The new black, grey and dark green chequered bedding was now on his roofless four-poster bed. Hawke thought he should see her four-poster bed sometime, and what she was installing on the upper panel. But all in good time… She jumped on the bed and threw away her armour parts. "Baptism complete!" she said.

Fenris put one knee on the bed and threw away his armour parts. "There's no baptism until I see some water," he said, grinning with his eyes.

"Woof," Hawke said flirtatiously. She felt like the luckiest gal alive. And yet, something was missing. It was getting harder and harder to ignore it.

Fenris slowly lay on top of her, bringing her arms up above in his and kissing her in a sweet, lazy aura. He was getting more comfortable. Not comfortable enough, but she tried to stay grateful. She had never had the attention on her like that, not in such a meaningful way. She had always wanted someone who could be as dedicated as she was. The guilt was creeping up her heart like a motherfucker.

It didn't take long for both of them to get activated. She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. She kissed him harder, he kissed her harder, she bit his lip, he stuck his tongue into her mouth. It was all very nice; except she knew what was going to happen next. She would lose herself in a little madness and move her arms down, either on his back or his arms. He would unravel his red wristband, take her hands away and tie them up above her head.

At first, she thought 'Mmm, kinky', but by the third or fourth time it happened, not so much. It felt like a prison, and not in a good way. It felt like despair that she couldn't express herself in full force, show him her affection, love him all over. Fenris had suddenly become two people in her eyes. There was the adorable, seductive, devil-may-care Fenris, or Happy Fenris, if you will, and then there was Blue Boy Fenris, the distant, cautious, traumatised Fenris. They were both there above her, and she fucking hated him.

No… she didn't hate him. She hated the markings and the palpable aura of trauma defence that their creator had caused him. She hated them with a passion, hated the prison they held him in, hated how thin the bars were to his soul. He didn't even need to be naked. This was torture enough. There was so much soul in him, and she could see it with her naked eye, and she couldn't touch it. She wanted to scream and break something.

Then he'd kiss her all over and take her clothes off, except for her top, as promised. He'd go down on her, give her the throwing half-lidded slut eyes, then an orgasm or two later, he'd impale her with fake Veins. It was nice, of course, it was all very nice. It's not that there was no closeness, because his eyes were mostly preoccupied with her face. He was Mr Close and Personal. It was so obvious he wanted her, and not just the pretty husk that contained her. It was just… she was the doll that felt all things, and he was the fucking untouchable one.

It all started with a gauntleted hand, then he let her touch his hair, then he held her hand in earnest, and then… three years later she had the whopping access to lips, tongue, back of neck and, if lucky, arse. It was frustrating! Sure, it was sexy, the whole forbidden thing, but such things had lousy expiration dates. Nothing could compare, like truly compare, with the universal timelessness of makin' love.

Perhaps he felt the same. She hoped he felt the same. That he was being held back. That he wanted more. That there was a thing as too much control. That touch her all he wanted, he couldn't altogether touch her soul, and it was killing his. She'd hoped one of these days he'd have enough of that.

And so, in her impertinence, she lost a little of her own control and, as he put a foot on the bed and hit her sweet spot like mad, she raised her foot and touched another part he'd kept back from her. Fenris immediately groaned and his head fell back a little, then he regained himself and went on. She insisted and rubbed her foot along him, and finally, he was losing a little control. She was going to turn this into a dance he'd catch a taste for. He kept fucking her and groaning softly and his eyes kept closing. As soon as her legs trembled into the boom, he let out a fully voiced moan as if he had been holding onto it forever and he fell on top of her.

They both breathed in and out, his head buried in her shoulder.

"Fuck you, Hawke," Fenris murmured, almost hatefully.

Over the years, Hawke had been carefully cataloguing the many voices of Fenris. It may have seemed like they were all the same, because they largely surrounded the same caustic emotion, but her ear had picked up on the differences and adjusted her attitude accordingly. There was the professor voice, the arrogant voice, the angry voice, the grumpy voice, the whiny voice, the passive aggressive bitch voice, the Mr Tin Man Golem voice and the Sarcastic Sister voice. People were used to that. Later came the bitter voice, the sad voice and the flirty voice. They came largely behind closed doors. Then, more recently, there came the deep and seductive voice, the sadistic and horny voice, and, perhaps the best of them all, the soft voice.

