Chapter 74: The Best Defenses
Before he left, Harry agreed to go to Gringotts with Regulus and Kreacher to sign 12 Grimmauld Place back over to them as soon as Regulus set up his appointment with Griphook. Regulus thanked him yet again before walking him out. "That was shockingly easy," he marveled to Kreacher as they walked back inside. Though they still had to officially move out of Doge's, Regulus just couldn't bring himself to leave the Black manor quite yet. Being back in his family home was somehow a balm to his soul. Perhaps it restored a bit of the old reality before he'd lost everything and so much had gone all wrong. "Thank you for not instigating an argument with him, by the way," he added, bending to kiss the elf. "I do understand how difficult that was."
Kreacher not speaking his mind was a grand feat of self restraint and Regulus knew that better than anyone. "Kreacher could always be rewarded," the elf murmured, leaning into Regulus and winding his arms around him. "Harry Potter's association with filthy Mudbloods and blood traitors and especially his fondness for Sirius Black does offend Kreacher's sensibilities to the depths of his very soul, after all."
Regulus's lips twitched slightly as he nodded. "Completely understandable," he said honestly. "And your self control is commendable. A reward is indeed in order, but..." He trailed off, brushing his lips across the soft skin of Kreacher's cheek, stopping at his ear.
"Yes," Kreacher breathed. "Master Regulus should go on."
"But you are wearing far too many clothes for me to do it properly," Regulus concluded, tongue flicking out to tease the pointed tip of Kreacher's ear. With a low growl, Kreacher tightened his grip on Regulus and apparated them into Regulus's bed chamber. Now their bed chamber, Regulus thought with a smile. At last they could share this room without having to hide anything from anyone. He gave a sigh of contentment as they sank down onto the bed. It was so soothingly familiar in spite of the fact he'd spent literally as long away as he had sleeping on it. The sudden realization that he'd likewise literally spent a lifetime away from Kreacher struck him like a blow that made him catch his breath. Kreacher's eyes flew up to lock onto his as the elf's mouth opened in a silent O of concern before he spoke. "Is Master Regulus well?"
"Of course. It's rather difficult to make a vampire unwell without a lot of sunlight or fire," Regulus said dryly, averting his gaze in chagrined embarrassment as he spoke. "It's just...Oh Kreacher I hate that we spent so much needless time apart!" He drew the elf hard against him and they clung together while the silence stretched out for several seconds. "I hate that in my stupid belief that you did not want me, I unknowingly left you to suffer. I believed you were safe! I had no way of knowing that Mum would die or that bloody Sirius would somehow escape Azkaban." No matter how many times, in as many different ways, he said the words aloud or to himself they never helped or mattered, never weighed in against the heavy mountain of regret pressing down upon him for long if at all. Kreacher nodded against his shoulder as he gave a weary, long suffering sigh. "Yet even as he says he had no way of knowing, Master Regulus blames himself. Which is it to be?"
"I can't help that I feel they're both true," Regulus admitted, shaking his head in frustration. "You should decide as you suffered the most from my stupidity."
"Kreacher just wants everything to be nice for us at last. Doesn't Master Regulus believe we deserve that? Can't it just truly and at long last be over," the elf demanded, tone half angry, half plaintive.
"I would like that, but I can't just feel that I deserve it! I can't just make the feelings go away, though for you I swear I would if I could," Regulus said honestly. Kreacher shrugged, huddling silently against Regulus. When he peered into the elf's face, Regulus saw doubt. "You don't think I would just feel better if I could," he demanded incredulously and Kreacher slowly shook his head. The elf's eyes were sad and resentful and tired all at once which made Regulus feel even worse, for he knew he'd put all those feelings on Kreacher's face. "Kreacher believes that Master Regulus...that master Regulus feels he deserves nothing but misery from the dreadful events that happened to us. It was a trap in which we all fell, yet Master Regulus alone deserves the constant punishment. As a result, he punishes Kreacher, while claiming that Kreacher has done no wrong."
"How do I punish you?" Of course that was the last thing he wanted, the last thing he ever intended and as such it was difficult for him to believe Kreacher was serious.
