Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to Saban/BVE; no money being made etc.
Note: As promised, here's the sceond 'half' of the previous chapter. Unfortunately, it took me a while to get back into the swing of things, but hey … stuff happens sometimes. sigh Anyway, on with the story … thanks go to Vespera (I –think— it was her, anyway) and Hagar, who both pointed out things to me that I needed to address. Many thanks, ladies! And a Happy Easter to everybody, too. :-) On your way out, please don't forget to pass by the feedback box! DB
Times Present, Times Past
Chapter 15b: Eddies And Swirls
Sunday, Angel Grove Park, Noonish
"I said it before, and I'll say it again, there's no way Jase seduced Kat!"
"Don't tell me you believe she seduced him!"
"I don't know her well enough to answer that, but I doknow Jason! He just wouldn't do that!"
"Guys … guys! Not so loud, or somebody will hear us," Trini soothed Zack and Rocky, who'd been arguing their points with increasing volume. "There's no need to shout!"
Grumbling, glaring daggers at each other, the two young men subsided. They may have wanted to continue their 'discussion' – if only to vent their feelings of frustration and not-understanding – but they had to admit that Trini was right. A few heads on the beach were already turned in their direction, and they waited until the curious looked away again.
"I still say it wasn't Jason's fault," Zack muttered stubbornly.
"Maybe, but …"
Kimberly interrupted Rocky firmly before the two could launch into another futile argument. "Stop it already. Both of you," she admonished Zack with a stern glare as well before he started to feel smug. "We're just talking in circles here, and we won't know what really happened until Jason and Kat are gonna tell us."
"Exactly," Tanya sighed. "And speaking just for myself, that can't happen soon enough."
"Amen," Aisha agreed. She snorted lightly. "Anyone for taking a poll? Who believes one – I don't care who – seduced the other?"
Most of the group sported wry expressions, but at last Adam, Rocky and Zack raised their hands reluctantly.
"I hate to even think that, but what other explanation is there?" Adam mumbled uncomfortably.
"What are the other options?" Trini wondered. Her successor shrugged sheepishly.
"To be honest, I dunno."
"I think they were probably comforting each other one day, and things just got out of hand," Tanya suggested. "A friendly hug that lasted just a tad too long, an innocent kiss given to comfort that suddenly got to be … well, more … it wouldn't be the first time something like that happened."
"It sounds plausible," Trini agreed. "I think I'll vote for that scenario."
"Me, too," Aisha nodded. "Kim?"
The first Pink Ranger sighed. "I … I guess," she murmured, biting her lip. "It's so hard sometimes not to turn to the one person who just happens to be there, when you're all alone and feeling completely lost. You're far away from everything and everybody you love, there's no help, no way back home and you really, really need someone to hold you … Even if your head tells you it's, like, all wrong … that doesn't matter much if all you want is just someone to be there for you, no questions asked." Her voice had dwindled to almost nothing while she spoke, and her doe-brown eyes took on a haunted look. More than one of her friends held their breaths. Was that the voice of experience talking? It sure sounded like it …
"Is … is that what happened to you, Kim?" Rocky asked at last for all, trying to rein in his avid curiosity. To his knowledge, Kimberly had never told anyone what had prompted her to send That Letter to Tommy. "When you, uh …" he hesitated.
"When I broke up with Tommy, you mean?" she grimaced. "N-not quite, but … close." There had been other reasons, but Kimberly felt she owed an explanation to her former boyfriend first. Her friends would just have to wait. "Let's just say I can certainly understand if that was their motive." Her tone made it quite clear that that was all she intended to say on the matter – for now, anyway. To her relief, the others picked up her message and let it rest.
"That makes it four to three," Adam summed things up. "What about you, Billy? Care to even the odds?"
"Yeah, man, you've hardly said a word all morning," Zack chimed in. "Got another theory?"
Billy just shook his head. "No."
"Then what's your take on the situation?" Rocky wondered. "You know both Jason and Kat pretty well; probably better than anyone of us."
