The Search Is Over,
Chapter 122, Stealing Fire
"Do you think we shall truly be good parents," Regulus asked Kreacher.
"Do you think this will actually work?"
Hell was he babbling? The fact he and Kreacher could perhaps have a child together some day was still sinking in as was the utter brilliance of Kreacher's concept concerning how to arrange such a thing. Regulus sat on the edge of their bed, watching Kreacher undressing in the darkness. It was a few minutes past three A.M and all the party guests had only just gone home.
"Why would we not be good parents," Kreacher asked, tossing his tunic on a nearby chair.
"We were raised well by good parents, were we not? We still uphold proper values. We shall serve as shining examples for any child."
"You don't think the vampirism will present a problem," Regulus asked as Kreacher stepped closer.
The elf frowned.
"Vampirism can also serve as a shining example, Kreacher thinks. We did not die like cowards or noble fools. We survived any way we could, and if vampirism helped that, it is a strength."
Regulus nodded.
"Yes, yes. I've come to terms with that. I no longer feel that choice has tainted my blood and if anyone else in high wizarding circles believes otherwise, I have a few facts for them."
He gave Kreacher a grim smile.
"But that's not what I meant," he added, expression becoming one of concern as his mind returned to his true worry.
"I meant...well I'm concerned that our vampirism could negatively affect a child. We won't be awake in the daylight hours ever, so we won't be able to attend to them."
Kreacher nodded.
"Yes, Kreacher considered that. This is why we are waiting until Kreacher gets the four elves he requires."
"Well as we don't even have a single one, we shall be waiting a while," Regulus said with a grin.
"I do understand your point, though.
He sighed.
"I'm just concerned that even with someone taking care of our child during the day, the night won't afford us enough time with them. After all, children sleep at night."
"Does Master Regulus not want children," Kreacher asked quietly.
Regulus felt his eyes widen.
"Of course I do! It's just...frightening a bit, knowing that you're now in charge of the life of a person...a being that you made."
Kreacher smiled, nodding in understanding as he sat beside Regulus on the bed.
"Kreacher understands, but he thinks very highly of himself and of his darling, beautiful Master Regulus. He believes we shall sort it all out, and we shall be wonderful parents."
Regulus smiled softly, nodding as he reached to draw Kreacher close.
"The idea of looking into a child's face and seeing traces of us together is just amazing," he said, feeling a lump rising in his throat as he spoke.
Kreacher smiled, nodding and reaching to place a hand on Regulus's cheek.
"Just as Master Regulus wanted long ago, we shall be just like any other couple in every way."
Regulus chuckled.
"When I said that, I never expected children to be an option, so you have surpassed any expectations I could've had on that."
Kreacher grinned proudly, then began tugging Regulus's robe up over his head.
"Let's get you comfortable," he murmured, and Regulus smiled as his body hummed with anticipation.
"You have always been so loving and devoted to the house of Black, it is only fitting that you are part of producing the next generation of heirs. Together we shall make a prince to rule all princes," he said, feeling a surge of excitement and yes, portent at the very thought.
He hadn't been this excited about anything in a very long time. Finally he was very much looking forward to something long term without the ever present depression weighing in to whisper that there was no point.
"I'm so excited, Kreacher! You have had the most brilliant idea anyone has ever had in the name of magical advancement, and you are the most brilliant person in the world."
Kreacher grinned, but lowered his gaze modestly, a bit embarrassed by Regulus's exuberant yet honest praise.
"No, Master Regulus is the most brilliant," he assured and Regulus laughed.
"I didn't have that brilliant idea, so I am afraid the title of most brilliant is yours, at least until our child surpasses us both, which I hope shall happen some day. If I am brilliant, though, it is for being with you. For seeing that you are the best of the best and taking you for my own."
As he spoke that last bit, he ran his lips across the soft skin of Kreacher's ear to his cheek. As he had that very first night, Kreacher turned his head and their mouths met. There was no more conversation until the sun claimed their minds, forcing them into their daily slumber.
When they woke in the evening, there was a letter waiting for them. Mortis presented it in one extended claw, imparting by means of a lilting trill that an owl had dropped it off in the afternoon.
"Thank you for taking it," Regulus told the bird warmly.
He scratched Mortis's neck, burrowing his fingers deep under the thick feathers just as the phoenix liked. He passed the letter to Kreacher with his other hand. Kreacher opened it and read quickly.
"It is from Bera Karkaroff," he said, surprise in his tone that Regulus knew was mirrored on his own face.
They'd never received a letter from Bera before.
"Is Albus well, then," he asked feeling a sudden stab of concern.
"Oh yes," Kreacher said.
"Or at least Bera Karkaroff did not say that he wasn't. She writes to say that she asked her cousin, Gergana, if she would serve as a paid surrogate for our endeavor, and this cousin has agreed!"
Kreacher tossed the letter onto the nearest chair and did a little jig of excited glee as Regulus looked on in stunned surprise. He hadn't expected Bera to do that, and he was touched. He and Kreacher had mentioned putting out an ad for a surrogate last night at the party, but the fact Bera had sought out someone she knew did present a more reassuring prospect.
"Can Master Regulus believe it?"
"It is wonderful news," Regulus agreed, reaching to embrace Kreacher.
Together they spun in a circle around the room, whooping with delight as Mortis watched on implacably.
"We should send her something nice as a thank you," Regulus said when they came to a stop.
"Kreacher shall make cookies," the elf said.
Regulus nodded.
"And I can buy flowers to add to that."
Kreacher nodded in approval.
"Kreacher thinks most women are said to enjoy flowers."
