TW: Mentions of SA, ableism. All the -isms, really.

It was the day. It was the day. It was the day. Maker, he was sweating.

It was the anniversary of his escape. Every former slave had one, and it was the most important thing to celebrate. But Fenris never did. Unless locking himself inside his mansion every year and drinking until he blacked out counted as celebration.

He thought of the years before, how he'd spent that day. The first anniversary in Kirkwall, Hawke had disturbed him. It was around the time they locked horns pretty badly about mages. He had almost joined an extremist group to vent away his feelings. He was so lost.

"You!" Fenris said drunkenly, pointing his finger at her.

"'Tis me," Hawke said. "Are you… trashed?"

"You!" Fenris said, thinking it was the first time he'd said it. He flung his arms in opposite directions. "You with your fancy hair and your fucking words!"

"Fancy hair?" Hawke said, chuckling. "What words?"

"All-all… all the words!" Fenris said, crossing the air with his hands.

"You'll need more of those to make some sense," Hawke said, raising an eyebrow.

He grunted. "You! Why am I giving away my wine to a clown mage?" he almost shouted. "It was supposed to be for special occasions!"

She flinched a little and slowly wiped her eyebrow. "I was wondering when you'd start spitting on me."

"Yeah, you wish," he said confidently, hands on his hips.

"I'm leaving."

"Go, then."

"I am."

"That's right. Out the door. Take your fancy hair and all your words and blah-blah-blah your way out of my life!"

He thought of the second anniversary in Kirkwall. He didn't see anyone. He definitely didn't want to see her. She was the only thing on his mind and he got used to a friendly face. Then the memories would come, and the nice face would morph into a sickened and angry one. The guilt crept around his neck like a leash. He went to a different bar and picked a fight. That one went splendidly. He took a marvellous beating and he could finally sleep.

And now the third in Kirkwall; the sixth overall. He wanted to tell her the whole story. He was determined to. He fought all his natural instincts. He put on his new favourite black ribbed jumper, lit up all the candles, brought an Aggregio Pavali and got out the fancy glasses. But Hawke was late. She must have been held up with the elves or the Qunari. It didn't matter. She was late, and his anxiety was through the roof. He had thought about it the whole day, rehearsing how he'd say it, steeling himself for all possible reactions. He was fidgeting with the red wristband.

But no matter how much he made cold, violent peace with the thought of Hawke breaking up with him, time's arrow marched deeper and deeper into his heart.

So, he went back to the cellar.

Hawke had a long day. Barely any job coming before Val Chevin, and then all of a sudden five thousand people were asking for her, including her own friends. Everyone seemed to be having major problems at the same time. She wasted a lot of the day looking for the elves she helped, but they had vanished off the face of earth. At least she had Jethan. But he was… Jethan.

She had also found out that there was a position in the Keep for an elven representative to one of the council nobles. Shocking! Right? No, no, no. What was shocking was that the so-called elven rep was always human. If that wasn't outrageous enough, the last three years had seen no elven rep at all, human or otherwise. Nobody wanted the job!

She had wasted the rest of the day whipping the Viscount a new one, and the Senechal threw her out. The Viscount went after her though, and reluctantly asked if she would become the elven rep. The nerve on that guy! She was thrown out of the Keep after that.

Why were people such idiots? It wasn't like she was a genius. But it didn't take a genius to understand elves should speak for elves. Fenris said it, and it clicked. When she repeated it, why didn't it click with other people? What were they afraid of? That they'd take over Kirkwall?

No. Of course not. They feared the great approaching tide of complaints about the rampant racism, the crumbling infrastructure, the awful sewer system, the abysmal working conditions, the alarming abuse in the workplace, etc, etc. They'll want more rights. The nerve on them! Shouldn't they be grateful with what they have? All thirty by thirty of a dingy ghetto?

Hawke tried to stop thinking about it because getting all political wasn't the ambiance she was going for in this night of nights. Fenris wanted to tell her about his past, and she was going to give him her full attention. She was eighty-percent sure it was going to be a major bummer story, so she came ready with wine and a Redcliffe pudding.

When she came into his room, Fenris was barely sitting in his chair. He was mostly on the outside of it. Myriad of empty bottles lay scattered on the table, Aggreggio or otherwise.

"Holy shit, you're mega drunk," Hawke said, a little amused and a little worried.

"I am not!" Fenris said.

"Can you keep both eyes open at the same time?"

Fenris proceeded to travel, as determinedly as he did chaotically, through about seven different attempts to keep both eyes open. "Okay, you caught me!" he whined babyishly.

"No!" she gasped sarcastically, then became a little worried. She looked at her wine bag and decided to hide it in another room.

"No… where you going, marmadore?" he said softly with an arm after her.

"Loo!"

"Ugh, I'm left unsupervised again," Fenris whined, his head banging against the armchair.

Hawke came back with a coffee and pudding.

"You're so considerate," Fenris said, his eyes closing. Then they opened violently. "See, you've always been just so…" he said, grimacing and slapping the air with both hands.

"Considerate?" Hawke said.

"Yes!" Fenris said, his head falling backwards as he pointed at her. He was also falling out of his chair.

"Okay," she said, containing her amusement. "You wanted to tell me something."

"Oh, no Hawke," he said, climbing up again and holding onto the arm of the chair. "I don't want to just tell you something." His eyes closed and, with a bit of delay, his index finger shook in the air. "I want to tell you everything."

"Everything?" Hawke said, calculating in her head. "How much time do you really spend on your hair?"

Fenris's eyes closed and his chin disappeared into his neck, and… forgot to respond, possibly.

"Go on, how much time?"

"What I've said before, plus zero."

"Which was…?"

"I don't remember!" he said, chuckling.

"What's your secret, then?" she said, holding her chin evilly.

Fenris snorted and, with one eye open, shook his index finger in her face. "No, no, no, no, no… I know what you're doing. I see you, I see your…"

"You've got to start finishing sentences, Fen Fen!" Hawke said, chuckling.

"I'm sorry," Fenris said with a sigh. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I will be great," he said, taking the coffee.

"Careful, that's hot!"

He drank it, then stared at the cup. "I'm going to feel this tomorrow," he said, then drank more wine.

"Sweet Andraste," Hawke mumbled to herself. "So, what's today?"