Their genius friend stared blankly into the middle distance before replying. When he did, his voice was constricted with an emotion the others couldn't identify. "To be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less either way."
"What?" Aisha almost shrieked. That was not what she'd expected to hear – and certainly not from Billy, who despite his professed ineptitude in social matters really was more perceptive than most people – or himself – gave him credit for. With an effort, she calmed herself. Seeing that the others were as stunned by Billy's statement as she was, she tried for a more reasonable tone. "Billy, you can't be serious. The only reason we're all so worked up about this whole situation is because we just don't see how this mess could've happened … and because we're honestly concerned about Jason and Kat …"
"…and on how it's gonna affect Tommy," Adam added quietly, beating Kimberly to the punch by barely a second. Aisha shot him a glance equally comprised of annoyance at the interruption and gratitude for the reminder, then turned back to Billy.
"Yeah, and I know you are, too – so how can you not care about what happened with 'em in the past?"
The blue-grey eyes finally met hers. To the former Yellow Ranger's surprise, they were filled with anguish.
"Which is precisely the problem – I do care. That is also why I'm not as interested in why they became a couple. The reasons don't really matter at this point."
"They do, too – if we want to understand the situation and help them deal with it," Kimberly argued. "Especially Tommy; he must be totally shattered."
"Granted."
"Then why do you say you don't give a damn?" Adam wondered. "That's not really like you!"
To his astonishment, the former Blue Ranger blushed. He had to clear his throat several times before he managed to reply. "Because I … I'm at least partially to blame for their predicament."
"What? That's nonsense, Billy," Zack protested. "You weren't the one who created the original time hole, and you also didn't shove 'em into the thing! Instead, you did everything you could to get them back safe and sound, took every precaution in the book! And you did it, too!"
Billy just snorted – a sound that came out more like a sob. "Well, yes. Eventually. But how long did it take me? If it hadn't been for Rocky's most fortuitious observation, who knows how long I might have procrastinated further for the sake of caution …"
Kimberly shook her head and laid a hand on Billy's arm. "Billy, that's rubbish. True, we all kinda cursed you now and then because things were taking so long, but that was just our impatience and concern talking. You knew that – I know you did – so how can you say that? You and Justin pointed it out to us a thousand times that safety had to come first; and we all saw the necessity-"
"In the end, anyway, and some of us better and sooner than others," Zack interjected under his breath. Kimberly could't help a fleeting grin at the truth of his observation, remembering Tommy's outbursts, but ignored the remark and ploughed on.
"Whatever. So why …"
Billy made an impatient gesture, shrugging Kim's touch off. "I shouldn't have taken so many precautions. If I hadn't …" he swallowed hard, then continued. "If I hadn't insisted on performing a number of safety checks that, in hindsight, were rather redundant, I could have opened the time hole at least two hours earlier, if not sooner," Billy sighed.
The petite gymnast recoiled a little. It was very uncharacteristic for Billy to be so worked up about anything. "I don't get it," she admitted. "I mean, the delays weren't just due to your double-checking everything; there were Divatox's attacks, too."
"The attacks weren't really quite that threatening," Billy muttered, visibly upset. "I chose to disregard the fact that in the past, we had performed actions just as delicate while under similar strain; it shouldn't have made a difference."
Rocky shook his head, puzzled. "Well, maybe not, but …"
"Don't you see?" Billy spat, with a vehemence that told his friends clearly how agitated he truly was. "We had already established the fact that one hour of real-time – our time, if you will – equalled close to two hundred hours in Jason and Katherine's timeline; estimating that my exaggerated caution in opening the time hole cost us a minimum of four hours all told, I could have brought them back from the past over a month sooner, their time!"
"Yeah, so?" Zack wondered, not making the connection right away. Trini, however, did, and blanched.
"Oh my God, Billy, no …" she whispered, aghast. Whether it was because of the realization what it might have meant for their stranded friends, or because she now recognized Billy's emotion for what it truly was – guilt – she wasn't sure.
As if he hadn't heard her soft exclamation, Billy continued, his voice filled with anguish. "If I had been just a little less over-cautious, a bit more certain of the accuracy of my own calculations, I might have retrieved them weeks earlier. And if I had … their child might well be alive today!"
