Time 1 ÷ 0, Firefly's Meadow
The cold light of dawn creeped in through the thin Veil. Rainbow returned to bear the good news. As soon as they stepped into the meadow, the light became a winter coat of warmth. Firefly and Kiss were in a deep chat up on a branch, far too preoccupied to notice them.
"My friends, I have returned," Rainbow said, taking flight to meet them.
"I'm sorry. Who are you?" Firefly said.
"You know me as Pang," Rainbow said.
"No way," Kiss said with owlish eyes.
"Way," Rainbow said with a little smile. "I am Rainbow now. Thank you so very much for your council."
"Dread Wolf take me… I cannot believe my very own eyes!" Kiss said, dumb-founded.
"My, my! Look at you, so vibrant and dashing!" Firefly said with a wide smile. "How did you manage to ascend in such a short time?"
"I don't have a good grasp of 'time'," Rainbow said, sighing. "My memories are coming back and it feels like I'm living in three different timelines at once."
"Don't worry, mortals don't understand it either. I like to count it in units of remembrance," Kiss explained. "We still remember you, so it's been a short time."
"Interesting," Rainbow said, brooding. "I gave a boy hope."
"Our… boy?" Firefly said nervously.
"Maker, no. That one's way too complicated," Rainbow said, rolling their eyes. "But I'd like us to try and help that one, too. And the mages in the Gallows."
"We've been talking about that, actually," Firefly said, sighing.
"I sense resistance on your part," Rainbow said.
"Indeed," Firefly said with strangely saddened eyes. "We feel there is a place that needs us more."
"But Kirkwall is our home," Rainbow said. "And our home is cursed. It needs hope. I cannot do it without joy and love. You are integral to hope."
"I couldn't agree more, but…" Kiss said, taking Firefly's hand. "Ever since our encounter with the boy, it's given us a lot of thought."
"That elven man at the head of the dance; he is called Rhys," Firefly said. "We felt a very strong connection to him. Even now, I feel him as if he's right next to me, and yet…" she said, sighing.
"He must be very far away," Rainbow said, crossing their arms. "What possible business would you have with a random mortal outside your constituency?"
"That's what I need to find out," Firefly said.
"What we need to find out," Kiss corrected.
"Yes, vhenan, what we need to find out," Firefly said, smiling. "Now that you are a spirit of Hope, you should come with us."
"Pass," Rainbow said. "I have things to do here."
"You can still do them when you return," Kiss insisted. "Think about it, Rainbow. Feel it. It's not just a city in need of hope. There's a whole island that desperately needs it."
"A land governed by despair," Firefly said.
"I gave a boy hope a fraction of a remembrance ago, and now you wish me to bring hope to a whole island?" Rainbow said, becoming dizzy.
"And several islets," Kiss added with a raised index finger.
Rainbow sighed deeply. "Fine. On one condition."
"You name it," Firefly said with a smile.
"That we help Melancholy," Rainbow said.
"Who?" Firefly said, raising an eyebrow.
"Your old friend," Rainbow said. "The spirit of Joy who's very nearly a demon, swimming in a pool of the past. Why did you abandon her?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Firefly said, laughing.
Kiss started to chuckle nervously. "May we speak alone?"
"Very well," Rainbow said.
They walked the paths of Sundermount, barely a soul in sight. Kiss was becoming gloomier by the second.
"You remember, don't you?" Rainbow said.
"I have a duty to remember," Kiss said solemnly. "To protect her."
"What do you mean?" Rainbow said.
"Melancholy used to be her friend," Kiss said, eyes full of pensive thought. "She went down a dark path. Firefly tried to help her, but she did not want to be helped. Melancholy nearly dragged her down with her."
"Do you remember how it started?" Rainbow said.
"No. And I do not wish to," Kiss said sternly. "Melancholy is a very old spirit who gave up hope, and she should be left to her own devices."
"I'm afraid I can't allow that," Rainbow said, stopping in their walk. "If it weren't for her council, I would never have found Firefly. She's the reason I was able to ascend. I rose above, while she stayed below," they said, looking down and shaking their head. "I saw her as my future, were I to fail in my endeavours. I do not wish that on her."
"I feel your connection to her, and it is beautiful," Kiss said with a bittersweet smile. "But love is not enough. Some relationships can be destructive, and love can drag you down. Self-love comes first."
"I have fought my natural instincts enough for a lifetime," Rainbow said, very self-possessed. "Every second of it was agony. It ends now."
"You've worked very hard, friend," Kiss said, grabbing their shoulder with a pitying smile. "Don't throw it all away now."
"Then help me," Rainbow demanded. "I don't need Firefly. I need you. This is about love."
"I have no love for her, I assure you," Kiss said, crossing his arms.
"It is not about you. It is about love," Rainbow said, looking at Kirkwall in the distance. A chameleonic tapestry of mortal-made buildings, shining like a nocturnal honey comb with the lights of wandering souls. Most of them were asleep. They had no idea where they were, the poor souls, but they knew exactly what they were looking for—either hope for a better life, or punishment for what they couldn't face in the waking world. "Love for mortals. Love for the world. Love for all of it. Melancholy is drowning it."
"And you think someone such as I could save her from that?" Kiss said, scoffing. "I would only enable it."
