"Wait," Fenris said to Donnic when the session finished. "I will be right back."
"Okay…" Donnic said. When the ladies walked past him, he backed away into the edge of the doorway with more speed than politeness required.
He went to Sofia, who welcomed him warmly again.
"Shouldn't you have two groups?" he said. "One for women and one for men?"
"We… do, technically," she said, tilting her head. "But no men ever signed up. Would you rather be in the men's group by yourself until others might join?"
That 'might' was doing serious push-ups to prove itself.
Fenris blinked. "Pass," he said.
"Well, I hope you come again," Sofia said, pursing her lips in a smile.
"Maybe," Fenris said. "Have a nice evening."
He was about to leave, when he heard her say after him, "Men might be more likely to harm others, but they're also more likely to harm themselves. They're taught not to feel, not to cry, not to show any weakness. They take to the bottle and speak with their fists, and they're much more likely to go through with an attempt to take their own life."
Fenris turned around, frowning. "So, what? It's either abuse or be abused?"
"Of course not," Sofia said. "It's either ignore the pain and let it dictate your whole life, or embrace the pain and take control of your life."
"How?" Fenris said. That sounded like the hardest thing in the universe, right behind life without Hawke and being nice to Anders.
"Come by again and you'll see," Sofia said, smiling a little.
He made to leave again, but he stopped and turned around. "Keep services are severely underfunded. Seneschal Bran says the Guard itself is a major drain on city coffers." Aveline actually twinkled when she told him he was a major drain on city coffers. "How do you… how are you here? Do you just do this out of the kindness of your own heart? Are you rich or something?"
Sofia chuckled. "No. I have to pay my dues, like anyone else," she said, brushing off some leftover pastries into her bag. "We have a sponsor."
"Who?"
"I would tell you, but I think it's a fake name."
Fenris raised an eyebrow. "Someone named Asschabs?"
"Yes," Sofia said, chuckling nervously. "How did you know?"
"Unimportant," Fenris said, leaving. He caught up with Donnic. "Let's get to Lowtown, and fast."
Evening, Lowtown
They went through the crowd and the Guard wouldn't let them in. Donnic tried to reason with him, but he had direct orders from the Captain. Fenris looked through the gate holes and couldn't see much, except for one of the worst things he could think of. A green mist. He could feel it in his nostrils, on his skin.
"Venhedis!" Fenris growled, punching through a wall, which, in light of Sofia's comments, made him feel like shit.
"Alright, pal, you're under arrest!" the Guard said, coming at him.
"Yeah, Maecon, people are dying in the street, but an elf commits a minor misdemeanour and suddenly it's the last days of Halamshiral!" Donnic said, annoyed.
Maecon stopped himself. "I warned him," he said, coming back to Donnic. He turned around and shot Fenris a stern policeman stare. "Behave."
"What did he just say to me?" Fenris said, all activated.
"Heeey! Happy birthday!" Donnic shouted all of a sudden, pretending to hug him. "You need to chill," he whispered.
"The terrorists aren't Qunari! I saw it earlier. They're elves! They're terrorist elves!" Maecon said.
"Splendid," Fenris said sarcastically. "That's what we were missing!" he growled, kicking a wall.
"Elf, I warned you!"
"Calm down, human. I just kicked it. Is there a law against kicking inanimate objects?"
"There's a law against disorderly conduct, obstructing justice, disobeying direct orders. Take your pick!"
"Disobey? I'll disobey your mo—"
Donnic put a hand over his mouth. "You're done. We're done here," he said to Maecon. He pushed him through the crowd.
"What in the Void were you thinking?" Donnic said scoldingly.
"I don't take lightly to humans telling me to behave," Fenris said, glowering.
Donnic sighed heavily. "Yeah, I can see why," he said, looking around. "But they don't understand why. You will get yourself into massive trouble!"
Fenris scoffed. "What else is new?"
"Hawke will be fine. She's Hawke!" Donnic said. "The Cap—Aveline's there with her. You've got nothing to worry about!"
"You don't understand," Fenris said. "A green poisonous mist means one thing. Qamek. I don't know which type, and it does not matter. They are all incredibly dangerous and lethal. If they don't die in there, they could lose their minds. They could have permanent brain damage!"
Donnic's eyes were coming out of his sockets. "Fuck," he said.
"There you go. Time to lose your shit. It's the most logical reaction right now," Fenris said, pacing around.
Donnic's shoulders sank. "No, no. You've got that covered pretty well… Someone needs to stay sane."
"Why did I have to listen to Aveline? Fucking domestic abuse group. Like that's where I belong!" Fenris whined, pacing some more. "Vishante kaffas!"
"It's a survivors' group and you do belong there," Donnic said firmly. "Think of Lia. Doesn't she belong there?"
"Yes," Fenris said softly, pacing.
"And because you were there, now she's considering joining the Guard," Donnic said. "That was your doing!"
Hands on his hips, Fenris looked down and shook his head. "It won't be easy for her."
"Well, what in the Void is?" Donnic said. "We have to try. We all have get up and try. It's hard but we don't have to do it alone. We have to help each other try. We owe it to each other."
Fenris stopped, looking at him. "I can see why she likes you."
Donnic looked all surprised and flattered, smiling like no tomorrow. "Golly gee, thanks."
"I suppose…" Fenris said, looking down. "I suppose I could help Lia try."
Donnic pointed at him and clicked his mouth. "An excellent idea."
Fenris looked towards the side alley, sighing heavily. "We have to do something about this before it gets much, much worse. This is a symptom. An acute symptom to an ugly societal disease."
"You think they're fed up with the humans?" Donnic said.