But this one in the moment, this one was new. She couldn't quite place it anywhere. It was slow, deep and singularly violent—like a whip you didn't see coming.

"That's not what your face said," Hawke whispered nonchalantly. "Actually, it said the same thing, but the tone was miles more pleasant."

Fenris came up, and she could have sworn he looked sad for a moment. "I'll go get changed," he said softly.

Before he disappeared, Hawke sat up and said, "Did I do something wrong?"

Fenris stopped himself and touched the wall, thinking. "No…" he said softly, closing his eyes. "It just took me by surprise." Then he was gone.

Hawke sighed a big sigh and got under the covers. She didn't even know if she should feel like a champion or a criminal.

When he came back in his black jammies, whatever pain or hurt was inside him had vanished, falling through the cracks.

"Look who I found," Fenris said with a little smile, coming to bed with Captain Finufaranel.

"Aw, is he gonna watch over us as we sleep?" Hawke said, seeing him place the pup between the ornate indentations of the headboard.

"'Tis his duty," Fenris said, sitting down.

"'Tis?" Hawke said, chuckling and crossing her arms under her head. "My, my, you're really going Fereldan these days."

"Problem?" Fenris said, smirking.

"Nary at all," Hawke said. "You know, Fereldans make a big deal out of their birthdays."

Fenris lay down on an elevated pillow. "Is that where all the dumb rooster confidence comes from?"

"Dumb?! You're asking for a beating, Vint."

"Calm down, Reld."

"I will be. Very soon. I've bested you before."

"See?" Fenris sighed with a smile. "Your name shouldn't be Hawke. It should be Cock."

"Ha! You think your glacial ravenness is better, Vint?"

"Not at all, ma adorae," Fenris said, touching her face. Then he turned his head back and closed his eyes. "Now, less dumb? That's an entirely different question."

If they did ever have a kid, she hoped they would have more rooster in their veins, just for balance. Devon was born a raven and she had a feeling nothing and no one could take that away. And why should they? It was just another way of being.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Fen Fen. You're going Fereldan."

"I don't think I'll ever be that hard up."

Hawke broke into little snickers.

"What?"

"I beg to differ."

Fenris thought about it. "Oh… that," he said, smirking a little. "I suppose I'm very Fereldan… for you."

"Hehehe," Hawke said childishly. "That's what we like to hear, my handsome Vint."

"I am very handsome," Fenris said, chin in his hand. "Then again," he said, crossing his arms under his head. "I'm from Seheron. Which would make me your handsome… Hero." His smirk was reaching his homeland.

Hawke made a puking gesture.

"Problem?" Fenris said, coming on his side. He held his head up. "I can't be your handsome hero?"

"Please continue to be handsome!" she said, then pointed at herself. "But I'm my own hero."

"I think people can be each other's heroes," he said, looking into her eyes.

A softness came over her, and she smiled a little. "You're right about that."

"I'm always right."

"Ha! Are you sure we're not married? Seems like your last name is Cock."

"You wish."

"Do I?"

"Please. You wanted to make me Mr Hawke since I found you sleeping in that dingy estate."

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"I was being ironic."

"And yet," Fenris said, waving around at them in bed. "Woe is you, Irony."

"Ha! You know what that means…?" she said, smiling playfully.

"What…?" he said softly.

She came to his face, hypnotising him. Then she said, "I'm gonna see you dance like an animal on your birthday."

"Ha. No," he said, turning on his back.

"Oh, yeah," she said, stabbing the air with her index fingers. "You're gonna be waving your dick around, singing at the top of your lungs, and breaking shit around like a mad anarchist."

"Keep on dreaming, ma adorae."

"I am a dreamer. And dreamers get what they want. I got what I wanted in Val Chevin. Kirkwall's next, baby!"

"Val Chevin's easy. Kirkwall's hardcore," Fenris said, turning his head to her and smirking. "… baby."

"I'm hard of core, baby!" Hawke said, kissing his forehead and turning her back. "Night night, Fen Fen."

"Night, Cock."

