Five

Mars stayed upstairs and I went downstairs. I didn't know what he wanted me to do. I leaned against the wall of the hallway leading to the main room, peeking around the corner, seeing Dennis pacing. My hands shook. I looked around the corner again and I didn't see Dennis. I panicked; I looked all around me but didn't see him. Suddenly I heard a loud thud in the living room. I turned around in time to see Dennis run from the kitchen into the main room, where Kevin was lying on the floor.

My breath was as unsteady as my hands. My heart beat in my ears. Dennis' back was to me, and I knew now what I had to do. I looked up and saw Mars, staring stoically at me from the open upstairs hallway. I took a step into the room, bearly hearing Dennis' crying and cursing as he held his dying brother. I looked back up to where Mars was standing for one last confirmation before I did it. Mars was gone.

I closed my eyes briefly, holding the weapon close to me, trying to regulate my breathing, calm my heart. Dennis cried out to Mars, screaming that "they shot Kevin." I opened my eyes. And I shot Dennis. It wasn't fatal, just a shoulder wound, but the shot rang hauntingly in my ears. I felt hands snake around my waist and smelled Mars' scent behind me. He brushed his face against mine, I felt his hair on my neck and against my cheek.

Mars moved around in front of me and took my hand. He led me over to the dying brothers. Dennis looked up at me; his mouth moved but I couldn't hear anything he said. Mars stood behind me again, one hand on my waist, the other holding my hand that held the gun. He raised my arm for me, and I pulled the trigger again, into Dennis' heart. Mars again put his hands on mine, bringing them back to my waist. Our fingers entwined together around the gun in my hand as Mars held me. Together we watched Dennis and Kevin die.

I wish I could have seen Mars' face as he watched the life fade from the two. Later, not that day, but much later, I asked Mars about this event, about why he had wanted me to kill Dennis, why he'd wanted me to watch them die. Mars told me death was beautiful. Death was perfect and it should be savored. It should be watched, should be seen, experienced, witnessed. Mars could say anything he wanted to about death, but I knew that he loved death so much because it was something that had escaped him.

Mars wanted death. Mars desired not only the death of others, but his own death as well. For Mars, death is that elusive someone or something one sees in a dream; one can move closer to it, but it will always move as far away as one moves close. For Mars, death was that one thing that can be chased but never caught.

I could never explain what it was like to stand there with Mars and watch Dennis and Kevin die. There aren't words to describe what it's like to see someone die, to watch the essence of life escape them. But to share that experience with someone is...romantic, sensual, intoxicating. I felt so close to Mars, now that I'd killed with him. In those few moments, Mars and I had formed an inexpugnable bond. Now, sharing the experience of death with him, I was bound to him; I could never escape Mars now, even if I wanted to.

I felt Mars' breath on my neck, felt the movements of his inhalation and exhalation behind me as our bodies stood together. I felt his heartbeat accelerate with the excitement of our kill, then slow to normal. Even after the brothers at our feet were dead, we still stared at them. Both of us lost in the moment, both of us rendered immobile.

Finally I turned to look into his eyes. His arms stayed tightly around me as I moved. Gun still in hand, I moved my arms around his neck. I remember a single tear slid down my cheek, the death rattle of my conscience. Mars kissed it away, just as he had seduced away my morality. And I loved him for it.

Moments later I took control. My mind began thinking of a story to tell the cops, a way to protect Mars. "I need your gun," I said abruptly, breaking our silence.

Mars smiled and his eyes sparkled with insinuation. "What?"

My arms moved from Mars, and he released me as well. I motioned with the gun in my hand. "I need to keep this. If the bullets the cops find in Dennis don't match this, then they'll know something's up. I'll make sure Dennis' prints are on it and yours aren't." I gave Mars the gun that Dennis had. "I'll need your knife too."

Mars handed me the weapon without question this time. He trusted me. It was all in my hands now.