· · ·
Scott Residence, Shortly After Lunch
Kat had only nibbled at her meal; she really had no appetite, even though Helen and Doris had quickly concocted a delicious soup and sandwiches for everybody. When the after-lunch conversation returned, as was only natural, for the funeral preparations, she waited for the right moment and slipped quietly outside into the garden. She stopped at Helen's flowerbeds, pretending to study the colorful profusion of tulips, daffodils and early summer growth, but in truth saw nothing. That was how Jason found her when he followed.
He waited a few minutes, hoping she'd acknowledge his presence, but apart from a slight stiffening in her posture, no reaction was forthcoming. He finally cleared his throat and felt immediately guilty when Kat flinched.
"I'm sorry," he murmured awkwardly. "Didn't mean to startle you."
Kat just produced a small sound that could've meant anything – both protest or acceptance, he wasn't sure. Jason hesitated, swallowed awkwardly, then tried again to break the increasingly uncomfortable silence.
"Um … are you okay?"
She sighed, slumping her shoulders. "Yeah, why?" To his mind, she couldn't have sounded less convincing if she'd tried.
He shrugged. "You went to the hospital …"
Kat wearily turned around, finally coming face to face with Jason. He ached at the look on her face. They'd both been checked out by a medic right after their return; there hadn't been much wrong with either asides from a slight case of malnutrition – which could easily be remedied by a carefully controlled diet and some medication – so he'd been wondering about the need for a more thorough exam.
"It was just a precaution," she murmured at last. "Dad wanted to make sure that there were no lingering aftereffects from … from the miscarriage." Kat nearly choked on the last word, and a lone tear trickled down her cheek. She wiped it off quickly.
"And? Are there any?" Jason asked, alarmed. God, I didn't even think of that! What if the infection caused any damage, or …
"No, fortunately not. They gave me an antibiotic, though; seems I picked up some kind of bug, or there's still a bit of one left. Nothing serious, though ... that at least explains why I was feeling kinda tired.""Whew."
"Yeah."
With that, the topic was seemingly exhausted, but before Kat could turn away again, Jason asked another question that had been on his mind ever since he'd learned about her trip to the hospital. "Kat … I'm not trying to pry oranything, but … how come your Dad took you? I'd have thought you would've been more comfortable with your mother?"
The blonde smiled briefly; how like Jason to pick up on that detail!
"True, but … I didn't want news of this to get out and possibly falling into the wrong hands …"
"Huh? Like whose?" Right after he'd said that, realization hit. Jason grimaced. "Oh. Boswell and his ilk, right?"
"Mostly, yes," Kat nodded. "Can't you imagine the headlines that creep would come up with if he knew what really happened? I've had more than enough ofall media types to last me a lifetime."
"You and me both." He shuddered at the mere thought.
"No kidding. Anyway, Dad saw my point, so instead of taking me to Stone County General like he'd planned, he called a colleague's wife who he knew is a gynecologist. She has an office at a small private maternity clinic about thirty miles along the coast, so that's where we went. All the necessary equipment was there. I'd have loved to have Mum with me, but she couldn't ensure total privacy, like Dad could."
"I see," Jason replied, nodding slowly. "Makes sense."
"Uh huh. I really would've preferred Mum, but …"
"Yeah. But at least you've got it behind you now, and everything's as okay as can be expected. That's good, isn't it?"
"I guess …"
There was a certain note in her voice that made Jason wonder what else there might be that made her look so uneasy. "Something else bothering you beside the exam?"
She swallowed and bit on her lip to suppress the quiver she could feel there. It took a couple of minutes for Kat to compose herself enough to meet his concerned gaze. When she managed at last, her blue eyes were filled with unshed tears.
"Jason … how am I going to get through Tuesday?"
He blanched. Tuesday was the day that had been set for their daughter's funeral. The second – and hopefully last – one! That was something he'd tried hard to banish from his mind since his talk with the minister, but in view of Kat's anguish, he knew he'd have to face it today after all. He found his voice with difficulty.