"But you said yourself you can discern when love is unhealthy," Rainbow said. "Melancholy has no more love for herself. She doesn't even know who she is anymore. She sacrificed her very own identity to wander aimlessly inside mortals' memories. Commendable, in a way, so she wouldn't try to possess anyone, but still… It's not right, is it?"
"I don't know…" Kiss said tiredly. "I don't know everything."
"What would you be, if you turned into a demon?" Rainbow said.
"Fucked?" Kiss said, chuckling.
"Be serious," Rainbow said.
"I was serious as a heart attack!" Kiss said, laughing. "But I see what you're asking. Love gone wrong is hate…" he said, inhaling deeply. "Love gone really wrong is apathy."
"Well, best not to get apathetic then," Rainbow said, raising their feathered eyebrow.
Kiss sighed deeply. "Fine. I will give it a try, if you agree to help us."
"You have my word," Rainbow said, nodding knightly.
Dawn, Aveline's Apartment
Aveline woke from a bad dream. It had been a year since she stopped having it, but since Feynriel, it came back. The worst day of her life. The end of her world, or so she'd believed.
Donnic hadn't come home to her. He must have gone back to the barracks, like he'd intended before. She was filled with sadness, but in her heart of hearts, she couldn't blame him. She used sex as a weapon to avoid talking about her issues, and he was starting to see it too.
It was better in the barracks. There was always someone around, some insomniac or other to bellyache about random minutia and make the time go by. She didn't like being all alone, in a dark and quiet room.
She put on her blue civilian coat, put her hair in a messy tail and went out in the cold light of dawn.
Dawn, The Hanged Man
Aveline hoped she'd run into an insomniac Varric, but she got a shittier deal—a drunk Isabela. She was playing Wicked Grace with a bunch of shady men.
"Aveline! Just the whim—hic—whimmin I was looking for!" Isabela shouted incoherently, putting her wrists together. "I need to be arrested. Now!"
"Why?" Aveline said, raising an eyebrow.
"For breaking the laws of gravity with them melon tits!" a man said at the table.
"Shut up, weasel," Aveline said sternly.
The man cleared his throat and looked away. "Yes, m'am."
"For being a terrimble… terrminable person," Isabela drawled.
"I'd be happy to throw you in jail, Isabela," Aveline said, crossing her arms. "But I'll need more than that for a confession."
"Urghhhhhh," Isabela said dramatically, her head falling back. "I don't want to talk about it!"
"Well, see, there's the problem," Aveline said with half-lidded eyes. "I can't arrest you for self-flagellation."
"Fine," Isabela said, standing up. Barely. She raised her fists and swayed with an eye struggling to stay open. "Fight me, then, Guard-Captain."
Aveline blinked. "I'm leaving."
"No. Shut up. Come back," Isabela said after her, thudding against something. "You're a big, manly girl! You probably fuck Donnic in the arse and he likes it!" she said, throwing a knife that landed in the Viscount's portrait and missed Aveline completely.
Aveline reached the doorway, staring at the painting. "Bye," she said, leaving.
"No. Come on! Fuck," Isabela whispered. "I'm shit! I make shit jokes about you and we're all gonna lose our fucking right to read because of me!"
Dawn, Lowtown
Aveline contemplated her poor decisions, passing a diner she hadn't seen before. The awning simply said, Diner. The wall on the right was vandalised, saying, Heretics go home!
She went inside. It was a small room, the square wooden bar dominating it. The menu on the wall said, Seheroni dishes. It didn't say what those were.
On the bar there was cutlery, napkins and weird clay birds with open mouths and angular floral patterns.
Behind the bar, in an even smaller kitchen, a middle-aged Qunari man in a faded blue tunic, black trousers and a low white apron sat with crossed legs, the smoke out of his mouth floating above the stove.
"Slow night?" Aveline said flatly, sitting at the bar.
The Qunari man exhaled smoke, and nodded silently.
"I've never seen a diner open at this time of night," Aveline said.
"I open at sunset, close at sunrise," he said flatly, taking a drag.
"You're Tal-Vashoth, then?" Aveline said.
He nodded again.
"Can't say I blame you," Aveline said, looking down. "I'm Aveline Vallen. Captain of the City Guard."
The Tal-Vashoth exhaled again nonchalantly. "I have legal asylum and I own this place."
"I wasn't implying anything," Aveline said. She looked at the menu on the wall. "You should write down what dishes you make. Most people here have no idea what Seheron even is, let alone what food they eat."
"I will make anything you want, as long as I have the ingredients for it," the Tal-Vashoth said, standing up and coming near with hands on his hips.
"Hm," Aveline said, smiling warmly to herself. She should order Wesley's favourite. He loved it on a cold night. "Can you make cream soup?"
The man nodded, and went back to his kitchen.
"And you are?" Aveline said, raising her voice.
"Sten," he said flatly.
"I'm shocked," Aveline said sarcastically. "Do you have an actual name? You're not Qunari anymore."
The Tal-Vashoth brooded over his pot. "Zola."
"Nice to meet you, Zola," Aveline said, crossing her arms atop the bar. "What's your story, then?"
"I would rather hear your story," Zola said.
"Maker, no. We'd be here all day," Aveline said, sighing.
Zola looked at the water clock on his wall. It was five o'clock. "You've got until sunrise."
Sunrise, The Kirkwall Graveyard
The wind blew its dress of cold through the grass as Aveline entered the graveyard.