"Today!" Fenris said.

"Is…?"

"The anniversary of my escape!"

"Oho! And so close to your birthday!" Hawke said excitedly. "Forget the 27th! This should be Fenris month!"

"I am Fenris, and this is my month!" he said happily, slipping down the chair to get to the bottle again. "Astia valla femundis!" He came forward with the most unsettling, crazy smile. "Care to hear the story?"

"Ooh, yes please," Hawke said. "Make it as long as possible."

"Why?" he said, chuckling.

"I enjoy hearing you talk."

"Hm," he said, grinning. "There are few pleasures greater than speaking with a beautiful chaos woman."

"Oh, yeah? You know some?" she said, smirking.

He came forward in his seat, holding on his knees. "Oh, I've gleaned as much, and more."

"Woof," she said.

"Alright," Fenris said, his professor voice taking over. "Let's see…"

6 years ago, Seheron

The sea wind blew through Fenris's hair, his eyes glued to the coming shore. He hated being on a ship and he hated the cuisine that came with it. But the last hour of the journey he'd spent it on the surface, just taking in the island from afar. It was a massive green thing, the shore lined with hundreds, perhaps thousands of tall narrow stone buildings. The pointy roofs competed with the giant tree canopies, while the base was filled with little stone roads, stairs and bridges. If Tevinters did anything just right, it was infrastructure.

As they came closer to shore the smell of tea and incense infected the crew. Everyone was talking about getting a brew. He noticed some things were different here, even though it was a Tevinter settlement. For one, the multicoloured tapestries everywhere. For two, there were a lot more animals around. It wasn't just horses and drakolisks, but people walking around freely with dogs, lizards, snakes, birds, monkeys, even a tamed Komodo dragon.

The third, and most upsetting one, was that the Tevinter roads did not so much connect settlements as they did mines, labour camps and zones of control. It left the islanders incredibly divided, trade completely controlled by the military and the natives forced to work for them. Danarius had told him there was heated disagreement amongst the islanders and mainlanders over who truly belonged in Seheron. It was not just a war to fight with Qunari, but with the natives themselves, some of whom preferred to become deserters, either to the grey ones or to the Fog Warrior rebels.

"Trust no one here," Danarius said to him. "Unless I tell you in person what I want, don't believe it, boy."

"Yes, master," Fenris said. He tried to keep up with what Master was saying. He could talk all the live long day. But he found it quite difficult here. He was coming home. No, correction; that's what he hoped he would feel. His eyes went on every house, every person sitting in a window, every porch, animal and slave. He kept hoping they would give him a sense of something. Anything. But it all felt foreign and unknown. It didn't feel like home.

"You want a drink?" one of Danarius's hired guards asked him, pointing back to a pub. It had a big pink parrot wearing a little admiral hat sign above the door.

It was always confusing when he worked with squadrons on foot, because more often than not he was the only armoured slave. When his armour parts were down, he was confused for a domestic slave. When they were on, he wasn't confused for a hired guard, per se. Only human slaves got that privilege. But with some time spent together, the Soporati would start treating him nicer. Danarius would have kept him on a leash 24/7 if he could, but when he was surrounded by danger, he couldn't afford the luxury. Fenris much preferred these situations. It made the Master treat him nicer, even defer to his judgement and compliment it.

"He doesn't," Danarius said. "Run along now. You will be in the courtyard at sunrise at not a minute later."

"Yessir," they all said and saluted, going to the bar. Fenris felt incredibly jealous. He really needed a drink right about now.

Danarius didn't tell him where they were going or why, but Fenris could safely guess. Master wasn't a military magister, but House Danarius competed for monopole as a major military supplier. His father had built an empire out of his grandfather's mining circuits in the High Reaches. He bought out mines in the Hundred Pillars, then went on to buy out almost the entire smithing process between Marothius and Minrathous. Danarius III did not much care for the family business and he didn't have to. He looked down on it even, because "a Soporati could have done it". He had enough people to run it for him. What he cared for was politics, the fine arts, and, his true passion, magical research. Neither of these were a tourist attraction in Seheron. It must have been a military buddy of his who invited him on some ancient site he 'discovered' during conquest. Which means, it was ransacking time.

When they reached the dig and saw the bombarded Ancient Elven doors, he knew he was right. He was very happy to be there, away from the city, where nothing was coming to him. Away from all the nothing.

At the time he didn't understand how wrong it was that Danarius used him to ransack elven ruins. He was just happy he was out of the leash, and treated at times like an expert. Of course, Danarius already had an Ancient Elven expert, a human woman mage named Livia. She knew the language and the history and such, but there were times when she would go on with the lore in front of a puzzle and Fenris had already solved it, or found a way around it. Danarius would mock Livia and praise him instead. "No amount of knowledge can beat the blood of ancients coursing through his veins," he'd say proudly.

"I have nothing but respect for the Ancient Elves," Danarius once told him in his office. "A people surrounded at the time only by savages managed to go so high they left behind self-sustaining magical devices. What makes the Imperium tower through the millennia is that we know how to learn from other peoples' victories, and from their mistakes. It's how we've kept up with the Qunari at every turn. We've studied their spoils carefully and made even better weapons out of it. Progress, my boy! It's all about progress!"

Danarius was all about progress. The advancement of magic was the most important thing. He was loved and hated by many. His biggest public achievement was co-creating a magic pen with a former Paragon nominee that could write on its own via dictation. Many Tevinters were opposed to international and interracial cooperation, as were the dwarves. But their idea hit the market like lightning. Why invest inordinate amounts of time and money teaching people as slow as slaves to scribe when you could make them do what they're best at—manual labour—by assembling the parts of the new and shiny magic pen? It landed him in the Minrathous Times' Top 100 Influencial Tevinters of the Dragon Age. He posed with the Archon for a portrait. He didn't need daddy's influence. He was a self-made man, he'd say.

But nothing satiated Danarius. He had all the money he and his three next generations ever needed, and it wasn't enough. He was a veritable workaholic. There was always something new to discover, to study, to create, or rather, to re-create, only better. He had a restless mind and always needed a project. Fenris couldn't help but empathise, but he also felt resentment. He didn't have a conduit to his mental restlessness. The only thing he had was his role, and his role wasn't intellectual. At times it wasn't even exciting. So, he really enjoyed it when it was time for a bit of puzzles, desecration and that sweet demon decapitation.

