Err…well. Ignore that rant…I had to get it off my chest really… :
I've also never written a disclaimer so I'll do it now:
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS! I do own however a useless wireless adaptor!
And I was vaccinated today! it hurt!
Anyway! Back to the story! This chapters a bit longer too!
Enjoy!
-
Ed had been acting strange recently, and it wasn't to do with his missing arm. It was like he was afraid…but nothing scared niichan.
Al wasn't stupid, he'd realised that Ed only acted this way once he'd seen the colonel.
Ed had taken to pacing around the corridors in one giant lap or doing the same in the grounds of the building as he wasn't allowed on any missions. The doctors wouldn't let him leave the premises without an escort believing he'd just come back injured further in some obscure way. He seemed to draw trouble to him.
Al had already silently decided he was going to have to secretly listen in on the colonel to find out once and for all what was going on. Ed certainly wouldn't tell him.
"Would you please stop counting the laps Al? Or at least count in your head?" Ed growled next to him.
Deep in though Al hadn't even realised.
"Sorry niichan." He said blankly as Al watched his brother. He was about to exhibit another of his odd behavioural developments.
Whenever they reached a corner or a bend Ed slowed as he started to try and look down the new corridor without actually moving into it solely by moving his eyes, not his head so he looked kinda crazy. Walking slowly…eyes darting around in all angles. It was just really strange.
Watching expectantly Al was proved correct as Ed began to slow.
"What are you doing?" Al said a little bluntly "Huh? I'm not doing anything!" Ed cried extra defensively "Then what's with the twitchy eyes"
"What I'm not twitchy"
"I didn't say you! I said you had twitchy eyes! Stop prevaricating and tell me what you keep freaking out about." Al said, sounding very grown up in the last sentence.
"Preva what?" Ed sneered but failed miserably as his eyes where still scanning the corridors.
Before Al could respond Ed had frozen, the look of fear was back in his eyes.
"Shit!" it was practically a whisper that escaped Ed's lips.
For a moment he stood undecided, eyes searching.
Ed's hand shot upwards where he snatched Al's head from his shoulders.
"WHA!" Al cried in confusion and outrage but Ed was already on the move.
Using the bent knees of Al's armour as steps Ed climbed up Al's front, using the spiked metal shoulders as handles. Avoiding Al's flailing arms Ed fell through the gap in the armour where there was space for a person's neck, down into the inside of the armour, replacing Al's head back onto his shoulders.
Al remained frozen, too shocked to move. What the fuck!
Then he heard the foot steps behind him. Turning he saw the colonel round the corner behind him.
Spotting Al he addressed him casually.
"Do you know where your brother is Al"
From the subtle hint of Ed jabbing the metal interior of Al's armour he merely shook his head.
Without a reply the colonel simply turned back in the direction he had come from.
"What the hell is going on! What did you do!" Al hissed.
"I didn't do anything, he's the one-" Ed hissed back stopping suddenly where he'd seemingly chosen not to finish the sentence.
"What! Has he done something to you niichan?" Al cried, getting a frightened glance from a passing cleaner.
"NO"
"Tell me"
"NO"
"That's it! I'm going to find out once and for all"
"NO Al! What are you doing!" Ed cried, panic clear in his voice.
Without speaking another word Al marched off after the colonel, using one hand to keep his head on where Ed was trying to push his way out.
For a long while Al followed Roy as quietly as he could. Ed had given up shouting and now sat quietly within the armour, peering out every couple of second through a gap between the helmet and the gap for the neck.
Al wasn't exactly the most inconspicuous person, especially with all the extra rattling of Ed moving around. He was still trying to get out but going about it much more quietly, having initially given up on the swearing and brute force. Alchemy was ruled out. He was going to have to wait for Al to drop his guard.
Al followed the colonel, amazingly unseen, back to his office.
Leaning down Al peered through the key hole.
From what he could make out, the man was asleep in his chair with his feet crossed resting on the desk.
