Growing Together

Part 4

Summary: The morning after.

A/N: See, I told you I would update more regularly. Sorry that some of you felt cheated that I left out Sara's tale, but I thought that the way they told it on the show was great and I didn't want to change the facts, but I hope that you still like my story.

xxxxx

One look at the clock told him that they had slept for almost six hours. Sara was still curled up to him.

When the sleep had been shaken off and he watched her, anger welled up in him again. How could this have happened to her?

In his rational mind he knew that it could happen to anyone. Children in such situations were always innocent bystanders and never had a choice. Sara had had no choice.

He had to do something about that anger, had to expunge part of it somehow. If not for him then for Sara. She didn't need his anger while trying to deal with her own feelings.

He also knew he had to say something, suggest that maybe she should seek professional help if she felt like she couldn't deal with it. That would be a problem. Sara was proud and often didn't want to need the help of others.

For now, he decided to postpone all decision in favor of taking care of his and her immediate well-being. His stomach was rudely reminding him that he hadn't eaten since yesterday evening and neither had she. The breakfast they had planned had been postponed with the arrival of Nick and now his body protested the missed meals.

He didn't know if Sara would be able to eat anything when she woke, but he decided to make breakfast with whatever Sara had bought earlier.

Carefully, he extricated himself from underneath her body, hoping she would not wake up.

xxxxx

It was the smell of brewing coffee that lured Sara out of bed. Grissom had been careful not to make any sounds, but he hadn't counted on her olfactory sense.

At first, she was a little bit disoriented, not really remembering what had happened that morning or why she still had all of her clothes on, but then awareness seeped into her. This morning she had told Gil Grissom everything…and he had not left her.

Her fears had been unjustified, but feelings were always stronger than any rationality. Grissom was still here.

Of course that did not make it all go away; her problems would remain, but she did not feel quite as imprisoned by them.

Another wave of aroma floated into the bedroom, and Sara hurried to get out of yesterday's clothes and into something more comfortable before she headed into the kitchen.

Grissom was facing away from her, but the way his shoulders pulled up for a second indicated that he had sensed her presence. He confirmed this by speaking. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

He turned slightly and smiled, wanting to reassure her.

"Exhausted, but better." She moved closer to him, and when he didn't react, she pressed herself against his back and wrapped her arms around his middle.

To see what he was doing, she peeked over his shoulder, making him shiver when her breath grazed his neck. He was cutting some of the fruit she had bought, arranging it artfully on a plate. "I thought you might be hungry."

Sara grinned, and her hand shot forward to steal a slice of banana, which found its way to her mouth over Grissom's shoulder.

"Guess I was right." Grissom murmured more to himself than to her, but Sara heard and grinned.

Impulsively, she turned her head and kissed his neck, not able to resist the temptation. Once more, Grissom shuddered and Sara could see him grip the knife tighter. She realized that now was not the time for this, especially not when there was a possibility that he could hurt himself.

To avoid further conflict with him, she extricated herself from him. "I'm going back to take a quick shower. Think the food will be okay until then?"

Grissom swallowed hard, still not moving, but then he nodded. Only when Sara was out of his sight did he relax.

xxxxx

During the leisurely breakfast they stayed away from any topic related to that morning. Both knew that they would have to discuss things further before going back to work. Sara would have to face Nick, and to patch their friendship, this issue had to be worked out.

They took their time filling their empty stomachs, but when Sara had finished and pushed her plate away, they knew it was time for another talk. If this hadn't been so important, one of them would have backed out, thrown by the intensity level their relationship had reached.

Neither wanted to hurt the other. They wanted to help.

"We both don't really want to," Sara was the one to start, "but I know I messed up."

Grissom knew that he couldn't let her go down that road. He did not want her to throw everything away just because some people were far too curious for their own – and the other's – good. "Sara, you did not mess up. I just wanted to discuss our options for making the whole situation more comfortable."

Grissom pushed the plates out of his way to reach for Sara's hand. "Let's take this over there."

He led her away to sit on her couch, never letting go of her hand.

"But that's how I see it. I behaved unprofessionally, so unprofessionally that the others noticed my strange behavior. And I lost it with Nick. I practically told him I was seeing someone. Besides that, the way I told him…"

Sara lowered her head and her hair cascaded over her face, hiding a wave of new tears from Grissom. Not that he needed to see them; it was enough to hear her voice. He moved closer to her so that their bodies touched.

"But that's not the worst of it. What matters most is what you think about me now. Are you sure you still want to be here? With me?" Sara couldn't understand why Grissom smiled at her, and for a second she felt her other feelings substituted with anger, but she knew that he was not laughing at her.

"We are a pair. I can't believe I ever doubted that we had common ground. We are both so insecure. It's tragic, really. And what's more, I think the only way we can overcome this is by making a positive with two negatives." He pushed her hair back just to see her smile shyly. "I know I have a history of backing out, but this time I won't. We'll sort this out."

