While Hawke was snoring like the dead, up in the Chantry district, Fenris had been up all morning. He'd been all fired up to make a tiramisu. He went to the market for supplies and bought a million more things—a black, grey and dark green chequered bedding, four different flowerpots he had no idea how to water, all the teas, all the coffees, three new sweaters, five thousand new pairs of underclothes—because let's face it, his problems caused more problems—an emergency pack of cigarillos he wished he'd forget where he hid, a stuffed little husky he had no idea why he bought, and lastly, all the candles of all the colours. He left most of them chaotically in the bedroom and swaggered to the kitchen humming a song. Unfortunately, his recent acquisition of endless confidence did not help him be a better chef. It came out all crumpled and slurpy, so he abandoned the whole thing and made his safe-bet apple pie.
Clad in his new long ribbed black jumper and old chestplate, he knocked on Hawke's house while still crooning and tapping his foot. He had no care in the world. But that fire burned too bright too quickly, because when Leandra opened the door, he suddenly became dizzy and he forgot words.
"I have… dough," Fenris blurted out.
"Excellent!" Leandra said and welcomed him in.
"My apologies… I meant to say, 'Good afternoon, Leandra', followed by a pleasant smile."
"Please, Fenris. We're past that. Just call me Mum."
Fenris swallowed his happiness and cleared the anxiety out of his throat.
"Where's Bodahn?" he said conversationally. "Oh, I also brought scraps for Mojo."
"Aw, thank you dear," Leandra said. "Bodhan and Sandal are on vacation in Orlais. They left just a couple days before you arrived."
Hawke came in the main hall yawning. She was wearing a long, stripy, blue and red oversized sweater, no trousers and only one sock. One shoulder was bare and her hair was inexplicable.
"Sleep well?" he said, smirking.
She closed her eyes and nodded happily. He hadn't given her a night off until they came back.
"Sweet Andraste, put on some pants," Leandra said, shaking her head. She took Fenris's apple pie to the kitchen.
"By the way…" Hawke said, leaning in. "Now that we're official and stuff, you should know—It's a custom in Ferelden for a new member of the family to stand up when they speak."
"Okay…" Fenris said, thinking. Fereldans were odd. But after Carver, Leandra and now Hawke calling him a 'member of the family', he was going Fereldan all the live long day!
He followed her into the reading room. He frowned as he looked up above the fireplace to notice a painting of some random children instead of the ugly Tevinter statue he had whined about more than once.
"What happened to Cutey Van Pretty?"
"I threw it out," she said, yawning and going up the stairs.
He smiled and followed her to the dining area, and his hand dropped the scraps. Aveline and Varric were sitting there… waiting. Mojo ran in and obliterated the bag, making an avant-garde piece of art on the wall.
"Do you even have pants?" Aveline said.
"As if she needs'em anymore," Varric said, snorting.
"I don't need them," Hawke said, taking a seat at the head of the table and crossing her legs. "I am the woman of this house!"
Fenris stood there, forgetting he existed. Varric gestured towards the seat next to Hawke. "Come on, now, Lovey Dovey."
He cleared his throat and took a seat. Leandra came in with a bowl of salad and a plate of paninis.
"You don't even help your mother bring the food?" Aveline scolded.
"Are you kidding? She'd cut me," Hawke said, yawning.
"I don't trust her with anything edible," Leandra said, rolling her eyes. "Now who'd like some leftover champagne? Sorry about that. We kind of dug into it last night."
"Why did you dig into it last night?" Varric said with exaggerated interest, crossing his arms.
"Oh, it's no secret. These two finally realised what was glaringly obvious to everyone else," Leandra said, raising her glass.
"Here, here!" Aveline and Varric said, tiredly sharing a look.
"So… how was Orlais…?" Varric asked smugly.
Fenris stood up and bumped into the table, making ripples in people's champagne. "It was… good," he said, and sat back down.
People looked at him funny, so he thought he was being rude. He stood up again and said, "It was wonderful."
Then he stood up one more time to get some salad. "So… when's the wedding?" Aveline asked evilly. He dropped the salad on the table.
"Oh, I don't know," Hawke said, coming forward and taking the salad off the table with her hands. "I'm still at odds with who my maid of honour should be—Merrill or Isabela."
Aveline did not look happy.
"Hey, hey—" Varric said, all hurt. "Isn't that sexist? Why can't there be a… a butler of honour?"
"Would you like to be my butler of honour?" Hawke said with a mocking smile.
"That depends," Varric said. "Do I have to wipe your ass before the wedding?"
"Varric, we're eating!" Aveline said, and took a gulp of alcohol.
"Still, you might have to," Leandra said, snickering. "She can barely put on her socks in the morning."
"Who can say no to me?" Hawke said, smiling with salad teeth.
Fenris ate silently and tried not choke on his food, or faint from overheating. He knew they were joking, but the knowledge was entirely unhelpful.
"I'm gonna keep my options open," Varric said, and slowly looked up at him. "You can wipe, right?"
Fenris stood up, gave him a death glare and sharply said, "Yes."
They all looked at Hawke, which he thought was a condescending request for confirmation. She shrugged innocently, and he decided she was going to get it when this was over.
When they were finished with the food, Fenris sat up and said, "I'll get dessert."
He went to the kitchen and got the little plates out, but couldn't find the cutlery. Only, unbeknownst to him, Leandra had gone upstairs to find her monocle because Hawke was reading out made up bullshit from the Kirkwall Times.
"Why is he standing up like that?" Aveline asked Hawke.
"I don't know. Must be a Tevinter thing," she said, shrugging.