"The humans, the Chantry, the Qunari, the Imperium," Fenris said, flinging his arms. "It is just boot after boot stomping on an elven face, forever."
Donnic lowered his head. "We haven't done a pretty good job here, have we?"
Fenris looked tired. "You were just doing your jobs. But your jobs have to change."
"How?" Donnic said.
"I don't know," Fenris said, thinking. "You've got to stop looking at elves with suspicion and disdain. You've got to live with them, side by side."
"We can do the first," Donnic said, nodding. "But the second is out of our hands. It's the Chantry that ordered the Alienages to be formed."
"And the Viscount is under the Templars' boot," Fenris said, rolling his eyes. "Then work around the Chantry."
"Technically, elves are permitted to live somewhere else," Donnic said. "But will they even want to?"
"The humans won't allow it," Fenris said. "They make it extra hard for them live anywhere else. If not the landlords, then the tenants."
"We can't solve racism in a day," Donnic said. "But we have to try. I don't know how I can help, but if there's something I can do, I will do it."
"You can come with us on Monday in the Alienage," Fenris said. "We are trying to convince them to join the Guard and the Bone Pit."
"Why stop there?" Donnic said. "I could get half the smithies in town to set up booths. Gregory knows half the chefs in town. Brennan has so many allergies she's kept up all the apothecaries and herbalists in business."
Fenris scoffed. "Because that went so well with the Fereldans coming to town."
"The elves are Kirkwallers, and people are tired of Fereldans," Donnic said, shrugging. "It may seem like a slightly horizontal step, but a step in the right direction."
"Maybe—"
"Praise Andraste!" they heard the crowd shouting.
They rushed through the crowd. Aveline and Anders looked like shit and they were vomiting, but they were standing. Hawke and Varric were fallen against the wall, also vomiting.
"Hawke!" Fenris shouted, coming down to her.
"No, don't touch me, I'm poisonous!" Hawke cried, her head banging against the wall.
"Small doses won't harm me," Fenris said, taking her wrist. Her pulse wasn't good. He checked her forehead. She was very feverish. "What year is it, Hawke?"
She grunted incoherently.
"Hawke, focus, what year is it?"
"9:30 Dragon."
"Venhedis."
"I'm glad to see you alive, Captain," Donnic said, contained.
"Nothing can kill me," Aveline said sternly, then turned around to puke again. She wiped herself and shouted, "Medic! Medic! Where are the fucking medics?!"
"We need to get them to my clinic now," Anders whispered to Fenris, tending to Varric.
"Fuck you, James! I'm not going anywhere with you!" Varric shouted, cocking his crossbow at him.
"Stop shouting at the King! He'll kill us both!" Hawke growled. "His whole army is here! Oh my Maker, they think I did it!"
"What do they think you did, Serah Hawke?" Petrice's voice came from above. Her little eyes were gleaming with righteous malice. Her Templar buddy was with her.
"Oh, fuck," Hawke said, and took out a lyrium potion.
Fenris made himself bigger in front of her and snatched it from her hand and, with little time to think, shoved it in his smallclothes. Then he pretended to check her neck and stabbed a pressure point behind it deep enough to put her to sleep for a time.
"Out of my way," Fenris said to them, carrying her.
"Make way! Make way!" Aveline said, carrying Varric out.
"You're the medic, right? After me!" Anders said, dragging a random person with him.
The crowd followed them.
"Alright, alright, go home to your children. Show's over!" Donnic said, keeping them away.
"What are we doing? Clinic's the other way!" Aveline whispered to Anders.
"Hawke's house has a trap door to Darktown," Anders whispered. "Oh, fuck," he said, turning around to vomit.
"Wus happn'n?" the random person said drunkenly.
"You're a medic," Anders said, wiping his mouth.
"I am?"
"Yes. Don't you remember our times together in Hercinia?"
"Oh, right, right. Wait, no… Hermione and I never did a threesome with a guy!"
"I'm a girl, you dick," Anders said.
"Oh, right, right... You're very pretty."
"Thank you."
Night time, Anders's Clinic
"Ow!" Fenris shouted when Anders slapped his hand away from Hawke.
"Whossat?" Hawke said, waking up a little.
He took her hand and brushed her bangs. "It's me. I am here."
"Whoa," she said with big eyes. She didn't recognise him. "You're super hot. Wanna fuck?" she said, grabbing him by the crotch. "Wait, no…" she said, and turned on her side to vomit.
"Holy shit," Anders said, laughing as he attempted another potion on Varric. "That'll be one complicated sexual harassment form."
"That will not be necessary," Fenris said.
"Why? Are you together?" Anders said, snorting.
"Yes."
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Like together-together?"
"We are?" Hawke mumbled. "That's so cool! Wait…"
Anders went to vomit, a little too hard. "Why didn't you tell me?" he said angrily to Aveline.
"Why would she have to?" Fenris said, scowling.
"It's their news to share!" Aveline shouted, puking in a bucket.
"Fuck, it hurts!" Hawke growled.
"You need to get out of my way!" Anders said, pushing Fenris with his body.
"You don't know how qamek works!" Fenris said.
"Saar-qamek," Anders corrected, trying out a poultice.
"Saar?" Fenris said, his heart and guts in his throat. "No, no, no, no, no!"
"Calm down, Fenris," Aveline said, holding on the bucket for dear life. "Oh, Maker, here it comes again!"
"I'm going to the Arishok."
"Oh, no, you won't!"
"Watch me!"
"Don't you fucking move!" Aveline growled. "It's a terrible idea, after what happened!"
"What other option is there? This quack doesn't know Qunari poisons!"
"This quack will kick you out!" Anders shouted.
"Perfect. I'm leaving," Fenris said.