There was another reason he was very happy to leave Minrathous. The news of the ancient ruin couldn't have come at a better time. Danarius had started to think about Fenris's future, or rather, the future of his bloodline. He wanted another specimen like him. He complained day and night of the ineptitude of elven blood, and non-mage blood for that matter, and he thought Fenris was special. After all, he was the one who survived the ritual. He wielded the power of the markings with excellence and finesse (Fenris disagreed). Danarius said it was like they were made for him. He was told time and time again what an important thing it was that they were bestowed upon him. That it was a blessing. It was a gift. It was an honour. He did start to feel special as a result.

But Fenris had always wondered why he was chosen for this honour, when it seemed like the Master hated him from the beginning. He was so bitter and almost angry. Everything he said or did was wrong. He didn't even know what he did wrong. He did everything he asked of him. He must have done something wrong before the ritual. But that didn't answer his question. It was never going to be answered.

Either way, Danarius wanted more, so he procured him a "specimen of feminine excellence". An elven slave named Caecilia, one of his nephew's governesses. Fenris was to do his duty to the Imperium and spawn another special soldier. He had done everything Danarius asked of him. He didn't want to make him angry. If it wasn't lashes, it was threats of blood magic. Angry Master was a cruel master. He was a big fan of ironic Qunari practices, so he'd give him a choice of being or, failing that, making him into a blood magic puppet. Years ago, Danarius showed him what that was like when he had the gall to hesitate fulfilling his… other duties to him, and Fenris never wanted to be in that position again.

But faced with Caecilia, trapped in a slave quarter for an hour, he was unable to fulfil this duty. They were both just trembling messes. He didn't want to sleep with her, she didn't want to sleep with him. He didn't want to rape her. He couldn't do that to someone. He was sick to his stomach just thinking about it. He was going to have to go through the blood magic compulsion again. All of it, it was all just awful, he said to her and they were going to be punished and he didn't know what to do anymore. He had become so agitated he couldn't even see straight.

Caecilia told him to make the noises and pretend they accomplished the task. But the deception wasn't going to last. They were doomed, he said. They were bad people. They were selfish people. They had to make it right by their master. But Caecilia had a plan. She'd get pregnant by her secret boyfriend and pretend the child was his. Then her family would be safer with the Master's favour. Fenris worried that with them gone to Seheron, the timeline might not match, but he tried to forget about that. He needed to impress Danarius today and make him forget about his other failings.

"Venhedis! Nothing works on this thing!" Barnabas said angrily. They'd been at it for half an hour trying to find the key to the floating book in the ruins.

"This is much, much older than I thought," Livia said, her eyes glued to the writing under a statue.

"How old?" Danarius said.

"Way before the golden age of Arlathan. Those doors don't even have magical gears. It's just a golden structure with interlocking vine channels that I suspect should start moving if we find the password."

Fenris didn't have time to look at anything, which frustrated him. Every time the humans failed, he had to fight a horde of demons. But when Livia took the time to think aloud, he went to the door she was talking about.

"These are real vines, you say?" Fenris asked.

"Yes. It must be from a time when they primarily used nature magic."

Fenris turned on his markings and put an arm through the vine channels. He'd had little luck penetrating lifeless objects, but something with a bit of life in it? It was Penetration City. He stepped in, hoping he wouldn't come out the other end in three pieces. It certainly hurt as if he did, but he made it in one.

"Good work, my pet!" Danarius said.

Fenris followed the secret passage up a few stairs and made his way to the top. He came out on the other side of the book floating void. He found a lever that triggered a bridge from Danarius to it. But it awoke the screams of more demons and corpses. He came down on the wall, holding onto a bas-relief, jumped back and grabbed on the edge of the bridge and came up to get the book and help the others.

Now in much fewer numbers, they made their way out of the ruins. There were quite a lot of human corpses towards the entrance, and a hail of spears attacked them. Bombs started to go off under their feet and they were surrounded by Qunari forces. They overwhelmed them so badly, the fight was over in minutes. They were all wounded, in chains and about to be put in a caravan for re-education.

"Do something!" Hadriana growled before they put a muzzle on her.

What could he do?

"Anaan esaam Qun!" Fenris said to them.

"Maaras imekari," a Sten said. He was a child bleating without meaning.

"Asit tal-eb," Fenris said. "Ataash varin kata."

Half an hour later, he was only chained by the hands and riding next to the driver.

"You are not like them, then?" the Sten said.

"I am from here," Fenris said. "They took me from you."

"You are tainted, Viddathari. You will need to be re-educated."

"Asit tal-eb."

"Maraas shokra, Viddhathari. Anaan esaam Qun."

An hour later, the antaam came off for a break. Fenris kept talking to the driver until the others went a little further. Then he took his chained hands and put them into the Sten's heart. "Drive away. Now."

"No slaves," the captain's assistant said. Bombs were going off in the distance.

Fenris limped back out without a word.

"That is unacceptable!" Danarius cried. "Let me speak to the captain! Now!"

"No."

"Do you even know who I am?"

"This is Seheron. It doesn't matter who you are."

"Do something!" Danarius said curtly to Hadriana.

"You can't talk to him like that!" Hadriana said, coming into the boy's face. "When I get to the mainland, I'm going to sue you. Not the ship company. You, specifically!"

The boy looked at her lazily and finished chewing his bread. "Would you like to be thrown out?"

"We're not going anywhere without the slave," Hadriana said, glowering at him.

"Bye-bye, then," the boy said, and beckoned to the crew to take them off the ship.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Danarius said, defending his face. "I will give you a thousand gold if you take us!"

"No slave," the boy said.

"Fine! Just take us!" Danarius cried.

"Hurry up, then."

Fenris held onto his bleeding ribcage and felt like fainting when he saw Danarius leave the shore. Danarius looked like he was about to faint too.

Venhedis. He had no money, no one who could heal him and no master to speak for him in a world of humans whose eyes were not at all welcoming. He took to the forest and lay down against a tree, trying to take out the arrow from his ribs. He just started bleeding more when he moved it and the pain was so excruciating, he fainted.

