This is my first fullmetal alchemist fanfic and it's also my first story were I'm trying to make it funny, which means it probably won't be lol, good old irony!
Let me know what you think, its going to be quite random.
Thanks :D
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How far would you go to prove a point?
"Colonel Mustang," Havoc said in front of the desk saluting smartly, snapping Roy out of his day dream.
"Huh, ahem. Yes?" he said slightly confused. He hadn't even heard the man come in.
"The Elric brothers have returned from their mission. Edward Elric has been hospitalised and is causing trouble for the staff. Your presence has been requested as his ranking officer."
Growling under his breath, Mustang stood.
"Does that boy deliberately ignore every word I say just to spite me?" he said, shaking his head lightly.
"It would appear so, sir." Havoc said smiling openly.
"Alright Havoc, back to work." Roy said coldly.
Saluting once again he turned away a little disappointed. He wanted to see the fireworks when Ed and Roy clashed, at least he would hear about it later, word of their verbal sparring always reached across the ranks.
Irritably Roy marched out of his office after Havoc, turning away down a corridor increasing his pace.
He was going to have to find a way to make the young Edward listen to him.
"Please niichan! Calm down!" Al cried as he fluttered around the hospital bed awkwardly, watching Ed fighting against the doctors and nurses around his bed.
"LET GO OF MY FREAKING ARM!" Ed snarled viciously.
A kind of tug-of-war was going on between him and the doctors, some of them trying to hold him down whilst the others were pulling at his metal arm that had been disconnected from his body. He was covered in long gashes, some of them bandaged whilst others that had started to heal were breaking open again from the violence of his movement, leaving patches of blood over the bed sheet as he was only wearing a pair of black boxers.
"Hold him still; I'm going to knock him out." One of the doctors who were standing back said tapping the side of the needle he held, eyeing Ed's body for a suitable vein.
"THE HELL YOU WILL!" Ed cried as he used his left arm to pull his auto mail one free from the doctor's grip, slapping the needle out of his hand causing it to shatter as it hit the ground.
"Niichan!" Al shouted in a combination of anger and concern.
There was a flurry of movement before a sudden stillness and silence so everyone could hear Ed's triumphant laughter.
"Fullmetal!" a stern voice cried.
Clutching his metal arm to his chest Ed looked up.
Roy was standing in the doorway, his black eyes full of fire as he glared at Ed.
"Why are you causing so much trouble? And how dare you come back so badly injured that you have to be hospitalised!" he demanded, his anger clear.
"They're trying to take away my arm! Funny enough I'm not ok with that!" Ed cried, only slightly short of shouting.
"The doctors informed me that your auto mail arm had ceased moving. The weight of it will only slow your healing. It makes sense to remove it. It will be posted to your mechanic to be repaired." Roy said coolly, a complete flipside of himself a moment before.
Ed stared for a second.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GOING TO POST MY ARM!" Ed cried in disbelief.
"I spoke to your mechanic, a Winry Rockbell, on the way over here. They're too busy to make a personal trip here for the next few days. It was agreed to send your arm there. It'll be posted back when fixed or they'll bring it up once they're free from their current obligation." Roy explained calmly as he walked over to the bed hiding his irritation. He did not appreciate being yelled at by a 16 year old.
"Your arm please." The colonel said holding out his hand.
Smirking evilly up at Roy, Ed was enjoying the image of slapping the colonel around the face with his auto mail arm to take that smug look off his face.
Al watched his brother wearily.
Roy cocked an eyebrow expectantly.
Then Al noticed his brother's expression: he was going to do something very bad. With a spasm of horror Al saw Ed shifting his grip on his metal arm as he watched the colonel the whole time.
"No niichan! Just give him your arm!" Al cried as he leapt forward, not knowing totally what Ed had been about to do but knowing it wouldn't end well.
Puzzled, Roy looked at Al who had leapt to his brother's side so he was almost standing next to him.
"Give it to him niichan or I will," Al said with unusual menace. "You've caused too much trouble."
The armours red eyes flared as Al stared at his brother.
Sighing Ed looked up at Roy.
"Fine." He said grudgingly, spoken through his clenched teeth as he offered his arm to the colonel.
"Good." Was all Roy said taking the offered arm before turning away.
Pausing at the door he said audibly to one of the doctors: "Make sure you knock him out, he's not one to settle down quietly."
Turning the colonel looked Ed in the eyes smirking before walking out of the room with his arm.
"YOU BASTARD!" Ed shouted after him as he strained into a seated position.
Just as he was about to leap up out of the bed before the doctors and nurses could regain their grip on him he was firmly pushed down into the mattress.