When Sara heard the conviction in his voice, she sighed and leaned into him. "How do you propose we go about it?"

His arms came up around her, wanting to comfort her. "Well, about me, you don't have to worry. It hurts to know what you've been through, but that won't change the fact that…"

There it was again, the hesitation. This time he was determined to push through. Sara needed to hear this. "…that I love you."

He needed to keep saying it to make it flow more easily.

"I know you don't want pity. You took my story, which is not much compared to yours, in stride. I have a problem with yours, that is true. Not because of you, but the thought that you were hurt in this…"

"I didn't take your 'life' in stride. And it's not nothing. It's important to you, so it's important to me." Sara cut him off. She had lifted her head and was now staring into his eyes defiantly.

"Honey, we can talk about me again if you want, but right now I want to focus on you. Is that alright?"

She searched for something in his eyes, and when she found it, she nodded.

"Sara, have you ever talked to someone about it?"

When she nodded and then shook her head, he raised his eyebrow in confusion.

"Well, I went to one or two shrinks, but I just couldn't talk about it. The first time social services sent me, but I refused to talk. You know how I feel about spilling my guts, and I wasn't any different then."

The thought of the exasperated shrink made her smile a bit despite the gravity of the situation. "I tried again during college, but I couldn't get past the introduction."

Grissom could relate to that. Talking about something like that in front of anyone would be almost impossible for him as well. But times had changed. "I don't want to push you into anything, but maybe you could consider getting outside help. But it's your decision."

Sara nodded, indicating that she would at least think about it.

"I will never lose my respect for you, especially not because of anything like this."

When a tear rolled down her cheek, he bent forward to kiss it away. His lips traveled down further until they reached her mouth, showing her how much she meant to him. They reveled in the physical intimacy and drew strength from each other. The knowledge that 'this' was not going to break that easily anymore added to that building strength.

They pulled away with regret, but this conversation was not finished.

The hope that had returned to Sara wavered when she remembered that there was still the problem with her friend. "What am I going to do about Nick?"

She shivered at the thought of a renewed confrontation.

"Do you want to tell them about us? Explain everything?" It would complicate things, but if that's what it would take for Sara to make peace with Nick, then he was ready to take that step.

Sara looked away, trying to think it through logically. What would be the best way to handle this?

Grissom kept her in his arms, waiting silently and letting her think. He was surprised when she spoke not too much later. "We agreed to keep this quiet because we didn't want to share this too soon. That hasn't changed for me. I slipped, but Nick doesn't know the details."

She was shaking a bit, remembering the fight and at the same time imagining what effects could arise if word about their relationship got out too soon.

"Sara, if you want to tell Nick or the others, if that lightens some of the pressure on you, we can do that."

"It's not that I don't trust Nick, but there's so much at stake here." She willed him to understand that she was still a bit insecure.

The years she had spent fighting to hang on, hoping that one day they would find a way to make it work, had worn her down.

"You don't trust me." The statement was flat, and although he didn't pull away physically, she could feel him recede mentally.

She gripped his hand tighter. Although that was not completely true, Sara knew that it was at least part of the problem. "No, that's not true. I do trust you."

"But?"

"But, I don't…I'm scared that this is too fragile right now to draw the focus away." She fell silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts to make it easier for him to understand. "Grissom, I've never trusted anyone like I do you."

She tugged on his hand, making him look into her eyes. She wanted him to see the truth there. "I trust you."

Grissom nodded slowly, giving her at least an indication that she had his attention. "Our relationship is very special. It took us a long time to finally get where we are now. I don't trust the fact that it seems so easy right now. What happens if we'd go ahead and bring other people into the equation? We do need to work on this, us some more before we do anything else."

He was returning to her, she could feel it. "I trust you. And I want to be with you, and the best way to do this is by working on us, and only us."

Silence fell over them. Sara had said her part, now it was up to him.

A smile brushed over her face when she realized that a few months ago, this would have been impossible. They were talking, really talking, about essential things like trust and love without skirting around the issue and making it an abstract model. This was only about them and it was working.

Grissom had needed some time to sort through everything Sara had brought up, but he knew she was right. "I think you're right. We're still struggling, although we tend to push that to the back of our minds."

He reached up and brushed his fingers over her cheek. "We will focus on us. We need to be more secure with ourselves and our relationship first, and then we can think about telling someone else."

Sara smiled at him, glad that they were on the same page again. She had also gotten the hint he had dropped. Maybe she was right about the state of their relationship and maybe he was right about working through her problems. She would try.

That only left the problem with Nick. "I'm going to have to apologize to Nick. I will tell him that I need more time before I can tell him. Hopefully, he will accept that."

Grissom nodded, and she felt him relax somewhat. Now that they had a plan, they would be able to rest a bit before they had to face the world again.

Grissom turned on the couch and pulled Sara with him so that she was sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest. When they were finally in a comfortable position, Sara sighed and closed her eyes.

The world could wait.

TBC