Growing Together

Part 11

Summary: Grissom surprises Sara at the make up dinner.

A/N: This chapter has been heavily discussed (thanks Ace!) and I hope it doesn't feel that I'm rushing things. But after going over it again I feel more comfortable that this is the right step. Please, let me know what you think.

xxxxx

Grissom was already there, waiting for her when she arrived. He looked nervous, but smiled as he saw her, getting up to greet her.

The next few minutes were spent in an uncomfortable silence. Neither of them knew where to start. For Grissom, the time wasn't right, and Sara felt that the things left unsaid were preventing them from relaxing. The day had been hard enough and they didn't need this.

When Grissom decided to burrow himself in the menu, she did so as well, at the same time working on a way to approach things. He was probably doing the same.

Talk, that was important.

A short time later, they had ordered and resumed looking at each other. Sara was still trying to find the best way to start when Grissom had obviously found it.

"Let me apologize again. I'm sorry that I just took your confusion in silence, instead of asking myself if I could change something. I'm sorry that I got drunk past the state of coherence."

She thought he was done when he paused, but he shook his head when she wanted to respond.

"And…I'm sorry that your wish was not fulfilled."

Sara looked at him curiously, not quite remembering what he was talking about. Upon seeing her confusion, he took her hand and elaborated. "You said you wanted to wake up with me. But, I was in the shower and you were alone again."

Her eyes told him that she was remembering, but when she took her time to respond, Grissom wondered if he had missed something. His whole plan depended on the truth of that statement. If he had heard wrong…

"Well," Sara said finally, scaring him even more when she paused again. "We do need to practice that some more."

That was the opening he had been hoping for. He leaned a bit further on the table, getting closer to her. "I'm not sure if we're ready yet, but I've gone over this a hundred times since this morning."

Her eyes went wide - this behavior was new for Grissom. He sounded unsure, but still determined, scared, but trying to gather his courage. What ever it was, it was big.

"This is not an experiment. Whatever you might think, it's not." The vehemence surprised her as much as his words confused her. She didn't even know what he was talking about, but it was a big deal for him.

At this moment the waiter brought their food, stalling any conversation. By now, Grissom was cursing himself that he hadn't waited until after dinner, but now it was too late. He had to ask what he wanted to ask, or neither was going to enjoy the food. If this went wrong, then both of them would lose their appetite. If it went how he hoped it would, the evening couldn't turn out any better.

But first, he had to ask.

"What you said made me think. About waking up with me," he clarified once he saw that she wasn't following his jumps in logic.

"Would you…like to…find a more permanent solution to this situation?"

Sara pulled back, taking her hand from his. His first reaction would have been to take that as a rejection, but they had just dealt with one miscommunication. He faced her head on and steeled himself in case that rejection would indeed come.

Minutes of agony went by as Sara processed his words. Neither the look on her face nor her eyes gave her thoughts away, which made Grissom even more worried. When her eyes focused on him again, he sat up straighter.

"Is that your very weird way of asking me to move in with you?" After the bewilderment cleared, amusement was written all over her features.

Both knew this was a serious situation, but the tension was channeled into amusement. Grissom didn't know how to answer that, so he started to ramble. "It doesn't have to be 'with me' as in living at my house. I mean, we could look for something else. Maybe with enough space that you could have your own room if you need privacy and…"

Sara held up her hand to stop him from really ruining the moment.

"It's not about that. How could I wake up with you if we sleep in separate bedroom? Let's think about the specifics after the answer to the original question."

The distance she had needed at first seemed to be a bit too much now. Her instinct told her to protect her privacy, so she leaned in closer. "Grissom, I want you to be absolutely sure before I give you any answer."

"I told you, I thought about it long and hard. I know we have a long way to go and there will probably be lots of bumps in the road. We have to develop as individuals as well as partners. But, we have so little time outside of work; I want to spend that time together."

There it was again, the determination.

"Okay, then let me voice my doubts. I have just started pulling my life back together. The thought of waking up next to you everyday is very tempting, but we haven't been together that long." Sara broke off, swallowing hard. This was so sudden; how could she make such a decision right now? "Could you give me some time to think about it?"

Grissom looked a bit disappointed but nodded. It worried her a bit that he had fallen completely silent.

"I don't want to ruin our dinner, which is probably already cold. I just need some time. It's not a 'no.' Just let me think about it. Please?"

Again, Grissom only nodded, seemingly in a state of shock. Sara took her chair and moved closer to him, wanting to show him that this had nothing to do with how much she loved him. Their kiss was gentle and affirming, strengthening their connection again.

"I love you," Sara whispered against his lips when she pulled back. "We will work this out!"

xxxxx

They went to work separately, keeping a low profile. Sara was preoccupied with thinking about Grissom's proposal.

It was really tempting- really, really tempting. This was what she had always wanted, and it had been Grissom to ask. Her heart would say 'yes' in a minute. That's what she had wanted to shout out loud.

Her head only screamed 'Stop!' She didn't want to stop their relationship from moving forward. She just needed to stop a moment to think.

This moment had stretched into hours, her thoughts never leaving the topic. Work seemed to just flow past her. She was collecting and processing evidence without conscious thought. By the end of shift, she had found no solution. Learning from her mistakes, she went to his office to tell him that she needed more time.

He looked a bit hurt, but once again she reminded him that this didn't mean 'no.' She just needed more time. With a promise that they would eat something together before the next shift, he let her go.

Sara went home to shower and change her clothes, also grabbing a bite to eat before she headed out again. Her list was with her. Maybe it could help her make a decision.

She didn't really know where she was going; she just drove through the morning. In the end, she ended up outside of town in the desert, craving solitude and silence. She needed to think.

TBC