Even though there was no body, Aveline used her influence with the Templars to erect a headstone for Wesley in the Kirkwall Cemetery. But she didn't go to Meredith for it; no, sir. Aveline did not trust that woman with a fallen hair. She was the one who silently replaced Knight-Captain Ewald with Jeven. She wanted a dirty cop to do her bidding; a puppet. Aveline was the one who exposed him, so she wasn't on Meredith's good side. The Viscount may have won a bit of power against the Templars by putting Aveline in office, but he wasn't giving her what she needed. He didn't have the spine to offend the Templars. Aveline had. But in this case… a soft hand was needed.
She went to Cullen, instead. He was surprisingly sympathetic about it; he hadn't known Wesley very well, but he said he was a good man. He didn't give Aveline any grief with the paperwork. He said to do what she must and apologise for it later. So, she did.
I love you, Blossom, she remembered Wesley saying at the end. Be strong.
She cleaned his headstone, as she always did every week, and placed fresh flowers at the bottom. It read, Wesley Vallen, 8:96 Blessed – 9:30 Dragon, Knight-Lieutenant of the Ferelden Templar Order and beloved husband. Underneath, it said, To blossom blue is to blossom without you.
"So, Donnic said he loves me…" Aveline said to the headstone, sitting against it. "And… I didn't say it back."
Wesley would not have been surprised. In fact, he would have found it funny. Aveline had said the L word to him first, and he didn't say it back right away. He had spent his life in a relationship with Andraste and he needed time to break up with her, though he didn't understand it at the time. Aveline, young as she was, had her pride wounded. She iced him out for three weeks, during which time she made Andraste her enemy. It didn't make her popular in Ravensburg, the Templar City of Ferelden. She'd go to bars in the evening and pick fights with them. Eventually, Wesley found her with her guard down and begged her to stop making his co-workers go off sick.
He said love was never the question. It was simply readiness, for what it all meant.
"I know you're laughing at me. I can almost hear it," Aveline said with a smile, the wind blowing in her hair.
She had even got in a fight with a guy that, after hearing Hawke's story, sounded strangely familiar. But it wasn't about the Chantry. It was the fact that the dark-haired bloke with blue-green eyes told her, "This is why women shouldn't drink. You all just get hysterical." Suffice it to say, there was a chance he couldn't sire any more offspring after that. Hawke's smile when she'd heard the story was happy and nearly diabolical.
"I chose a good man, didn't I?" Aveline said with a bittersweet smile, her hand going gently over his name.
Wesley would have scoffed, as if there was absolutely no competition. The only one that'd come close was Donnic.
"He is great," Aveline said warmly. She hugged her knees, sighing. "I don't want to lose this one…"
Then don't, would have been Wesley's answer. Life is too short for silliness.
"Hawke would disagree," Aveline said, chuckling and looking up.
Maybe what she needed was just a good old conversation with Hawke. She had that knack for it. Fenris tried to help, but he became a sad, weird mess.
"Alright, alright…" Aveline said, sighing. She brushed the stone one more time, and stood up. "I came now because I can't visit in the weekend. I'm going to Markham." Wesley and Aveline loved the Grand Tourney. They went to see it a few times on their anniversary, and it was magnificent. "I'll place a bet for you on Belinda the Bulldozer if she's playing this year." She smiled with her eyes closed, touching the stone. "Bye, love."
Time 1 ÷ 0, Sundermount
The wind blew in Melancholy's tomb of leaves. Her grey-violet skin emerged from below as she woke from her fugue.
"Melancholy, it is your friend, Pang," Rainbow said. "Well, Rainbow, really."
"Ah… yes. I remember," Melancholy said hoarsely. "The one of Despair."
"Yes. I am Hope now."
"Good for you. Why do you bother me?"
"I want to help you, Melancholy," Rainbow said. "You don't need to fade away to dust in the collective unconscious."
"But I wish to," Melancholy said matter-of-factly. "The past will one day wipe the present away."
Rainbow and Kiss looked at each other in confusion.
"What do you mean?" Rainbow said.
"It is coming," Melancholy said. "No one can stop it."
"The apocalypse?" Kiss said.
"Yes," Melancholy said, hugging her knees as the wind blew in her faded hair of leaves. "The Pride of the People will rise, and the world shall fall."
"She is delirious," Kiss said.
"Young spirit, I have seen the past and I have seen the future," Melancholy said sternly. "Enjoy the present while it lasts. It won't be long now."
"You mean the waking world will fall," Rainbow said.
"We are nothing without them, my friend," Melancholy said.
"Then why not enjoy the 'present' with us?" Rainbow said. "Why swim in the past?"
"What's life if not teetering at the edge of the abyss?" Melancholy said, shrugging with a chuckle.
"I can assure you that is the opposite of living," Rainbow said, crossing their arms.
"You love the world so much, you want to cling to it when oblivion comes," Kiss said, thinking. "What if there is hope for this world?"
"There isn't, my friend," Melancholy said. "This world is not ours to preserve. It was an accident."
"And yet, you love it," Kiss said.
"Of course I do," Melancholy said. "It is a world that tried to be better than it used to be. It is a world that strives for freedom. It is a world that never gives up hope. I… love it," she said, the dots under her eyelids sparkling with longing.
"The world is as it is because mortals believe it to be," Rainbow said. "There is no Hope without mortals' hope. There is no Joy without mortals' joy. There is no Love without mortals' love. But if you do not even believe in yourself… how can anyone?"
