"There here Vi, there here, I mean he's here I mean, you know what I mean."
Ahhhh, she so annoying when there's a party, that's not even them, him, her oh who care, who ever it is, is not here.
"Sunny calm down, count to your room and go to your ten! Wait I mean, oh you know."
I looked at myself in the mirror, "Ahhhh I'm a mess, must brush, clean, change clothes, change clothes again, change clothes again, change clothes again then go back to the first. I must wax, shave, cut and something else… huh, what about my turban? What turban? Where did turban come from? I should get a turban someday. Quig would like it."
"Well when your stop stressing over some non-existent turban you can get… wait, did you say Quigley."
"No"
"Yes you did I heard you."
"I said Quig, I mean quit."
"So you think quit would like your future turban."
"Yes, no maybe, I don't know, will you repeat the question, your not the boss of me now, your not the boss of me…wait up." Sunny had stridden off somewhere about half way through Violet's musical spasm.
"Vi, I'm 13 now and Klaus still treats me as if I'm 3."
"Don't worry, he's just an asshole."
"To right." laughed Sunny then Violet.
"She's here!" came voice from down stairs.
"Who's here?"
"Fiona! And captain hook, Mrs hook and widdershins." sounding less enthusiastic saying the other names. "WhatdoIdoWhatdoIdoWhatdoIdoWhatdoIdo!
"Get Nicole to open the door, you idiot."
"A. I have an IQ 170 so I should be challenging your inferior interlaced. B. A maid is far too impersonal. C. Its FIONA!"
"THEN ANSWER THE BLOODY DOOR YOU BLOODY NOBHEAD!"
"I am not an…"
"Nobhead is not idiot."
The door is ringing.
Klaus is freaking out.
The dog I just imagined up is barking.
Violet is worshiping her Quig Quig shrine.
Sunny is sneaking out some of Klaus's illegal condoms.
And the turban is on its way.
" Were waiting in the rain you freaks." Came a muffled voice that sounded like Fiona's.
"She said my name, orgasmicly."
"Klaus, she called you freak and she sounded more angry than orgasmic."
"STILL WAITING KLAUS! Oh and I brought hotdog buns and milkshakes." Came the muffled voice.
"She said my name and I'm sure milkshake is a pick up line, you know.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
And I'm like it's better than your,
I could teach you, but I'll have to charge.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
"It is not a pick up line, and she shouted your name." Violet was getting angry.
"IT WAS NOT A BLOODY PICK UP LINE, WE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU SAY AND WE DID BRING MILKSHAKE! Do you like fruit berries. Anyway, IT'S COLD, WET AND MY POCKET FULL OF MUSHROOM IS MOVING, SO OPEN UP OR I WILL, WILL TAKE A VOW OF CELIBACY!" For Klaus, this was way bellow the belt, metaphorically and physically.
"Ok just don't do anything I'll regret." Without hesitation he opened the door.
"Aye," Came a booming voice. "Not hesitating, aye good boy." without saying anything else he gave Klaus a great, big giant bear hug.
"Aye, always a pleasure captain Widdershins."
"Aye, call me Dad."
"I'm not married. Yet."
"Well that's entirely up to you though." Finally came the orgasmic voice that Klaus had been wishing for, the voice had came from Fiona Widdershins. (She had accepted that Widdershins was her stepfather but soon she properly be Fiona Baudelaire.)
"Hi Fiona."
"NOW YOUR ALL OH I WOVE YOU, YOU LET STAND OUT THERE IN THE COLD AND WET WITH THE MOTION MUSHROOM! I wove you to," she leapt on him, covering him in kiss before planting a big, wet, long snog that went on and on and on and last but not least, on. Well until Sunny and Violet walked in.
"That's gross on so many levels." Sunny was trying to hold back the laughter while Violet was holding back the tears. (So glad he was growing up.)
"Klaus we should carry on this later in a more privet place."
"That would be a wise move triangle eyes." Came a slightly sinister voice from the doorway.
"Fernald, would you like it if I called you hooky." she said referring to his 2 hooks.
"Yeah well you can't hurt me."
"Can."
"Not."
"Can."
"Not."
"Can."
"Not."
"Fernald, stop arguing or whips tonight." (EWWW.)
"Ewwwwwwwww! To much info, I don't want to know what goes on in room."
"Don't Vick, it make it better."
"Ewwwwwwwww! "
Suddenly a figure came out of the door, she was the only one who had bothered to close the door. This was Vick Widdershins, Fernald's wife and fuck buddy.
"Sorry but it's the only way to control the dirty bastard."
"Well come up with code like me and Klaus have. Isn't that right mushroom."
"Yes they should my little éclair, you want a hotdogs? I got the sausage."
"And I got the buns."
"Anyway, lets go to the living room and wait for everyone else."
"You do that, me and Fiona will making some food."
Klaus and Fiona slipped into the kitchen.
"Our food code is now some kind of sex talk, great."
Back in the kitchen.
"So, let's make some hotdogs."
"Did you bring the buns?"
"Only," she pushed Klaus on to the table, she edged closer. He licked his lip. "You brought the sausage."
"I got the sausage." Her eyes filled with hunger.
"Let do it then."
Back in the living room
"Aye, what's taking them so long?"
"Dad, there doing it."
"Doing what."
"It."
"Doing what."
"It."
"Doing what."
"It."
"THEIR HAVING SEX."
"Aye I must stop this, aye let's not be rude, aye I could be a grandfather, aye…"
"I'll check up on them." Violet, the voice of reason. She tiptoed into the kitchen she covered her eyes. "You guys clothed?"
"Yeah."
"Good." she took her hands away to see Fiona and Klaus making hotdogs. "Oh."
"Hi, you want a hotdog?"
"Sure."
"Klaus, make your sis a dog."
"What topping?"
"What topping?"
"Mustard and ketchup."
"Mustard and ketchup."
"Be ready in a minute."
"Be ready in a minute."
"Ok."
"What's the matter with you Vi?"
"Oh I thought you were doing it."
"Well were not."
"It's ready."
"It's ready."
"Thanks."
"No problem."
"Bye."
"Bye."
"She thought we were having sex Klaus
"Huh… wait, why aren't we?"
"I don't know." almost instantly he had cleared the table and Fiona had leapt on him, pushing him on to the table. The table began to shake.