"Just give up Al, nothing going on. Let me out!" Ed hissed, managing to compact his usual anger into a whisper so it sounded more venomous and enraged then usual.
Then Al heard it just after Ed had shut up. Voices from inside Roy's office.
The brothers fell silent as Al edged forward. Luckily the corridor around them was empty as it would be instantly obvious what Al was doing as you couldn't really miss a large piece of armour crouching in front of a door to listen at a key hole like a child.
"…isn't that a bit dangerous to be using that paperwork as a foot rest? What if Riza sees?" a familiar voice said from within the office.
Hughes?
"It wouldn't be any worse then usual." Roy drawled in response.
Ha! So he had been resting his feet on the desk. It had been too difficult to see anything of detail through the key hole even with his sharp vision.
"So, how are things going with Ed?" said Hughes (it was defiantly him Al had decided.
Al was intrigued. At least they were eavesdropping on something relevant, instead of something irritating like the colonel spouting some military nonsense.
I bet he joined the military just so he could wear the uniform Ed thought to himself as he sneered in Al's darkened interior.
Al tried to do the impossible and peer into himself. He wished he could see his brothers face, he was so easy to read, his expressions might as well have been his thoughts written in ink across his face.
"Interestingly well. I sent him running yesterday, all I did was smile and say I'd escort him to his room." Roy said with quiet humour, making it more difficult for the brothers to hear.
"I think you're warming to this role better then the fatherly figure, I think you like it." Hughes said smugly.
They waited with baited breath. Was the colonel playing a trick on niichan? Al thought puzzled.
Ed's thoughts weren't quite so calm.
Oh god, he's gay, he really is! I'm too young, how could he like someone so young! He's a pedo! And my colonel!
Roy laughed a little sarcastically at Hughes comment.
"I don't think I'll ever be batting for the other side Maes. It's just a refreshing change to be able to speak to Ed without him flipping out halfway thought." Roy replied.
Huh? Won't bat for the other side? So he's not gay…so what's going on? Ed mentally ranted.
"I still don't know…you act gay a little too well…are you sure you're not? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Is that why you would never let me help you settle down with a pretty wife? I could just as easily help you find a husband…" Hughes said quickly so Roy couldn't interrupt.
"I would stop right there if I was you unless you like smelling as though you've been flame grilled. It was you in the first place who told me to come on to Ed"
Ed and Al remained frozen.
"WHAT THE HELL!" was the general gist of what was passing through their heads. It contained a lot more swearing in Ed's mind though.
There was movement from within the office. Panicking Al looked around.
A conveniently large rubbish trolley had been left at the end of the corridor.
Without pausing for thought Al reached it in three bounding leaps before diving head first into rubbish and leftover food from the dining hall, completely forgetting about Ed and the rough ride he must be getting.
The force of Al's leap had given the trolley momentum; trapped under copious amounts of rubbish the brothers were helpless as they were taken on a ride of doom. The trolley shot forward taking the two brothers who where practically living replicas of Russian dolls where within each one a smaller one sat, were forced to go along with the ride.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING!" Ed cried blindly from within Al's chest as they shot along the corridor in the rubbish trolley.
Pushing himself upwards Al's head broke the surface of the rubbish, a slice of cucumber obscuring one eye, when Al started to scream.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! NIISAN"
Ed had no idea what the hell was going on, one moment they were outside Mustang's office then Al had ran, then it went dark an they were shooting along as though in a car and to top it off there was a really nasty smell of rubbish and crap!
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Al cried again louder and longer then before.
They were heading straight for a solid brick wall.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING! ARE WE GOING TO DIE!" Ed cried blindly as he tried to peer out.
"YES NIISAN!" Al shouted hysterical.
The trolley slammed head on into the wall, rubbish spewing out in every direction Al (and therefore also Ed) flew out of the trolley hitting the wall before slamming into the ground. The trolley crumpled.
Al was buried under a thin layer of wrappers that floated to the ground like colourful shining snow.
