A/N: Hello! Here's a random fic I made while on Distant Horizons. Every new post will be up on Friday, Saturday the latest. Hope you enjoy this fic. . I'm doing this to try to get rid of my writer's block, so I can finish my other fics.
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone. This applies to my whole show.
The Tonight Show with Chong
Episode 1
Announcer: Live from somewhere in the Earth Kingdom; this is The Tonight Show with Chong! Our special guests today are wanted criminals from the Fire Nation. Also, we have music, and lots of prizes to give away! And now, for the man of the moment, heerrrreee's Choong!
( Chong come out onto the set strumming his guitar as his band, led by his wife Lily, plays along. The crowd cheers.)
Chong: Welcome, happy people! This is the first episode of my show and we'll be interviewing guests from the Avatar world every Friday night. Today's guests are special because they come from the dreaded Fire Nation. They used to be royalty, and they must have screwed up something because now they are wanted criminals.
Loud voice from behind the set: We did not screw up anything! Uncle, must they announce us as criminals?
Iroh: (from behind the set)Shhh! Lower your voice Zuko, everyone can hear you!
Chong: Where did those voices come from? eyes widen the set is haunted!
Zuko: (from behind the set) It's just us, you fool!
Chong: Oh, right. Er….who is us?
Someone from audience: Just announce the guests, will you?
Chong: Right, right. Peace brother! Our guests for tonight: Iroh, ex-general of the Fire Nation!
(Iroh come out to wild cheers from the crowd. He smiles and waves, clearly enjoying the attention. He settles on the couch facing Chong and stares greedily at the tea and biscuits on the table)
Iroh: Are they for us?
Chong: Yeah, my wife Lily made them.
(Iroh begins stuffing his face.)
Chong: Our other guest is the ex-prince of the Fire Nation, Zuko!
(Zuko storms onto the set, looking very unhappy. The crowd goes ballistic, particularly a group of rambunctious fans who screamed louder than the rest.)
Fans: ZUKO! ZUKO! ZUKO!
(Zuko looks disturbed and scurries over to his uncle, who has biscuit crumbs all over his face)
Zuko: Uncle, we shouldn't have come! These people… er, you have crumbs all over your face.
Iroh: I do? starts wiping his face How did they get there?
Zuko: (disgustedly) You were eating like a pig.
Iroh: I can't help it! We haven't eaten properly in a while. Try the food. It's scrumptious!
(As Zuko reluctantly tries the food, Chong starts to speak again)
Chong: So, let's start by telling us a why you're banished from your own nation.
Zuko: I don't want to talk about it.
Chong: It's alright, brother. If you want to heal, the best way is to say your grievances out. starts singing
If you want to be happy,
Don't hold your sadness in!
Just say it aloud,
And put on a grin!
Chong: I forgot the rest but the last part is my favourite. goes down on his knees and holds his guitar up in a rock star pose YEAH!
(Zuko's face is stony as Iroh, and a slightly bewildered crowd, clapped loudly)
Iroh: That was very good!
Zuko: I'm leaving.
(He gets up and start to move away, but Iroh grabbed his arm and pushed him back down)
Iroh: Zuko! That was extremely rude!
Zuko: Listen uncle, I didn't come all this way to listen to some crackpot music. In fact, I didn't even want to come. In case you have forgotten, we need to find the Avatar so we can claim back our honour and go home!
Chong: You know, you remind me of Sokka. He had a bad case of destination fever. He wanted to reach Omashu very badly.
Zuko: (recognising the name, he grabs Chong's shirt) Wait, did you say Sokka? Is he travelling with a bald monk with an arrow on his head and a waterbending girl?
Chong: You mean Master Arrowhead and Katara?
Zuko: Master Arrowhead?
Lily: He means Aang, dear.
Chong: Yeah, Aang! musing So that was his name…
Zuko: The Avatar is travelling to Omashu?
Chong: Aang? No, he's not the Avatar. Sokka is. By the way, can you let go of my shirt?
Zuko: (letting go of Chong) What do you mean? Aang is the Avatar.
Chong: Er… no. The Avatar has a mark on his forehead and Sokka had one.