She kicked him in the shin. He laughed a little too eagerly, and his arm came around her.

She took his hand and sank into her thoughts. She didn't want to be like him. She'd spent so much time in a prison of her own making, well-intentioned though it might have been. It ate her alive, it dissociated her from reality, it made her forget all the good things in her life; people, experiences, happy memories. She had fought with it for years climbing up that awful mountain and it was time to change again. Her belief in a better ending carried her through her new life in Kirkwall and, on the whole, it had given good results. Follow the damn fairy lights! Size was nothing if not deceptive.

Fade Time 1÷ 0, Dreamwalk Village

A classic melody was coming from her house. An Orlesian lady singing of her lack of regrets. But Hawke couldn't enjoy it, because Crowley and Ravena were still not speaking to each other, and it seemed Murmur and Bucky were fighting now, too.

"Come on, guys, you will have made up by now," Hawke said, looking at them all sitting alone on different pieces of furniture.

"I'm all for it," Crowley said, widening his arms on his sofa.

"Dream on," Ravena grumbled in her armchair.

"First a matchmaker, now a couple's therapist," Hawke mumbled to herself, sitting down on an ottoman in the centre so as not to take sides.

"Long day?" Murmur asked from a bench, a little passive aggressively.

"Yeah," Hawke said, chuckling. "You saw the pub scene, didn't you?"

"My-my chest hole, which isn't really a hole but a… a… a… a pocket of holes, much like heartworms but-but with experiences!" Crowley said dramatically, falling on his side laughing.

Ravena started huffing and smiling to herself.

"There we go, that frown can go upside down," Crowley said to her.

"Don't flatter yourself. It was the human who was funny," Ravena said.

"So hurtful," Crowley said, shaking his head.

"So, why are you not making up?" Hawke said, tapping her knees. "Come now, sharing is caring."

Crowley looked at Ravena. She crossed her arms and looked in another direction.

"And now you know as much as I know," Crowley said, pursing his lips in a fake smile.

"It's just because they've got less and less to watch, so they fight more," Murmur intervened. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I miss those Maker-damned, brainwashing moving pictures."

"Sorry about that…" Hawke said. She had started closing the blinds more often. "There's more and more… private stuff."

"Don't be sorry," Bucky said, their pink head coming up from their hammock. "You have your own life to live."

"Yeah, the sexy life," Ravena said, flashing her eyebrows.

"Ah, remember those days?" Crowley said pensively, looking far off ahead. "Seems like a distant dream now."

"Stop it," Ravena said sharply.

"Yes, dear," Crowley said sarcastically.

"I'm with Crowley," Murmur said, rubbing her ears. "The decibels were more or less the same, but the tone used to be a lot more harmonious."

"Be like Crowley then and go fuck yourself," Ravena said.

"Hey, don't talk to her like that," Bucky threatened.

"I thought you were on my side," Ravena said sourly.

"I am on your side," Bucky said, annoyed. "But you're making it difficult."

"So that's why—" Hawke said, pointing around innocently at the disjointed gathering. "Okay."

"Growing pains," Ravena said, looking away.

"Yeah, like a cancer," Murmur said resentfully. "You couldn't just trash your relationship and mind your business. You had to take a hammer and break mine too."

"What relationship?" Ravena said, laughing. "Holding hands and riding the swings?"

"Oh, go back to the Cave, you ignorant bitch!"

"Stop it! Both of you!" Bucky yelled, almost falling off their hammock. They came up next to Hawke. "Belleth just made a lot of progress last week and you're not going to take that away from him! We have to stay together and look after each other, even if we're fighting. Now stop being hateful because I don't like my voice like this!"

This was true. Bucky never raised their voice. That was a big selling point for Murmur.

Hawke came up and hugged them. "It's okay, man."

"Not a man," they grumbled on her shoulder.

"It's okay, genderqueer event."

Bucky started laughing. "Yes, my gender is quite an event."

She finally understood the joke.

"For sure," Murmur said, chuckling.

"A walk?" Hawke said to Ravena.

She looked at Crowley and eventually came up. "Yeah, I need some air."

When Ravena passed her, Hawke looked back and Crowley was pleading with his hands tiredly.