For a second everything was still.
With a dull clunk of metal Al's head was pushed off from the inside to reveal the beaten, bruised and dishevelled Fullmetal alchemist.
There was a piece of tomato in his hair and a foul smelling liquid all over the back of his red coat.
Turning around Ed replaced the armour head.
"Are you alright Al?" Ed croaked as he surveyed the destruction around them.
"I'm fine. Are you ok?" Al said as he pushed himself up easily, wiping the cucumber slice from his eye, not having noticed that he looked more like a person transmutated from a hundred rubbish sacks from the amount of crap stuck to him.
Suddenly the pair became aware that they weren't alone.
Looking up slowly their eyes landed on a stunned looking lieutenant Hawkeye who had clearly seen the whole incident, the trolley hitting the wall, Al falling out the trolley, then Ed falling out of Al…
"Err…RUN!" Ed cried. As good as his word he shot off down a joining corridor with Al sharply on his heels.
Silently she continued to stare.
"That was possibly the strangest thing I have seen since working here…" she said quietly as she stared into the mouth of the corridor they'd disappeared into.
-
Running like mad men the brothers flew along the corridors, their arms waving crazily as they left a trial of food pieces and wrappers behind them.
Finally reaching there room Ed flung himself through the door and straight into the bathroom.
"NOO ED! I'VE JUST CLEANED THAT"
But Ed wasn't listening.
"All that time he's been making an idiot of me! Laughing it up with Hughes and the others when my back is turned! Oh, he is going to pay. HE IS GOING TO PAY!" Ed cried as he reappeared from the bathroom red in the face and breathing heavily.
"What?" Al said his mind working overtime to try and catch up to what Ed was freaking out about.
"GAY! HE'S BEEN ACTING GAY! Since he took my arm away from me he's been winking and licking his lips! I've been pissing myself and he was just playing one huge joke"
"WHAT!" Al cried more high pitched then usual.
"I'm gunna punch the crap out of him!" Ed said grinning evilly as he clenched his left hand into a fist before his face.
Ed stepped forward as though to leave the room and do exactly that. Al stepped in front of him where he physically had to grab Ed's shoulders to stop him.
"I won't let you try and kill the colonel and have you burnt to a crisp instead!" Al said.
The momentary silence was broken by the gentle splat of a piece of fish skin sliding off of Al's chest onto the floor.
"No, you're right. I need alchemy to kick his ass. I want to humiliate and embarrass him. This is going to require my brilliant acting skills, I only hope I have a strong enough stomach to deal with Mustang, that, and I'm gunna need my arm back." Ed said as he turned away from Al where he began to pace the length of the room his face showing deep though and concentration contradicted by his sinister smile.
Ed did truly have a brilliant mind; he just had a tendency in using it in elaborate schemes and plans which usually involved revenge.
For a while everything was silent as Ed paced, stopping suddenly Ed wrinkled his nose looking at Al.
Pointing silently into the bathroom he said with the same expression "Please"
Getting the hint Al sighed and moved towards the bathroom.
"Take this too." Ed said handing him the bin as he eyed the crap plastered to his younger brother.
Turning away Ed opened all the windows and turned on the small electric fan.
Their room had gone to extremes. Firstly covered in vomit, then painfully clean reeking of chemicals and now back to filth whilst stinking like a dump.
"You're not going to do anything stupid are you niisan?" Al called from the bathroom as he scraped the filth from him into the bin.
"No. I'm going to plan this and its gunna be good." Ed chuckled darkly.
-
Back in Mustang's office:
"Did you hear anything like screaming or a trolley crashing just then?" Hughes asked.
"No." Roy replied.
"Oh, ok. It must have been my imagination."
-
Author Rant:
Hope you enjoyed! I actually really enjoyed writing this chapter, sitting there smiling away to myself as I run away with my imagination…that could lead to strange, dangerous, random, twisted places…
You'll c next chapter, lol