(Everyone stares at Chong.)
Zuko: The Avatar has a mark on his head, in the form of an arrow.
Chong: Really? Wait, so that means… Master Arrowhead is the Avatar!
Zuko: sighs Yes. We all know. So are they travelling to Omashu?
Chong: That was what Sokka said.
Zuko: Uncle, we need to go now! We need to get to Omashu!
Iroh: Zuko, its dangerous to go there. Remember, we are Fire Nation, and King Bumi is a tricky fellow. If he finds out who we are, who knows what will happen.
Zuko: But this might be my one chance-
Iroh: Trust me Zuko. You will have better chances outside of Omashu. Besides, I don't want to leave yet.
Chong: Well, you won't want to, because after this commercial, we'll have some more questions!
Zuko: (sarcastically) I guess it is something to look forward to.
Chong: (totally not getting it) That's right, Mister Frown! See, you should be more positive. starts strumming his guitar absently
Zuko: Call me Mister Frown again and I'll-
Commercial:
Calling all Earth Nation Men:
Are you brave, crave adventures and are willing to fight for your country? Then Ba Sing Sei wants you! Come join in and help protect the Earth Kingdom's greatest city against the invading forces of the tyrannical Fire Nation. If Ba Sing Sei falls, so will the Earth Kingdom! So come to arms, men! Long live the Earth Kingdom!
Transport not provided. Neither is insurance.
Chong: Welcome back, happy people! If you have just joined us, we have two special celebrity guests: Iroh and Zuko. So, dudes, what have you been doing these past few weeks?
Iroh: Running away from the Fire Nation.
Zuko: Isn't that obvious?
Chong: It was?
Zuko: Nevermind.
Chong: Have you met anyone on your travels?
Iroh: Not really, not since that last village where we met Song.
Chong: Who's Song?
Iroh: (ignoring Zuko's death glare) A nice young woman who was kind enough to take us in to dinner with her mother, who makes lovely roast duck, by the way. She's a herbalist; she cured me of rashes from eating the White Jade Bush.
Chong: Hey, that happened to me once too. Or was it my brother? starts strumming the guitar again and sings
The White Jade Bush
The White Jade Bush
Makes you itchy and blue
Makes you itchy and blue
Chong: Hmm… I need to work on that. Hey, what songs do you dudes like?
Zuko: I don't like any.
Iroh: Sure you do. Or did. What about the song Summer's End?
Zuko: That was a long time ago, uncle. Looks far away A long time ago…
Chong: Hey, the Summer's End song? Did it go like this:
The birds are going
The leaves start dying
The wind blows bitter
Soon I'll be leaving
I promise I'll send you
All my love
So please don't cry
We'll meet each other again
Next Summer's End
We'll be fighting
Far away from home
The war is long
How I wish to be back
I promise I'll send you
All my love
So please don't cry
We'll meet each other again
Next Summer's End
I'm falling down
The earth feels cold
I close my eyes
And hope they take me back
I promised I'll give you
All my love
I'm so sorry
We won't see each other again
Next Summer's End
Iroh: Yes, that's the one. It is a popular song in our nation.
Chong: It's a sad song though.
Iroh: How about the Four Seasons song?
Chong: Hey yeah, I know that! How about singing it together with my band?
Zuko: (mortified) No, uncle, no.
Iroh: (mischeviously) I'd be glad to.
(The crowd starts cheering as Iroh and Chong walk up to where the band is. Chong starts playing and both start singing)
Winter, Spring
Summer and Fall
Winter, Spring
Summer and Fall
Four seasons
Four loves
Four seasons
Four loves…
(As the crowd happily joins in, Zuko sinks further into the couch, humiliated. He quietly slips out of the set.)
Iroh and Chong: Four seasons, four loves… song ends and everyone cheers enthusiastically
Chong: Hey, where's Zuko?
Iroh: He must have left. Thank You for a wonderful time. I apologise for my nephew's behaviour. Now I have to go after that boy!
Chong: No problem, brother. I hope to see you again!
(Iroh leaves the set)
Chong: Well, I think that's the end. So… see you next week, where we'll have Azula and her friends over! Bye! goes off the set strumming the guitar