"Fenris, stay right where you are, now!" Aveline ordered. "In your state, you will piss the Qunari off and make them take over Kirkwall," she said, then stopped to hurl, "and Hawke will never forgive you!"
He froze in his walk. Hawke. Of course.
"Axolotl juice," Fenris said, turning around.
"Huh?" Aveline said.
"Hey, uh, can someone let me in?" Donnic's voice came from behind the door.
Fenris opened the door. "How did you know?"
"I… had a weird mole once…" Donnic said, scratching his head, "… that turned out to be gonorrhoea."
"What?" Aveline said, then vomited.
"You could have stopped at mole," Fenris said.
"I'm a little poisoned," Donnic said, wobbling.
"We all are," Fenris said.
"I didn't peg you for a man that sleeps around," Aveline said.
"I-I'm not," Donnic said nervously. "I was cheated on."
"Oh," Aveline said. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"Then I got a little angry and a lot drunk at the Hanged Man," Donnic said, looking so guilty you'd have thought he was confessing to murder.
Fenris face-palmed himself. "Stop."
"What?" Aveline said, glowering.
"We all do things we regret," Donnic said, sighing.
Aveline vomited, a little too hard. "Who was she? Was she black? Did she have a blue headscarf?" she said overbearingly.
"What? How did you know?" Donnic said.
"I don't have time for this," Fenris said, going to Anders. "Axolotl juice."
Anders frowned. "You know about that?" Glass shattered behind them. "Aveline, that's medicine!"
It looked pinkish white. "Was that the axolotl juice?" Fenris said with owlish eyes.
"No, I'm all out of that," Anders said. "Maybe Hawke has some left."
"Stay here," Fenris said.
"I wasn't planning on going anywhere," Anders said.
"I want a divorce!" Hawke shouted incoherently.
"Just leave him! You're better off with me!" Varric cried.
Fenris tripped, but there was no time.
Night time, Hawke Estate
Fenris went through her things, and couldn't find shit. Captain Finufaranel was mocking him on the nightstand next to their portrait. For a moment, he swore it growled at him, but it was coming from behind. He flinched way too hard for just a lousy dog. He came out of her bedroom and Mojo started licking his trousers.
"Hello," he said.
Mojo barked happily.
He looked around. Bodhan and Sandal were still in Orlais. Great.
Wait…
Fenris bent down to Mojo, gesturing. "Axolotl juice," he enunciated.
Mojo barked and went in her bedroom.
"Good boy!" Fenris said, following him.
Mojo put his snout between the mattress and held a book in his mouth. It said: Asking for a Lot of Juice: A Quick Guide to Female Ejaculation.
Females could ejaculate?! Not important right now.
"Bad boy," Fenris said, putting the book back where it belonged. "A-XO-LO-TEL POTION!" he enunciated.
Mojo barked and ran downstairs.
Thank the Maker.
Then the main door opened, and he saw Leandra come in all dressed up.
He had no idea what to say.
"Fenris?" she said, taking her shawl off in the hallway and putting some flowers down. "What a pleasant surprise!"
His voice wouldn't do the thing voices did when they wanted to come out.
"Bodahn, will you put these in water and take them to my bedroom? Bodahn? Oh, silly me, he's in Orlais," Leandra said, snickering. She went upstairs and Fenris was dying. What happened to his voice?
"There's no time," Fenris finally said to her when she came back out. "There was a terrorist attack in Lowtown and Hildegaard's been injured. Where do you keep the axolotl potions?"
"What?!" Leandra said, holding onto her chest. "What terrorist attack? How injured is she?!"
"I'm sorry. It's too soon to tell. Where do you keep the axolotl potions?"
"I don't know. They must be in the pantry or—"
"Pantry," he said, leaving.
But there was no axolotl potion there. He emptied a sack of potatoes and put in some healing potions, then came back to the main room. Then his heart went in his throat.
"What warrant?" he heard Leandra say.
"We have a warrant to search the premises," they said.
"On whose authority?" Leandra said in outrage.
Fenris didn't think. He went to the table and grabbed all the letters and rushed upstairs. He looked in her nightstand for anything incriminating. Especially magic.
"I am not letting you in until I speak to your supervisor!"
Bless Leandra, he thought. Sometimes a natural noble flair saved the day, or at least five more minutes.
His blood jolted in his veins ready to attack when Mojo touched his leg. A potion fell out of his mouth. He had two more.
"Good boy!" he whispered, putting them in the sack.
He looked in her nightstand. First drawer had keys, a million bobbles, three squishy colourful toys, some letters—take the letters. A couple of books—He checked to see if there was anything hidden in them. Smut. Second book—lesbian smut. There was a third book. Hard in Hightown. There were a couple of bad drawings for her level of talent used as bookmarks. Nothing incriminating, only embarrassing. Wait, no. Second drawer—booze, cigarillo cases, cannabis. Take the cannabis. Third drawer—rope, oils, handcuffs, feathers, a… flogger? He blinked. Leave them.
He looked in her dress drawers, he looked in her wardrobe, he looked under the bed. Mojo barked again, a little too loudly. His snout was rubbing on a chest near the door.
"Brennan, I will sue you! Not the Guard. You!"
Venhedis! Back to the nightstand. But which key? No time. The metal clinked louder beyond the door. He grabbed the whole chest and shoved it in the sack. Wait… Ow! He bumped into a bed pole and hit his head.
He took the bad drawings. He had a feeling.
"Act normal," Fenris said to Mojo, pulling the rug over the trap door and shutting it.