"I do not concern myself with such questions anymore," Melancholy said. "I want to enjoy myself while I can."
"No," Kiss said, his face lighting up suddenly. "You are swimming through the past because you love this world so much you do not want it gone."
"Of course I don't," Melancholy said. "But it is not up to me."
"It is up to all of us," Kiss said. "We hold the waking world on our shoulders. They hold our world on theirs. We sow them together; we make it meaningful through our relationships. As long as we have each other, we can survive anything."
"Someone loves a world long gone more than this one," Melancholy said. "And they do not need anyone."
"Don't they?" Kiss said, scoffing. "If they love a world they lost and want it back, they miss the relationships they had in it. They feel alone in this one."
"Loneliness leads to despair, and despair is selfish," Rainbow said. "It will forsake anything and anyone for a bit of hope."
"I want to believe the world is stronger than a lonely man…" Melancholy said, hugging her knees. "But I know him. I know what he's capable of."
"If you wish to believe, then come with us on a journey," Kiss said. "If it doesn't change your mind, you can go back to your pile of leaves and dream the world away."
"And why would I do that?" Melancholy said.
"Because you are desperate for hope," Rainbow said, widening their arms. "Here I am."
"You think so highly of yourself, fledgling," Melancholy said.
"I am no fledgeling," Rainbow said. "I simply lost my way. As have you. As have many. But there is always a chance to make a turn. You just have to make it."
"You just have to turn the page," Kiss said.
"What say you?" Rainbow said.
"What is this journey?" Melancholy said.
"There is an elven man called Rhys in Seheron," Kiss said. "He is not calling to us, but we feel a calling anyway."
"That doesn't mean anything to me," Melancholy said.
"What about Insula Fantoma?" Rainbow said. "The Phantom Island?"
Melancholy shook her head. "I stopped caring about geography when humans started changing it."
"It is a small island to the north of Arlathan, surrounded by fog and giant tides, with glass towers, and a huge sun inside it," Kiss said.
"Ah…" Melancholy said, nodding. "The old bugger's hide-out."
"What?" Rainbow said, intrigued.
"Elgar'nan was getting sick of his wife, as well as her watchful eye," Melancholy said. "He wanted a place for himself to do as he pleased, where she couldn't find him."
Kiss rolled his eyes. "So, hating your wife and needing a mancave is a tale as old as time?"
Melancholy nodded tiredly.
"So, Elgar'nan was…?" Rainbow said, confused.
"A dickhead?" Melancholy said quickly.
"I was going to say 'real'," Rainbow said, shrugging.
"That too," Melancholy said.
"Of course he's real," Kiss said, scoffing. "He's the Father of the People. The Sun God. The God of all Gods."
"Propaganda," Melancholy said.
"Be that as it may, you know of this place. You know how to get there," Kiss said.
"What part of 'did not want to be found' did you not understand?" Melancholy said. "Elgar'nan's Refuge was designed to be invisible and unreachable, both to mortals and to spirits. The only reason I know about it is because his slaves were happy when he was away."
"This may be a fool's journey," Rainbow said, sighing.
"Perhaps not," Kiss said. "There is at least one mortal we know who has been there."
"Are you jesting?" Rainbow said, outraged. "Last time we touched his mind, his despair nearly tore the meadow apart!"
"We don't need to touch his mind," Kiss said, touching his chest. "Love will lead the way."
Time 1 ÷ 0, The Hawke Estate
Melancholy rose from her pile of leaves and joined them. Kiss begged her to pretend she didn't remember Firefly, and keep her distance. Melancholy herself agreed it was for the best, which surprised him.
They followed the mortal elf's essence, and found his grey soul on a bench inside a mansion, hugging itself.
"Ah," Melancholy said, touching the wall. "If walls could talk…" she said with a smile.
Kiss touched the wall too. "They'd say 'why are they all fucking everywhere'?" he said, laughing.
Melancholy chuckled. "More or less."
"Poor boy," Firefly said, touching the air above the mortal's hair. "He's had a terrible nightmare."
"Despair tore him a new one," Rainbow said, sighing. "Again."
"I'm going to intervene before you two do something stupid," Kiss said, gesturing for them to make way.
His hand made a rosy vapour as he waved along the mortal's soul. Immediately, his bonds became visible. Myriad of unique strings were coming out of him, going in different directions.
A red band was coming out of his heart, coiling around his right arm, tied to someone further inside the mansion.
"That's his vhenan," Kiss said.
A blue string vibrated out of him, indicating this person was coming nearer. A few others were comfortably suspended in the air. "Friends," Kiss said.
Everyone he cared about was awake, save for a string made out of pink roses and apple peels going inside the mansion. This one was touching the ground, which meant they were sleeping. "Ah. Leandra," Melancholy said with a wistful smile.
"What are these glum ones?" Rainbow said, pointing to a few spiky, bloodied, decaying strings.
"He hates these people," Kiss said. "Two of them are coming nearer."
"What about this thing?" Rainbow said, pointing to the mortal's neck and chest.
Around Fenris's neck there was a string of fangs, digging into his skin. Around his chest there was a harness of white coffea flowers, juniper and orange peels, meeting in the middle to form a sharp spike impaling his heart. They could see it, like a map of hurt, blackened and swollen in places.
"Family," Kiss said with a sympathetic smile. "They're gone now," he said softly.
"This one isn't gone," Rainbow said, pointing to a risen string of juniper and orange peels.
