Growing Together
Part 7
Summary: There's a cloud on the horizon.
A/N: Since my hit counter isn't working I have no idea how well the last chapter was received. I hope I'm on the right path with Sara's list. I'm also wondering if I should incorporate Amelia and her family in this story again. Any ideas?
xxxxx
Grissom woke up first after having slept not even four hours. He wondered what had woken him since he was still tired.
One look at the other person in bed told him the answer. Sara had hogged all of the covers, leaving him without any protection. She was wrapped tightly in the blankets and Grissom wondered whether she was just cold or if there was a deeper meaning attributed to it. Were the last two days so had that even in her sleep she needed protection?
He decided to leave her like that and went to find another blanket. His hallway closet produced a nice warm wool blanket, but he was suddenly drawn to the living room. Although he had wanted to return to his bed and Sara, there was something pulling at him, leading him in the other direction until he stood in front of his couch table.
There it was - Sara's list.
He sat down and picked it up, sliding his fingers over the starched material, tracing the words she had written.
Again, he noticed that there was something at the bottom of the sheet that Sara had erased. Whatever it was, she wasn't ready to face it. He would respect her decision, but couldn't help wondering what it was. It would be simple to do a quick test in QD, but he would never actually do that. Sara hadn't wanted him to know; she probably didn't know what to do with that particular problem herself. There were things that couldn't be put into words.
A wave of sadness swept over him and mixed with the tenderness he felt for Sara. They had both been through something that no child should have to endure, Sara more than him, and that made them what they were today: insecure, vulnerable, saddled with a lot of baggage and shy regarding relationships.
Sara had made an important step on the road of recovery. If he wanted to be there for her, wouldn't he have to work on his own problems?
Just like on the list, there were some things he needed to do to be able to leave everything behind and look forward without the fear of it coming back to haunt him. As much as he wanted to show her he was serious, he didn't feel ready to write everything down.
Thinking about Sara, he glanced over to the bedroom, but everything was quiet. She seemed to be getting more sleep lately, and he wondered why he always woke up first.
Those were idle thoughts to distract him from making a decision about the list.
His mind began to wander. Their relationship was still new, but wasn't it time to talk to his mother? He wanted her to meet Sara.
How would their friends react once they found out? How would the powers that be react?
Their future held so many uncertainties that his head began to ache.
Determined not to let this get to him enough to make him panic and do something stupid, he tried to steer his thoughts into another direction.
He picked up one of his forensic journals and began to read.
xxxxx
A slight touch on his cheek and the feel of fingers running through his hair woke him later.
He had fallen asleep over one of his journals as he had obviously not been rested enough. When he opened his eyes now, he could see Sara kneeling in front of the couch. He would have expected a smile, but all he got was a serious, pondering frown.
To see her better, he turned onto his side. "What's bothering you?"
His voice sounded odd, still heavy with sleep, but the message seemed to startle her and she pulled back. Her hands left his body, and for a second he thought she would bolt.
She didn't, but she kept her distance. "We need to get up. Bathroom, food, work."
She smiled at him, but he could tell that it was forced.
The whole scene was confusing to him. Why was Sara behaving so strangely?
"Sara?" he tried again, but she ignored him and left him lying on the couch.
Staring after her, he wondered if something had happened. He didn't recall hearing one of their phones or the doorbell; he wouldn't have slept through that.
The thought didn't let him go until Sara emerged from the bathroom. She passed him without another word and moved about in the kitchen.
Right now, her whole posture was screaming 'defensive,' so he opted to give her more time to work through whatever was bothering her and left to get dressed.
What had prompted this change in her? When they went to bed, everything seemed fine.
For once, his mind couldn't solve a problem, and Sara would not make it easy for him to get to the bottom of this.
xxxxx
Being together was strained well into their working hours.
In fact, Sara seemed to become even more distanced when he paired her with Warrick. She stalked off, leaving before Grissom had finished handing out the assignments.
He paired himself with Nick and left Catherine to work on her own. He was not quite ready to face Catherine and Nick seemed to be in a quiet mood, probably still feeling bad about his argument with Sara. Not to mention that Catherine would start questioning him as soon as an opportunity would present itself, and he feared that she would see it all considering his current distraction. When she wanted to, Catherine was like a dog with a bone; she just wouldn't quit.
Letting her go solo also ensured that she wouldn't bother Sara, although he himself was dying to find out what was wrong. Yet, he was not desperate enough to bring in Catherine.
The case he and Nick worked progressed rather well, but he could not get Sara out of his mid. One look at Nick and Grissom knew that Nick sensed that he was not really there. Being the man that he was, Nick didn't comment on it, but the worry was clear in his eyes.
For someone who wasn't used to being attached to such a large group of people who cared about him, it was hard for Grissom not to give into the urge to flee and hide. His team cared, and besides the feeling of discomfort, he was also relieved that he was not alone.
Grissom shook his head, not wanting Nick to become any more suspicious, dislodging his current thoughts. They were at a crime scene and he had to focus on that.
xxxxx
"Hey, Gil." Brass was standing in the doorway of one of the labs, not daring to enter.
Who knows what kind of experiment Grissom was performing this time. If it was something explosive, messy or possibly damaging to the body, he didn't want to get too close.
"There haven't been any results. It might take a while." He only looked up once and then focused back on his work.
"Yeah, that's not what I'm here for. Not primary anyway."
Now Grissom did look up again, wondering what Brass was getting at. Usually he didn't drag.
"Would you like to go for some drinks after work? It's been awhile." His trademark sarcasm was back, and he seemed satisfied that Grissom was sufficiently distracted from his work.
"I can't."
Brass was not put off by such a rejection and raised his eyebrow as a sign of skepticism. "Come on, work can wait."
He tried to goat his friend, but Grissom didn't bite. He wanted to go back home with Sara. He needed to find out what was bothering her.
"I can't."
The force of his second rejection of Brass' plans signaled to Jim that this conversation was over. Once Grissom had made his mind up, there was no convincing otherwise. It would be no use trying any further, and Brass knew that.
He retreated, giving his friend one last glance, but Grissom was already looking down the microscope again.
xxxxx
By the end of shift, Grissom's mood had sunk low; low enough that he had snapped at Greg. That hadn't happened in a while.
Sara was avoiding him. Warrick had been the one to update him on their case. It frustrated and worried him.
Now at the end of shift, he was wandering through the halls, looking for Sara. He didn't find her.
The only one who was still around was Warrick, who was writing up his part of the report.
"Warrick, have you seen Sara?"
The younger man stared at Grissom for a few seconds, probably trying to figure out the reason why he was looking for Sara. Whatever he had seen, he must have found it satisfactory. "She's already gone. She and Nick wanted to go and have some dinner together."
Grissom stood rooted in place, his heartbeat accelerating. She had just left without telling him.
Yes, they were still autonomous persons who didn't need to spend every minute together, but why didn't she at least tell him that she already had other plans?
He could feel his heart racing, his emotions spinning out of control. This was exactly what he had been afraid of: the loss of control. And Sara was the cause of all this.
He turned and left the room without another word to Warrick, leaving the other man confused about the strange behavior of his boss. Grissom's mind was racing, and his feet moved on his own towards the exit.
As he threw his bag into the backseat of his car, he remembered Jim's offer.
A drink, or possibly a few drinks, were exactly what he needed right now. He pulled his cell phone out and dialed.
"Brass."
"Does the offer still stand?"
TBC