FINAL FANTASY X-2 BLOOPERS

Ziggy's Corner: Okay I did this one a few months ago, and pasted it on a forum site at This is where most of you who are familiar with some of my fics might have seen my early Xenosaga stories too. Anyway when I wrote this, it was in script form, and since does not allow for script form, from what I read anyway, I decided to transform it into a parody story. It's still a blooper reel from the game, just not in script mode anymore. There are massive cameos involved, from Star Wars, to Nickelodeon shows, to classic comic book heroes, and even some references to classic blooper movie lines. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter One

First Group of Bloopers: The opening chase scene.

Rikku and Paine chase after the Yuna imposter through the streets of Luca. She quickly looses them as she runs around a corner.

"Hey you run too fast," Rikku snapped, trying to catch her breath. She heard footsteps behind her, and she felt her heart race.

"You're too slow; little girl," came a raspy, sophisticated accent of a voice. A tall, thin man holding a gun stepped around the corner, behind the two women. Following him was a short, tubby man, with a thick fleshy face.

"Show's over," the short man said, his voice as heavy as his body and as thick as his skull. He raised a shield in their direction and smiled.

"Yeowch," Rikku squealed. They were out gunned that much was for sure. Paine grabbed onto the blonde girl's wrist and began pulling her in an opposite direction.

"This way," she snapped.

Paine turned and ran to the left and ended up running straight into a stack of boxes, bashing her face. There was stunned silence at first, and the crew and the director edged forward to see if the woman was alright. An irritated smile across her face indicated that all that was really hurt was her pride.

"Damn, that hurt," she said with a giggle.

Same scene, second take.

"This way," Paine said, trying it a second time. She turned and ran to the left, with Rikku right on her heels, but the next second she heard the blonde video game vixen squeak and saw the girl twirl on her toes, as she slipped on water.

She tried desperately to catch her footing, but somehow she managed to bump into Ormi and Logos, and the three ballet danced their way into the water below. As soon as they poked up their heads, the cast and crew roared with laughter and clapped their hands, giving the performers a perfect score of all tens.

Same scene, third take.

Paine tried to say her lines. She really wanted to say them, but she couldn't keep the smile off of her face as she looked at her soggy co-star. Finally she burst into hysterics that went on and on. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. They looked like a troupe of ballerinas," she managed to blurt out between gasps of air and more laughter.

Eventually, after more takes the poor woman, and half the crew could no longer stand on their feet anymore. Paine's face was redder than a sun burned tourist's skin, and she could only manage to kick her legs to get away from the delirious pain of the laughter as she howled with amusement.

"It wasn't that funny, you know," Rikku snapped irritably. She stomped a soggy foot and sighed as the cast and crew continued with the laughter well into the ninth take of the scene.

Same scene, ninth take.

No longer laughing, Paine tried it yet again. "This way." The two girls rushed to the left, toward Luca dock, with Ormi and Logos hot on their tail. It looked like the end of them right there, when a hail of bullets strike near their feet, and the two perform a tap dancing routine to keep themselves out of harms way.

Yuna stood there, holding two guns, crisscross. She couldn't help but feel cool in this new dress, holding these weapons, even if they were props, and hoped that this would raise her "hot babe" level with video game players. She was tired of being tenth banana to Tifa Lockheart (who was always bragging about her relationship to Heather Lockheart), Selphie Tilmitt, Quistis Trepe, or even her own cousin, Rikku.

She paused, trying to edge up the hipness of the scene and then rushed forward, firing her guns. Yuna leapt onto Ormi's back, to perform a back flip just as they had rehearsed time and time again, but to her horror she tripped over his shield and crashed on the ground.

Rikku felt her eyes widen and she rushed to her cousin. "Yunie, are you okay?" She groaned and gave thumbs up as the crew chuckled and others groaned with exasperation.

"Are we ever going to get this shot right?" the director sighed with a smile.

Yuna rubbed the back of her hear and giggled, "Sorry."