When he awoke, a brown human with a topknot and a shaved tattooed lower scalp was looming over him. He had a vertical line of blue war paint under each eye.

"He's waking up!" the man said.

He hurt all over. He was sure he was dying.

A brown human woman with the same kind of dark topknot but long hair came up in his vision. She had the same blue war paint.

"Avanna," she said.

"Avanna," Fenris said in a husky voice.

"Na via lerno victoria!" the man said happily, holding out his hand. "My money, Aura!"

"Yeah, yeah," Aura said tiredly. "What's your name, kid?"

"Fenris," he said.

"Marius," the man said. "You were quite dumb to go into that part of the forest."

"I'm not from here," Fenris said, which made him hurt in a whole other way.

"Don't listen to him. Marius is full of shit. You attracted the tigress I had it in for," Aura said, showing off her new tiger poncho. "Thanks for that!"

"You look very nice, amata," Marius said a little sarcastically. "Tiger is so in right now!"

"I know!" Aura said, throwing her hair back.

Who the hell were these people, and why were they acting mentally ill?

He'd lost consciousness again and again and again. Every time he woke, there was either Marius or Aura looming over him and giving him medicine and changing his dressings.

When he finally found the strength to get up, he got out of the tent and saw humans going about their evening routines. A fog surrounded the area in the distance. Marius and Aura were sitting around a fire singing with other people.

Fenris went to them and kneeled. The singing stopped.

"What's he doing…?" Marius said to Aura.

"Thank you for my life, Master Marius, Mistress Aura," Fenris said. "I shall serve you well."

"No, no, no, no, no," Aura said, coming up from her log and making him stand. "We don't take slaves."

"Very well," Fenris said, looking around. "Would you give me directions to a city, please?"

"No, I meant, we don't do slavery," Aura said.

"Yeah, fuck that!" Marius said.

"Very well," Fenris said. "I still need directions to the nearest city, please. My master will be looking for me, please and thank you."

Marius and Aura looked at each other. "You want to go back?" Aura asked, as if he was crazy.

"Yes," Fenris said.

"Vishante kaffas," Marius mumbled to himself, coming up to him. "Look… uh… Fenris, is it?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you sit down with us and have a cuppa, eh?"

Fenris hesitated, but he went to the fire with them. He sat down on the ground.

"Just sit with us on the log," Aura said.

"No. That is inappropriate," Fenris said.

"Fasta vass," Marius said, shaking his head. "Why is it inappropriate?"

"Because I am a slave."

"Not anymore."

"But I am."

"No, you're not."

"Very well. Because I am an elf."

"Okay, I'm getting angry now," Marius said to Aura.

"I'm sorry," Fenris said. He undid the straps at the back of his vest.

"What are you doing now?" Aura asked.

"He said he's angry," Fenris said.

"OKAY!" Marius said, standing up. He went behind his back and Fenris prepared himself. But the man put them back into place. "There will be none of that here, kid."

"Bloody fucking mages," Aura said, shaking her head.

"I… am confused," Fenris said.

"That… makes two of us," Marius said, face-palming himself.

"This can't be simpler!" Aura said. "You said you're not from here. I take it you're a mainlander."

"Yes."

"No wonder you're like this."

"I apologise. Tell me how I should be, and I will do it."

There was a silence.

"I'll… make some more tea," Marius said, sighing.

"Please," Aura said, rubbing her forehead. She looked at Fenris, holding her hands together. "This is gonna be a long night."

Then a woman came by, a little tipsy, and sat directly on Fenris's lap. "My, my, and who are you, Vanilla Cupcake?"

Fenris hissed loudly and tensed up. Suddenly, there was a lot less space he occupied.

"Whoa, what happened? Did I sit on you too hard?"

"I… uh…"

"Georgia, Fenris; Fenris, Georgia," Aura said, a little annoyed. "Georgia, get off his lap. He's still wounded."

"Shush, Aura," Georgia said. "Let's go to my tent," she said, dragging him. "I'll make it all better."

Fenris didn't say anything and let himself be pulled on, his shoulders curling up.

"Wait, wait, wait," Aura said, coming up. "Fenris… do you want to go to her tent?"

Fenris felt that was a trick question and didn't say anything.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Georgia said, changing face.

Was he okay? Was he okay? Was he? Who knows? That never mattered.

"Tell me honestly," Aura said, looking into his eyes. "It's okay to say no."

"Alright…" Fenris said, looking anywhere but at Georgia. He felt like he was going to faint. "No."

"Boy, was that going to go wrong," Marius said, having come back with the teas. "You never think about that with guys! Good work, amata."

"That's okay, sweetie," Georgia said, leaving. "If you change your mind, you know where to find me."

Fenris sat back on the log, breathing out heavily.

Weeks went by and Fenris was incredibly out of his element. Everything he said or did seemed to be wrong, and the lack of punishment was giving him anxiety.

Marius and Aura had taken him on patrol and they made a fog when they spotted Tevinter forces.

"Try to keep the slaves alive," Aura said.

Fenris didn't fight anyone at first. It felt wrong. But he defended himself when people came for him.

"My slaves!" a mage cried before Marius came from behind and broke his neck.

"No more slaves for you, mage," Aura said, wiping her axe on his robe. She looked back to the corpses around Fenris. "Venhedis, elf. Why did you kill them?"

"They were trying to kill me," Fenris said.

"Alright, let's get some things straight," Marius said, annoyed. "When we attack, you attack."

"Alright," Fenris said.

"When slaves attack, try to knock them out," Aura said.

"How do I know they're slaves?" Fenris said. Elves were largely not permitted to be military and humans could have been anything. Mages could be slaves, of course, but those didn't really see the military either. Most of them were foreign captures put to labour, or they had some form of learning disability, physical impairment or mental illness, like preferring or displaying the wrong gender.

"They don't wear robes," Marius said.

"You see a robe, you kill it," Aura said. "Not a robe, knock'em out."

"They could be servants," Fenris said.

"Tomato, to-mah-to," Marius said. "They don't want to be there in the first place."

That was so confusing. Was there something… wrong with him?

"They call us sleepers," Marius said at the fire. "They think because we can't walk the Fade we're lesser and stupider and good just to serve."

"But we are," Fenris said.

"I'm getting angry," Marius said to Aura.

"Be still, amatus," Aura said, putting a hand over Marius's hand.