"The same way I will," Jason said hoarsely after a minute's hesitation, telling her the only solution he could think of. The onlypossible solution, in any case. "One minute at a time."
"I don't know if I can," Kat hiccuped, looking wan and forlorn. He longed to fold her into his arms, to comfort her like he'd done in the past, but restrained himself – barely. "I mean, saying good-bye to Dorilene once was almost more than I could bear; having to do it all over again … it's going to be so hard!"
"Yeah, I know," he murmured soothingly. "At least this time we won't be alone; we'll have our parents with us," he added, letting her know obliquely that it was going to be just as difficult for him.
And you? What about you? Will you be there for me as well as you were before? Kat wanted to know. She'd heard his words, knew they were nothing but the truth, appreciated them, but desperately wanted more than what Jason was offering. She looked at the young man who only a short time ago had been her rock, her one place of stability and comfort in a world that had gone crazy. She tried to gauge his mood, to see past the words. However, in that moment a cloud passed across the sun, so she was unable to read the expression in the dark eyes. From his posture and what he'd said – or rather hadn't, from the way he'd stepped closer to her, almost but not quite touching, she could make a pretty good guess at Jason's state of mind, but she wanted – no, needed – more reassurance than that. Biting back tears, she reached out and touched his arm, but froze when he almost immediately shook his head and moved away again. It was only a couple of feet, but it might as well have been miles, so alone did the simple movement make her feel.
"Jason?" she wondered, hurt by this apparent rejection. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Which was almost certainly a lie, proven by how the handsome face suddenly closed up, became distant … almost forbidding.
"Then … why won't you let me touch you?" Right now, Kat literally hungered for a hug, some kind of tangible comfort from the one person who'd suffered through her ordeal with her. A part of her indignantly told her that she shouldn't be so needy, that she had more pride and independence than that, but she couldn't care less. During the two years they'd been marooned in the past, pride had had no place; they'd needed each other's support too much to let it stand in the way. Out of that certainty – and the memory of feeling oh-so-safe and protected when Jason had held her – Kat reached for the comfort he'd always given her.
"Please, I … I really need to be held right now," she whispered, taking a tiny step closer to Jason and opening her arms just a little. It seemed as if there was an eerie echo when she uttered the simple plea, as if she'd said much the same words once before. Maybe I have …haven't I?
There was an instant when time seemed to stand still, neither making another move. However, just as Kat was sure she'd be securely in Jason's embrace in another second – surely there was an answering flash of need and longing in the dark eyes? – he retreated further away.
"No."
"Jason, please!" she entreated, cut to the quick by his reaction.
Jason clenched his teeth, the muscles in his tanned cheeks working. "I can't!"
"W-why not?"
He laughed – a short, bitter sound – and half-turned away. Over his shoulder, he gave her an unreadable look.
"Remember what happened the last time you asked me to hold you? If I'd been stronger, been able to say 'no' then, we wouldn't be in this mess right now!"
Kat now recalled the scene in the meadow only too well; it had led to their first kiss, and from there … to Dorilene. And ultimately their baby's death. She also remembered how truly grateful she'd been at the time for the comfort she'd found, and how losing hope for rescue suddenly hadn't mattered so much anymore. How she'd committed herself to Jason in that moment, for better or worse.
But I only meant it for the time being, she reminded herself. Just for however long we were stuck in the past … or until we'd be rescued. That hasn't changed, has it? She refused to answer herself, afraid of what she might discover.
And they had been rescued eventually; that time was irrevocably past now. Or was it? Hanging on to the lofty intentions she'd formed then with the last bit of strength she could muster, Kat couldn't help but wish selfishly that she could experience those feelings of solace and shelter just one more time. So she latched on to the one thing that made her conscience perk up – and tried her utmost to ignore the admonishing inner voice that told her in no uncertain terms she was being more than a little unfair.
"Are you saying it was my fault that we … we kissed, made love, grew as close as two human beings can … that we had a baby?"
