected you too if I had the chance to. We were friends once after all. But we couldn't change the past... that's why little Uryuu grew up to resent you."
Ryuuken let out a choked noise.
"It doesn't matter. As long as he is alive, nothing matters."
Uryuu straightened up, dazed and confused. Everything he held against his father now dissolved to nothingness. He had resented someone because of his principles when all that someone wanted was to protect everyone he held dear and keep them free.
What had transpired during their meeting before, when he saved him from the hollow, they were all because of a parent's love for his child. He closed his eyes, letting the warm sensation emanating from his chest wash over him. He wanted to cry, and yet he couldn't. He stalked away with renewed purpose.
Damn his pride.
He let out a bated breath and small smile stole on his face.
He had finally decided.
OxxxOxxxO
"How are things going with Rukia?"
Uryuu could hear the sudden intake of breath and the annoyance that followed. "You dragged me all the way out here this time of night just to ask me that?"
Kurosaki Ichigo glared at him, eyes gleaming underneath the sparse lighting the street lamps around them provided. But the young Quincy could still see the uncertainty lurking in them.
"I just asked, that is all."
Ichigo huffed, running his fingers through his mop of orange hair. "We're okay." He finally allowed, looking away. The mere act pierced his heart. It meant that everything was actually going great between the two.
As it should be.
"Ichigo –"
"Don't speak my name so easily, Ishida."
Ouch.
"Kurosaki." He amended, turning away to contain all the disappointment he felt. "What do you want from me?" Uryuu waited for an answer, he was expecting something that resembled an outburst, something that would concretise the fact that he was nothing to him but some random person who decided to mess up his life.
"Last time I checked, you're the one who wanted something from me." Ichigo's words rang true, but not altogether.
"What makes you think that?"
"You challenged me to prove something to yourself. You're making me your standard."
"Perhaps."
"So you shouldn't ask me that stupid question, idiot."
There was a moment of silence before Uryuu finally spoke.
"But you accepted it. If you didn't want anything from me, you wouldn't have accepted and let me stew in my own juices."
He heard Ichigo take a deep breath. "Maybe."
"What is it then?"
"I don't know." The redhead responded quietly.
"How about that time, when we shared a bed during those days I was incapable of protecting myself? What did you really want from me back then, comfort? Pleasure? Something else?"
Uryuu was waiting for it, the word that would dampen his resolve, that one thing that would turn his life around.
"I don't know either."
And all his illusions were shattered. With a bitter smile, he turned back to him, giving him a slight nod. "Thank you for being truthful."
"Ishida –"
He held up a hand to stop the young Shinigami. "As I thought, fate is always right." He said solemnly. "Do you know why we can never co-exist, Kurosaki?"
"We are Shinigami and Quincy. We can move together back-to-back... but can never work out anything while facing each other. We are destined to repel."
"We have proven that wrong."
"No we haven't. That was why I challenged you and you accepted."
Silence.
Uryuu moved towards Ichigo's stiff form. Upon reaching him, he reached out and patted his cheek once, fingers trailing as he moved quickly away.
He was at the edge of the street when he suddenly stopped. Involuntarily, his eyes stared straight up to the sky. "Ichigo." He called out, loud enough for him to hear. "I've decided to take up Ryuuken's offer. I'm moving with him abroad." With that, he sprinted away.
He could only wonder why he couldn't see clearly.
Everything around him was blurred.
OxxxOxxxO
Three months had passed since that night, and Uryuu was making dinner when his father, as always, sauntered in. Things had been going well for both of them, and they had easily adjusted to their new surroundings.
It seemed as if their camaraderie was slowly gravitating to that of real family.
"It's beef stew again."
"You have a problem with that?"
"No, not really. I just wish you know how to cook other dishes."
"Why don't you cook instead and I wait in the dining room?"
"Fine." The older Ishida surrendered, a smile etched on his face, eyes twinkling with amusement. "You sound just like your mother when annoyed."
"Geh."
"And you got snail mail."
"From whom?"
"Better go read it after dinner."
"Hai, hai, otousan."
OxxxOxxxO
Uryuu stared.
Stared.
And stared some more.
As he read the last line, his hands began shaking.
/Open your window tonight. I have finally found you. /
Tears dripped down the sheet of paper, saturating the inked characters into unrecognisable blotches.
Ichigo.
ENDE
A/N: My second Bleach fic. Thanks for taking time to read! Feedbacks are greatly appreciated!