"We cannot do magic. We are cut off from the Maker's kingdom," Fenris said. "We must serve the chosen ones to win back his love."

"The Maker… can suck my big hairy balls," Marius said, grabbing himself.

"What Marius is trying to say is those people are wrong about the Maker," Aura said. "He loves us all, and mages should serve us, not rule over us."

"No… magic should serve mages, and we should serve them," Fenris said.

"No, no, no," Marius said, his head falling down. "Magic should serve everyone. It's useful. But mages get evil. They have too much power, they become drunk on it and they think anyone who's not like them is defective. They think they can just take anyone and do anything they want. Look at the Black City! Those mages destroyed the Maker's bosom and he punished the whole world for their sin! They destroyed your people, too!"

"Those are not my people. The Ancient Elves had it coming," Fenris said, remembering what Danarius said to him. "They became too decadent."

Marius scoffed. "And Vint robes aren't?" he protested angrily.

"As for my people, elves are happy to serve. It's in our nature," Fenris said.

They both stared at him. "Please tell me Tova isn't here," Marius whispered to Aura.

"You're safe," Aura whispered.

"Everything you've heard from those mages about blood and race is a fairy tale, Fenris," Marius said. "It's just meant to keep you down and never think."

"Thinking is the Maker's greatest gift," Aura said.

"You know what I think?" Marius said sternly. "I think robes force the rest of us into war, slavery or inescapable poverty. They made up a fairy tale about the supremacy of their race and fooled us into believing it. We did what they wanted, we gave our hearts, our hands, our bones—and we're supposed to feel grateful for the sacrifices we make, feel grateful for giving up our freedom, our minds, our hearts," he said, his nostrils flaring up. "Well, no more! I'm a fucking human being!" he cried angrily. "I deserve as much freedom and respect as the robes. You deserve it, you deserve it, we all deserve it!"

Fenris was taken aback by the passion with which Marius spoke.

"I don't want to sacrifice my life for a bunch of people who don't give a fuck about me! Who use me to fight their wars while they sip their cocktails from their tiger couches!" Marius cried.

"Why haven't you gone to the Qunari, then?" Fenris asked.

Marius scoffed. "Same difference."

"They also think mages are evil," Fenris said.

"They also think we're savages meant to serve. They force their women to be nannies and whores, and the ones who resist are made into mindless camp labourers," Aura said. Marius put his head on her chest and rocked her. "They can fuck right off!"

"Women are born to bear and raise children," Fenris said. "The Maker took away part of their mind so they can focus better."

"I'm getting angry again," Marius said.

"I focus very well on dismembering people who say that shit," Aura said.

Fenris's hands unconsciously went to his back.

"No!" Marius and Aura both said.

"Just say what you think," Aura said. "But be prepared to listen to why you're wrong."

"Alright," Fenris said.

"Fuck my ancestors!" Marius said, his head falling back. "I'm gonna make this kid see the light if it's the last thing I do!"

These people said whatever came into their mind and slapped a thousand vulgarities to it. He was so confused.

A few more weeks passed. Fenris had become glued to Marius and Aura, which meant he had to start talking to their friends too. It was difficult. He took some time away from everything. He had never spent so much time alone with his thoughts, not in a meaningful and peaceful way. He walked the safe paths inside the fog, gathered supplies for the camp and whistled a tune to himself.

He had started to think about his short life and how much better things were here. The Fog Warriors bowed to no master and had both the Tevinters and the Qunari stifled. They said whatever they wanted and expressed themselves freely. He was so out of his element. He had learnt for years what to do and what to say to keep a happy master, and he had no use for the knowledge now. Marius and Aura told him to focus on what made him happy. He scoffed and became dizzy just letting that notion take up space inside his brain.

But at least he continued to say what he thought, or rather, what he was taught to think. It upset a lot of people, Marius and Aura following him around apologising to everyone.

Aura made him spend time with the women fighters learning from their techniques as well as their life experience. There was Aura, a freeborn who later became a slave, then got captured and escaped from the Qunari. There was Anastasia, another former slave who defected to the Fog Warriors after she helped them infiltrate a Tevinter mansion. There was Helena, who deserted from the Tevinter army. There was Georgia, who was sold as a young child to a brothel frequented by Tevinter soldiers. And there was Tova, their leader; an elven woman who was born free amongst the Fog Warriors. They all had so many interesting stories to share. He looked at Tova with both awe and jealousy, because they were like night and day. She didn't take shit from anyone.

Marius then introduced Fenris to his friends, Larius and Bear. Larius was a Tevinter soldier deserter, while Bear was a former Viddhathari. He didn't want to use any of his old names. They were a couple, he noticed. They weren't as expressive as Marius and Aura, but it was enough that in Tevinter they would be shot in the street. Fenris had asked Larius and Bear why they weren't having sex in front of everyone. He was told 'real' homosexuals were depraved and promiscuous and if they were tolerated in society, they would just be having sex on the street. He did not make a good first impression.

Larius and Bear celebrated their anniversary a few weeks later. They asked Fenris to draw them on the beach together holding bananas with dessert faces on them. It was so… dull, and wholesome at the same time. The drawing came out as two stick figures with questionably large, expressive and rather jaundiced sex organs. Marius fell on his butt laughing, while Larius and Bear kindly thanked him. He didn't understand why they weren't upset with his poor drawing skills.

Marius also took him to play Seheroni games with Faustus and Pashta. Faustus was a veteran who had fought for so long in the war there was cancer growing out of him. People in Seheron were always fairly young. It was rare someone survived long enough to see old age. In Tevinter, there were magisters who could occupy their seats for so long there were dozens of candidates plotting assassinations. Faustus seemed like the strongest man there, stern, grey and apparently devoid of soul-sickness. A rarity indeed. But what good was having a healthy soul if your body was going to get ill instead? He made Fenris sad.

Pashta was barely an adult. She had coordination problems so they built her a strange cone-shaped chariot she rode around everywhere. Faustus saw her as a daughter and would become very cold and threatening if someone said something stupid to her. Like Fenris did. He asked her what happened to her, assuming she had been permanently wounded. Then when she explained she was born that way, Fenris told her she was brave. It was a good thing Marius was there with him. Faustus explained that people like him and Pashta were seen as lesser than slaves. They were classed as blood-bags.