Finally the scene was finished on the tenth take, and the director launched himself off of his chair. "It's about time. Cut! I've gotta take a crap!" He rushed off, mumbling something about how maddening it was about a twelve hour scene that should have been finished in twenty minutes.

Second group of bloopers: Mt. Gagazet the elevator scene.

Yuna approached the control of the elevator and looked at it. It was old, rusty and looked as if it was ready to collapse the next time someone tried to use it. "You think this Machina still works?" she asked her friends. The looked at each other and shrugged.

Yuna pushed the button, and frowned as nothing happened.

"Um, hello? Elevator?" Rikku looked around and shrugged at her cousin and friend. When nothing happened, she looked to the crew, who also shrugged. In a fit of frustration Rikku kicked elevator and groaned, leaping up and down on one foot, holding some very sore toes. "Oui pek cibet rayt. (You big stupid head)."

Same scene, second take.

The crew managed to get the elevator moving this time. It turned out that Yuna had been pushing the wrong button in the previous take.

The brunette looked around with her double colored eyes and put her arms behind her back. "I wonder how safe this is." Suddenly the elevator slowed down at a snail's pace and in the background a band began to play the Girl From Ipachima.

"Eww, elevator music." Rikku groaned.

"How lovely." Paine sighed, rolling her brown chocolate eyes.

Luckily the scene finished in three takes and only took forty-minutes to do. The director sighed blissfully as he laid on his massage table, and expert pressed into his back as he sipped his cappuccino.

LaBlanc introduces herself scene.

"Whose there?" Paine snapped. The rocks behind them had crumbled and rolled to the ground, and all three girls were on edge.

"Amateurs! They have no concept of what it means to be a true sphere hunter." A tall, scantily clad blonde walked toward them and placed her hands on her hips. LeBlanc looked at the girls for a moment and then frowned as they smiled at her. "What?" There were slight gaffs of giggles that floated around in the back ground, and Yuna shook her head. "WHAT!"

Paine stepped forward and extended her arm. "Um, I think you skipped a few lines."

As Leblanc realized what she had done she covered her face with her hands and screeched, her face blushing. "Oh no!" The crew burst into laughter, and that only made the poor young woman's face redder.

Same scene, take two.

"Whose there?" Paine growled, her hand ready to pull out her sword against any thief, vermin, or fiend that crossed her path.

Leblanc stepped out of the shadows, and quickly said the lines, "The thief." A second later she realized what she had done, and tried to fix it as quickly as possible. "Er, I mean, Lathief, um Thie, no. . . Ah crap!"

Now the crew was laughing so hard tears were coming from their eyes, and half of them had to be taken to emergency rooms to be operated on, so they could breathe yet again. Leblanc could only collapse and hold her hands to her face.

Same scene, take three.

Paine sighed, not quite sure what was going to happen, but they weren't paying her to just look pretty. She spun on her heels and narrowed her eyes. "Whose there?"

Leblanc stood there, obviously frustrated about something. She placed her hand on her forehead and rubbed it with all she could muster. She paced and opened her mouth, only to shut it again, and tapped her foot to the ground.

Yuna had seen this happen in the making of the first game. "You've forgotten your lines, haven't you?" she asked with a widening smile. The other woman looked up at her and groaned.

"Ah shit! Let's try it again. I promise to get it right this time, Colin," she said, looking at Whose Line is it Anyway actor Colin Macolry (the spelling is incorrect, but I'm not sure how to write his name).

The bald Canadian sighed and shrugged. "All right, let's try it again. It beats being the Snack Fairy in all those commercials anyway."

By the twelfth scene the young Al Bhed had had it. She stomped a foot and turned away from the set. "This is stupid; I'm going to my trailer."

But it was worse; the crew had diminished into just a handful of people, most of whom had laughed themselves into comas at the mistakes. Colin finally went off the deep end as the scene was finished on the fifty first take, and cheeked himself into a psyche clinic. His Whose Line Is It partner, Ryan Stiles took over as the director.

The Return to Besaid Island, as Wakka is taking them into the village.

