Growing Together

Part 18

Summary: Sometimes we're not really able to say what we want; and sometimes it's easier than we thought.

A/N: A huge thanks to Ace who has really helped me to make this chapter better.

xxxxx

"Grissom, we've discussed this and we both agreed that this was the occasion to come clean." Sara was looking up from her task of unpacking the boxes in her study.

Grissom was lounging at the doorway, watching her. In the beginning, he had tried to help her, but soon he had created more chaos than order and had taken his place as an observer. "I know, I guess I'm just nervous."

During their recent planning they had agreed that now that they had made it somewhat official, they should tell the others. Maybe it was also the knowledge that a shared address was not something they could hide forever. One day soon, Catherine would want to drop by his house, or Nick would want to have an after work chill out morning at her place, and then they wouldn't be able to hide anymore. A housewarming party seemed to be the perfect opportunity to explain it all.

Sara told herself that his cold feet were to be expected and that she should have prepared better. Now she had to improvise. "I'm just as nervous, but it'll only get worse the longer we wait."

She busied herself, trying to bring order into her collection of art books while she waited for his next move. She had to remind herself to give him time to think everything through. The only way to win a race with Grissom was slow and steady, time had taught her that, and if she wanted to convince him that this was a good idea, then he had to convince himself first.

"Saturday?"

Sara couldn't suppress a small smile, but tried to hide it by lowering her head further. It was getting easier every day.

"Yeah." It worked every time.

"Alright, I'll buy the groceries."

It would take more than just buying groceries on his part, but for now it was a start. She had a couple of days more to make him a bit more enthusiastic. Saturday was her last day off and she wanted it to be perfect.

If she was honest, it bothered her that Grissom's mother wouldn't be there. She had to leave the next day and Sara was sad to see her go.

Although she had been skeptical at the beginning because she didn't know what to expect, now she couldn't imagine not meeting her. The woman had impressed her deeply and she felt absolutely comfortable with her once she felt the acceptance coming from Lauren.

But it was more than that; it also gave her something that she hadn't felt in a while: the love of a parent. Grissom's mother had treated her as if she really was part of the family. She had made her feel welcome, accepted, and loved.

Things had been going great and although Sara knew that this visit had to end, it still made her sad.

As for the party, it would have been a big support to have Grissom's mom there when they told the others. But, it couldn't be helped and Sara could only hope that Lauren would soon visit them again.

xxxxx

The ride to the airport was silent.

Mrs. Grissom had argued that her son looked far too tired and it would take too much time to send her on her way. After a long discussion, Grissom had decided to stay home and get some sleep while Sara took his mother to the airport. He would never get enough sleep before he had to go to shift that night and the move had also taken a toll on him.

Sara had to drive, and although she was getting better at ASL, she was still a bit shy using it. Not being able to face Lauren didn't let any conversation come up, which was bothering her. There was so much she still wanted to tell the other woman.

After having checked Grissom's mother in, they still had enough time to grab a cup of coffee, and Sara saw it as her chance to get it off her chest.

She took a deep breath, but her throat closed up and nothing but a slight cough came out.

She must have looked like a fish out of the water, because Lauren began to sign and speak. "What's the matter?"

Holding up her hand, Sara took a sip of her coffee to clear her throat. "Sorry."

This nervousness was getting ridiculous. From the last few days she should have learned that Grissom's mother didn't bite. Another quick inner pep talk later, she finally had gathered all of the courage she needed.

"I…I want to tell you that this visit meant so much to me. I was scared that you wouldn't like me, that you would tell Grissom that he could do so much better, that I simply wasn't good enough for your son. I know he tried to tell me that you weren't like that, but I was too afraid to believe it. I'm so inexperienced when it comes to relationships and it's even worse with Grissom because he means so much…"

A loud clap stopped her rambling and made her realize that Lauren had probably not understood one word she had said.

"I overtalked again."

Sara felt like smacking her head, wondering if she was ever going to learn.

She couldn't go on talking like this, especially if she was around Mrs. Grissom.

"I'm sorry, I…"

Just when she was about to repeat some of the things she had said the big board hovering at the end of the hall announced that Lauren's flight was ready to be boarded.

"We have to get you to the gate." Sara smiled at the woman apologetically and got up.

They walked through the huge corridors in silence until they reached the place where they had to say goodbye.

Without warning, Lauren leaned in and hugged Sara. "I'll miss you."

When they parted, Sara haltingly signed 'me too' and tried to smile.

Lauren dug into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to Sara. "Write me, with everything."

The note contained her address and email address and again, the request to keep in contact.

Maybe she would get her chance to tell her everything again sooner than she had anticipated.

xxxxx

The cursor blinked on the screen, driving her crazy.

She had thought that writing the things down would be easier, but that was just an illusion. In reality, her thoughts were just as jumbled as the words that she had typed down and erased again.

It bothered her that she had learned to communicate with Grissom, but couldn't tell his mother what she wanted to her to know in a way that had some sort of order to it. She didn't want to come across as a blubbering idiot, even if she was just that when it came to forming coherent text. This was why she only read things.

She had to write this down coherently. Taking another deep breath, she forced herself to start writing again.

At first it sounded completely awkward and it wasn't quite what she wanted to say, but she continued writing until she had finally gotten out what had been burning on her soul.

She reread her whole message and was surprised to notice that if she deleted some things here and there, it wasn't too bad.

'Dear Lauren,

I was scared about your visit, not knowing how you would react to me, but you wiped away all my fears. Thank you for making this visit special and starting our relationship so positively.

In my mind, I came up with all these fears that I now know were ridiculous.

What would I do if you didn't like me? What would I do if you wanted to get me out of your son's life because you thought I wasn't good enough for him? What would Grissom do?

Now I know that you are too kind to ever do that and I'm so glad that you've accepted me as the woman who loves your son.

I promise you that I will take care of your son. I love him more than I can tell you.

Sara'

Now she only had to hit 'send'.

TBC