Fade Time 1÷ 0, The Cave

"So, Bucky's nice, aren't they?" Hawke said as they walked to the cave.

"They're not my type," Ravena said, rolling her eyes.

"I meant that they took your side."

"Ah, yes. There's one smart cookie around here."

"I'm glad you don't feel alone."

"I could feel less alone if you took sides once in a while."

"I can't do that, Ravena. But I can understand your side. That's what I'm here for."

Ravena sighed. "Bucky is nice. They don't deserve this shit."

"Aww," Hawke said. "Maybe you should tell them that."

"Maybe," Ravena said. She looked down. "I just hate Murmur. She thinks I'm being 'lazy', and cowardly and stretching out my 'transformation process' to its extreme. And now she's got Crowley thinking that too."

"Wow, what a bitch," Hawke said, thinking about it. "What does Bucky think?"

"They think you can't rush these things. That it has to be my choice. That means more to me than it will ever mean for them, than they can understand."

"That's mighty compassionate of them."

"Yeah," Ravena said, chuckling bitterly. "The youngster surpassed me fast as lightning."

"You can't rush these things," Hawke said, touching her shoulder.

A corner of Ravena's mouth smiled. "Thanks."

"You wanna… come with me?" Hawke said at the entrance of the cave. "I don't want to be alone in there."

"I haven't been here in a long time," Ravena said, entering and looking around. "But it's as spooky as I remember it."

"Girl, your house is the House of Horrors."

"I like the ambiance."

"It's nicer in the village, isn't it?"

Ravena sighed. "I suppose."

They moved along the rocky corridors aglow with veil fire until they reached Ruelle's hole. They couldn't see her, just her shadow. Likewise, she could only see their shadows.

"Who's there?" Ruelle said. She sounded like a child and her shadow looked like one too. That was really hard for Hawke. She wanted to help her, but she never found the right words and Ruelle would eventually become entirely possessed by Hawke's regrets. It never went well for either of them.

"It's just us," Hawke said.

"Is Crowley with you?" Ruelle's shadow asked.

"No, no," Ravena said. "The next best thing."

"Bucky?" Ruelle said hopefully.

Ravena grunted. "My name's Ravena. I'm a…" she said, looking at Hawke. "I used to be like you."

"You sound regretful," Ruelle said.

Ravena sighed. "A little."

Hawke touched her shoulder. "You don't have to stay if it's unpleasant."

Ravena pursed her lips and thought about it. "So… uhm… child… what do you do in there all day?"

"I draw pictures in my head," Ruelle said, spinning around. "There's no need for me to leave."

"What do you draw?" Ravena asked.

"Oh, uhm… animals and plants," Ruelle said. "And pretty stars."

"Do you like rainbows?" Ravena said.

Hawke watched eagerly. Why hadn't she thought of this before?

"I like rainbows!" Ruelle said.

"There's a big, big rainbow above Dreamwalk Village," Ravena said. "And stars, and a deerfox and lots and lots of trees."

"That sounds nice."

"There's also a big lake you can row on. But you have to ask Bucky first, because they live there."

"Bucky's nice."

"They are…" Ravena looked at Hawke. "There are also houses. Our houses. You can have your own. Whatever you want."

"Ooh, like a round observatory?" Ruelle said excitedly.

"Anything you want, child," Ravena said. "You just have to step into the light."

"No…" Ruelle said hesitantly. "No, that would be bad."

"It's not bad, I promise!" Hawke said.

"I felt the same when I came here," Ravena said. She rubbed her arm. "I just wanted to forget I existed. The cave was comforting."

"It is comforting. If I come out, people will get hurt again," Ruelle's shadow said, looking down.

"No one can hurt us, child," Ravena said. "No one can ever hurt you again, either."

"You sound hurt," Ruelle said.

Ravena grunted. "I am in pain, yes. But… it's growing pains."

"Growing pains?" Ruelle said, confused.

"Not all pain is bad," Hawke said. "It just takes time. Take all the time you need."

"You sound… different," Ruelle said.

"Do I?"

"Yes. You're weird."

"You'll have to be more specific."

"She's just been touched by love, child," Ravena said, smirking. "That helps a lot."

"There's a lot of love here, between all of us," Hawke said. "You'd never miss out."