Night time, Anders's Clinic
Donnic was in dire need of a sedative. Aveline hated him all of a sudden. She was pacing, glowering, pausing to vomit, then glowering with renewed vigour. She used to have a few distinct levels of anger for which her subalterns were prepared accordingly, but this one took the cake. It was pure, soul-sucking, ball-shrivelling contempt.
"I hate you!" Hawke shouted.
"I love you! Varric shouted back.
"No, you don't! You love money and your bitch of a mother!"
"Fuck money! I don't care about money! I hate my mother!"
"Oh, give it a rest! You're not convincing anyone!"
"I need you!"
"You make me sick!" Hawke said, vomiting.
"I am sick!" Varric cried, then vomited. "I'm lovesick!"
"You're sick in the head!"
"I fucking love you!"
"Fuck off!"
"What do you want me to do to prove it to you?!"
"Throw yourself off a cliff!"
"Okay."
"No!" the others shouted, when Varric tried to sit up from the patient table.
"This drama needs to end," Anders said tiredly. He stopped his healing spell. "I've tried everything! I don't know what else to do!"
"They'll snap out of it, I'm sure," Aveline said flatly.
Donnic needed a laxative too. His face betrayed him. Aveline looked at him. "What's that on your face?"
"Uhm, t-they, uhm…"
"Out with it, Casanova!"
"Fenris said it could cause permanent brain damage."
"What?" Aveline said, putting a hand to her chest. She started hyperventilating, and lost balance.
Donnic caught her. "It's okay. It'll be alright."
"How can it be alright?!" Aveline shouted. She couldn't breathe.
"If you and Anders came out alright, they can't be that bad," Donnic said.
"Bodies are all different," Anders said. "Fuck knows how bad it is."
"You're not helping!" Donnic growled.
"I think I'm having a heart attack," Aveline said.
"No, you're not," Anders said.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Donnic snapped. "Look at her!"
"Just give her a minute," Anders said.
"If you don't look at her right now, I'm going to beat you!" Donnic said.
"Beat him up!" Hawke rambled.
"No, I bruise like a peach!" Varric cried.
"Calm down, everyone!" Anders shouted, face-palming.
"Or I'll turn you in. How about that?!" Donnic snapped.
Anders laughed. "You signed your funeral when Hawke comes back."
"If!" Donnic insisted.
Anders inhaled.
"Let's sit you down," Donnic said softly, helping Aveline on a patient table. He held her hand tightly. "Everything's going to be alright."
Anders came to look at her. Aveline grabbed him by the collar. "If I die, I'm gonna kill you!" she growled.
"Okay," Anders said, snickering. He checked her skin, her pulse, he went to look for a potion.
"Do you like kids, Donnic?" Aveline muttered incoherently.
"What? Uhm… yes," he said. "Why?"
"Not important." Aveline looked behind him. "If I die, and Hawke dies, and Varric dies," she whispered, huffing and puffing, "you have to take Fenris with you and find a woman in Darktown called Felicia. Tell her… hooh… tell her you're there for the starling of Lothering."
"What?" Donnic said.
"Calm down," Anders said, coming back. "Take this."
Aveline suddenly became very calm and drowsy. "Oh, that's nice," she said, smiling widely.
"What did you do?" Donnic said.
"I gave her a strong sedative," Anders said. "It's just a panic attack."
"Why didn't you just say?" Donnic said, very annoyed.
"I thought you'd figure it out. Aren't you pigs?"
"You're kind of a dick, aren't you?"
"To pigs."
"Fuck the pigs!" Hawke shouted.
"Oink, oink, oink!" Varric rambled.
"Fuck you, Anders," Aveline mumbled with her eyes closed.
"Shhhh. Sleepy time," Anders said, putting a finger to her mouth.
"Don't shush her!" Donnic said, slapping his hand away.
"What's your problem? Who are you, even, random guy I once treated?" Anders said, all confused and defensive.
"He's Donnic," Aveline mumbled sleepily. "He's the best."
Donnic beamed inside and, very absent-mindedly, kissed her hand.
The clinic door banged loudly open. Fenris ran in with a sack and fished out one, two, three potions for Anders.
"On it," Anders said, going to Hawke and Varric.
"What in the Void do you have in there? Did you rob an apothecary?" Donnic said.
"Why is Aveline down?" Fenris said, his eyes doubling.
"Heart attack," Aveline mumbled sleepily.
"What?!" Fenris said.
"No, no," Donnic said. "Just a panic attack."
"Oh," Fenris said, breathing again. "Maker, this day is a fucking disaster!"
"You're a disaster!" Hawke shouted.
"I am!" Varric cried. "Please don't leave me!"
"Did you, uhm… have an accident?" Donnic said, pointing at Fenris's wet trousers.
Fenris looked down at himself, chuckled a little, then fainted.
Night time, Hightown
Donnic held Aveline's arm over his shoulder and helped her get into her apartment. The Captain of the Guard was always allocated a little flat in Hightown, but she barely ever went home. The barracks were her home, she'd say. There was so much dust, so incredibly messy.
"Let's put you to bed," Donnic said. He pulled her armour parts off and pretended not to see her bra strap loose around her arm.
He went to the kitchen, hoping he could find something. Food, tea, anything. There was whiskey, cider, baking crap. Tea! Finally. Whiskey checked out, but cider? Baking ingredients? Aveline was no baker. She hated cider!
He made her a tea and sat at her bedside.
"I made you tea," he said.
"Aww, thanks, Donnie," Aveline mumbled with her eyes closed.
He was going to go, but he couldn't help himself. What if she choked on her own vomit or something? He wandered around, not knowing what to do his life.
He lit up the wall candles around her apartment and then he got a little curious.