"Don't," Firefly said.
"Feel it," Rainbow said, touching it gently. "There is still hope."
Out of nowhere, a loud, threatening growl resounded in their ears.
"I told you not to touch it," Firefly said disapprovingly.
"That was…" Rainbow said, frowning.
"Some people are so guarded, they repel even spirits," Melancholy said. "Don't take it personally."
"No… this is very personal indeed," Rainbow said. "We've meddled before, and unleashed memories he was not ready to face."
"Let us make a point not to forget him, then," Firefly said, looking down at the mortal. "We don't want to make the same mistake again."
"Agreed," Kiss said.
"I wasn't planning on forgetting him," Rainbow said, crossing their arms.
"I would," Melancholy said nonchalantly.
"Really?" Rainbow said. "The spirit who does not wish to forget anything?"
"What good is he to me if I can't access his memories?" Melancholy said.
"That's not the point of it," Firefly said, frowning. "The point is to find the happiness inside mortals, no matter how deeply it is buried, and make it shine like a beacon!" she said passionately. "Not… consume it for your own enjoyment," she said judgementally.
"One can do two things at once," Melancholy said, shrugging.
"Wait…" Kiss said, rubbing his forehead. "So, you would meddle again? Do you have a death wish or something?"
"I have a life wish," Rainbow said. "So does he," they said, tilting their head towards the mortal.
"Maybe you should learn more about his homeland before you try anything again," Firefly said.
"Good point," Rainbow said.
"Well," Kiss said, showing off a string of faded violets going north. "Let the learning begin."
Sunrise, The Hawke Estate
Aveline went inside and saw Lolly sleeping on the bench. The loud creaking of the door disturbed her.
"Alright, Lolly?" Aveline said, hands on her hips. "Getting cold out there, isn't it?"
"'Tis indeed," Lolly said, sitting upright and putting her coat on. "'s been a right cold one last night."
Aveline nodded, sighing softly. "It was."
"Don't know 'ow that one slept with 'is tits out," Lolly said, pointing to the other bench.
When Aveline looked to her right, her chest tightened. "Fenris?" she said, rushing to him.
He was half-naked, curled up into himself, and he looked like shit.
"Fenris!" Aveline said, touching his arm.
Immediately, Fenris drew in a big breath, and groaned in pain.
"Shit," Aveline said, letting him go. "What happened?!"
"I had to kill her," Fenris said to the wall. "He ordered me to kill her and I couldn't, so he took control—"
"What in blazes are you talking about?" Aveline said.
"I… have no idea," Fenris said, looking up at her with childlike eyes. He looked delirious. "Aveline…?"
"Why don't you sit up?" Aveline said softly. "Come on. Nice and easy."
Fenris tried to move. He groaned in agony.
Hawke had mentioned this. A lot. "You have the knots?"
He sneezed, and that hurt him. He made a painful grimace and held his stomach.
"Lolly, do you mind?" Aveline said. "I'll tell Hawke to leave you something extra next time."
"Always 'appy to get extras," Lolly said, adjusting her coat and making to leave. "Maker be with ya."
Hawke barely slept through the night. A million thoughts fucked with her head. Would Ravena get better or worse after the revelation in the Fade? Would Anders keep to his word and work on himself? Would Fenris try to kill him again when he found out he tried to kiss her? Would Fenris, in fact, even want to speak to her again, given what she said to him? She pondered these things, and missed her coffee mug.
"Fucking fuckity fuck!" Hawke cursed. Her blue bathrobe with violet stars was ruined.
Mojo kept barking in the hall.
"Quiet, boy!" Hawke shouted from the kitchen. "Bodahn's not even awake yet! Ah shit. Now I'm doing it," she said, face-palming.
But Mojo didn't listen to her, which raised her eyebrow. She went out the kitchen, when she bumped into someone in the doorway, and she spilled on herself again.
"Maker's breath!" Hawke said, shaken.
"Did I scare you?" his lordship Damian Lancaster said, in blue boxers, grey socks and an open flowery bathrobe. There was a total of three hairs on his chest.
"Yes," Hawke said, annoyed. She put a hand on her hip and scanned him up and down. "Why are you wearing my mother's bathrobe?"
What was he doing here?!
Damian chuckled nervously and coughed. "Is that coffee?"
Hawke pursed her lips, staring into nothingness as he helped himself to her coffee. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-five. Why?" Damian said, pouring himself coffee.
Hawke closed her eyes painfully, rubbing her forehead. "Maker, mum, you have a twenty-two-year-old son!" she said to herself.
"So?" Damian said, leaning on the counter and drinking. "She can do what she wants."
"Hey, don't tell me what my mother can or can do, twerp!" Hawke said tersely.
"Oh… kay?" Damian said with a chuckle, sipping his coffee.
"Don't fuckboys usually leave by now?" Hawke said, wishing he would leave.
"She hasn't woken up yet. I wish to say goodbye," Damian said with a smile.
"Why?" Hawke said, frowning.
"What do you mean 'why'?" Damian said, chuckling in offense.
"You realise there is no chance I'm going into business with you now," Hawke said, crossing her arms.
"Aw, why not?" Damian said. "I can assure you I keep business and pleasure separate."
"Clearly," Hawke said, raising an eyebrow.
Then the gong punched her in the brain. What kind of monster would be at her door at this ungodly hour?
Shit.