"Love hurts," Ruelle said in a small voice.

"It does," Ravena said. "But Hawke's right. Not all pain is bad."

"Why?" Ruelle said. "How can it be good?"

Ravena hesitated and looked at Hawke, who was also a little emotional. She sighed and paced around, her eyes becoming wet.

"I don't know, it's just…" Hawke said, thinking. "I've hurt a lot over the years, and I can't say I recommend it. But it's made me into the person I am now. A broken person putting themselves back together. The pain forced me to look at myself and… love myself. There's just no other answer! I've always had a lot of love for people, but… that didn't help me have love for myself," she said, rubbing her arm. "No one can really heal that pain. You just have to learn to love yourself, the way you are, and just be there for you. Let other people love you too, because they can see you are wonderful when you can't… Even if you didn't turn out how you expected. I didn't turn out how I wanted, but I think I turned out how I needed. My pain taught me to look at the world differently, see people's pain differently. No one's a monster, but just someone who was hurt and made some mistakes. It taught me to forgive my own mistakes. It taught me that it's never too late to try. I think I'm a better person for having gone through that hell."

Ravena watched her and her eyes became a little glassy. She looked up and contained herself. "She's right, you know. A curse can turn into a blessing."

Then, both of their jaws dropped as a dark-haired little girl with purple eyes and a dress made out of darkness came out of the hole.

"If I hurt people again, will you take me back?" Ruelle said, looking up at them. She was so identified with Hawke, no wonder she couldn't convince her before.

"Yes, I promise," Ravena said. "I will take you back myself."

"Are you guys alright?" Crowley's voice came from the entrance, just a shadow himself.

Ruelle ran ahead and they followed. She bulldozed straight into him and hugged him.

"Oh, uh, hi, Ruelle…" Crowley said, and looked up ahead to them. "What is happening?" he mouthed.

"I got her out," Ravena said proudly, looking at Hawke. "We… got her out."

Night time, The Fog Dream

Dreaming Fenris followed the two-headed rooster and the pounding semantron to the theatre. He got there much faster this time, because there was… a very unsettling, readied growl filling his ears. He did not see where it was coming from, and he did not want to be outside if it decided to show itself.

Inside, the non-faces were on him again as he entered. Presenter Hawke was beating the instrument way too hard with a wooden… blue-marked arm and a leg.

"Ladies, gays and they's…" Hawke said, a little tiredly. She threw the blue limbs hard in his direction, and he ducked just in time. "Welcome to our play, The Most Important Thing!"

Scene 1

Puppet Hawke and Fenris held hands on the roof of his mansion, talking about the soul. She showed him her broken heart, and he showed her his. She saw one of the shards dangling out and tried to put it back in him, but he took it out and parried with it.

"I'm not made out of glass," Fenris said.

"I know, jackass," Hawke said, disarming him. She put the shard back in his heart. "There. You've got to take better care of your heart."

"I know," Fenris said bitterly, looking down.

Scene 2

Many suns and moons wheeled in the Kirkwall background.

Hawke and Fenris were sparring amicably with brain shards and bantering flirtatiously. Then Fenris took out a heart shard and said something hateful about mages.

"You know what… Fuck you!" Hawke said, and kicked him in the groin. Fenris fell face-down.

Scene 3

Many more suns and moons rotated.

Fenris and Hawke were sitting on the floor of his bedroom. He was taking figurines out of the role-playing game box he'd found in the attic.

"Oh my Maker, can we make out already?" Hawke said, lying tiredly on the floor.

"Be serious," Fenris said, preparing the board.

"I am serious!" Hawke whined.

"Why would you even want that?" Fenris said, taking out a short elven figurine with long hair and exaggerated features.

"Because you're wonderful," Hawke said, sitting up.

"I make you mad half the time. I'm not even human and I'm homeless." He flicked the elven figurine to the ground.

Hawke came forward and straightened the figurine. "Humans are overrated. So is property law."

"I still make you mad." He took out a human woman figurine whose maker thought it was natural for breasts to be the size of flotation devices. There was not much armour, nor clothes on her for that matter. He made her strike down the elf.