Then Fenris's voice came through the walls. "Where do you keep the forks, Mama?"
Varric broke into chuckles. "What?"
"Who's he talking to?" Hawke said, lowering her newspaper.
"You…?" Aveline said, unsure and squinty.
Hawke made an alarmed grimace. "I'm not that kinky." That anybody needed to know about, at any rate.
"I'll… go help him," Hawke drawled.
"See ya later, mama," Aveline said.
"Don't fork in the kitchen, mama. It's unhygienic!" Varric said after her. "Also, incest!"
"Who's… doing incest?" Leandra said, coming in all confused.
Varric cringed in embarrassment.
"His cousins in Orzammar," Aveline said, trying to help.
"That's so racist," Varric said, shaking his head.
"But is it accurate…?" Aveline said, unsure.
"Yeah…" Varric said tiredly.
"Cheer up, Varric. It's not a dwarf thing," Aveline said, tapping his shoulder.
"It's a nobility thing," Leandra said, downing her whole glass.
Afternoon, The Keep
"I need your advice, Hawke," Aveline said, leaning on her desk woodenly.
"Go on," Hawke said, taking a seat. Varric and Fenris sat down in the corner.
Aveline took a piece of paper and stared at it as if it had their obituaries on it.
"I've been trying to recruit elves into the Guard," Aveline said, turning the poster around.
Hawke's eyebrow jumped. It was a drawing of the Guard-Captain pointing at the reader with the head caption, 'I want YOU to protect Kirkwall!' and the bottom one saying, 'Let's put racism to a-rrest!'
"Ho!" Varric guffawed. "Send this woman to the punitanciary!"
"Let me guess… They donut want to apply," Fenris said, tittering with Varric.
"Wow, Aveline," Hawke said, containing herself.
"Really?" Aveline said. "No joke?"
"Me? No! I never joke about the Guard. Too overkill."
"Is getting slapped overkill?"
"Hey, hey, what's with all this police brutality? I am being victimised right now! I can't even! Who is your supervisor?"
"Don't flatter yourself. Bran also thinks you should get slapped."
"You see how the state is out to get me?" Hawke said to the others.
"I really doubt you'd hate being slapped, given your paramour," Varric said.
"Careful with your accusations," Fenris said with a death glare.
"I don't think that was an accusation, but a comment on how you're…" Aveline said.
"…Yes?" Fenris said, raising his eyebrows in wait.
"Scary?" Hawke said.
"Intimidating," Aveline offered.
"Sadistic!" Hawke suggested.
"A sicko," Varric finished.
Fenris's eyes ping-ponged between them. "I strongly think you're the sickos," he said calmly.
"Anyway… I've had the same problem," Hawke said, sighing. "I've been trying to get women and elves in the Bone Pit, but I'm getting diddly squat."
"Coincidentally, also the same amount of thought you put into that poster," Varric said.
"Well then, help me!" Aveline said grouchily.
"Did you make a poster, Hawke?" Fenris asked with high, tired eyebrows.
"No, nothing so… creative," she said innocently, turning around. "I just asked people. It… didn't go so well."
"I understand their caution, but how are we going to solve the lack of diversity with… well, no diversity?" Aveline said, sighing.
"We could go to the Alienage and campaign!" Hawke offered.
Fenris rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "You will fail."
"Thanks for the supportive attitude, babe."
"Babe," Varric said, snickering.
"I'm in between terms of endearment," Hawke said. "Look out next for snuggle bunny—"
"Racist," Fenris said.
"… Bubba-diddle?"
"That's not even a word."
"Alright, Cookie, I'll think of something."
"He does like cookies," Varric said.
"Can we please focus?" Aveline said.
"Right. Where were we?" Hawke said. "Oh, right. Fenris was being an unhelpful grouch."
"You'll have to be more specific," Varric said.
"I'm sorry, ma adorae, but elves won't magically warm up to you because you're selling equal rights," Fenris said. "They've been burned too many times. Trust me, I'm saving you the time."
Varric opened his hands, tumbleweeds going off in the distance. "Who's Madoreh?"
"Ma adorae. She's my adora."
"That's me," Hawke said, raising her hand. "I'm adored."
"You are," Fenris said with a little smile.
"Alright, get a room," Aveline said grouchily.
"I thought it was a-door-reh," Varric said, making mocking air quotes.
"It's called the vocative case, jackass."
"Okay, professor."
Aveline looked at Fenris. "Do you have a better idea?"
"Yes… and thank you for making it so easy," Fenris said, coming forward. "Elves do not trust humans. They will not listen to you. But they may listen to their own people."
"But I don't have any of their people!" Aveline said, annoyed. "Ugh, I mean I do have one applicant—"
"Perfect," Fenris said.
"But it's not enough," Aveline said despondently. "I don't want to hire just one elf. They'll be the odd one out and I know it will go all wrong." Then her eyes flickered. "Say…"
"No," Fenris said.
"You get a pensio—"
"No."
"It can formalise your citiz—"
"No."
"Back off, Red. He's all mine!" Hawke said, pointing a thumb to herself. "He's got the highest kill rate in my team, plus eye candy!"
Fenris beamed inside.
"He has free time."
"I'm quite busy these days," Fenris said, winking at Hawke.
"This… is going to take some getting used to," Varric said uncomfortably.
"Fine, then I'm down to one recruit," Aveline said.
"Forget recruits. You just need to get some people in the community," Fenris suggested. "Hawke has helped a lot of elves in Kirkwall. You could get them to vouch for her character, and by extension, yours."
"Does that mean you'll come with me?" Hawke said hopefully.
Fenris sighed heavily. "Fine… I can't say no to you."