She took her mug and looked in a mirror. Her hair was messy, she had a stained bath robe, a stained white top, striped briefs and a sock was missing.
Well, if Meredith wanted an audience at this hour, that was what she was going to get. Hawke would scratch her arse too for good measure.
"Down, boy," Hawke said to Mojo, yawning as she unlocked the door. But Mojo was downright agitated.
It was just Aveline, looking very casual. Her face, however, said trouble.
"Fenris slept here last night," Aveline said, very serious.
Hawke blinked. "What?"
"He's got the knots or something. He was a little delirious when I found him."
Her pulse rose, and when she came out to see him, it was going like that gong. He looked fucked up.
"Fen Fen, what happened?!" Hawke said, shoving her mug into Aveline and rushing to his side.
He didn't speak. She felt her heart skip a beat. "Shut the doors," Hawke commanded.
When Aveline closed the doors, Hawke moved her hand above and along Fenris's body. The force magic vibrated through him and gave his muscles a nice, good kick back to life. She healed his face and made him sit up, putting her bathrobe around him. She caught his sad puppy eyes for a moment, but he didn't speak. He just hugged her waist and buried his head in her abdomen.
Hawke didn't know what to say for a moment, and petted his hair as she looked up at Aveline. She was confused too, shrugging.
"I had a bad dream…" Fenris's voice came muffled.
Hawke sighed. "What was it this time…?"
He shook his head.
She sighed again, looking up.
"I'll go make some hot drinks," Aveline said, leaving.
"Fenris, I know this is hard for you to talk about… and you don't have to right now," Hawke said, petting his hair. "But… you need to promise me you will. I know you don't want me going around trying to fix everything, but this… this is just something that needs to be fixed! I can't…" she said, her voice breaking a little. "I can't bear to see you suffer like this."
He didn't speak.
"Please let me help you," Hawke said. "I did it for Anders. I went inside his head last night and I fixed him. I know what to do now."
"You did what?" Fenris said, waking up suddenly.
"Relax. I'm here, aren't I?" Hawke said with half-lidded eyes, brushing his messy bangs. "He was in a coma. I had to do something."
"I put him in a coma?" Fenris said, looking nowhere in particular. His face couldn't decide between surprise and delight.
"You fucked him up pretty good," Hawke said, nodding as she pursed her lips. "But he wasn't waking up because he couldn't face what had happened. He ran away from me in the Fade. I found his inner child, from the original trauma. He's had… quite a few. Justice turned into Vengeance when he couldn't take the hurt anymore. He wanted to protect the child, and all he could do was try to avenge him. But he locked him up in the Fade, in the Gallows even, until that was done, which is just… sad."
Fenris looked at her, as if he was trying to do advanced mathematics. "What?" he said.
She sighed. "The point is—there is hope for you. Whatever's going on inside that head of yours, I can help."
"No," he said, shaking his head abruptly. "You do not want to be inside my head."
"Whatever it is, I assure you I can take it," she said, stroking his cheek.
There they were. The sad puppy eyes. He took her wrist, and kissed her hand. "I will think about it, ma adorae."
Hawke and Aveline brought the dinner table in the study down the stairs, so it'd be close to the fireplace. Fenris was sat down closest to the fire, whether he liked it or not, while Hawke went to make breakfast. Aveline brought hot drinks. It wasn't long until he found himself sat next to a bloke in a flowery bathrobe that seemed awfully familiar. He was staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Fenris said calmly.
"I'm nosy," Lord Fuckface said innocently, shrugging.
Fenris sneezed. "No. What are you doing in this house?"
"I spent the night," Lord Enlightened-About-Slavery said, crossing his hairy legs and drinking coffee nonchalantly.
Fenris looked at him, cold rage creeping up his spine. "Do you wish to die?" he said with a tranquil voice.
"Calm down, Fenris," Aveline said. "Leandra did him, not Hawke."
"Oh," Fenris said, blinking. "Wait, what?"
"No comment," Aveline said, drinking her tea.
"I don't understand this ageist attitude," Damian said, unimpressed. "Leandra is an amazing, intelligent, vibrant woman and to have her attention is an honour and a privilege."
Fenris and Aveline stared at him.
"Right, but… she could be your mother," Fenris said flatly.
"But she's not, so…" Damian said, clicking his teeth and pointing at him. "Lucky me."
Fenris put his arm, and fist on the table. "If you trouble her or anyone in this house," he said, while Hawke came back and put a colourful wool scarf and a fuzzy beanie on his head, "I will kill you."
Damian snorted with crossed arms.
"What?" Fenris said curtly.
"Sorry, I just can't take you seriously with that hat on," Damian said with a shit-eating chuckle.
Fenris took the beanie off. It was pink and it had cat ears and a cat face holding its tongue out with one eye closed.
"It looks soft though," Damian said conversationally.
"Yes, it is quite soft," Fenris said, putting it back on his head. It was nice and warm. "But I can still rip your heart out. Do not test me."
"I'd believe him if I were you," Aveline said, grinning.
Damian showed his hands in peace. "Message received and understood."
"Here," Hawke said, coming back with plates of scrambled eggs. She sat down, exhausted, and wolfed down her breakfast.
Fenris had a hard time chewing through an egg that was somehow burnt and frozen at the same time. A look around suggested this was a shared agony.
"What?" Hawke said, frowning.
"No, it's…" Fenris said, blotting out his mouth and struggling to swallow. "Great…"
"It's… fine…" Aveline said, scratching her ear.