"To see Master Regulus still hurting so much in the name of harm done to Kreacher hurts him! Of course it does! Master Regulus would feel the same were the roles reversed!" Even as Regulus cringed inside, knowing that Kreacher was right, he knew that he did not know how to just change his feelings or turn them off. It tore him to shreds inside, made him hate himself to think he'd ever caused Kreacher, the one he'd always loved best, harm in any way and he'd done it twice! Once by literally handing him over to Voldemort to suffer unspeakable treatment and nearly death, and the second when he'd foolishly believed Kreacher wanted nothing to do with him when his letters could not be delivered no matter how they were sent or by whom. That thought reminded him of what he'd realized when recounting the story to Mr. Potter earlier. "Kreacher," he said, straightening suddenly in his eagerness to share the revelation. "I believe I've finally figured out why the letters didn't reach you, and of course it's another bloody horrid irony."
"Can Kreacher take more," the elf wondered as he gave an openly dramatic cringe.
"It's obvious really," Regulus continued. "Something I should've considered long ago had grief and...I suppose self hatred, not twisted my thinking." Though once brazenly proud, and at times still just as proud, Regulus never had trouble admitting his short-comings to Kreacher. "At any rate, I believe the trouble was the wards Father put on the manor just before...everything spiraled out of control. You know those wards were supposed to protect our home, and I suppose in their way they did their job. Though I am family, what if when I became a vampire, the wards automatically saw me as a threat, something foreign and dangerous. The same can be said of Dora, and even Mortis. As a death phoenix, we have no idea how those wards interpreted his presence."
Kreacher stared at Regulus, lips slightly parted as he ingested the theory that was just put before him. "Kreacher thinks that sounds right," he said after several seconds. A pleased smile broke over his face. "At last Kreacher's brilliant Master Regulus has solved the mystery and Kreacher is not at all surprised," he declared proudly.
Regulus shrugged dismissively, not taking the proud joy from solving a complex magical quandary that he would've before everything had gone straight to hell in nineteen-seventy-nine. "It bloody took me long enough. I swear the entire mess made me stupid," he grumbled.
Kreacher frowned, slowly shaking his head. "Kreacher does not believe that. Kreacher does not see how Master Regulus could remain stupid for so long. Perhaps in his worst moments when he was not thinking, but Master Regulus is brilliant and eventually he would have begun to think again in a day or two at worst."
Regulus gave a bitter laugh. "Well obviously I didn't, and I can't say enough how sorry I am about..." But Kreacher raised a finger to Regulus's lips to silence him. Soon he replaced his finger with his own lips and the two surrendered to passions rather than talk of the past. To Regulus, nothing ever felt better than Kreacher's skin against his own, Kreacher's mouth on his and Kreacher touching him. Though others may believe their relationship to be sick and twisted for whatever reason, Regulus never cared. No pretty girl could give him what Kreacher did. No one could ever understand his mind as Kreacher did and no one's touch could ever affect him anywhere close to as much. When in the elf's arms, Regulus would've gladly given him anything. Of course Kreacher never asked for anything other than the one thing Regulus could not give. If he could change his feelings of self dislike and despair he would, if only for Kreacher even if he did not personally believe he deserved to feel better. All of this faded into the background as both surrendered to sensation and pure emotions of love and passion. As Kreacher moved inside of him, raising up on one arm to stroke Regulus's erection with his free hand, both gasped nearly frantically for air as they thrust toward one another. "Gods, Kreacher," Regulus gasped, feeling his eyes rolling back into his head with the intensity of the pleasure coursing throughout his entire body.
"Yes," the elf growled in agreement. Their passion built to something very akin to a sweet agony before cresting and exploding in waves upon waves of pleasure. Crying out wordlessly they collapsed together as the room spun. Regulus's eyes were closed as he floated in a deliciously mindless after glow when Kreacher spoke in a low murmur that Regulus could not quite make out through the blood still pounding in his ears. "What, Love," he murmured back, struggling to ground himself and focus his attention.
"Kreacher said it feels familiar. The way Master Regulus expresses himself in his bad moments...It is something that Kreacher knows."
Regulus's attention was caught by the unsettling note of dread in the elf's voice. "Alright," he said slowly. "Go on." No matter how brilliant Kreacher said Regulus was, he knew the elf was just as brilliant, so whatever had him unsettled, he was probably correct.
"Kreacher remembers," the elf began. "Of course he does. How could he ever forget."
"What," Regulus prompted and Mortis gave a low trill from the curtain where he sat, peering out at the night.
Regulus got the sense the black phoenix was encouraging Kreacher...as if already knowing what he was about to say and confirming it. "The horrid green potion that we had to drink, first Kreacher and later Master Regulus at that black lake. It causes one to feel beyond bad within oneself. It is relentless and evil." The elf raised up on one elbow to stare searchingly at Regulus's face in the moonlight that poured in through the half open curtain. "But Master Regulus said vampires heal from all things, so it couldn't be."