"'Cause Salad Teeth is so 'adora-ble'?" Varric said, leaning on him with mock love-sickness.
"Salad teeth aside… that is the long and short of it, yes," Fenris said, not flinching or moving away.
"Are you sure there isn't more? Did you sweep her off her feet, or was it the other way around? I wanna make sure I get all the details right when I tell this story."
"Oh, I swept him," Hawke said, flashing her eyebrows. "I swept him good."
Fenris snorted. "The only way you could have swept me is if you held me by the legs and tried to use me as a broom."
"Kinky," Varric said.
"Well, you are a witch…" Aveline said, looking down.
"Yeah, and speaking of, Happy Fists—are you… pro-mage now?" Varric asked.
What kind of question was that? That was personal. Not that he ever… kept those opinions…to himself… before…
"I'm pro stopping this inane prodding," Fenris said. He felt he had too much jumper on his neck.
"That's not what you said last night," Hawke said, squinting flirtatiously.
"Maker, so much gold here!" Varric said, getting out his notepad.
"That was a joke," Fenris clarified, leaning in to see what he was writing. Varric didn't let him. He definitely had too much jumper on his neck.
"I don't know…" Aveline said, crossing her arms. "Dominant women seem to be your type."
"Plus… the puppy eyes," Varric said.
"What puppy eyes?" Fenris said in outrage.
"Daisy says you look at Hawke with sad puppy eyes."
"Ha!" Hawke guffawed, then covered her mouth.
Fenris felt like he was falling through his chair in a hurricane of regrettable stuffed husky puppies. He death glared the entire room. "There are no puppy eyes."
Hawke shook her head very sarcastically. "Nope. He's the most ferocious beastie!"
"Objectified," Fenris protested. "I am being objectified."
"Well, you are kind of a tool," Varric said, looking down.
Hawke and Aveline giggled. Then the adorable one sat up. "Alright, I'll call on my contacts and we'll meet in the Alienage next Monday, round noon."
"Should I bring the posters?" Aveline said.
"What?" Hawke said. "Oh, you're serious. Sure."
Aveline looked nervously at Fenris. "Sure," he said tiredly, shrugging. "Standing next to that might make you seem more… mortal."
"That's what I was going for!" Aveline said.
"Bad puns and thought this was a good idea? You nailed it," Varric said.
As they got in the doorway, Aveline said, "Wait…" She looked very constipated.
"Guardsman Donnic!" Hawke said in fake excitement.
"Serah Hawke?" Donnic said.
"Here's your… thing."
"That's… not mine."
"It is now."
"Okay…"
"I-I can fix this… I need… I need three goats… and a sheaf of wheat," Aveline said, all swirly and chaotic. "You'll take them to his mother."
There was general stunned silence.
"It's a dowry tradition… Maybe it will smooth the process."
"I think my jaw just landed in the Deep Roads somewhere," Varric said.
"Not a word, dwarf."
"I wouldn't dream of mocking your…" Varric snorted. "… unconventional courtship."
"A dowry?" Fenris said, surprised. "Then… this is not about accusations?"
"No…"
And I thought I was bad, Fenris thought to himself. "She's courting the man," he said, a little sarcasm in his voice. "With a fear reserved for dragons."
"What am I to say?" Aveline said defeatedly. "That a grown woman can't speak her mind? I've focused on being Captain for so long, it's all I know."
"But… you were married, were you not?"
"That was… a long time ago. It was easier… or seemed to be."
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Hawke said angrily.
"This is my way of telling you," Aveline said tensely.
Hawke made a loud raspberry. "Yeah, at the very last minute! Who even is he? I don't know anything about him! What if he's in a cult? What if he's a pervert?" Then she spooked her own self. "What if he wouldn't even consider staying home with the kids?"
"We have kids now?" Aveline said irately, face-palming herself. "You know, I think I made the right decision keeping this to myself until last minute."
"I'm sorry, it's all so much so fast," Hawke said, gathering herself. "Alright. It's alright. I'm okay."
"No one was worried about that," Aveline said with a raised eyebrow.
"Please tell me you're joking about the dowry."
"I'm not joking."
"Ahh, remember the time when marriage was a transaction?" Hawke said with fake nostalgia. "So romantic!"
"I don't know what else to do!" Aveline almost yelled. "What… what did you two do? How did you… get there?"
Hawke and Fenris shared a look. "We're… not the best example."
Varric scoffed. "Yeah, he pulled her pigtails, she slapped him into the sea, and then BAM! Three years later, they're picking out pet names."
"I'm sorry, and who are you dating?" Hawke said meanly.
Varric swallowed nervously. "So, yeah. The Love Squad is here!"
"The Love Squad can suck it! You're no help," Aveline said.
"Just ask him out," Hawke said.
"I can't…. I'm his boss. It's… weird."
"You… have a point…"
"Does she?" Varric said. "You're Happy Fists' boss, and I don't see him pissing himself."
Fenris kept a straight face, but he was starting to sweat like mad. He'd spent way too much time drunk on love to even consider there was a real imbalance of power here. Furthermore, a superficial reflection on his recent night terror made this moment of enlightenment a veritable nightmare. He looked at his red wristband, and started to lose balance. He was even branded now. He caught onto Varric's shoulder, which the dwarf mistook for out of the blue, changed-man, brotherly affection.
"Yeah… that's definitely gonna take some getting used to," Varric said, looking at his shoulder.
Aveline ignored him. "It's not the same. Hawke is violently casual in the workplace."
"That's what it says on the coasters at the Hanged Man!" Hawke said proudly. "For a violently casual time, call Hawke!"
