We see the massive armies of Nicolae Carpathia gather in the valley of Megiddo. Tanks roll over the soft soil, the infantry move into position, jets swarm over head. All are preparing for the final battle.
Nicolae stands on top of a M1 Abrams tank and views the display of power from a distance.
Nicolae- Yes, lets see the Nazarene come, I will be waiting. I have been waiting for this for 4004 years…
A confused Leon Fortunato looks at Nicolae.
Leon- Wait, if the earth is that young, hoe did fossil fuels…
The Antichrist looks at him, fire literally pouring from his eyes.
Nicolae- Do not ask such silly questions, I put fossil fuels in the ground to fool humans into believing "science".
Leon- What about dinosaur bones?
Nicolae-Yep, I did that. Along with genetic sequencing, astrophysics, regular physics, carbon dating, same-sex dating, My Chemical Romance. All are my doing to confuse, damn and ultimately torture all of God's Anglo-Saxon, protestant, middle class American children.
Leon nods in complete amazement
Leon- Wow, you truly are the prince of darkness. What about Halloween?
Nicolae- Wellllll, we actually have the druids to thank for that one, but I did invent those big orange peanut-type things… they suck.
Leon compulsively starts to kiss Nicolae. They start rolling on the ground as Nicolae rips Leon's shirt off.
Suddenly, the impromptu make-out session is interrupted by a BIG MOTHER&$#$ ANVIL falling from the sky. It completely crushes the army in the valley.
On it is none other than Christ himself. He is wearing sweat pants and a Creed t-shirt.
CHRIST- I am here to end your tyranny, Satan. I reclaim this land and all the Anglo protestants for myself.
One of the prisoners of Carpathia, a black woman, begins to ask Christ a question, but he answers before she can speak.
CHRIST- Fear not my colored sister, for I make all things new.
Black lady- Actually, I was going to…
In a wave of a hand she is transfigured into a white guy in a suit with a giant plastic smile.
Christ glares at the Antichrist.
CHRIST- As the loving, omnibenevolent, omnipresent, omnipotent A-to-tha-Z, I DAMN THEE WITH HOLY LASER VISION.
In a flash, the Antichrist is vaporized, along with his consort Leon.
Christ now turns to the crowd of believers. He smiles an evil smile.
CHRIST(demonic sounding voice) NOW, WITNESS THE END OF YOUR FREEDOM AND LIBERTY! I AM THE ONLY TRUTH, THE ONLY WAY AND ALL OF YOU ARE MY SLAVES. YOU WILL FOREVER SERVE ME IN THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT. ANY WHO DOES, SAYS, OR EVEN THINKS ANYTHING AGINST MY WORD WILL SUFFER INSTANT AJUDACATION!
One of the believers cries out in horror.
Believer- How could we be so stupid! He is worse than the last guy. No one can save use now…
Christ grows over seventy feet in size. his malevolent laugh emanates through the countryside.
CHRIST- YES, LAMENT IN YOUR IDIOCY. I AM YOUR GOD AND…
His head turns to the side violently. A look of fear washes over his face.
CHRIST- "NO, NO, NOT YOU!"
At first the sound in the distance is unidentifiable, but gradually it becomes all to clear.
Flying straight towards Christ is Mighty Mouse.
Mighty Mouse-(singing) "Here I come to save the Day!"
CHRIST- NOOOOOOOO!
Mighty Mouse punches Christ in the stomach so hard it causes blood to shoot forth from his mouth. Mighty Mouse then sends a triple roundhouse kick to The Lord's face, crushing his holy jaw. He then starts to use his Adam's Apple as a speed bag. Blood and saliva pour out of Christ mouth.
CHRIST- MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKENED MEEEE!
Mighty Mouse grabs Christ by his upper and lower jaw and rips his head in two. Blood, brains, and other liquid spew out of the gapping hole that was once the Head of The Church. Christ's dead body falls to the ground.
Mighty Mouse holds the supernatural usurper's head up for all to see.
MIGHTY MOUSE- Look on to this ragged vestige of what once was and lament in your own folly!
The crowd rejoices. One man speaks to Mighty Mouse.
Man- Who are you, tell us so we may tell others of your greatness?
Mighty Mouse- I AM.
With that, the crowd watches him fly into the distant sunset.
FIN.