"What! You're on their side!" Ed cried in disbelief as he looked up at Al.
"It's for your own good niichan! You're hurt!" Al said as he increased the pressure on Ed's right shoulder and left wrist to keep him pinned as he began to struggle.
Instantly the doctors swooped in, jabbing a needle into his arm non to gently, injecting him with a milky white liquid.
"Great. Just fucking great." Was the last thing the young Alchemist said before his body became limp, his eyes rolling up as they were covered by his lids.
Now that the young blond was subdued the nurses carried on with bandaging the boy's wound.
Sitting in the only chair Al watched on unhappily. Why did Ed always have to go to such lengths? He'd ended up in such a state to begin with protecting Al. He shouldn't have done, Ed new that Al wasn't as vulnerable as other people, including himself yet he always went to his limit protecting him.
"It's my turn to look after you niichan, whether you like it or not." Al thought sadly. He would make sure Ed got his rest and recovered.
To his surprise Al had to act upon his unspoken vow sooner then he'd thought.
Al had been staring passively in a state that was as close as he got to sleep when he heard a number of loud male voices out in the corridor.
The footsteps grew closer as there was a loud crash in the corridor followed by the sound of hurried apologies before the footsteps broke into a run.
CRASH!
The door flew open as a number of men fell into the room, causing the door to slam into the wall only to rebound and smack one of them on the head.
"Ow! Freaking hell, that really hurt!" Havoc winced as he rubbed his head.
"It serves you right." Lieutenant Hawkeye said as she calmly stepped into the room.
"Er…hi?" Al said unsurely as he waved from his corner.
"Hello Al. It's nice to see you're in one piece at least." She said turning to him with a smile.
"Did the colonel really take away Ed's arm?" Havoc said craning his neck to see as he continued to rub the side of his head.
"Er, yeah. It was broken. Are you here to speak to niichan, because he needs his rest…" Al hinted trailing off.
"Look guys! He's 'armless! Get it!" one of them said laughing.
"Mm. Very funny." Havoc said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.
"Don't you get it? He's 'armless as his arm is missing, but he HARMLESS as he can't do alchemy! See, it's funny in two ways!"
"Huh, yeah. Shut up." Another said in response.
"Hmm. He can't do alchemy hay?" Havoc mused smiling slightly as he reached into his pocket pulling out a pen as he stepped closer to where Ed lie unconscious.
"YOU WILL NOT DO ANYTHING TO NIICHAN!" Al cried frantically appearing like magic between Ed and everyone else.
With one long sweeping movement he pushed everyone out of the hospital room into the corridor before slamming the door shut after them.
For a moment there was complete silence as the Alchemists each looked at each other in shock before the door opened again.
Sticking out only his head Al apologised sweetly with his normal voice before closing the door normally as though nothing had happened.
"Ookay. He's still the quieter of the two…" lieutenant Hawkeye remarked. "Let's go. What exactly was it you were going to do Havoc with that pen?"
"I was going to sign his cast." He replied innocently.
"He wasn't wearing a cast." Hawkeye said bluntly.
"Ok, I was going to draw on his face. How often is Ed unable to do alchemy for someone to play a trick on him?" he said shrugging.
"Let's just go." She said to everyone as she rolled her eyes.
It was later that evening and Maes Hughes and Mustang had gone to a bar which was one of their usual haunts when in search for a quiet drink.
"I feel like I'm being forced to take on the role of a parent with Ed. He disregards everything. I would have thought our duel might have earned his respect as he flaunts ranks entirely. I don't think there's any way of making him act professionally." Roy said with a tinge of anger as he sipped his whisky.
Huges swirled the contents of his own glass, peering into it thoughtfully as a slight smile touched his lips.
"I have a slightly…controversial…idea that may work." He said meeting Roy's eyes. "Why not try applying a little psychology?"
"What do you have in mind?" Roy asked curiously
"Act gay." Hughes said simply.
"What? How's that supposed to gain his respect?" Roy asked laughing.
"No, here me out. If you started acting differently towards Ed it would throw him off balance, he's only a teenager he would have no idea of how to act if someone started coming onto him. I can guarantee his behaviour would improve, though I wouldn't keep up the act for too long as you may seriously freak him out and try and cause trouble."
"And you really think this would work?" Roy chuckled.
"I'm certain it would have some effect." He replied.
"Coming on to Edward?" Roy said again.
"Uh huh." Hughes murmured as he sipped his drink.
"Ok. I'll give it a go." Roy said smiling as he downed the rest of his whisky in one gulp.