"No, I'll just…" Damian said, standing up with his plate and chewing forever, "… enjoy this back in the room, where I can truly appreciate it."
"Wow…" Hawke said with half-lidded eyes. "You're all terrible liars."
"Cooking's not my forte either," Aveline said, patting her on the back.
"Wesley did the cooking?" Fenris said.
"He had to. All I could make was potato stew and barbecue squirrel," Aveline said, chuckling.
"Oo, whisky-coated barbecue squirrel," Hawke said, winking and finger-pistolling. "Major delicatessen."
Fenris looked at her. "Your mother was right to ban you from the kitchen."
"Hey, no, it's fine," Hawke said, standing up. "I can make it again. I'll make it good this time."
"No, no," Fenris said. "Thank you, ma adorae, but I think we've all suffered enough."
She was out the door before he could finish.
Fenris face-palmed.
"I know," Aveline said, fists under her chin. "I know."
Fenris sighed, drinking his coffee.
Aveline kept making faces.
"What?" he said curtly.
"Nothing. You look…" she said, containing her chuckle. "…precious."
"Smashing," Fenris said, putting his mug down.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Aveline said. "You've been acting very strange lately."
Fenris scoffed. "Because I cried once at a sad story? Oh, no. Put me in the asylum. I'm clearly mental."
"And then you slept on a bench in the cold like a hobo," Aveline insisted.
"I have night terrors, alright?" Fenris said. "End of."
"Yes, I know, but—" Aveline said.
"End… of," Fenris said, staring her down.
"Fine," Aveline said with crossed arms. "Why did you sleep in separate houses?"
"We have separate lives," Fenris said, drinking.
Aveline made an unimpressed grimace.
"Fine," Fenris said, putting his mug down. "We had a fight."
"Why?" Aveline said.
Fenris updated her on the Great Argument of Harvestmere, 9:34 Dragon.
Aveline stayed silent for a while. "Shit," she said.
"Mhm," Fenris said tiredly.
"This is very serious," Aveline said. "He needs to be locked up."
Fenris scoffed, his palms in the direction of Hawke's kitchen. "Please try."
Aveline sighed. "You know, I love Hawke, bless her bleeding heart," she said, waving tiredly, "but this is a little insane."
"I thought so," Fenris said, shrugging.
"So, she kicked you out?" Aveline said.
Fenris sneezed. "No, I left," he said, looking for a napkin. "She called me a selfish, jaded asshole."
"Shit," Aveline said candidly.
Fenris blew his nose. "I had to be the asshole," he said, blowing his nose again, "while Varric just stood there and said nothing!" he said angrily, crumpling the napkin.
"Well, if I were there, this would be a very different story…" Aveline said, crossing her legs and flicking a piece of lint off her trousers.
"Great," Fenris said. "Please be the asshole. I don't like myself like this."
Aveline chuckled smugly. "What do you think I've been doing all this time?"
"I don't know," Fenris said, shrugging. "Making friendship bracelets and talking about men's arses?"
"She made me a friendship bracelet," Aveline said defensively. "I don't wear it. I just keep it in my night stand."
"Alright," Fenris said indifferently.
Aveline came forward and tapped the table with her index finger. "When shit gets serious, I call her out. I'm not afraid to do that."
"Good," Fenris said. "I will just be the supportive boyfriend, and you can be the bitch."
"Fine," Aveline said, rolling her eyes. "But you know that's not going to work. Relationships are complicated. You will have arguments. I can't fight your battles every time."
"Eggs a'la Hawke!" they heard her singing from the main hall. "Coming through! Grade A, top chefsmanship… chefitude? Whatever—"
Aveline chuckled softly. "You will do the cooking?"
"I will definitely do the cooking," Fenris said.
When Aveline left, Hawke tried to put Fenris to bed, or possibly talk about yesterday, but he was being a stubborn little shit.
"I will make dessert," Fenris said flatly, coming out of bed.
"Andraste, please just have a bloody nap!" Hawke said, putting her book down.
"Dessert," Fenris insisted, adjusting his cat beanie. He left.
Hawke face-palmed.
When Fenris came back, he had a tower of iced cream in a bowl and he smiled proudly.
"It's a caramel-crusted—" he said.
"Caramel!" Hawke shouted, taking it out of his hands and walking away.
Fenris laughed.
"You have to stop this, Fen Fen," Hawke said, eating out of it anyway. "You're making me fat."
"So?" Fenris said.
"So?" Hawke said, offended.
"So, more…" Fenris leaned on the doorway, raising his hands and making awkward grasping gestures. "More to grab," he said quietly.
"I'm already thick," Hawke said, eating another spoonful. "If I eat anymore dessert, you will only be calling me that politely."
"Please," Fenris said, laughing. "You were the size of a planet once and you still looked attractive."
"The size of a what?" Hawke said with a cosmic frown.
"The size of the… the… moon?" Fenris said, his tone going fainter by the second. He raised a weak finger. "The small one?"
Hawke closed the door in his face.
She could almost hear him brooding outside.
"I've gone wrong somewhere…" Fenris said beyond the door.
When Hawke got over it, she opened the door. "Come on, the iced cream's melting."
Fenris looked up from his book in a lotus position at the head of the stairs. It was kind of adorable. He made himself another hot drink and waited for her to cool off. "I'm alright."