Fenris breathed as people went on talking. This was… no, this was ridiculous. Hawke and Danarius were like night and day! He touched mental index fingers:
a) She encouraged everything Danarius had hindered—questioning authority, always being himself, choosing what to do, when, where and how, not to mention taking pride in his heritage and connecting to his past
b) Boss didn't equal mistress (although he'd have preferred it if they weren't so close together)
c) A red wristband wasn't a brand; it was a love favour
d) He was not attracted to authority; he was attracted to intelligence, honesty, humour, open-mindedness, compassion
e) They both wanted to be equal and that was that.
Good. He breathed out.
"If the existing relationship prevents a new one, go somewhere where you're equal," Fenris said.
"Finally, something smart," Aveline said. "But… what? Just… go out somewhere?"
"What? Too simple?" Hawke said.
"Alright… Invite him to the Hanged Man."
"Me?"
"Just… tell him it's a gathering or something. Anything. Just don't involve me. He's not like the others… I don't want him thinking he's meeting the Captain."
"Guardsman Donnic!" Hawke said again.
"Serah Hawke?" he said tiredly. He had no more energy for politely accepting tchotchke crap.
"Wanna get a drink later?" she said.
"I'm standing right here," Fenris said sourly. He could totally beat Donnic up, he thought. It wouldn't even be a competition. He'd just have to tire him out, and that Guard armour would have done half the work. He'd probably be yawning throughout.
"The whole gang!" Hawke corrected. "All the Guards! I'll see you at the Hanged Man tonight."
"O… kay?" Donnic said.
Evening, The Hanged Man
Hawke was waiting with Fenris at a table. Everyone else seemed to be busy.
"Well, thanks for coming," Hawke said, pursing her lips.
"Like I was going to miss this," Fenris said, crossing his arms.
"Are you… jealous?" Hawke said, squinting and grinning.
"N-no, I am here… to support you," Fenris said, scratching the back of his neck.
Hawke pursed her lips and petted his bangs. "Thank you, honey bear."
"No," Fenris said, glowering.
"Ugh, you're impossible to please!" Hawke whined. "You pick out a pet name, then."
"You're not getting out of this one so easily."
"Okay, Veins."
Fenris went into his thoughts, because Veins wasn't going to do in public. But nothing came to mind. The only thing on his mind was the recent scare.
"D-did you…" he said, scratching his head. "Did you have reservations about us because of… our work situation?"
"Yes," she said, drinking.
"And…?" he said. "Did you get past it?"
"No, not really… I don't think I should. I mean, I should always remember where my power is, and therefore, not abuse it."
"Right."
"Did you… have reservations about it?"
"Yes… I think I still do."
"I think that's perfectly reasonable," Hawke said, rubbing his back. "If you ever feel like I'm overstepping my bounds, please tell me. And even outside of work, if you ever feel I'm doing something wrong or hurting you in any way or even if it's not about me, I hope you know it's safe to come to me with anything and we'll discuss it calmly like adults, and I'll be there for you."
Calmly like adults? Boy, was he excited about that. He hated drama. He was dramatic, much to his disappointment and irritation, and he couldn't wait to be calm and confident enough in himself to just be. His cold calm was not genuine; it was a learned defence, keeping at bay a hoard of metaphorical demons. But he had already started seeing the lights in the dark. Already believed there was more.
But that last part, the 'I'll be there for you', filled him with an immense warmth that almost scared him. And why wouldn't it scare him? He'd never known warmth. People feared the unknown. But he'd do anything for her. There was no confusion there. He was certain he'd take a sword for her any day or night.
"I will, Hawke," Fenris said, caressing her hand. He kissed it.
Perhaps he was feeling more on edge because the spotlight was on him now. Hawke had spent so much time running back and forth to him like a headless chicken, he'd resolved she was the angsty one. An entirely convenient turn of events, as far as he was concerned. But after Val Chevin, she changed. Her soul seemed to fit better inside her body. She was warmer, more confident, and, now confirmed possible, even more beautiful.
"But maybe you can think about it this way," she said, leaning in and whispering, "You're doing the boss. She may be a scary force of nature, but she can turn into a discombobulated little girl when the gloves come off. She may tell you when to show up to work, but you tell her when it's time to take her clothes off."
Fenris swallowed. "You… make an interesting point…"
"Serah Hawke," Donnic said suddenly, sitting down. He was wearing civies.
Fenris told his bottom half to calm down. The fact that Hawke could shuffle power so easily with vulnerability was an old concept that just took on new faces, and he was dying to understand now. She made it look so easy, and it wasn't. It was so hard. He couldn't fathom it for himself. He'd always hoped the stardust would rub off on him one day, and he could swear his arm looked shinier. Could one be both happy and terrified?
"Please, just call me Hawke," she said. "A drink?"
"A stout, please," Donnic said.
"Good choice," Fenris said.
"Am I… early?" Donnic said, looking around.
"You're late, actually," Fenris said, but then grimaced at his mistake.
Hawke came back with the stout, and saw something in the doorway.
"Excuse me," she said, looking awkwardly at them. "Hey! You're both… quiet men. Talk about… how nice quiet is."
Hawke came out of the Hanged Man and flicked Aveline's forehead. "What are you doing?"
"You said there'd be more people!" Aveline whined.
"Yeah, well… people are busy, apparently," Hawke said, shrugging.
"I can't do it," Aveline said, hugging her naked arms.
"Oh, come on, I'm there. Fenris is there. We'll double date!"
"No!" Aveline said. "What don't you understand? This can't be a date."
"Fine, then you're just seeing me after work and Donnic happens to be there."