"It's so bloody nice that everyone is being so supportive, Kreacher," Regulus exclaimed, suddenly overwhelmed by this in the most pleasant of ways.
Kreacher swallowed, wiping emotion from his eyes with a quick swipe of a tunic sleeve as he nodded. It wasn't that Regulus didn't expect support, but in the early days of their relationship Kreacher seemed so certain they would not get it. That and the reactions of some weren't always flattering.
Sirius had been dreadful and Bellatrix wasn't particularly supportive either, though she and the other Lestranges had come around as much as they were capable, considering their addiction to heavy snark.
Often daring to break norms either made one a genius or a freak, and Regulus was grateful that he and Kreacher appeared to be considered the former, at least thus far. They even had the endorsement, as it were, of Walburga! That was still astounding even if it did make sense when she put it in the terms of pureblood squared.
The endeavor must remain on hold until they had day time help in the form of elves, though. While they waited, Regulus reached out to Griphook again on the matter of the goblin healers, who still hadn't returned yet. Griphook insisted there was no way to contact them. This was frustrating to say the least.
Regulus hoped to rid himself of all traces of the depression inducing green potion before bringing children into the world. Plus with Albus wanting a healer to assist in the process, Regulus and Kreacher preferred that to be one of the goblins.
The best healer would give their child the best results, after all. Exasperated by the fact that his healing as well as their attempt to start a family were being held up due to things seemingly out of their control, Regulus tried to consider other viable options for both. He suggested that they hire a nanny for the children that was not a house elf. A goblin if one would be willing or even a human witch. Kreacher was vehemently having none of it, though. He claimed that he wanted his half elf children to be influenced properly by elves when he and Regulus were unavailable.
When Regulus suggested placing an ad for other highly skilled healers, Kreacher was more open to that. It hardly mattered, though. No one of the caliber they required responded once the ad was placed.
Weeks passed then months. For his part, Kreacher was untroubled, gently reminding Regulus that they now had eternity and that all things happened in good time. When Severus invited everyone to a party in Bulgaria to announce that Mag was pregnant, Regulus and Kreacher were very happy for them. Regulus couldn't help but wish Bera's cousin could be carrying their child at the same time. Having the next heir to House Black growing up along side the child of a friend would've been wonderful.
As Regulus became more or less resigned to waiting, he turned his thoughts more toward a healthier self awareness and self introspection through the help of psychology books that he borrowed from Mag. He figured reading about depression and other connected issues was all that could be done until a healer returned to help with the physical aspect that caused at least half of his issues.
The other half, he knew, was caused by his self-deprecating interpretation of those traumatic past events. As Mag and Kreacher both pointed out more than once, the blame was unproductive and would never help anything. Mag said solving such problems for good required one to find the true root cause, so Regulus turned his natural investigative skills to that.
What he came up with after several months of combing over his motivations and world view actually set him free more than he expected. More than that, though, the realization gave him a stronger sense of direction for himself in the future. Not only for him, though, but for Kreacher and the Lestranges as well.
When it all finally clicked into place, Regulus wasn't even thinking about it or expecting it. For this reason, it was all the more magical, like a gift or pleasant surprise which made it all the better. It happened when he and Kreacher were visiting Blaise and Gellert at the Zabini family home.
They sat in the library, and Regulus noticed a large statue of Pele. The Hawaiian fire goddess stood on a table near the room's largest window. The firelight flickered across the red garnets set into the black lava rock from which Pele was carved. She seemed to glow from within due to this effect. Regulus could imagine that she really shone when the sun struck the garnets during the day. As he gazed at the statue, it was as though Pele spoke to him and that's when he realized what had led him astray from the beginning.
He invited the Lestranges to dinner the very next day after fully reaching his conclusions. He had to share his discovery. It was...exciting to be so excited about a gained understanding of what they needed to do in order to truly embrace their best, and most of all strongest selves. Somehow he kept these thoughts to himself, not even sharing them with Kreacher, until the Lestranges arrived for dinner. He and Kreacher sat with them at the dining table as they ate the roast pheasant and potatoes Kreacher had prepared.
"I invited you all here because I wanted to share something I discovered about all of us while studying psychology and methods of self understanding and awareness," he said.
"Sounds weird already," Rabastan said, washing a bite of pheasant down with a swallow of fine one-hundred year old red wine.
"It all finally clicked for me last night when I was sort of communing with a statue of Pele," Regulus continued.
It was then that it occurred to him that his wand from Magritte was made of the same stone as Pele's statue. Lava rock for her statue made sense, because Pele was a volcano goddess and the stone was formed within a volcano. The fact that Mag had chosen this stone for his wand made him all the more certain that the conclusions he was about to share were correct.
"We all fucked up back in the day because we wanted to steal some of Voldemort's fire, riding his coattails to glory and aiding him in his endeavors rather than finding our own. If we have our own endeavors, our own fire, no one can take it from us as he did. We don't need anyone else's fire. It may take a bit more digging to find our own, but our own is the only fire we can control. It's the only fire that won't burn out or ever turn on us."
The silence that followed Regulus's words stretched out for several seconds as everyone around the table digested his thoughts with various expressions on their faces ranging from stunned to thoughtful.
"When someone else's fire turns on you, you could be engulfed," Bellatrix murmured.
Regulus gave her a relieved smile. She understood and that fact made him feel nearly jubilant! Hopefully this discovered concept could serve as a tool for all of them to use to continue to recover from Voldemort and the wounds of their shared past together.
"So our fire is like the shit that inspires us and makes us feel alive, right," Rabastan asked and Regulus nodded.
"There is hope for you yet, Lestrange," he quipped, dodging as Rabastan tossed his wineglass at his head.