Four

Sex with Mars was amazing. Better than amazing. Neither of us had ever had sex quite like that before. I had had sex with guys I knew for a shorter amount of time than I now knew Mars, but nearly all my previous sexual encounters had stemmed from drunkenness. Mars told me afterwards that he'd never had sex with someone who actually wanted it. That made me wonder about him. Was the man who now lay next to me a rapist, among other things? I smiled despite this thought because the way he'd told me was so sweet, so innocent.

I smoked a cigarette now, running a hand through Mars' hair. His head was nestled against my shoulder, he seemed at first to be seeking comfort, but, I think he was listening to my heartbeat. He really could be so much like a child. That naivety made me love him more.

I laid with Mars for a time that at once seemed a second and an eternity. My time with him would never be enough. One can never look upon perfection long enough to be satisfied. He still lay with his head on my chest, occasionally looking up at me, just to see my eyes, almost as if he was making sure I was still there. After a time he grew restless, began to glide gentle hands over my body, a curious child exploring. In his eyes I could see that I was just as alien and just as puzzling to Mars as he was to me.

I was offered further insight into Mars later; at this time we lay parallel, able to clearly see each other, though that comfortable silence still lingered. Intensely he looked at me, and huskily, as if it was an epiphany he was still trying to convince himself was true, he spoke three words: "you're my girl." They were words that made me smile. I didn't answer them or argue with them; that simple phrase was not a question. It was a statement of realization for Mars, an issue of placement for me.

I knew Mars would try to possess me, that was to be expected. What I didn't count on was just how much I would enjoy hearing those words. They could only be a threat if I didn't want them, and I did. I wanted them more than I knew. I wanted to belong to someone and to have someone who belonged to me. Mars and I belonged to one another now; whatever happened next, and whatever happened after that. We were in everything together now.

Mars saw my smile and he knew I'd do anything to keep him with me. He smiled too, kissing me, then climbing over me to the opposite side of the bed, where he sat, pulling on his clothes. I watched him dress. It was unfair. After witnessing the gorgeous body he hid under all those layers, seeing him clothed was a painful tease.

He stood, picked my clothes up from the floor, and set themgingerly on the bed beside me. I looked up at him, silently begging him to stay with me. He simply smiled, gave me another quick kiss, then turned, placing his knife back in his pocket and his guns back in his belt, and left me alone again.

----

This time, I slept. And Mars awoke me. I didn't know what time it was or how long I'd been sleeping. He told me to get dressed and I did. I sat on the edge of the bed and he knelt on the floor in front of me. He looked up at me appraisingly, searching my eyes. I didn't know what he was searching for at the time, but I now know that he was searching for strength, for loyalty. He must have found them both in me, for he pulled one of the guns from his belt and gave it to me.

"You know how to use it?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yes." I looked down at the weapon in my hands. I checked the clip; full. I closed my eyes. When I opened them, there was Mars, waiting patiently. "What do you want me to do?" I asked.

Mars put his hands on my knees, looking at me gravely. I listened intently, knowing I was being given instruction.

"Go downstairs," he began, "find a place to hide where you can see into the main room. Don't let Dennis see you."

The last part scared me. Just what was Mars putting me in the middle of?

"Mars, I..." I shook my head, and he put a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"Go downstairs. You'll know what to do."

"What about you?" I asked as he stood up.

He took my hand, pulling me up from the bed. "You'll know what to do," he repeated.

I nodded and we left the room together.