"I don't know…"
Meanwhile, Fenris and Donnic were staring at their stouts.
"So…" Fenris said, looking at the water clock. "Do you enjoy being a Guard?"
"It can be exciting sometimes," Donnic said conversationally. "Then again, there are times I'm bored out of my mind."
"Hmph. Tell me about it."
"You were a Guard?"
"A bodyguard. On an ordinary day, I just stood by a door, counting the ceiling tiles."
"Gets old quickly, doesn't it?"
They both nodded, sighed, and looked away, counting the ceiling tiles.
Fenris saw Varric's deck on a nearby table and went to get it.
"Do you know how to play Diamondback?"
"No."
"I can teach you," Fenris said, and spread the cards quickly in a ribbon. Then he turned the first card up and rippled a wave through the spread.
Donnic was impressed, and held his chin attentively.
"So… you're really out of practice," Hawke said, petting Aveline's hair.
Aveline slapped her hand away. "Don't patronise me!"
"I'm not! I'm empathising, actually," Hawke said, crossing her arms and leaning on the wall. "Since Andrei, I've been a hot mess."
"Well, if there's a hot mess to empathise, it's Fenris," Aveline said, chuckling.
"Oh, yeah. I'm glad he's worse," Hawke said, snickering. "Makes me look like a fucking heartbreaker in comparison!"
"Good point…" Aveline said, thinking and leaning on the wall too. "Donnic's never been married before."
"See," Hawke said, hitting her gently. "You already have more wisdom and experience."
"It doesn't help. It's like I forget all of it when he's around."
"Yeah, it's hard to think when all your blood is rushing south…"
"I don't even know why," Aveline said, shrugging. "He's not the smartest, nor the handsomest. But he's… something. He's not like the others."
"I know what you mean…" Hawke said. "Fenris used to be a terrible flirt, scared of any affection and, let's not forget, a judgemental little shyte."
Aveline chuckled. "I know."
"But he's… something. He's different. He's…"
"Sensitive?"
"Yeah!" Hawke said happily, then became pensive. "And funny and cute and thoughtful, generous, romantic… family-oriented…"
"Aww," Aveline said with warm eyes. "You love him!"
"Shhht! Andraste preserve me," Hawke whispered in alarm. "If he hears that, there will be a Fenris-shaped hole in that wall!"
Aveline laughed. "I doubt it."
Hawke scoffed.
"Look," Aveline said, coming off the wall. "I may not be an expert in dating—"
Hawke's eyebrows met in a quick realisation. "No one in our group is."
"Huh," Aveline said, thinking. "You're right… Wait, no. Isabela?"
"She doesn't date. She fucks."
"True," Aveline said. "Well, there you have it. No wonder we're terrible."
Hawke blew air up her bangs.
"Anyway, I may not be an expert in dating, but I am an expert in love," Aveline said, touching her chest. "And I know men in love. That man in there is in love hard."
"Okay?"
"I saw him at the market this morning buying flowerpots and colourful candles."
Hawke's mouth just opened, processing that unlikely image.
"Come on, Hawke," Aveline said. "He has logged more hours with you on duty than Varric ever has. He does everything you ask him. He brought pie. He brought scraps. He calls you something like out of a romance novel—"
"Well, that's just his language."
"And let's not forget, he went 'Fereldan'…"
Hawke broke into little cackles. "That was so fucking funny."
"When are you gonna tell him that's made up?"
"Never."
"So mean."
"I'm sure when he figures it out, he'll teach me a lesson."
"Ah, I see. You thought it through."
"Mhm!"
"So…" Donnic said. "Do you enjoy being a mercenary?"
Fenris thought about it. It was very exciting. Even when nothing was happening, he had a great view from the back. But he really wanted to help Aveline, so he stirred the conversation in the right direction. "I have a great boss."
Donnic looked at his cards, nodding reflectively. "That's very important."
"I should think Aveline's better than your old boss," Fenris said.
"Miles and miles better," Donnic said, smiling a little. "She takes care of us; we take care of her."
"That's how it should be," Fenris agreed. But then he got curious, and a little insecure. "How do you… uhm… guys… take care of her?"
"Oh, you know, little things," Donnic said. "Brennan makes her a special tea for her back ache. Gregory makes her sausage rolls when she stays late."
"Don't you have cooks?"
"She lets them go home early."
"Hm," Fenris said, smiling a little. "What about you?"
"Me?" Donnic said, shifting in his seat nervously. Then he scratched his ear. "Nothing as thoughtful, really. I read the news to her in the morning."
"I think it's thoughtful," Fenris said. Donnic was not a transparent man, but then again, Fenris had experienced a recent boost in perception, and perception sang the sweet song of love. "She gets angry when she reads the news."
"Yes, that's why I do it," Donnic said, chuckling. "She seems to take it better from someone else."
From him, specifically. Poor guy. He didn't even see it. Fenris felt a little superior in that moment.
"I guess you're right," Hawke said, sighing. "He told me he wants a kid, you know."
"What?!" Aveline said, bending over, then straightening and containing herself.
"If you come inside, I'll tell you the rest of the story," Hawke said, flashing her eyebrows.
"Alright," Aveline said defeatedly. "But that better not be some ear-bait fake news."
"The only ear-bait fake news I tell people is that we fought a dragon in the Bone Pit."
"But we did fight a dragon in the Bone Pit."
"It was a teen dragon, and you know it. But I just say dragon. People assume. It's become a tourist attraction!"
"I heard. You've changed fortunes for a lot of people."
"Eh, it's not much. Trade's gone to shit because of the Qunari. I've had to raise the miners' salary twice in the last year."
"Let me guess. That comes out of your pocket, not Hubert's."
