Family
Serpentine Wisdom
Warnings: A little bit of Mayuri redemption
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach in any way or shape or any of its characters.
"Why are you so loyal to that creep, Nemu-chan? If I were you, I'd have left long ago."
They always ask her those questions. Why are you loyal to him? Why do you let him hurt you? Why don't you fight back? Always, always they ask those questions.
They don't understand. She doesn't think they ever will. She is loyal to him because he's her father and she loves him. She lets him hurt her because she would do anything for him. She doesn't fight back because she can't bear the thought of him hating her any more than he already does. She wants them to be a real family and if she's disloyal, if she tries to hurt him, then that will never happen. Her father is not a forgiving man, not anymore.
She decided long ago that she would love him enough to make up for the fact that he doesn't love her anymore. Maybe one day he'll love her back and they can have a proper father-daughter relationship, like Zaraki taichou and Yachuri fukutaichou have. Family, a single word that can mean so many things but maybe the true sense of it isn't quite out of reach yet. If she just waits a little bit longer, if she's patient enough… Then maybe, just maybe, her dream can come true.
She remembers when she was first created. Mayuri-sama was gentle then, he was kind to her and most importantly he was happy then. He would teach her how to perform experiments, silly little experiments with no other use than to amuse a child. A few times, if she did really well, he would take her with him when he left for the mortal world to gather more test subjects and if there was any time over, and he always made sure there was, then he'd show her all those wonderful things in it.
She can see it in her mind like it happened yesterday. He took her to a festival once, back when he didn't wear that black-and-white mask with its constantly barred teeth. He even gave her the money to buy a toy she wanted even though he always said that toys were useless. It was the best day in her life but now, centuries later it was slowly fading. She would always carry the memory of that day but she could no longer recall how his face had looked when he smiled or what color her dress had been.
It's difficult to remember when he started changing but one day when she dropped an important vial he didn't just scold her slightly anymore, his hand flew out towards her face before either of them had time to think about it. It might not have been so bad had her father been anyone else, but he was a shinigami of captain-level even a single hit had a lot of power packed into it – oh not for him but to someone of her level… The hit knocked her into the wall behind her and made a deep dent. It had been twenty meters away.
After that… the relationship between them deteriorated. He had apologized immediately afterwards that first incident but as his work load only kept increasing and increasing, his temper and tolerance grew shorter and shorter and the apologize became fewer and further between. One day there were no apologize, only hard words. At first she cried but she has learned that crying only makes him angrier. She likes to imagine that it's because deep down he is still her Mayuri-sama and he remembers times when he cared just like she does – even though he doesn't want to.
She longs to have her father back too much to ever betray him or wish him dead. She loves him so much and all she ever wants him to say is: "I'm proud of you." Or: "You did a good job." Somehow she feels those words are worth all the pain and suffering in the world.
So when she is asked those questions the answer is always the same. The other shinigami will never understand because they have never seen Mayuri-sama sitting by himself in the laboratories long after everyone else have left with his head in his hands, looking like the entire weight of the world rests on his shoulders. They don't know that her father can go days without sleeping or eating just so he can finish an important experiment for the security of Seireitei on time. And they will never know that once upon a time long ago Kurotsuchi taichou did not enjoy his subjects' or experiments' pain as much as he does today, but because he hates being seen as weak or softhearted he did his best to eradicate compassion in himself. They never see the regret and tiredness that on very rare occasions flickers in his eyes because… they've given up on him a long time ago.
Nemu has her moments when she thinks that she would like it if he weren't around. She might not have been born like a human but she is human enough to have moments when she silently despises him but she can never give up on him like they have. She can't give up because she would like to relearn what his real smiles look like. Which, she contemplates as she turns to her friends, is why her answer will always be the same.
"He is my father. That is enough."
The End.