Later came Dima, whom Tova decided to rescue. He was a Tal Vashoth Saarebas. People were weary of him most of the time, and they were put off by his disfigured face. Marius didn't think that was a good enough reason to avoid him, and started babysitting him too. He gave him the name Dima. He told Fenris he had an eye on him, but he was harmless. He hadn't lived like a lord and didn't use his magic unless he was asked for help. He was a map maker and he had a lot of good, albeit short stories. The most ironic part was that Fenris behaved a lot like Dima. He bowed unnecessarily, waited for orders and didn't speak much unless spoken to. The difference was Fenris was treated nicely.

Another month went by and Fenris was starting to warm up to them. All these people had suffered immensely from the war, and continued fighting tooth and nail. He wondered if he would have survived to see this day if he hadn't been taken to Tevinter.

Aura took him to another part of the forest and made him punch a robe dummy. Fenris didn't see the point to this low-level exercise and thought it was stupid. Aura told him the robe was stupid and to punch it. Fenris punched the robe, and was bored. But Aura kept insisting, so he punched the robe some more, and then Aura reminded him, rather unkindly, of what his master did to him. For the first time, Fenris felt his rage reach out past his body and destroyed the dummy entirely.

Nothing that ever happened to him was okay. Not the magic, not the torture, not the control, not anything. He didn't deserve this. It was all wrong.

Aura then took him to a dilapidated little Chantry and taught him how to pray. He knew a Tevinter prayer, but Aura disapproved of it. She said they were just self-flagellating, slave-mentality chants. He should pray with his own words. Talk to the Maker as his own person. She taught him how to light candles for the living and the dead. The side of the living barely had any, while the side of the dead was a veritable empire. Aura told him about the meaning behind their war paint, that it symbolised mother Seheron's tears, their tears, for all the war and rape and destruction. It wasn't a weakness to hide, but the very reason they were resisting and coming back up every time. It meant they had what the others didn't—love.

"Love?" Fenris said, as if it were an illegal substance.

"Love," Aura said, smiling proudly. "It's the most important thing. The strongest thing."

"I thought love made one weak."

"People who say that are weak."

A few days had passed and Fenris didn't even notice the changes. He was talking to people, not just because Marius or Aura pushed him, but out of his own desire. He started laughing and making jokes. He even sang with them once and Georgia told him he had a nice voice.

It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. He felt as if he truly lived.

After a victory against Tevinters, they celebrated one night. Marius was drunk off his arse and climbed on top of a box.

"We showed the mages! Haha!" Marius shouted, drinking. "Maker! Fuck all these robes and horns! I'm so done! I'm soooooo done with it all! I'm not Tevinter anymore! I've decided. I… AM A SEHERAN!" he war-cried to the sky.

"You tell'em, amatus," Aura said, nonchalantly eating berries.

"No, no, for real!" Marius said, wobbling. "It's not their island anymore! They both pissed all over it! We're neither of those people. We are the island. We are Seheron!"

"We are Seheron!" they all shouted happily, raising their drinks.

"Put this in your calendars, people!" Marius said enthusiastically. "This day is now Seheron Independence Day! We'll create our own damn holidays from now on! Yeah! And the 5th of next month, that's gonna be Freedom Day!"

"Why that date?" Fenris said.

"Because!" Marius said, hands on his hips. "That's the anniversary of my escape!" he said proudly, hands in the air. "Astia valla femundis!" he shouted with the bottle in the air, then bent forwards holding onto one knee. "Care to hear the story?"

So, Marius told them the story. That he became a slave when his family lost their jobs. He was used for years as a "blood donor" by a military mage. His blood was somehow special, he said. He thought he was special, too, as a result. But one day he had a mental breakdown from fighting in the war and sank into a deep catatonia. His master said his blood was tainted, and he knew his days were numbered. It was mere dumb luck that Tova killed his master. She wasn't looking for him. She was looking for information. She found Marius and took him in, and within days his catatonia stopped. Marius started crying a mix of sad and happy tears as he finished the story. Fenris became a mix of awe and discomfort.

"When's yours, kid?" Marius asked. "Jot it down! You gotta celebrate that shit!"

"I don't know," Fenris said.

"Of course you know," Aura said. "It's when we found you, silly."

But then things started to go wrong. They were ambushed by Qunari and lost Helena and Faustus. They moved around the island a lot and another series of ambushes got Anastasia, Larius and Pashta captured. They kept moving, and the stress was getting to everyone.

Tova started to suspect they had a traitor, and her first guess was Fenris. He felt quite hurt by that.

Then, during another Qunari ambush he felt attacked by Dima's magic. At the end of the fight, he lost it and attacked Dima, saying he was the traitor, he was leaking their location and he was out to get them. Marius and Aura kept him back and Dima explained he was trying to heal Fenris. He didn't believe him for a second, but Dima showed him. He healed Aura, then moved his hands to Fenris, and his markings activated against his will and rejected the spell, causing him pain. He didn't like Dima anymore. He was sure he was changing the spell midway just to fuck with his head.

Then came Georgia, who took him in the forest to show him "something". He was prepared to shut her down well and good this time, but it wasn't sex she was after. She put her hands together and a green healing light came out of them, hurting him a little.

"See?" Georgia said, touching his shoulder. "It's your markings, not Di—"

"Don't touch me!" Fenris shouted.

"Alright… alright…" Georgia said, her hands up.

"You're a mage?" Fenris said angrily.

"Don't try to get all up in my face, kid. Tova's got my back."

She was the traitor, wasn't she? It was all her fault!

"I'm keeping an eye on you," Fenris said coldly.

"Yeah, do that," Georgia said, winking.

It couldn't have been her, could it? Why would a mage want to help the Qunari? Dima was brainwashed. Dima was probably the traitor.

A few weeks went by, and they had finally settled in a good defensible position. Marius and Aura had started to pay less attention to him because Tova and Bear both lost loved ones and they needed tending to. They wanted to regain their strength and plot a new attack to rescue the others, if they were still alive.

Fenris would have done anything to avoid Dima and Georgia, so he started making tea for Marius and Aura and picking up their slack.

"Thanks, man," Marius said to him.

"You're a dear," Aura said.