Hawke frowned. "Was this apology dessert then?"
Fenris brooded. "Sure," he said.
"Aww," she said. "Alright, come back. I've got to tell you something."
"Me too," he said, standing up.
"Alright, maybe you should go first, then," she said, sitting on the bed.
He sat down at the edge, searching his pockets. "Damn it…" he said softly.
"What's up?" she said.
Fenris enveloped his nose and mouth with his hands. He closed his eyes tightly, crossing his legs as he sat down, properly facing her.
"Hawke, I…" he said, looking down and playing with the bath robe belt. "I-I want you to be safe and happy," he said tensely. "That's why I said those things last night. I wasn't being selfish."
"Alright…" she said, frowning.
"When I saw him hurting you, it hurt me too," he said, avoiding her gaze. "I don't want that to happen to you again."
"I see," she said, feeling like a monkey's arse.
"I know you believe in second chances, and I admire you for it," he said, scratching his cat ears. "I wouldn't be the man I am today without that second chance."
"But…?" she said, crossing her arms.
"But I think—" he said, rubbing his forehead. He looked like he was trying to remember something, like he'd rehearsed this. "I feel like you have an unhealthy need to save people and it's making me afraid for your life."
Her ears rang and she felt dizzy. She wasn't getting off this introspection train so easily. "I…" Her chest became heavy, and she looked away. "Maybe."
"So, please," he said, taking her hands in his. His eyes were big and sad and they stared right into her soul. "From the bottom of my heart, Hawke, please be careful."
She stared at him, her throat closing in. She looked down and nodded softly.
"He had his second chance," Hawke said finally. "We'll see how he uses it."
His hands tightened on hers.
"I told him if this happens again, I'll kill him myself," she said, looking up at him.
"Can you?" he said softly, looking unconvinced.
She sighed heavily. "Probably. Maybe. If I can't, you're welcome to finish what you started."
"No problem," he said with a smile.
She swallowed, looking down. "Speaking of which… uhm…"
"What?" he said sternly, frowning.
"He tried to kiss me last night," she said, sighing.
"What?" he said. She was about to spring up and defend the trap door, but Fenris just closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. "And how did you feel about it?"
"What?" she said, confused.
He stared at her.
"I hated it," Hawke said. "So, I slapped him."
"Good," Fenris said flatly. He looked away.
"What?" she said, frowning.
He became tense again. "Funny… uh… funny thing," he said, pursing his lips and tightening his hands on hers. "Isabela kissed me last night, too."
"Wait, what?" Hawke said, standing up.
"I pushed her away," Fenris said flatly.
"Why would she do that?" Hawke said angrily. "What happened back there?"
"Nothing," Fenris insisted. "She just did it, out of the blue."
"Something must have given her the impression it was her cue to kiss you," Hawke said, pacing around.
"I could ask you the same thing…" Fenris said calmly.
"We were talking about farts," Hawke said, pacing some more.
"Farts?" he said, raising an eyebrow.
"We were joking around about how Donnic probably farts in bed, and it'd be funny if we all farted in Markham to equalise the playing field," she went on. "He said something about sentient fartcloud spirits, which made me laugh, and he said he'd forgotten he was funny. I said he was—"
"He isn't—" Fenris insisted.
"He can be," Hawke said. "Anyway, that was his cue, I guess."
Fenris rolled his eyes. "Pathetic."
"Go on," Hawke said, crossing her arms. "Your turn."
Fenris sighed tiredly. "I don't even remember."
"Try," she said sternly.
"Fine," he said softly. He brooded. "She was leaving and I felt like I was being ungrateful. So, I outwalked her to the bottom of the stairs and thanked her. That was her cue, I suppose."
Hawke squinted. "That makes no sense."
"I know, right?" Fenris said.
"What did you talk about before?" Hawke insisted. "Did she flirt with you?"
"When doesn't she?" Fenris said with half-lidded eyes.
"She's still doing it?" Hawke said, outraged.
"She dialled it down considerably, but…" Fenris said, thinking. "I suppose cold turkey is hard for some people."
"Don't make excuses for her!" Hawke said, frowning. "You're my boyfriend. She needs to keep her flirting and her mouth away from you!"
"Agreed," Fenris said, his eyes following her erratic back-and-forth. "But it made no sense. She had clearly stated I wasn't attractive to her anymore, because I'm 'soft' now."
"She just has shit taste," Hawke said, scoffing.
"Exactly my words," Fenris said.
"Well, did you say it like you wanted her to change her mind?" Hawke demanded, stopping her pace.
"No," he said, making an outraged grimace.
"I don't get it," she said, shaking her head. "Why didn't you push her away before she kissed you?"
Fenris inhaled, looking away. "Because I'm an idiot."
"What does that mean?" Hawke said, frowning.
"I… forgot to light the torches in the main hall," he said, which made her heart rate slow down for once. "I couldn't quite see what was happening… until it happened."
"Fine…" she said, sighing.
"I promise you, Hawke. I have no feelings for her."
"I believe you."
Fenris pursed his lips, looking up at her innocently. "So… what now?"
"Well, you can't punch Anders just yet," she said, hand on her hip. "There's no more room left. Neither I nor he wished his face healed, so he'd remember the horrible thing he'd almost done."
"Aw, man…" he complained.
"But you can come see me punch Isabela," Hawke said, shrugging with crossed arms.
Fenris brooded. "Sure. Why not?"