It's hard to lift the eyelid…
It's hard to see well…
But it's not hard to hear something…
Something that may have been what I was waiting for…
"It' your turn now…'
The Heart of Ayanami-chapter 5
Shinji's POV
A boy was running along a corridor to see something looked important. His hurry food steps made a noisy voice. He kept running 'til he saw a woman was strolling calmly.
"Ritsuko-san, Ritsuko-san" he cried out her name out loud and made the woman surprised.
"Shinji-kun. What's wrong?" she asked him still tranquilly.
But the boy was panting so he ought to calm himself first. "Gosh Shin-kun, what have you been doing here? Running around like a mad until you are out of breath like this," she commented. But the boy didn't care about what she said about him.
"Ritsuko-san. I really need to know about Ayanami," he pleaded hardly because he still choked.
She frowned and looked at him deeply. "Rei?" she knitted her eyebrows.
He nodded fast. The woman, Ritsuko was silent for few seconds.
She didn't know what to answer.
She didn't know whether she had to be honest or just let the kid know himself.
She didn't know whether she dared to hurt his heart now, or just later.
She didn't know what to do because in fact everything had changed.
And she didn't know what to do because she's afraid not to be able to hide the truth of Rei any longer.
"So…what about her, Ritsuko-san? Please answer me," he begged. He looked tired but curious too in the same time. Ritsuko gazed at him shortly. She could feel her lips trembling that time.
"Is she still alive now?" Shinji asked again.
Is she alive?
Is that girl still her?
Is that condition still can be called alive?
She even didn't know the answer.
"Please tell me, Ritsuko-san. Don't make me suffer like this. I wanna meet her now," he besought hard. Ritsuko just stared at him. "You wanna meet her like you said?" she made sure. Shinji nodded and his eyes got sharp. "Sure," he answered firmly.
He just wants to meet her…Nothing more…
"She's in the waiting room in front of locker room. You know that place, right?" she muttered.
His face went brightened and he smiled hopefully. "Yes, of course I know that place. Thank you, Ritsuko-san. Thank you very much!" after saying those words, he ran again. He ran as fast as he could to reach that place. The very place he wanted to see.
(line)
He's still running when he saw a girl sitting on a bench there. His heart was flaming and burning by a desire to meet her. He came closer and was really sure that it's Ayanami. Her hair was stil short-blue. Her orbs were red as ruby. But she used some bandages and some parts of her body hurt.
Shinji smiled gladly and walked towards her. But she did nothing when he got in front of her. She even didn't say anything. She just took a glance at him for a while.
"Ayanami…" he called her name confusedly.
She gaped at him icily so he couldn't find any expression on her face. He was anxious to face that fact. He gulped and sat besides her.
"I'm happy you're still alive," he conversed slowly. Rei just nodded. It irritated him well.
Seeing her coldness, he stated to be aware. "Well?" he asked for her opinion but she said nothing. She even didn't take a look at him.
"Don't cha remember something?" he tried to get an answer. Rei shook her head.
"No…" she said frostily.
He frowned confusedly. "You don't remember anything?.!" he didn't believe it.
"Nope…" she replied once again in an icy frequency.
He didn't understand. He tried to remember was there something he missed…but even if he missed something, she supposed not to forget all the things she had passed in Eva.
"Hh-h-hpw can it be?" he whispered in choking.
She stared at his orbs coldly. Her scarlet eyes made him feel confused.
"May be it because…I'm the third one…"
(line)
Rei's POV
This is the first time I came to my apartment. They said it was my predecessor's. And they told me several things too. My name is Ayanami Rei. I was the unit 00 pilot, soon I would master how to control that thing. I was in my duty, to replace Rei II but not everyone could know my real identity. So, what I could take from that was…if the one I replaced called Rei II, then I must be Rei III. And I knew NERV had many Reis.
I saw a glasses box on the table. I felt so curious, so I walked towards that table and touched that thing. It's cold. I took it, and opened it softly so I could see a pair of glasses. There's something on the hanger. I put the box on the table and took the glasses carefully so I could see it clearly.
I read the text on the hanger, written by a sort of black ink.
Ikari G.
'Ikari G.? Did it mean Ikari Gendou?' I wondered about that. Sure…it's Ikari Gendou. No doubt. There were only two Ikaris in this world. Gendou and Shinji. It would be Ikari S. if it's Shinji's.
Ikari Gendou…the man who gave me this life…Ikari Gendou…the man who did not just give me life, but duty and identity as well. Ikari Gendou…the man that made me pilot the eva…Ikari Gendou…the man who created so many Reis…?