"No!" Jason's answer was swift, and without hesitation. His eyes softened slightly, even though he kept his distance. "Kat … at that time, I needed to hold you just as much as you needed to be held – and I think I told you so, too." He ran a hand through his once-again short hair. "But let's face it – that was then; this is now. We're back in our proper time, where we belong. We're no longer dependent just on each other; we have our families and friends to help us now."
Jason paused, glanced away, then lifted his eyes back to hers. The pain and confusion in those blue pools nearly undid him, but he said what he had to.
No matter if it nearly kills me … or how much it hurts.
The deep voice lowered to almost a whisper, and Kat had to strain her ears to understand Jason's next words. "You have Tommy back."
Oh. Right. In her turmoil,Kat had almost forgotten her boyfriend, and wondered in a corner of her mind why that should be so, but that thought was instantly overshadowed by hurt at Jason's apparent desertion, somehow made even worse by his next words.
"You don't need me anymore."
Stunned, the blonde dancer gaped at Jason. Surely she had't heard right; how could he even think she didn't need him? I do! I always w- Katherine cut off her thought becfore it could be fully formed. That way lay a half-perceived danger she wasn't prepared to face. Not yet, anyway. Maybe even … not ever!
"What?" she managed.
Stronger now that he'd finally spoken what had been on his mind since Kat's illness after their baby's death, Jason swallowed surreptitiously and repeated what he'd said.
"It's true; you don't need me anymore now that we're back. What we had … it's in the past. Literally," Jason twisted his mouth briefly, in a bitter grin at the irony of it all. He would have cheerfully given an arm or a leg if Kat had showed that much concern over losing him at another time, mere days – or centuries – before, but their moment had passed … or so he honestly believed. Seeing her bewilderment, though, he amended his statement. "Look, I'm not saying that I won't be friends with you anymore; we've been too close for that to happen. After all, we've been friends even before we got sucked into that damned time hole, and I have no intention ofnot being your friend – ever. But Kat, that's all I can be for you from now on."
Kat shook her head, unable to take it all in. She felt the tears she'd been holding in check for so long spill over and trickle down her cheeks, but she was beyond caring now. All that mattered was that she was about to lose something –someone – she hadn't known meant an awful lot to her. How much exactly, she refused to examine right now.
"How can you say that, after all that we've shared?" she choked. "Does what we had mean nothing to you?" Do I mean nothing to you?
He inhaled deeply. "Yes, it did. You did." More than I can ever tell you … "But things have changed now that we're back." Not the way I feel about you … "We always knew they would – or that they would have to. Part of me may wish they didn't, but …" Jason shrugged, the gesture an expression of both helplessness and finality. In his mind, though, he added something. Another part of me sometimes wishes I'd never given in to our need … and most of me just wants to go on holding you forever. But then, I always knew that wasn't going to happen, so …Kat was beginning to tremble all over as the meaning of Jason's words began to sink in at last. "No … please, Jason, don't …" She was begging now, and didn't care. But he just shook his head as he moved further away from her, distancing himself both literally and figuratively.
"I'm sorry, Kat. I can't. I just … can't," he repeated, his voice gentle but firm.
She flinched as if Jason had dealt her a mortal blow. Jason winced, closed his eyes before Kat's pain and made himself turn once more. The next step, onto the garden path towards the house, took more courage and resolve than he thought he'd possessed, but somehow, he managed. Leaving the slender, beautiful girl standing on his mother's lawn, framed by lush green trees and a profusion of spring flowers, Jason concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, removing himself with inhuman effort from the temptation of letting honor go hang itself and claiming his best friend's girlfriend despite his best intentions to the contrary.
As he reached the patio, Jason dared look back at Katherine over his shoulder one last time. He knew – hoped – that the distance between them was already too great for her to read the lie in his eyes as he shattered his own heart in a single, well-aimed, deliberate blow.
"Go back to Tommy, Kat. That's where you always belonged, isn't it? Where you wanted to be all that time … he loves you as much as you love him." The words cost him dearly, but had to be said.
"It's over."
To Be Continued …