"Yeah… But hey, I'm this close to convincing him to pay for a company party!"
"Orlesians…" Aveline said, shaking her head. "Speaking of which, you better tell me everything."
"Sure, I'll come by tomorrow… if you stay for a pint."
"Fiiine." Aveline let herself be pushed in. She looked sick to her stomach and a little dizzy.
Hawke came in all the way through.
"Welcome back," Donnic said inattentively. "Aha! And… I win! I won, right?" he said excitedly.
"Yes," Fenris said grumpily.
"Hey… cuddle sticks…" Hawke drawled.
"No."
"Can you get me a brown ale please and a whiskey for Aveline?"
"Alright."
Donnic stood up absent-mindedly as Aveline came to the table. "Captain."
"At ease," she said, and sat down all poker-faced. "I'm just Aveline here."
"Alright…" Donnic drawled, sounding like he was at a contest and wasn't sure what the right answer was. "… Aveline."
Hawke sat next to her and held on her knee supportively. The other one was having a crazy spasm.
"Here you go, ma adorae," Fenris said, giving her the ale, then skated the whiskey across the table.
"Thanks," Aveline said, constipated.
"Aww, what does that mean?" Donnic said.
"She's my adora. The one I adore," Fenris said, sitting down next to him.
Hawke sighed and whispered to Aveline, "This is gonna happen every time and I'm gonna look bad."
Aveline snorted shortly. "Yeah, but how good does he look right now?" she whispered.
"How nice," Donnic said, then looked weirdly at Hawke. "And you call him… cuddle sticks…?"
"No," Fenris said sharply.
"He hates everything I call him," Hawke said defeatedly.
"Try harder," Fenris said, drinking.
"It is hard!" Hawke cried. "You set the bar so damn high with your Maker-damned romantic language! I'm from Ferelden! We call each other 'numpty' or 'sweetie' or 'buttercup'."
"No, no, and, also, no," Fenris said.
"Ughhhhhh," Hawke said, face-kissing the table. Her head came up with bangs all up in the air. "Fen Fen?" she offered.
He was about to speak, but he frowned instead and seemed to think about it.
"Fen Fen," Aveline said, sniggering to herself.
"'Where you goin', Hawke?'" Donnic pretended. "'Oh, just goin' to see my Fen Fen!'"
Aveline closed her eyes and nodded, trying not to laugh. "Go with that."
"That's more of a name-name," Fenris said. "What does Fen Fen even suggest?"
"That you're so fucking adorable I wanna die?" Hawke said. "And then I might… because I called you Fen Fen."
Fenris chuckled. "That is very us."
"Awesome," Hawke said. She came up and ruffled his hair and said, "Who's the cutest most ferocious Fen Fen?"
Not one muscle danced on his face.
"Should I go shopping for a funeral suit?" Donnic said.
"Yes," Fenris said, glowering.
"So much for that," Aveline said, drinking.
"I'm not saying no…" Fenris said, blowing air up his ruffled bangs. "But I'm not saying yes either."
"Putting a pin in it," Hawke said. "Oh! Pin Pin?"
"Stop stop," Fenris said, brushing his bangs fastidiously.
Donnic looked at Aveline, who proceeded to down most of her drink. "Shall we all play Diamondback together?" he said.
"Oh, yeah!" Hawke said.
"Not a good idea," Aveline whispered, coughing.
"Right, no, oh… Maybe later. You two play. I've got a story for Aveline."
"Very well," Fenris said, getting the deck and looking at Donnic. "You're going down."
So, Hawke made up a story about Val Chevin based on real events. They met two shiny Orlesian guardsmen, whom they subsequently helped with a sting operation to deter illegal trading of Qunari sex toys. Fenris's jaw clenched as he overheard, but he kept a straight face, while Donnic dropped his cards.
"Wait… what?" Donnic said, his head popping back up from under the table. "Since when are those illegal?"
"You know of them, guardsman?" Hawke said, smirking.
"I know… of them, yes," Donnic said, coughing.
"Well, the ones we were after, they were like… super toys," Hawke said with owlish eyes.
"Super toys?" Donnic said, a little scared.
"Yeah, like laced with oceanic substances that feel incredible but could potentially melt human skin off and-and… they had a magic rune of lightning inside that made them vibrate at dragon speed!" Hawke said dramatically, then thought she had to check if such things existed. And if they didn't, she had to patent that shit up.
Would it even be funny to ask the Arishok? Probably not. That man looked so damned unhappy. He needed someone to sartoh-nerahppan him good. Maybe Isabela was free?
"Whoa," Donnic said, looking mindblown. "If those become a thing… what use do you ladies have for us, anymore?"
Fenris looked insulted. "What?"
"Well, you know…" Donnic said, shrugging. "You could be Joe Calenhad and still, how can that compare to a rune-powered machine?"
"You use it on her, genius," Fenris said. Then realised what he blurted out. "People. Some… people use it on… other people."
"Holy Andraste," Donnic said, chuckling. "Did you keep one for yourself?"
"Of course not," Fenris said, touching Hawke's hand. His voice softened. "I don't want her skin to melt off."
Hawke took his hand. "Aww, thanks, Fen Fen!"
"Aw, you guys melt my heart," Donnic said, looking at Aveline. "Don't they, Captain?"
Aveline stared for a minute. "I need another drink," she said in tones so tense it couldn't look more obvious. Perhaps because he still called her Captain.
"Okay…" Hawke said. "Get me a water, then."
"Water?" Fenris said, frowning.
"Water?" Donnic echoed.
"What?" Hawke said.
"You will have gone through half the bar by now," Fenris said.