Hawke came forward again and picked up the elf. "I understand where that comes from. I don't like it, but I understand."

Fenris looked down. "I don't like magic. But I understand mages. I understand you. I try to. You have nothing to fear from me."

"So, it doesn't bother you?" Hawke said.

"No," Fenris said. "It's my everpain that bothers me."

"It's easier when it's shared."

Fenris scoffed and put the elf in a nest of dragons. "You don't want to share that burden."

"Ha! Try me," Hawke said, throwing the human in the nest so hard it knocked them all down. "I've gone through some pretty hardcore shit myself."

Scene 4

Hundreds of suns and moons came and went.

Fenris kissed her in her mansion, and she ran away.

The curtains fell.

Fenris kissed her near a fountain in Antiva City, and she ran way.

The curtains fell.

Fenris kissed her in The Hanged Man, she stayed a bit longer, then ran way.

"I thought you said you're 'hardcore'," Fenris said after her.

"It was getting too hardcore!" her voice came from a distance.

The curtains fell.

Scene 5

The scenery changed to a starlit street in Val Chevin.

Hawke opened her coat and the cracks in the broken heart started to illuminate the entire theatre. The light blinded him and then the scenery changed to the Garden of Thorns in the Fade. The sad Qunari pan flute started to sing.

Myriad of puppets came on stage. The unsettling sounds of a darkspawn horde came in the distance. Carver suspended himself from a tree, while Bethany and Daniel stayed on a branch. Malcolm and Leandra were on either side of Hawke, whose face was buried in her hands as she kneeled. She was in a black cage with ten swords impaling her back. The heart cracked so loudly it almost distorted the visual field. Holly and Devon were playing, their backs turned from the scene. Crowley was creeping behind Malcolm in concern, Ravena was standing guard at the mausoleum, Murmur was holding her head in pain and Bucky was crying loudly. Up above the cage, a red shadow of a lady grew larger, while behind her, the biggest of them all, the black shadow of a man loomed over like a great demon about to eat her.

Hawke screamed the worst scream in the world as her ex-husband's shadow swallowed the entire theatre. When the light came back, the cage disappeared and the bloody swords flew out of her back and imprisoned her in a circle. The mortal puppets disappeared. There were only tombstones around, while Bucky continued to wail and despair.

A puppet Fenris came out of the mausoleum, and came in the circle the spirits made. The five of them took two swords out each and threw them on the ground. They all looked inside their pockets and put shards in her broken heart.

Hawke still wouldn't come up.

Fenris looked inside his pocket and grunted. He took out shards from his own heart and put them inside her. All of a sudden, wings sprung from his back. The likeness of him came out from behind, the dark-haired winged one. Dark Fenris gently touched his shoulder and made him turn around. He held out his hand and Light Fenris reluctantly took it. Dark Fenris took his hand to his big shiny heart and both organs started to shine bright pink, infecting his markings and making them purple. He let him take out as much as he wanted and put it in himself. It seemed not to matter, because Dark Fenris's heart regenerated just like that. Then he flew up and away as Bucky stared in fascination.

Fenris kneeled next to Hawke. "Come now. We still have to find her," he said, taking her hand.

Hawke uncovered her face. "We?"

"You heard me," Fenris said.

The curtains fell.

The puppet audience stood up this time, clapping, cheering and whistling like mad. Dreaming Fenris started clapping too, and it sounded weirdly wooden. He looked down at his hands, and a chameleonic dizziness made him fall back on his feet. His hands were puppet hands.

"That's all folks!" presenter Hawke said, coming onto the stage. "Stay tuned for our next great play—whether the Patriarch likes it or not—Can You Feel The Sun?"

As the clapping became louder, the unsettling growl from outside became louder. Dreaming Fenris didn't even care anymore. He stared in horror at his hands, looked past the audience in a window, and saw his puppet reflection. He ran out of the theatre.

The growl followed him through the forest, as if it was right behind him and about to eat him. But there was no animal after him. Just the theatre puppets turning into wolfhead shadows and beating him to the ground. Why couldn't he escape them? Why couldn't he fight here? He wasn't even real, was he?

He looked down on his side when one of them took the arm out of his socket. It wasn't a blue-marked arm anymore. It was bare and much smaller.