"You should take more breaks," Fenris said.

"He's right, you know," Aura said. "Let's play some sphera!"

It wasn't a complicated game. You found a little crater, you threw the ball. Whoever threw it the farthest won. The sphera was quite heavy. It was a burnt-out focus, a spoil from Tevinter mages. It had no more power but the power of fun, Marius would say.

"Bear's inconsolable," Marius said to them, throwing the ball. "He's gonna get soul-sick soon."

"Look after your own health first, amatus," Aura said. "I'll deal with Bear."

"Do you think you'll get soul-sick again?" Fenris asked, coming back with the ball.

"Fuck that!" Marius said in outrage. "I have better things to do. Like throwing this ball."

Fenris scoffed and threw the ball. "Wait your turn, queen."

"Haha!" Marius shouted victoriously. "I am still in the lead!"

"You may well be, amatus," Aura said, coming back with the ball. "Tova thinks you or me should become Lieutenant."

"You should become Lieutenant, amata," Marius said. "I get too attached too people."

"And I'm not?" Aura said, throwing the ball.

"Ha!" Marius shouted. "I win! I win! I win!"

"I think you should become Lieutenant," Fenris said to her, and ignoring the cockatoo that Marius had become.

They both looked at him in surprise. "I told you he'd see the light! What did I tell ya?" Marius said happily.

"Well, if I'm Lieutenant, then I'll need a right hand man," Aura said, smiling towards Fenris.

"Me?" he said, smiling a little.

"You pull your weight," Aura said warmly. "You're a good kid."

"Thank you," Fenris said shyly, looking down.

"This feels like a group hug moment," Marius said, coming to them with his arms open. "Doesn't it? It totally does!"

"Only if you want to," Aura said to Fenris.

"Hmm," he said, thinking. "It does feel like a special occasion."

"Yeaaaaah," Marius said comically and they made a little huddle. "This is so hot."

"Shut up, clown," Aura said, laughing.

Fenris chuckled as well.

"So, you found yourself a little family," Danarius's voice came disapprovingly from behind. "Why am I not surprised?"

His blood froze and he felt he was falling. Danarius was standing there with Hadriana and Barnabas and his soldiers. This was it… wasn't it? The day that never came.

"Step away, Vint," Tova said in calm tones of threat.

"A rattus for a mistress?" Hadriana said, chuckling. "I've finally seen everything."

"Did you…?" Aura said, looking at Fenris in alarm.

"No!" Fenris said, but he couldn't think. His legs were both prepared to flee and strangely immobile. He was back. Of course, he was back. This fantasy life was over.

"Now, now, let's not get savage," Danarius said. "I am prepared to give you a handsome sum if you give me the boy peacefully."

"No," Tova said flatly.

"The only thing you're gonna get is my cock in your mouth. mage!" Marius shouted.

"Leave, mage. There are no more slaves for you here," Aura threatened.

They all prepared their weapons, as Danarius laughed. "Kill them," he told Fenris.

He didn't remember what happened next. It was a veritable black out. The only thing he remembered was a terrible pain, something disgusting and atrocious and illegal bombarding his every vein. He looked down at their bodies, at Marius and Aura's lifeless eyes, and he couldn't… He couldn't…

"Come now, my boy," Danarius said hoarsely, being helped up by Hadriana.

"No…" Fenris said, tears in his eyes.

"No?" Danarius said. "Get him, Hadriana!"

Fenris ran to the crater and grabbed the sphera. He channelled a pulse into it, half-hoping it would work, and threw it at Hadriana.

"I ran… and never looked back," Fenris said, coming back into his chair.

Hawke didn't say anything at first. He couldn't look at her now. It was the hardest thing.

"There's so much pain there, Fenris," she finally said, which surprised him. "It's all tangled inside. You need a brush for your soul."

He chuckled bitterly. He finally looked at her.

"But, I'm confused," she said, bringing two fingers to her forehead. "What are we celebrating now? The dumb accident or the… horrible mistake?"

Fenris scoffed, drinking. "And now you understand my problem."

"It's not a great escape story," Hawke said, thinking. "But it's a gripping story. You should write this down."

"I'd… rather peel my own face off, thank you very much," Fenris said with a little smile.

"So… all this time, before Kirkwall…" she said, thinking. "Is that why you've been alone?"

"What I've done…" Fenris said, frowning. "It is not something to forgive and forget."

She sighed. "Not easily."

"I keep… wanting to go back to that moment and undo it…" Fenris said softly. How could he do that? After everything they taught him? He felt so disgusted and hateful of himself he could barely look at people. The world was silent and uncaring. He was silent and uncaring. "But what's done is done. I wasn't made for this. I was made to be alone. That and the night terrors that followed… that was to be my eternal punishment."

"Thank you for telling me, Fenris," Hawke said softly, fixed on his eyes. "This was very hard for you to do."

Fenris nodded, looking down. "And now you've heard the worst of me," he said tensely. "I understand if…"

"If I never want to look at you again?" Hawke said.

Fenris looked up at her and nodded silently.

She nodded too, looking away. "I know how that feels. I was sure you'd never look at me the same again."

"And that's the problem," he said, coming forward. He sighed. "You did an awful thing to an awful human. You took vengeance on a child murderer and you still feel guilty. Maker, you felt so guilty you made me kill Kelder before I even offered to. I was glad to do it! But your face… I can't… I don't belong in your moral system."

"I felt guilty… because she was family, Fenris," she said. "I felt guilty because she was just like me. A desperate mother."

"Would you have sacrificed the blood of seven children for your own?"

"No…"

Fenris shook his head. "Then why?"

"Because… Because I wore a mantel of hate, a coat of implacable rage. I can't… I can't do that!"

"Right…" Fenris said, thinking. "Because you could lose control."

"I know I was out of mana and had to defend myself, but," Hawke said, shaking her head. "I made the blood a conduit to my rage and I was horrified by the result. There was absolutely nothing left in that moment but my desire to destroy her. I was determined to die with her, crawl my way through the Void and disembowel her for the rest of eternity. I didn't care about anyone! Not Devon, not my sister, not anyone in my family! I didn't care who I hurt!" she said, very affected. "And I don't know how she started, how strongly she felt at the time, but I can only imagine how far off the deep end she'd gone," she said, coming back in her chair and sighing.