He looked at a drawer. Birds of Thedas sat on it. She was a nerd? He shuffled the pages, and frowned. Annotations, corrections and doodles dominated and put the print to shame. She needed red ink for the truly criminal mistakes. There was a drawing of a black sicklebill with an arrow coming from a blue plume on its side, saying, Purple, not blue. Colourblind artist (or printing press?). There was another red underlined phrase, about the male twelve-wired bird of paradise that liked to 'smack its wiry tail across the female's face in a display of dominance'. An arrow came out of it saying, Service displays are not dominance, moron. Save your misogyny for the human world. That was Aveline alright. He turned the pages. A word was crossed in red about cockatoos—'needy'. It was replaced by 'high-maintenance'. Then underlined, when it said cockatoos repeat what they hear unintelligently, the arrow led to a comment saying, The author is unintelligent. He turned the page. There were a few bird jokes scribbled on the edges. Who stole from you in the bathtub? A robber duck.
Donnic chuckled. Wait! He blinked. That wasn't her handwriting! It was too girly!
He went to the living room and opened a window. He waved in front of himself to see through the dust. On the opposite wall was a painting of Aveline and Hawke's top halves holding each other. Hawke more than Aveline. She was leaning on her shoulder with half-lidded eyes and held antlers behind the other's head. Aveline looked so damn confident and pretty. Hawke was… fine. There was some reading material on the coffee table. His guilt crept up. The rule always was—do not look inside things, but what's on the surface was fair game. But… it didn't help. He picked up a magazine—Food For Thought Quarterly. She said she could barely fry an egg right! Did she lie to them? Was she a closeted cook?He picked up a book. Mancave Cookbook. What?!
There was a third thing under there. A little pencil drawing of the same painting on the wall. The painting probably came later. On the back it said, Love you, Cappie! Early friendship-versary gift. Watch this space! But… why did it have a fold line in the middle? He folded it halfway, looking at Aveline. Her eyes sparkled. Wait… He looked at the sofa. He looked at the folded drawing. He looked at the painting on the wall, then back at the sofa. The cushion placement and the butt crease suggested they frequently laid down facing away from the painting. He unfolded the drawing. Ew! He dropped it.
He went to the loo. The toilet seat was up. There was another magazine on the floor. The Busty—no. The Busted Halo. Oh, that had some great comedy! He shuffled through it.
A boat of Chantry missionaries sank in the ocean. When they died, the Maker granted them all one wish. The first Sister said, "I want to be beautiful." The Maker snapped His fingers and she became the most beautiful woman in the world. The second Sister wanted the same. The Maker made her even more beautiful than the first. This went on for a while, while the last Sister was chuckling lowly. By the time the Maker got to the last five Sisters, the last one was laughing maniacally on the floor. When her turn came, she laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again!"
Donnic broke into laughter. Wait! No! She was an atheist!
He knew for a fact the former Guard-Captain didn't leave a single hair behind in this apartment. Aveline bragged how she exorcised the place by trashing all of his belongings.
He had a bad feeling. Like when Darla cheated on him. He wasn't going to go through that again. If Aveline had some secret, funny, interesting boyfriend and was looking for a side piece, she could keep him. Unsubscribed.
But… urgh. Why did he have to be a 'good guy'?
Night time, Lowtown
Fenris carried Hawke all across Kirkwall. He thought it would be easier than navigating the convoluted passage with no free hands. Her head kept banging on his new chestplate, waking her up, and he felt guilty. But there were still people in the street. Some vomited, others argued, and a surprising amount of them cheered when they saw her. But, as always, he was an ill omen.
"Help! Terrorist has Lady Hawke!" one person shouted.
Why did he let Donnic leave with Aveline early?
"I am not a terrorist," Fenris said sullenly.
"Prove it!" another Kirkwaller said. He was getting cornered.
"Wha—? I am literally carrying your hero to safety!" Fenris said irately.
"Well, then, you won't mind if we follow you to make sure," another said.
If Hawke wasn't in his arms, he would have beaten the shit out of them.
"Fine by me," he said flatly.
So, he walked, and walked, feeling the disdainful stares on his back and swallowing his hatred.
"What's going on here?" Brennan said from the top of the stairs.
"These idiots are following me because they think I'm a terrorist," Fenris said. He didn't care to stop.
"Alright, then, back to your houses!" Brennan commanded.
"You weren't there, officer! He's one of them knife-ears in the side alley!" a Kirkwaller said.
"On your side of the gate," Fenris said.
"Are you blind? He's got the Amell shield! He's a loyal servant of House Amell," Brennan said. "Get out of here before I throw your arses in jail!"
The people grumbled and left, staring and cursing on their way back.
"Did you really have to call me 'servant'?" Fenris said.
"A servant of justice, as am I," Brennan said.
"And? Did you serve justice tonight?" Fenris said calmly. He didn't want to out himself, but he wanted to measure her reaction.
Brennan avoided his gaze and made way for him. "Move along, Serah."
He continued walking. "Get her home safe," he heard her say. Then she mumbled something she thought he wouldn't hear. "The Captain will have my head as it is."
Night time, Hawke Estate
When he got home—at Hawke's home… There was another problem. Leandra was in an armchair drinking straight out of a bottle. There was smoke in the air. She dropped the bottle when she saw Hawke. She tried to get up, then fell on her face.
Venhedis. "Are you alright?" he said awkwardly.
"Splendid," Leandra's voice came muffled.
"She is alright," Fenris said. "Stay where you are."
"Okay."
He carried Hawke to her bed, tucked her in, but as he left, he heard her say, "Don't leave me, Fen Fen."
He went back to her, kissed her forehead and brushed her hair. "I'm not going anywhere," he said softly. "Your mother needs me."