Then the oxwoman shadow came and destroyed them all. Her feet stomped the ground and turned a fallen wolfhead away as she picked up his wooden arm. She came over him and held out her hand again.

The unsettling growl became so loud it was coming right behind her.

"Maraas shokra, Le—"

Then came a great biting roar.

Fenris woke up screaming and covered his face. "Venhedis!" he growled. "Fasta vas!"

"I got'em… fuck'em up!" Hawke said incoherently, springing up from her pillow.

The roaring and growling dominated his ears in an disquieting inertia. He covered them, but it didn't help.

He saw Hawke violently jump out of bed and raising her palms in front of the fireplace. They trembled as the candles came up in the air and came together in a messy stack. A few fell to the floor. "Fucker!" she cursed, and led them out the room. A few minutes of furniture moving passed and she came back, taking his hand. "Come with me."

The safe space on the roof got an upgrade. Besides furry rugs and blankets, there were colourful candles alight, the new plants were on a long ottoman with Captain Finufaranel guarding them and someone finally thought pillows were missing from the equation.

"You okay?" Hawke said, laying down beside him.

Fenris had an arm over his eyes. "No," he said flatly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know…"

"Can I hug you?"

Fenris let out a big sigh. What the hell. "Okay."

Hawke made him sit up and put a leg over him and encased him in her. She wrapped her arms around him tightly. It hurt, but he didn't care. He took her by the hair and waist and buried his face in her shoulder. He couldn't hear the growling anymore. Just some dog howling in the street.

"It's alright… it's okay…" Hawke said softly. "You're okay."

"I'm not," Fenris said, shaking his head. His voice broke a little. "I'm not okay."

"It's okay to not be okay," Hawke said, putting her hand in his hair. "You're safe now. I'm here with you. I'm not going anywhere."

Fenris tried to stop breathing so much, because he was about to cry. He trembled and swallowed the flood—barely—but he didn't let her go. He hugged her tighter and brought more red hair to his face. It always smelled like desserts.

"Your… your hair's loose," Fenris said, touching it softly.

"Yep," Hawke said. "You like it?"

He let her go and she turned her back to him, making a wave through it. It was going to sweep the ground soon.

"You haven't cut it since you came to Kirkwall," he said, combing through it with his hands.

"I haven't cut it since before the Blight."

"Why not?"

Hawke turned around to face him and her hands went along the length of her hair. "Because it's a hair of years."

She was even more beautiful to him. How was that possible? It really didn't feel like an exaggeration. Moreover, a palpable sense of deja-vu enveloped him.

"Wouldn't you rather forget those years?" Fenris said, looking at her split ends.

"I don't want to relive them, but I don't want to forget either," Hawke said, looking at her hair. "It's just… a hair of years. This is where I still had my whole family," she said, holding her split ends. Then she moved up a chapter. "This is where I got to Kirkwall. Then this is where I met you…" she said, looking into his eyes. "And then these loose grey hairs are what you've given me ever since."

Fenris laughed. "Oh, no. I'm sorry," he said softly.

"It's okay," she said, chuckling. "It adds character."

"It's beautiful," he said, brushing through it and looking into her eyes. "You're a very beautiful woman."

Hawke smiled and then made a little grimace. "Yeah, I don't know."

"Liar," Fenris said, smirking.

"No, I mean…" she said, looking down and thinking. She looked up at him. "I don't think I'm entirely…. woman."

Deja-vu City.

"It's happening," Fenris said, holding her face. "Merlin and the Qunari sex toy engineers got to you."

"No," Hawke said, chuckling. "I've always felt like this."

"And how is that?" he said, a little worried now he had to take her to Markham.

She looked up at the stars and sighed heavily. "Like… I don't know. Like sometimes I'm a girl, and then sometimes maybe I'm both, or neither."

"So, you're non-binary," Fenris said.

"Learned that word from the lizards, did you?" Hawke said, chuckling.

"No… From Ravena, actually."

"Oh. Well, cool," she said, quite surprised. "Bucky's non-binary. Agender, last time I checked. Ravena is… genderfluid, I think. She turns into a guy sometimes."

"And you are…?"

"I don't know. Chaosgender?"

