Author's Note: Thanks are owed to the following people for sending in letters:

Gunnergirl

Danielle Shan

Naomi-Jayne

Kaye

Akki the Angel of Death

Charming as Dirt

Thank you all for participating and reviewing the story. It really was a pleasure! Meanwhile, I'm no longer going to answer letters from "Steve", but rather some other character of my own choosing. If you want to put the name of a character in a review that you'd like to see answer fan mail, feel free. (But not a letter just yet, as I want to do at least one chapter where I simply make up letters.) If there is great demand for a certain person, then I'll probably do them. Well, enjoy this chapter!

Dear Mr Lord, Steven, Dudey Guy.

Who are you again? I Mean are you somesort of celebrity? I Never even heard of you and I've of every one!

Yours bloodily

A Very Confused Not So Much Of A Fan Vampet.

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Dear A Very Confused Bit of Fresh Meat That Clearly Has a Death Wish,

Well, duh, of course you wouldn't have heard of me. I didn't write a whole book proclaiming my greatness unlike a certain self-proclaimed Lord of the Humans you've probably heard of! (A/N: no offence to any Christians here!) Honestly, how vain do you have to be to do something like that? Well, yeah, anyway, get a life, peace out, smell ya later, hasta lavista, and don'tstopupmymailboxagainyoupatheticpieceofcrap.

-- Steve Leopard (insert paw print here)

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Dear Steve,

I only have one question. Are you GAY?

Sincerely yours,

Danielle :)

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Dear Danielle,

Uh, you really shouldn't have asked me that. Just because I jerk off at night thinking about Gannen doesn't mean anything. Oh, crap, did I just write that? Damn, I'll just put this away for now, answer it later…(unfortunately Steve had a brief lapse of thought and accidentally dumped this in the mailbox along with other fan mail replies where it was delivered by the vampaneze in charge of his mail)

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Dear Steve Leopard
If at any time you would like assistance with trying to kill Darren Shan just call on me, Shan killed my best friend Kurda Smahlt and I want his guts in my dog bowl. Oh by the way, is Darius really your son, was there doubt over who the father was, is that why you resent him? I know it's none of my business but I was just curious. Anyway, get back to me on that one if you can, keep up the bad work
love Elisha
ops, sorry 'sincerely' Elisha I know you hate 'love'

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Dear Elisha,

You did that just to make me mad. Anyway, on the subject of Kurda Smahlt: now he was one gay vampire! I mean, seriously, Glalda described him to me and I could just tell. The Vampaneze Lord knows all! Hah, let that be a lesson to you, miss Let's-Ask-The-All-Powerful-Lord-of-the-Vampaneze-About-His-Sexual-Preferences! And of course Darius is my son! The family resemblance is obvious. You must be stupid in that way. I don't resent him either. I love my son. I do. I really do. And if anyone besides me kills Darren Shan, I'm gonna have to kill them too…so, yeah, just stay out of it…please…mortal…

-- Steve Leopard (insert paw print here)

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Dear Steve,

I just thought you might like to know this (I don't where they came from):

40 werewolves are coming after you the next full-moon.

Just so you don't die un-honourably (like stabbed in the back, or killed and eaten when you are asleep)

Sincerely,
Kaye

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Dear Kaye,

Yeah, right! I've heard that one before. I'm too sexy to get killed by werewolves! You must be in total denial about that. I'm sorry, but it's true. JELOUS!

--Steve Leopard (insert sexy paw print here)

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Dear Stevie,
A poem of admiration
that will stir the vampeneze nation:
You are the greatest beyond compare,
I worship your bright eyes,
your shiny hair.
Oh please reply,
The one who sent creepy Crepsley bye,
The supreme ruler of the vampaneze.
(To bad you always sneeze.)

From your secret admirer,
Gannen Harst

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Dear fake-Gannen Harst,

Yeah, it's stirred the vampaneze nation all right. Apparently they got it into their thick heads they all wanted to right poetry too…yeah, thanks a lot. R.V.'s trying to find someone to write for him since he doesn't have hands, Morgan James is writing gruesome craptastic verses, and the real Gannen is becoming an angst-ridden beat nick. Thanks a lot.

--Steve Leopard (insert Tylenol here)

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Dear Steve,the hot evil vampaneze Lord,-sempai!
My name is Pili-chan(or Akki The Angel Of Death),and I'm a big fan!
Evil rulz! more evil people (or vampaneze and other creature of the night) need to win! it's not fair that the good side always win!(and it's not fair that I didn't meet Evra-chan! I think that you and Evra-chan are the hot hottest guys ever!)
Can I join the vampaneze? please? I can use any weapon you want me to use!blood is good!especially when it's dripping slowly from a victim (Evil smile).
Will love to serve you,
Pili-chan(AKA Akki The Angel Of Death)

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Dear Pili-chan,

Yeah sure, you can join! Oh, but I hate to disappoint you (weeeell…not really) but Evra-chan (What the Hell?) is already taken…besides, I think I heard somewhere that he was getting into some, uh, serious drugs and things like that…anyway, come on over whenever, but don't, like, kill the spiders or anything; they're my friends.

--Steve Leopard (insert paw print here)

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Dear Steve,

I have a serious problem. My friend's mother is deeply religious and has sheltered her daughter for years. Now she's looking for the wrong kind of attention and is depressed and suicidal. I don't know what to do, because if I tell anyone her mother will find out and that will only make things worse (trust me, it will). How can I help her? What would you do in a situation like this?

Best wishes,

Confused

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Dear Confused,

Who do you think I am, Dr. Phil! Why don't you ask him about this problem so that he can put you on the show and make you look like an idiot? What are thinkin'? We can do this! This is gonna be a changing day in your life…and all that crap! I am not a psychologist, except when I catch Gannen in the other room cutting himself. In which case I always give him a few more cuts to help him out a little…I mean, if he wants to cut himself, why not?

--Steve Leopard (insert paw print here)

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