"I may not know you very well, but everyone knows Hawke drinks like an animal," Donnic said.
"Half the bar? Like an animal?!" she said in outrage.
"Sorry… you're not an animal…" Donnic said, coughing. "An… an enthusiast of… of fermented flora, if you will."
"Aha," Hawke said grouchily. "I'm cutting back on the flora."
"Here's your… water," Aveline said, coming back. Then she drunk the whiskey like it was water.
"Tough tongue, Captain," Donnic said like a burly man reporting for duty.
Still holding hands across the table, Fenris shot Hawke a telepathic look. Was this how he used to flirt?
She pursed her lips, closed her eyes and nodded.
"You know, Donnic!" Aveline said, shifting rapidly in her seat and looking… not at Donnic. She stomped the glass back on the table. "They do warm my heart! You know… in-inside the chest—inside my chest… my chest… hole. Which isn't really a hole so much as it is a… a… a… a pocket of many little pockets with holes in them... Much, uh… much-much like heartworms, but with experiences." Like a storm, she looked up at the ceiling and almost shouted. "I thought! ... I thought nothing could melt my worm pockets anymore, you know… ever since Wesley, my husband—sorry, my ex-husband—no, sorry, my dead husband." She held three fingers to her forehead while Hawke and Fenris's eyes were coming out of their sockets. "But-but looking at these two…" she said, waving a little too hard in their direction. "It-it's like… it's like looking at unlikely animal friendships, you know," she whispered, cringing profusely.
"Thanks…?" Hawke and Fenris both said.
"So even though, hic—" Aveline blotted her mouth, then repeatedly bumped her worm pockets. "Even though I'm something of an atheist of… of sorts… it's okay! It's uh… it's more than okay, really, because… because I… believe in miracles!"
She wasn't even trying to be condescending or passive aggressive. It just came off that way. What she was trying to be—if she was trying to be something—would unfortunately remain a mystery. She probably didn't even know herself.
"Mhm, miracles," Donnic said amicably, rubbing the back of his neck. "And-and the heartworms of course… being… uhm… cured?"
"So cured!" Aveline almost yelled, trying to drink what was no longer there. She stomped the glass on the table once more, got herself up, straightened all police-like, and sauntered out of the Hanged Man in silence.
For a few moments, no one moved or said anything.
"Did I… uhm… did I upset her?" Donnic said.
Hawke cleared her throat. "No, no. Aveline just hates goodbyes."
"We… don't notice it anymore," Fenris lied. "I… uh… I hate goodbyes, too."
"Yeah, he just springs up and leaves without a word," Hawke lied, puffing in mock-offense.
"Right…" Donnic said, confused. "Shall we… finish the game, then?"
So, they went on playing, while Hawke started reading something. Where did that book come from?
"Ha!" Donnic shouted. "I win again!"
"Beginner's luck," Fenris grumbled.
"Twice in a row?" Donnic said, smirking. "I don't think so!"
Now Fenris knew how Varric felt all those years ago. Donnic was going to become a smug son of a bitch if he won a third time.
"What are you reading?" Fenris said, trying to distract from Donnic's very lucky victory.
"Swords & Shields," Hawke said, shuffling the pages.
"Isn't that Varric's new serial?"
"Yup. I think this is just a draft."
"No way," Donnic said, his eyes doubling. "May I?"
Hawke gave him the book. Donnic read the first two pages and a little from the third. "Oh, I wonder who this is based on."
"You think they're based on real people?"
"Of course. We all have bets on who's who in Hard in Hightown."
"I saw the term 'Guard-Captain' more than once. Maybe it's based on Aveline?"
"Oh, this is going to be gold!" Donnic said excitedly. "Can I borrow it? If I'm the first to read it, I'll get ahead of the game."
"Sure," Hawke said. "Just return it to Aveline when you're done."
Donnic froze for a second.
"You still want to get ahead of the game, right?"
Donnic's hands danced the book around until he finally set it down and tapped on it. "Yes."
Evening, Hightown
"Hey, sorry tonight was a flop," Hawke said, scratching her head. "I think I told people the wrong date."
"Don't mention it," Donnic said, smiling a little. "I had fun. Plus, I do better in small groups."
Fenris fell… in a different kind of love. Bro love. "Let's do it again sometime," he said. He was going to win. Quiet man Donnic was a fucking Diamondback machine and he was going to best him one way or another.
"Ooh, I'm off Friday. We could go to Pancakes Around The World!" Donnic said.
"I've always wanted to go there!" Fenris said.
"See you there at three?"
"I'll be there."
Hawke watched, dumbfounded, feeling completely and accurately left out. They didn't even invite her.
When Donnic went up the stairs to the Keep, Hawke crossed her arms and said, "I was standing right here, you know."
"Oh," Fenris said, scratching his head. "I mean, of course you're invited."
"No, no," Hawke said, very amused. "You two really hit it off. Have fun on your pancake date."
"It's not a date," Fenris said, chuckling. "But he seems alright."
"He really does," Hawke said, looking up after him.
"So, what… was that… all that?"
"She's scared."
Fenris sighed. "I understand."
"Are you scared?"
"N-no."
"It's okay to be scared, you know. I'm scared too."
"Really?"
That wasn't good, was it? Hawke's mad rooster confidence was the rock they'd been building this relationship on!
She sighed and embraced him. "Well, yeah. It's you. You… have quite the spell on me."
"Oh, the irony," Fenris said, grinning.
"Yeah, seems to be a running theme with us," Hawke said, winking.
He chuckled, and groaned to himself. "I suppose feeling bad things is easier when it's shared."