All of sudden, my heart was so wounded and controlled by the anger. 'Why did he make so many Reis? For stock? Why did he make me alive? Why did he force me to lead my predecessor's life?
Those questions echoed in my brain and it annoyed me successfully. How did he know that I wanted to be alive? How did he know that that was the life I absolutely want? How did he know that I would be able to pilot the Eva soon? I knew Rei II needed to work hard to do that. And how did he know that I wanted to fight the angels?
I found my hands clutched the glasses hard, so hard until I thought that I could break it into pieces. 'I don't wanna this life. Why he chose me to do this?' Tears came out from the corners of my eyes and fell into the glasses. It made something looked like raindrops there.
'So these are what we call as tears…? Tears…? I never saw it before…Why should we have tears…? Why am I crying? There's nothing to cry for…I don't understand being human…Am I really human? Or just something similar with…?'
(line)
The night had arrived and I realized that my body needed a rest. After those confusing questions, I promised I would let myself rest unquestioned. So I laid on my bed and tried to sleep but the result was nothing. Even I closed my eyes, but myself just kept fighting against me. It didn't want to obey.
It's tiring to think those things all day long. About, where I was from, why I was created, why it could be like this et cetera. I thought sleep would be the best choice to end that exhausting condition. 'I must sleep, I must sleep, I must sleep' I kept telling my body those words. And finally, it worked…
(line)
There's someone over there…a girl…
A girl was standing there…I saw her behind…so what I could see just the backside of her body. It wasn't clear enough so it took long to analyze who was it. I stepped my feet even it felt like frozen. I wanted to walk over her and see her face.
I was still walking when the shade turned clearer and clearer than before. I saw her light blue hair…She had short hair too…just like me…She was wearing uniform…the same uniform as I had…She's looking at something.
She looked like me…She really looked like me. I wasn't sure that time, so I touched her by her shoulders. She turned her face at me and I was completely staggered.
It's me…
I was seeing my own self…
Had I got crazy…?
My eyes got widened and my mouth was opened well as I saw her.
Her beautiful ruby orbs seemed to rap my naked soul. She was just similar with me but something made me think that she's more beautiful than me…I could see that her spirit was stronger than mine, her desire…her strength…she was better than me at all…
I couldn't stop asking, was that Rei II?
Her face was cold and no expression, just same with me. But somehow, I could see a burning desire in her eyes. She opened her mouth a little to say something and it seemed that she whispered something so slowly…so slowly 'til I wasn't able to catch it. I frowned and got my ears closer to her.
"I got this kind of dreams too…" she said very slowly…it almost made me surrender.
I wrinkled. Dreams…?
"You haven't got those nightmares…" she mused. I didn't get it and it looked like I would never make it. "Nightmares?" I tried to make it sure. She didn't react anything, she just bent her head down so our eyes didn't meet anymore.
"Why I am here?" I had collected my nerves before I dared to ask her this question.
She stole a glance at me. "Must I answer it?" she asked back calmly.
It confused me successfully. I gulped and nodded anxiously. "I beg you…" I pleaded tremblingly. I felt a gigantic fear being with her.
She laid her eyes on me. "Why…?" she murmured monotonously.
I shrugged to hear her answer and twitched my mouth. "Because I think…may be you can answer my question…" I told her patiently because she seemed to play at me.
She smiled…a sweet smile. "I will answer nothing…Because I can't…" she responded.
"You are the 'Rei' before me, right?" I muttered charily.
"Yes, I was…" she answered lightly.
"I see…" I hissed.
"I am not Ayanami Rei anymore now. I'm now something I cannot explain…I live in you…wherever you go…I'm there too…"
And I found my self was on the bed with bug eyes and cold sweat covered my face…
(line)
'It's just a dream…an ordinary dream…humans feel it all the time…'
I tried to comfort my self when I was pouring some water into a glass. I drank the water… The glass felt cold for me. As cold as the night…I was alone in my room, nobody's there…And I got confused and frightened at the same time…
I drank my water again…
'A dream won't scare you, right, Rei? You are strong,'
Even I still breathed short, I wanted to sleep again. After putting on that glass on the table, I walked steadily to my bed, laid on it and covered my body with my blanket. It seemed my first day after I woke up from a very long sleep wasn't the best day… I closed my eyes…
to be continued
(line)
a/n
Hehehe, thanx 4 reading, sorry about the spelling 'n grammatical errors. This chapter is shorter than before and absolutely boring. You're a great person if you didn't fell into sleep while reading it, huahuahua…Well, I'm confused now…so…Bye bye
GP