"Okay," she mumbled.
Alright, one incapacitated Hawke at a time. He went downstairs. Mojo was licking Leandra's face all over. He helped her up and put her in the armchair. He took the bottle away and kept it for himself. He finally sat down, and sighed a huge sigh of relief.
"Maker, she can't see me like this," Leandra whined, covering her face.
"She's pretty out of it," Fenris said, drinking. He swallowed, looking at the sad mess Leandra was. "She is alright now. I promise."
"I'm not," Leandra said, and put a cigarillo in her mouth.
"Since when do you smoke?"
"I don't."
"You nicked one from her nightstand, then?"
"I had to. After everything." She rolled her head back. "Especially after I saw her bottom drawer."
Maker's breath, no wonder she smoked. Then his heart raced. The lyrium potion leaked. "Did they find anything?" Fenris said.
"I don't know. I don't think so," Leandra said, groaning and shifting in her seat.
"I thought I spilled lyrium from… a potion."
Leandra made a raspberry. "Mojo would have licked that clean."
He really was the saviour of the day.
"Thank you for your help, Fenris."
"It was my pleasure," Fenris said. He looked at the very happy, knowing dog. "Mojo did most of the work."
Leandra chuckled. "Did you now?" she said warmly to Mojo, petting him. "Who's the best boy in the whole world?"
Mojo barked that he was. Fenris fell into silent introspection over why he was jealous of a dog. He went to the kitchen, made her a coffee, and came back.
"I am so angry, Fenris," Leandra said, shaking her head in her hand. "I'm angry at the Maker. I'm angry at the whole world."
"Why is that?" he said.
"Because…" She sighed, smoked, coughed, sighed some more. "No matter how many times I try to let go and move on with my life, there's always something."
"I know how that feels," Fenris said, staring into empty space. "Why did they search the house? Do you know?"
"The official reason was harbouring a fugitive."
His throat had too much throat in his throat. "Me?"
"They didn't say. It could be you, it could be Anders. Either way, Petrice and her pet Templar were watching from afar and I almost—" Leandra drew her breath. "Maker, I thought they were going to take her to the Circle." She started crying.
"That will not happen," Fenris said. He kept shaking his head. "Over my dead body will that happen."
"Why did she have to test them?" Leandra said angrily. "The Templars raided a mansion just a couple of days ago. I bet you the only reason they didn't raid us was because it would look petty in court."
"Who issued the warrant? Vanard?"
"No. Magistrate Cormac. But they're all buddies. It could have been Vanard's idea."
"And they used the Guard to work around the Templar problem."
"Maybe."
Fenris banged his head against the armchair. "When Aveline was busy with the terrorist attack."
"Someone knows how to play chess."
"Indeed."
"If only I could convince her to leave," she said, wiping away her tears.
Fenris scoffed. "Good luck," he said. He smirked a little. She probably hadn't thought things through during the Blight. Didn't think that with enough time in Templar City, her daughter would eventually harrow hell upon the system. "It's your own fault you brought her to Kirkwall."
Leandra chuckled. "I know," she said, smiling bitterly. "I know."
Fenris looked down, inhaled, and gazed up at her. "Thank you. For bringing her here."
She grinned and winked and pointed at him. "You're welcome."
"How was your… date?" Fenris said awkwardly, thinking a change of subject would help.
"Oh, it was alright," Leandra said. "I'm a heartbreaker now."
"Not ready to commit?" Fenris said, smirking.
"I had the best husband in the world, Fenris. The bar is set very high."
"Good." He went into his thoughts. "Be careful, though. We still haven't found that serial killer."
"There hasn't been a disappearance in years. I'm sure he retired. Besides, they were young women. What would he want with me?"
"There are other serial killers."
"Believe it or not, Fenris, the apple has grown very far away from the tree, and the tree does not find serial killer vibes endearing," Leandra said sneeringly. Then she grimaced at herself. "I'm sorry, dear. I insulted you."
"Yes… but you're inebriated, so… I'm going to let that slide," Fenris said. He looked upstairs. "Can I… uhm… take the spare bedroom tonight?"
Leandra scoffed. "What are you? Fourteen?"
"I will be thirty very soon."
"Ah, yes. Your gift is already wrapped."
"Is it?"
"Do you want to see it now?"
Damn it. He really wanted to see it now. "Sure."
"Second drawer there," Leandra said.
He went to open it, and there was a wrapped rectangle with a note under the ribbon saying, Happy Birthday, Fenris! XOXO. He chuckled as he picked it up. "XOXO?" he said, coming back to the armchair.
"I'm hip now," Leandra joked.
He unwrapped it and it was… a book. No. A diary. Holy—
"Your recipe book?" Fenris said, befuddled.
Leandra nodded with her eyes closed. "All my secrets. They're all in there."
"But you need it—"
"I remember it all," Leandra said, tapping her head. "I remember everything. And one day, I will not be here to satisfy her pedantic and peculiar tastes."
He thought of himself as a pedantic and peculiar taste. He could satisfy for a long time.
"I think I want to XOXO you now," Fenris said, smiling.
"That's what I was going for!" Leandra said and opened her arms.
He stood up, went down to her, hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. He didn't care about any of it. He was flying.
"Do I need to tuck you into bed, too?" he said jokingly, helping her up.
"I can walk unaided," she said proudly, wobbling. "Starting from my door."
"Where were you?" Hawke whined under her blanket. "I'm so cold."
"I'm here now," Fenris said. He removed his armour parts and got into bed with her. He took her to his chest, grimacing a little from the pain, and wrapped his arms around her. How was she cold? She was like a thousand degrees.