"Sitting with it, like I said," she said, smiling with half-lidded eyes.
He wanted to let out a big sigh. The truth was always there, that she was smarter than him. Regal his intelligence over others all he wanted, he couldn't altogether understand her thought process. She had always been a blinding light to him.
"Anyway, we'll try again tomorrow, I guess," Hawke said defeatedly.
"I'm invested now," Fenris said determinedly. "She needs to lock him down."
"Why?" Hawke said, chuckling.
"Because then we can all go to the opera."
"Right… Right… Fidelma."
"Fidelius."
"That one."
"It's alright. She's got time. It's not on for another couple of months, I think."
"We could just go to a different play—I mean… opera… that's on sooner."
"I've looked through the schedule and I don't think you'll very much enjoy what's on right now."
Aww, she thought. He'd already looked and disapproved for her. He could be so thoughtful.
"Hey, who cares? If you enjoy it, I'm coming. Wait… is it because I'd comment on everything I don't like as it happens?"
Fenris looked amused, shaking his head. "You comment on everything whether you love it or hate it."
"Yeah…"
"It's not about that. I want you to enjoy it too. I want you discombobulated by a piece of art."
"Ah, you've seen my discombobulated face and now you want more."
"Exactly."
"Did you find out anything useful?"
"Yes, in fact," Fenris said, grinning and crossing his arms. "He is totally into her."
"Did he tell you that?" she said.
He scoffed. "He didn't have to. He reads her the newspaper in the morning. Moreover, every time I brought her up, he either smiled or got incredibly fidgety."
"Aww!" Hawke said, wrapping her hands at the back of his neck. "You're a real love detective."
"I'm a quick learner," Fenris said, kissing her forehead. "Would you like to come to mine?"
"Ooh, is this a quickie or a sleepover?" Hawke said excitedly.
"I don't do quick."
Evening, Fenris's Mansion
Hawke looked at the chaos in his room and was all kinds of happy teeth. "You're messy!"
Fenris brushed his bangs. "I forgot I left it like this…"
"That's alright…" Hawke said, and slowly walked towards the bed. Then with a fury, she swept everything away. "Ah shit!" she said, realising there were flower pots in the air about to turn into dirt and shard bombs.
Fenris almost had a heart attack, because he had already named the flowers. The violet one was Viola, the pink one was Renata, the yellow one was Megara and the white one was Pacicula.
Viola and Pacicula were about to smash into his fireplace, and the rest were closely behind. There was a high-pitched clink and a small cracking sound as they hit the stone, then they became suspended and vibrating in the air.
"Fuuuck, that was close!" Hawke said, her hands raised in the spell. "Quick, get two of them off! I think if I move my hands, I'll drop one."
Fenris took away poor Viola and Pacicula, while the others flew across the room to his windowsill. He walked there and reunited them. Good. He breathed.
"Sorry, I got carried away," Hawke said, brushing the back of her hair.
"A very rude welcome into their new home," Fenris said, shaking his head.
Hawke bent over. "Sorry, flowers. That was my fault. Your daddy would never hurt you like that."
"I'm not their daddy," Fenris said in a bitchy voice.
"What are you then?"
He touched Renata gently. "I don't know. Their… water god?"
Hawke briefly pictured him as a merman, and was weirdly turned on.
"Okay, Aquarius," she said, tossing a turquoise candle in the air.
"A fine name," he said, becoming all smug.
"Oh, alright. What are their names then?" she said, pointing the candle to the flowers.
Fenris breathed and sighed. He went one by one. "Viola… Renata… Megara… Pacicula…"
"Ha!" Hawke guffawed, and covered her mouth. "Not their daddy, my arse."
"Shut up," Fenris said, taking the candle out of her hands.
He went on putting the candles everywhere he wanted and asked Hawke to light them. It was starting to look pretty nice in here now. Then he put away the clothes and the supplies.
When he came back, Hawke had the husky toy on top of her head, sitting in a lotus position on his bed.
"And who's this widdle friend?" she said childishly.
Fenris scratched the back of his neck. "He was… supposed to be for you."
"For me?" Hawke said, the pup falling off her head. She caught it and petted it. "Aw, why?"
"I don't know," Fenris said, sitting down next to her.
"Does he have a name?"
"You give him a name."
"Oof, I can't. I need to get to know him first. Catch his essence, you know. Can you tell me more about him?"
"Alright," Fenris said, chuckling to himself. He took the puppy out of her hands. "Well, he's uh… he's from Ostwick," he said, nodding along. "He's zero years old. He just got rescued from being stared at by a million eyes all the live long day, while spending his nights shmooshed in an old bag with other unwanted toys."
"Aww, poor wee pup," Hawke said, petting the doggie.
"But, uh… now he's got a new job. He's to watch over someone important," Fenris said, raising the pup with a smouldering look. "And if she's threatened, he will go raaaaaawr," he vociferated softly, making the little husky 'bite' her all over.
Hawke stayed poker-faced for a second, then broke into laughter. "Holy shit, you're too cute."
Fenris smiled a little. "So, what name shall it be?"
"Captain Finufaranel!" Hawke said.
"Venhedis," Fenris said, laughing. "I knew that would come back to bite me one day."
"Bite you all over!" she said, taking the pup and pretending to bite him everywhere, "Raaaaaawr!"
Fenris chuckled, closing one eye when Captain Finufaranel came for his head. "Alright. You take good care of him, now."
"I will," Hawke said, then thought about it. "Shouldn't this have been a wolf?"
"They didn't have—" Fenris said, then became annoyed. "It's a gesture, you anus," he said, kissing her forehead. "Now help me change the bedding."