"You thought you could become that monster."

"Yes. Anybody can. I was a monster for a day. I'll not deny that for a second."

"It would be hard for me to deny that," Fenris said, his eyes saddened.

"You think you're a monster?" Hawke said, sighing.

By this point, his frown was inescapable. He looked up at her and nodded.

"I don't think you're a monster," Hawke said. "I think you can't learn to be free in just a few months. Not after a lifetime of brainwash and control. Those parts of you… those parts of you are older and stronger. To transform, it takes time."

"You're right… I wasn't running from him. Not at first."

"You sound like you feel guilty about that."

"I've… I've forgiven myself for that, a little," he said, fidgeting with his wristband. "I used to feel like a fool, and I was very angry about it. All those people, they never wanted to be slaves. I felt alone and insane. But none of them were born into slavery. And even though they had lost loved ones, at least they had their memories. They were fighting for an ideal in their memory; they had spirit in a way I never could." Fenris's head fell down. "I know I didn't know any better. They made me see that. I would not be the man I am today if not for them." His eyes filled with sadness and his voice broke. "And I turned on them even so."

"You must forgive yourself," Hawke said firmly. "For not knowing any better, and for turning on them. You must honour them in your life."

Fenris chuckled bitterly. "That's what I've been doing. It's why I curse so much. It's why I never shut up about what I believe."

"Good," she said warmly. "Not always great, what you believe, but context matters."

"I don't believe everything like I used to, however," he said, looking at her. "I used to believe mages were my masters, my divine and archetypal betters. Then I believed they were corrupt and evil."

"And now?"

"Now…" Fernis shook his head. "I don't know. They're just people. People with a power they must be responsible with. Tevinter has failed that. Now the South… that has acquainted me with some fantastic people," he said with a little grin.

Hawke made an exaggerated flattered gesture. "Oh, you."

"What about you?" Fenris said. "Do you think you'll ever have a good relationship with magic?"

"I don't know… " she said, sighing. "My magic's all fucked up. I've got the ability to absorb spirits and sustain an inland empire, but I can barely land a fire spell. I don't have the focus, skill nor mana."

"To me that sounds like balance," he said. "You can't be the best in both worlds."

"Aw, look at you making up crap for me," she said sweetly.

"We just have to learn about your power. There will be an answer to your troubles, I'm sure of it."

"We?"

"Well…" Fenris said softly, his head tilting a little. "We're still… we… right?"

"Yeah, we are."

He could breathe again. Thank the Maker.

"I suppose I'm not used to 'we'," Hawke said, scratching her head.

"Get used to it," Fenris said, grinning.

Hawke sighed. "Well, then we need to give your friends a funeral."

"A funeral?" Fenris said, frowning.

"Yes, a funeral."

"A funeral with no corpses," he said, as if she were crazy. "Suggested by an atheist."

"I may not believe in a god," Hawke said. "But I believe in the soul. It's the space between our thoughts and emotions, the thing that weaves it all together in one experience. I don't know if it comes from the Fade or the heart of the brain, and it doesn't really matter. I think the soul changes because of how we think and feel. People change, spirits and demons change; it's all connected!"

Fenris scoffed a little. "It's all connected," he said, amused.

"You owe them a funeral, and you owe yourself closure," Hawke said.

Fenris thought about it, and was in awe of her. "You're very wise, Hawke. Have I ever told you that?"

"Not in so many words," she said. "Or any words, really."

He chuckled. "I'm sorry. I suppose it's a frustration of mine."

"Ah, Jealousy, thou art a hateful bitch."

Fenris laughed. "Don't take 'hateful bitch' away from me. I'll be left with nothing!"

"You know that's not true," she said, grinning. "And my wisdom comes from experience. Do you not feel you have more wisdom since Val Chevin?"

"I do," he said, drinking. He stared at the bottle. "I've never spoken about this to anyone. I never wanted to." He smiled a little. "Perhaps this is what it means to have a friend."

"Yes!" Hawke said happily. "Friends listen and help each other and grow together. That's what it's all about!"

"What do lovers do, then?" Fenris said, grinning and drinking.

"The same thing, only naked," Hawke said, flashing her eyebrows.

He chuckled some more, then gave a sad little groan. "I do want that. I'm just…" He sighed heavily. "… a little broken."

"Alright, time to slide down," she said, and drooped down to the floor. He followed suit and she took his hands in hers. "It's okay to be a little broken. In some ways, I think it makes you better in the end."

Fenris scoffed.

"I'm serious!" Hawke whined. "You're thoughtful about these things, and you don't take things for granted. I find that very attractive in a man."

Ah, little light, shine bright inside.

"What about men who are deathly afraid of being touched?" Fenris said.

"Ah, well, that's just something to work with," Hawke said, shrugging clownishly. She opened her arms wide. "And we're making progress on that, aren't we?"

Fenris didn't know what he was thinking with anymore. His brain was vanquished, and his bottom half seemed to have gone to sleep. It must have been his heart. He leaned back on her and she cuddled him from behind. He caught onto her wrist. "This is nice," he said softly.

"It is," Hawke said. Her chin went on his head and her hand was in his hair.

"You… are unlike anyone I've ever met," Fenris said, his hand going up to her cheek. "With you it might be different."

"Oh, yeah. Completely different," Hawke said confidently. "I'm all about the lovin'."

Fenris broke into little snorts. "The lovin'."

"You laugh now," Hawke said. "But you'll see. You'll feel so good, you'll forget your own name."

"That good, huh?" Fenris said, grinning. "By the way, these are fantastic pillows," he said, rubbing his head on her chest.

"Thank you. I'll tell my mother you said that."

Fenris laughed hard. "No!" he whined childishly, catching onto her wrist again. "Why do you have to make things weird?"

"It's what I do!" she said clownishly.

"You know what, I think I have better wisdom in such matters," he said, taking her hand. "No offense, adorae, but you're ruining the moment."

"Excuse me, Mr Love," she said, chuckling.

"Shh," Fenris said, a finger to his mouth. He put her hand slowly and gently on his chest.

"Whoa," Hawke said lowly. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"A little," Fenris said, holding it there. "It would hurt a lot more if you took your hand away."

"Maker, you are better at this than me," Hawke whined in annoyance.