Disclaimer: I own nothing and don't make any money off of this (that would really help, though), so please don't sue.

A/N: I'm thinking of officially declaring that second chapters are flashback chapters... seems to work so far. So.. hope you like this continuation as we slowly make the darkness recede. Your reviews really blew me away! Thank you so much! I did take them to heart and will do my best. I've received a challenge to keep this story within the Season 10 storyline and though I may not be a Marine, I don't back down from a challenge (or at least really try not to) so it might take a while longer as I haven't seen most of that season... let me know what you think! Any advice or if anyone wants to beta read this stuff and help me out with building this piece, I'd love that. And now on with the story!

------

Mac opened her eyes and was wide awake instantly. Her gaze focused on a point directly above her and her mind started churning immediately. She'd been sleeping a bit better lately, managing to coax her mind into a lower gear at an earlier hour. She now started making lists, trying to organize the mess that was reigning inside her skull. Starting with the easy ones she listed what she wanted out of life, what were the good decisions she'd made in the past and what were the bad ones. Then she couldn't avoid the really long one – her regrets. As she started writing that scroll, her mind played back for her bits and pieces from her past in living color right before her eyes. The most dominant flashback was the one of the night Harm took her home from the hospital:

/ For once Harm got no argument from Mac as he suggested he'd take her home. She was in no condition to take a cab and though she'd never admit it to him, she needed him there for her.

They stayed silent most of the time. Mac had nothing to say and Harm didn't know what he could possibly utter to bring her out of her shell. He settled for sidelong glances as he drove and taking her hand in his every once in a while. She seemed to accept his attention willingly, which encouraged him further.

When Mac didn't even make a move to try to open the door when they reached her place, Harm took it as the most heartfelt admission that she needed him and trusted him to take care of her. But then again, he always read more into actions than words.

He helped her out of the car carefully and with a steady arm around her middle walked with her to the building and into her apartment.

Step by step they advanced together towards her bedroom. Just as they passed the threshold a sudden weakness bent her knees. Harm immediately adjusted, and kept her steadily upright, bringing his other arm to hold her firmly to him. Her hands were caught between them at his chest, her head fell softly to the warmth of his neck.

Right at that moment she didn't care he was doing this out of a sense of duty. She didn't give a second thought to the fact that this was probably all from pity. She needed his strength like she needed her next breath. She needed his arms around her and his scent intoxicating her. She could feel his soft kisses on the top of her head clear down to her toes. Her head was in a cloud and her muscles weren't complying but the feelings were coursing inside like lightning finding a perfect connection between heaven and earth.

Slowly she lifted her head from its safe haven to find more electricity in his gaze. She couldn't look away. She was mesmerized.

Then suddenly he was kissing her, his mouth hot on hers, his lips tender yet strong. She responded immediately and fully, her hands tracing up to cup his jaw. He injected her with pure hot energy and she hungrily took it in.

The kiss ended lazily, his lips stayed close. Finding the strength she brought her head to his and just rested against him.

Once again he brought their lips together, but this time didn't go further. She could feel his smile against her and was actually tempted to imitate it. Almost.

"Come on. Let's get you to bed." He whispered in her ear as he started walking them to her bed.

He eased her down to the mattress and tucked her in. With a kiss to her forehead he wished her a good night and promised to be right in the next room if she needed him.

She mumbled her thanks and closed her eyes, too exhausted to do anything but breathe.

She must've called for him in her sleep because he was by her side, wearing his patented worried expression. That expression was like a bucket of freezing water emptied on her face. Once again she was the cause for his worry, once again she was nothing but trouble. Rather than let him see the emotions fighting to gain access to her face, she returned to the easy habit she not long ago apologized for. Pulling the sheets with her she turned away, effectively severing any link, mental or physical. Her eyes were tightly shut so she could only tell from the drawn out sigh and slow footsteps that he had left her alone with a heavy heart.

That little voice at the back of her head didn't fail to berate her yet again for hurting him. She wasn't listening. There were too many other voices drowning it out.

When she got up in the morning all she found was an impersonal note. If her heart had room to sink further, it did. If the gaping hole in the pit of her stomach could possibly stretch and widen, she imagined the sound of the membranes separate a few inches more.

The rest of the day was nothing but a blur./

Her gaze refocused as she came back to the present. Beating herself up would be reserved for the night. It was time to put her best face on, regardless of how fake it was, and head out into the world. Yup, it was time.

------

"Good morning, Ma'am!"

"Morning, Bud." She answered immediately, immersed in her prospective cup of java.

Bud noticed the change even before her own mind caught up with the fact that the response came easily, without pause, and was accompanied by a small smile.

Only when she caught Bud's grin did she finally get it.

"Something amusing you?" she put forward her best no-nonsense tone, which snapped Bud back to reality.

"N-no, nothing Ma'am, I was just thinking of the upcoming weekend."

Mac's raised eyebrow was her only response. Quickly, a plan formed.

"Actually, Harriet wanted me to ask you if you would like to come to dinner tonight..." at her skeptical look he had to use the trump card, "The kids really miss you."

Her expression softened immediately. "Sure Bud, I'd love to come. I've missed you all too."

The boyish grin returned as he congratulated himself silently. "See you at six thirty?"

Mac simply nodded behind the steaming cup and turned to head to her office, leaving a very happy Bud Roberts in her wake.

------

Though her doubts followed her all the way home and from there to the Roberts' residence, and almost made her call to cancel, she made it.

As she sat with Bud and Harriet in their living room after dinner, she felt a tiny bit of her old self come back to her. The small smile gracing her lips wasn't all fake. Part of it came from seeing how thrilled Harriet was to have her. The woman literally beamed. The uppermost left corner of her heart began unfreezing.

Then there were the kids, who could never leave her indifferent. Little AJ wouldn't stop jumping around her all evening and Jimmy hugged her so tight, she could feel their love for her. When she wouldn't let herself dwell on how much she wished she wasn't just visiting another family, she felt really good in their presence. Sadly, that didn't happen much those days.

A boy's cry cut the somewhat comfortable silence between the adults. Bud and Harriet shared a look that apparently decided it was Harriet's turn, but before she could move, Mac was already standing and putting her cooling cup on the table.

"Let me, Harriet. Please."

Harriet smiled her thanks and Mac wondered which of them was more thankful.

Following the voice she found Jimmy teary-eyed in his room.

"Hey, honey, what's wrong?"

Jimmy just sniffed in answer. Mac smiled soothingly at him and picked him up. She was again on the receiving end of the world's greatest hug, which she returned.

Moving to a chair, she sat the little guy on her lap and wiped the few tears away.

"I love your hugs, Jimmy, you really know how to make someone feel loved." He looked at her with his eyes opened wide and a thoughtful expression, as if listening intently and with utmost seriousness to her every word.

"I wish I knew how to love like that. I wish I wasn't so afraid."

As soon as the words left her mouth she froze. Did she just say that? Just spilled her innermost fear to her young godson? She fixed him with an assessing gaze, to which he smartly didn't respond.

"Did you just trick me into confessing, Jimmy Roberts? Thank god you can't quite talk yet, or I would be in real trouble."

Jimmy smiled at her and reached his hands up in a silent request, that was answered instantly. Mac held the child close and breathed in deeply. "I think I should come talk to you more often Jimmy, you're a really good listener..."

When he finally released his tight hold, Mac put Jimmy back in bed with a kiss and bid him good night. She spent a few more minutes watching as he fell back to sleep peacefully. She'd sell her heart for that kid.

Outside the door, stood one very empathic woman, now a bit wiser. The road would be long but she had unflappable faith, things would eventually be right.

-------

TBC