"Fen Fen, I fucked up," she said with her eyes closed. "Someone came and took my stuff."
"I did," he said, rocking her. "It's at Varric's now."
"Why?" she whined.
"A judge ordered a search on your house."
"Maker… I can't even lose my shit right now."
"You don't have to, ma adorae. Just go to sleep."
"Okay, Fen Fen…"
He sighed and closed his eyes. He definitely couldn't go to sleep. He opened his eyes, and petted her hair and sighed again. "I will protect you. I will always protect you," he said softly.
She was asleep. Good. He felt that was too cloying, even for her.
Sleep, of course, didn't come, and at one point he thought he was going to burst into flames. He shook his head and sighed. He came up in the bed, and took off his jumper, and his legs screamed to go next. He obliged.
He felt very grateful she was unconscious, because he went through myriad of awkward tries and groans to tolerate contact. At one point Hawke's arm was just dangling in the air. But then her body had enough and she put an arm over him and her head went on his chest, and it took everything in his power not to make a sound. He wrapped his arms around her. It was the worst and best feeling in the world, somehow.
He was dipping in and out of the iron maiden, dipping in and out of the delightful softness of her face. He resolved to keep his eyes open at all times, to remember she was there. To forget everything else. He stopped breathing when she sleepily kissed his chest. He breathed out. He was enveloped by a wholly different iron maiden, her pure and total antagonist.
But one memory remained.
Eleven years ago, Minrathous
It wasn't the first time they had this conversation. Danarius said they'd had it before, quite enough times. He was getting tired of introducing himself as his master every time. But he couldn't remember a thing. Nothing except when it all began. The indestructible memory.
"Please, make it stop," Fenris said with half a voice, vegetating in bed.
"You have to be strong, my boy," Danarius said at his bedside. "If you don't remain strong, it will be for naught."
"I'm trying," Fenris whispered.
It was too much pain. Too much and everywhere. He wanted to exit his body. It was a prison of pain. He wanted to forget it all again. He would have done anything.
"It's your own damn fault for not being strong," Danarius mumbled to himself. "Now I can't wipe your memory anymore. You did it yourself. You'd become a vegetable if I tried."
"Please!" Fenris cried, grabbing his arm. He literally cried.
"Absolutely not!" Danarius said, shoving his hand away. He stood up and was going to leave.
"Please, master, don't leave me like this. I will do anything."
Danarius stopped and turned around. "You used to be strong. I know you have it in you."
"Then give me back my memories. I will be strong again."
"Even if I could…" Danarius sighed. "No."
"Please!"
"There is such a thing as too strong."
"What does that mean?"
"It doesn't matter. You won't remember this anyway," Danarius said spitefully. The door banged so loudly shut it felt like another iron maiden spike.
But he did remember that time.
Night time, Hawke Estate
Fenris sighed and cracked his neck. He felt much stronger now. Stronger in a way he'd never been. And for a moment it felt like the meter had a lot more space. Space he wanted to fill with the most important thing, the strongest thing.
He swallowed hard and whispered, "I love you."
"What?" Hawke said, waking up a little.
"I… uh… I loathe… uh… you being so unwell." He grimaced so hard he needed a new face. Why was he such a fucking coward?
"Iss'all good," she mumbled sleepily.
"It's all good," he agreed, petting her hair. "It's all good."
He sat with the feeling, as she told him to. He sat with it for a long time. Birds began chirping. He liked that sound.
Morning, Aveline's Apartment
"Hawke!" Aveline shouted, springing up in her bed. Why… when did she get here?
"Hawke is okay," a voice came from the floor. Donnic was lying there, with some clothes under his head and rubbing his eye.
"Donnic? What are you doing here?" she said, looking around. "Oh, Maker, this place looks like shit."
"Kind of," Donnic said, rubbing his other eye. "You were pretty out of it, and you couldn't stop vomiting."
"Ew, and you slept here?" Aveline said, looking down at the bucket next to her bed.
"Yeah…" Donnic said, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm not sure what I was doing either."
She was mortified. Didn't know what to say.
Donnic picked himself up, and dusted his civies off. "You seem alright now," he said.
"Yes," Aveline said. "W-would you like a cup of tea?"
"Since when do you bake?"
"You looked in my cupboards?"
"I made you tea last night."
"Uhm… yes. I… bake," she said, clearing her throat.
"The toilet seat was up. Do you live with someone?"
"N-no!" Aveline said, her eyes doubling. For fuck's sake, Fenris. She rubbed her forehead. "It's… complicated."
"Sorry for prying," Donnic said coldly. "It's none of my business."
Andraste's flaming arse, this wasn't good. "I've got a-a friend who…" She couldn't think, "…crashes here sometimes."
Donnic looked amused all of a sudden. "Tsk, tsk, Captain. Harbouring a fugitive of the law?"
"N-no!" Aveline said. Fucking Void, how could she get out of this mess? She could just tell him to leave. If he didn't leave, she had the right to kill him. No, but then who was going to read her the morning news with that cute face and smile? Think, woman, think! "He's uh… he's a homosexual."
"Is he?" Donnic said, snickering. "What kind of guys is he into?"
"Uh… feminine guys?" Aveline said.
"Right," Donnic said, amused. "Are you sure it isn't the other way around?"
"No, he's butch alright… uhm… aside from the cooking," Aveline said, scratching her ear.
"Does he… dissect his food? Has sort of a serial killer vibe?" Donnic said.
"Y—" Aveline frowned and looked up at him. "Do you know something?"
"I might know something."
Shit. She was going to get so fired.
"Say what you know," she said, narrowing her eyes.
"Let's say it together," he said, kneeling. "On the count of three?"
"One, two, three," they said together.