Fenris laughed. "That's very you."

"Is that okay, then?" Hawke said with a little smile.

He nodded. "Just be you." Then he frowned. "Should I be calling you something else?"

"Nah," Hawke said, looking at the sky. "I can't keep up with my own gender, let alone expect other people to. That shit's for established people. It's just… I wanted to let it out, even if I don't quite understand it."

"You could get a body harness to reduce your…" He coughed. "Buxomness."

"I suppose I could de-buxomfy—"

"Not a word."

"It is now."

"Okay," he said, laughing.

"I suppose I could de-buxomfy once in a while. I'm already quite gender non-confirming. But I don't want to cut my hair."

"You could get a wig, I suppose."

"No thanks, but wow. I didn't think you'd be that supportive."

"Hey, I am a man of pride. All I care about is having something to discombobulate you through."

"Ha," she said. "That part I have no problem with. Qunari harnesses just seem very fun."

Fenris earnestly believed—and feared—that having all the fun Hawke wanted would complete her long-coming transformation into Mad Rooster Supreme. Kirkwall may not be able to take that amount of chaos. "Duly noted," he said, sneering.

Hawke lay back down and crossed her arms under her head. She kept grimacing.

"What now?"

"I don't know. I just have a hard time believing this conversation was real."

"Maybe you're dreaming."

Hawke made a raspberry. "My dreams are much better than this."

"Ouch?" Fenris said. He was quite hurt by that.

"No offense, Fen Fen. Kirkwall just can't compete with Dreamwalk Village."

"Kirkwall," Fenris said, scoffing and rolling his eyes. The nerve on this clown. "I'll show you how good Kirkwall is, just you wait." He'll show her so well she won't be able to walk for a week. It was happening. He decided.

"Oh, my. I awoke the big bad wolf."

Fuck that wolf.

"No. You awoke Fen Fen," he said confidently, climbing on top of her and widening his arms. "Handsome Hero," he said, then slapped the air seductively, "And Destroyer of Chaosgender Pussy."

"Ho!" Hawke guffawed. "Fen Fen is dirty."

"Problem?" Fenris said arrogantly, coming down to kiss her.

Morning came and Hawke was in her teal t-shirt and smallclothes, suspended from the upper bar of the bed and doing sit ups.

"Good… morning," Fenris said, frowning.

"Great, you're up!" Hawke came down. "Let's dance!"

"No."

"I won't take no for an answer!"

"Non."

"Nice try, that's just fancy Vint for no!"

He grunted profusely as she took him out of bed. She started singing some made up happy tune.

Fenris rubbed his eye. It did not occur to him that spending more time with her meant more annoying habits to discover. "Did you drink all my coffee or something?"

"No, I'm just happy!" Hawke said, and started singing and tapping her knees. "My friend Jake is a big gay drake! Is a big gay drake-akakah, a big gay drake-akakah! My friend Jake, oh just watch and wait! He'll show you a good time-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Oh, he'll show you a good time-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"

He looked up and cracked his neck. "And the chaos continues…" he mumbled.

She took him by the hands and spun him around and he started laughing and he bumped into some candles. She took him back and said, "Come on, it's easy! Do what I do."

She turned her head from side to side and her arms went everywhere they wanted.

He made diagonal lines with his arms.

"Yeah, like that! Fly, my bird of paradise!" Hawke said, tapping her knees again. "My friend Jake, is a twelve-tone steak! Is a twelve-tone steak-akakah, a twelve-tone steak-akakah!"

"Your friend Jake, wants you a shower to take," Fenris sang grumpily with finger pistols in the air. "He knows it's a good time-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah... He knows it's good time-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah…"

"My friend Jake, makes a big gay cake!" Hawke sang with her eyes closed, clapping and spinning around him. "Makes a big gay cake-akakah, a big gay cake-akakah!"

He took her by the arms and danced her out of the bedroom. "Your friend Jake, says for Maker's sake—"

"Hey, where are you taking me?" Hawke said.

"To show you a good time-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah," Fenris sang in a fake happy tone, spinning her hard so she landed in the bathroom. "To show you a—" He closed the door on the outside and yawned a big yawn.

The door banged. "This isn't over," it said.