Growing Together

Part 12

Summary: Grissom has to deal with Sara's answer while she is not sure how he will take it.

A/N: Whew, this was a lot of work. A special thanks to Ace for getting back on track. I know some of you want longer chapters and more frequent updates, but I just write the chapters as they come and then they have to go through my beta. It will continue to be about once a week and some will be shorter while others will be longer. Hope you still like this, though. Enjoy!

xxxxx

1. Take time off to sort everything out (WIP)

2. Get help (WIP)

3. Talk to Grissom (WIP)

4. Work through all memories (WIP)

5. Clear things up with Nick (WIP) Done

6. Work on relationships (WIP)

7. Plan for future

8. Redecorate apartment

That was the updated version, but for Sara, that didn't sound satisfactory. Her time off was still a few weeks ahead, she had only had her first session, and talking to Grissom still required a lot of effort. Only point five was done.

That left points six through eight, and somehow her current dilemma was not among them. Sure, it had something to do with her future, but she had forced herself to stay away from any planning until now.

But the issue had to be dealt with today.

Grissom had asked her to move in with him. He had laid his heart out. She wasn't one to push a decision off again and again, knowing that everything would have to be dealt with. Other than heartache, nothing could be gained from such a behavior. Right now, she could only guess how hard the waiting was for Grissom. As it was, looking at the whole situation from this side was driving her crazy.

What did this mean to Grissom?

He really seemed to be serious and that's what confused her. The proposal itself was not delivered with sure words, but of the idea behind it, he seemed sure. If he had already thought this through and came to the conclusion that this was what he wanted, then she wouldn't doubt him. Now she only had to figure out what she wanted.

Looking at her list again, she thought about point seven; her future. Or rather, their future.

Could she see herself living with Grissom? Definitely yes. It was what she dreamt about when her conscious mind took a break. In fact, for the last few weeks, these dreams had been recurrent.

The question was now, how immediate was that future?

Could she let herself go that far? Was she prepared to deal with all of the consequences?

As much as she wanted to develop and work on herself individually, she had also realized that there wouldn't be any of that without Grissom. He had made her face it and he gave her strength. Just because they would be living together didn't mean that she had to give herself up. In his proposal, Grissom had been considerate enough to offer her all the space she needed.

Their relationship would require more work if they were living together. It would probably also make things easier in other areas. But she had never lived with a man, so she couldn't really tell what it would be like.

She didn't think that they would fall into the same trap that their parents had. They were aware of things that needed to be said, and although they still had some problems communicating, she was confident in their ability to overcome that. She would do everything in her power to stop that from happening to them.

Still, it could be a terrible risk to go into this so soon. The possibility that this could ruin their relationship was not banned from their lives just because they were working on making it better.

Her mind continued to play out worst case scenarios, but the strongest image was when she thought it could work. They could work together; maybe even better if they were closer.

They needed to discuss the boundaries and set some limits, but if they kept to that…

xxxxx

Grissom had invited her for dinner; at his house this time. However, knowing what was to happen, she declined; not the invitation to come over, but the dinner part. No matter how their conversation turned out, they would not be in the mood for food.

After having made her decision, she had gone home to catch at least an hour of sleep and grab a bite to eat before she had to get ready to leave again. However, sleep hadn't come, and she had only dozed a bit while her mind couldn't find any real rest. She hadn't been hungry but forced herself to at least eat an apple. Her mood was not the best because of the lack of food and sleep, but she wouldn't let that stop her.

Arriving at his house, she knocked, and Grissom opened the door only seconds later, looking stressed and exhausted. She doubted he had gotten much sleep.

"Come in." His voice was rough, and he stood there, looking tired and haggard. He had been worried, probably hadn't been able to stop thinking about what she was doing and what her answer would be, and it showed.

Before he could react, she had leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, pressing him closer to her. "I missed you."

She had. Ever since he asked her, she had missed the feeling of real closeness. All of their energy had been focused on making a decision, and the result had been distance.

Now, with her decision made, she felt lighter and was able to give up that distance.

When she pulled back, Grissom tried to mask the fact that his body was trembling. The tension had mixed with exhaustion, robbing him of the calm control he usually possessed.

Maybe she had underestimated the toll this whole situation had taken on him. For the first time, Sara wondered if there hadn't been some truth in earlier statements. Was this too much for him?

Sara didn't doubt that he wanted all of this, not anymore, but she wondered if it was more than he was able to handle. She could only hope that he would tell her if that was the case.

She led him inside, waiting for him to sit down next to her on the couch. Why not try to make this as comfortable as possible.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to make a decision. Think you can hold on for my lengthy explanation before I give you my answer?"

But he didn't look comfortable at all. She was gently rubbing his back and he looked up, focusing his whole being on her. There was hope shining in his eyes. He wanted to believe that she would say yes.

"Grissom, no matter what, this won't change anything. Nothing can change how I feel." The opening sounded as if she was building up a rejection, but she hadn't known how else to start. He needed to hear this, she knew, even if it made him less confident what her answer would be.

"I know you wouldn't have asked if you didn't mean it, but I had my doubts whether we are ready for this. I'm scared that it will take away from us individually. Especially since we are just rediscovering who we are and what this life means for us."

She felt his muscles tensing, and for a few seconds she only focused on easing it by continuing to rub his back. But it was no use. She had no choice but to stop. Her hands wandered from his back to the lower arm that was facing her. Just as in his back, she could feel nothing but tense muscles.

"I want you to promise me that you won't stop the process we started."

Grissom took a deep breath, considering her request briefly. He nodded, but that wasn't enough for her. There would be no non-verbal miscommunication about this. "Say it. Promise me!"

"I promise."

Now it was her turn to take a deep breath and gather her strength. Knowing that he was prepared to deal with the consequences, it was time for her answer.

"I think that we can do it."

His head snapped up, looking her straight in the eye.

"We have to work even harder on our problems and our relationship, but we can do it."

She noticed that he had stopped shaking. All of his energy was currently fueling his brain as he tried to make sense of her words.

"If you, after what I've put you through since last night, still want us to live together, then my answer is yes."

It took him a few seconds to react, but then his whole being lit up. A little disbelief was still written over his face, but she knew that would vanish once they discussed the specifics.

She reached out to hug him, and Grissom returned the embrace with enthusiasm. At that moment, Sara was absolutely sure that she had made the right decision. This was the path they had to follow to find their future.

TBC