"Fenris," Aveline said at the same time as Donnic said, "Fentastic apartment."
"Piss off!" she said, gently slapping him away.
Donnic laughed and picked himself up. "Boy, do I have a story for you."
"I'll make some tea," Aveline said, standing up and squeezing past him. "You get rid of the bucket. Wait, no," she said, stopping herself. She looked up at him awkwardly as they bumped into each other. He was too cute up close. She cleared her throat. "You make tea. I'll get rid of the bucket."
"And it was this big!" Donnic said at the kitchen table, his hands far away from each other.
Aveline face-kissed the table laughing. She bumped her tea into his. "Congrats, Hawke!"
"That's what I said!" Donnic said, laughing.
Aveline finished laughing, then a softness came over her. She encased the mug with her hands. "You walked away."
"I had to. It was going to haunt my nightmares!" Donnic said, snickering.
"Thank you, Donnic," Aveline said, smiling. She looked away. "He's a good man. He's just… a little lost. And a little helpless."
"He's alright," Donnic said. "You should have seen him protect Hawke. He was going to give himself to me on a silver platter."
"Good," Aveline said, nodding to herself. "I worry for her."
"Speaking of which… what's the starling of Lothering?" Donnic said.
"What?" she said with owlish eyes.
"You told me if you die, and Hawke dies, and Varric dies, I have to take Fenris to a woman named Felicia in Darktown and ask for the starling of Lothering."
"Maker's breath," Aveline said, rubbing her forehead. "It's not important."
"It sounded very important," Donnic said. He cleared his throat. "But you're alive, and Hawke's alive, and Varric's alive, so… I don't have to know."
"It's nothing bad," Aveline said, hugging her mug tightly. "But it's her business."
"You're a good friend," Donnic said, smiling.
"Right back at you," Aveline said, smiling a little.
"I hope…" Donnic said, becoming very nervous all of a sudden.
"What?" Aveline said, her heart rushing.
Donnic wanted to speak, but couldn't. He stood up unexpectedly and went out the door. What… just happened? Did she black out again and said something stupid?
But then he came back with today's newspaper and sat back down at the table. He started reading, "Elves terrorise Lowtown. Bla, bla, bla, racist drivel. The Captain of the Guard bravely puts a stop to it with the help of renegade noble, Hawke."
"That's the nicest thing they've said about her," Aveline said, chuckling.
"Helping—famed writer Varric Thetras of the Merchants Guild and possible unnamed paramour of Hawke, man with blond ponytail."
"Maker, Fenris will punch a wall if he sees that."
"Anders is a bit of a prick."
"He can be, at times. You get used to it."
"Fenris punched a wall when we got to the side alley. Maecon was going to arrest him."
"Damn it, Maecon!" She covered her face and sighed. "This is my fault."
"I think it's larger than you. It's the system's fault."
"I'm the system! I should be better!"
"And we will be."
Aveline smiled. "Yes. Absolutely."
"He also got you a new elven recruit," Donnic said.
"What?" Aveline said, surprised.
"Girl named Lia, from group."
"Oh, Lia. Of course. I have no idea how she managed to convince that rapist to let her go, but she's definitely got something."
"She also likes to kick things."
"Even better."
Donnic smiled and went back to the newspaper. He read, "Serial killer on the loose. Qunari receive converts." She was getting angry. "Templars raid Hightown mansion, find nothing, Knight-Commander apologises. Local guardsman has massive crush on Captain. Oh! Pancakes Around The World is doing well."
"What?" Aveline said. She didn't think she'd heard that right. All the nerve endings in her body electrocuted her and made her phase out of existence for a few seconds.
"Pancakes Around The World is doing well," Donnic said nonchalantly, turning the page. "I really like pancakes."
"N-no, the one be-before that?" Aveline stammered.
Donnic smirked. "Local guardsman really likes Captain. More than he likes pancakes."
She could faint right now. She would faint so hard if it weren't for the fact she wanted to throw herself across the table and tackle him to the floor and make out with him.
She took the newspaper out of his hands, and prepared to read something like 'the Captain also really likes local guardsman', but all of a sudden, her fingers were rumpling the edges.
"You're getting angry again," Donnic said. "Is it the news or… me?"
Aveline sighed. "You," she said flatly. "You slept with Isabela," she said, putting the newspaper down. "I can't… No, I can't."
"What? No! Ew!" Donnic said, frowning in outrage.
"But you said last night—"
"Yes, she was black, and she did have a blue headscarf, but with a forehead knot. Also, her name was Lena. Also, she was a tailor."
Aveline's eyebrows reached for the sky.
"I don't know why I mentioned that," Donnic said, face-palming. "I-it's just, I saw her there, at group, and I felt so incredibly guilty."
"Why?" she said, frowning. "It's not you who abused her... I hope."
"No. It's because I wasn't thinking, a few years ago. I don't do one-night stands, but I was angry and drunk and miserable, and I had gonorrhoea from Darla and the doc wanted to charge me an arm and a leg and I didn't take care of it right away, and I didn't think, and I just… gave it to her," he said awkwardly. He looked down, covering his forehead. "Poor woman's been through so much, and I was the jackass who gave her another problem."
"Stay where you are."
"Yes, Captain."
"Stop calling me Captain."
Donnic hit his head a little. "Sorry. Aveline," he said, chuckling. Then his smile died, and he stared at her, his fist forming on the table. "Strong, smart, hot as all fiery hells Aveline."
She inhaled, and rushed out. Donnic looked at her go. He pulled the newspaper to him and pretended to read.
He heard water running and brushing, and then Aveline came back and took his face and planted a furious kiss on him. He dropped the newspaper.