"So you're a sphere hunter now... I heard the rumors. To tell you the truth, I wasn't too worried. Gotta say, though... You, uh, do seem pretty different." She did look different. She was a little taller, and her hair cut while a little creepy, was still kind of cute. Wakka shook his head. Who goes around with a two foot long pony tail? Yuna giggled at him, as Rikku lightly elbowed his stomach.

"You haven't changed a bit, tubby!" she teased. That's what you get when you let the Besaidian at the head of the buffet table!

"Whoa! Cut it out, ya! I'm going to be a father soon. Got to have a little more presence, you know?"

As they walked and talked, they could hear a frantic islander screech, "Head's up!" A blitzball soared at the group, and before any of them could avoid it, nailed Wakka right in his blitzballs. Wakka groaned, his eyes should have grown, but they seemed to shrink, and he grabbed his gonads and collapsed to the ground. Yuna and Rikku gasped in horror, and bent down over him.

"Wakka are you all right?" Yuna stroked his shoulders and helped him as he tried not to vomit from the pain.

Rikku kept running up and down the beach, her eyes wider than they should have been, and she kept yelling the same thing over and over, "Ur so Kut! (Oh my God!)."

Wakka rose to his feet, and looked at Yuna and the rest of the crew. When he finally managed to get his words out they came in tiny squeaks, as if he was speaking like Mickey Mouse high on helium. "Well, guess that's the only kid, I'm gonna have, ya?" The crew burst into laughter, and clapped as Wakka retook his place. But not before knocking some sense into the cast member who had sent the ball into him in the first place.

Scene finished in two takes.

The scene where they talk to Lucil at Youth League Headquarters.

Lucil was an excellent commander, and a brave soldier, but she was still loyal to a tee to the organization she belonged to. Rikku pondered her words for a moment and then crossed her arms. "The Thief League?"

Lucil laughed and shook her head, "No, I don't think anyone would go that far." No one in her unit would dare steal a sphere, after the words had come from her lips, an extra sneaked by carrying a sphere under his arms.

Lucil stood there; blank faced, and then began to laugh. "Although I could be wrong about that."

Scene finished in two takes.

The discussion scene with Clasko.

Clasko stood there, his eyes doe like and innocent, but hurt. "That's it. Every time I try something new, I screw it up. I just don't know what I want to do with my life. I don't know where I belong. I've spent my whole life drifting from one failure to the next. But, I can't keep doing this forever. I know that there's a place for everyone in this world-even someone as sad and pathetic as me. Lady Yuna! I want to find my place! Please, allow me to ride on your airship!"

Yuna smiled and nodded her head, "The more the merrier!"

Clasko nearly leapt out of his boots, and his mood changed greatly. "Thank you so much! I'll find my true calling, you'll see!" He began walking with the girls, and then let go a large, high squeaking fart.

Rikku stopped and gagged, waving her hand over her face, "Rumo Cred! (Holy Shit!)"

Yuna bit her lips, trying very hard not to laugh and hurt Clasko's feelings. "There's nothing holy about that!"

Paine could hardly contain herself, and didn't even try. "I guess that his true calling is from nature." The three women giggled, along with the crew, and poor Clasko looked like he was going to die.

Scene finished in one take, the fart is edited out.

Gippal interviews the girls' scene.

Gippal eyed the three young women, though he knew two of them very personally. "You, uh, here for an interview?"

Yuna nodded her head. "Uh-huh."

"The great high summoner wants an interview?"

Yuna frowned, looking into the camera for a moment. Gotta prove I can be dramatic too. "Former summoner."

Gippal blinked and crossed his arms. She's being awefully dramatic about this. "Hm. All right, follow me."

Yuna's group followed Gippal outside of the temple. Outside, Yuna's group approaches the bridge where Gippal is.

"Never been this close to a celebrity before."

"That's nice."

Gippal smiled and edged close to the woman, he could smell her breath, and he sighed. "I could get used to this."

Yuna decided to play an innocent little girl, feeling victimized by unwanted attention. "Let's not."

Gippal shrugged and turned to Rikku. "Well, if it isn't Cid's girl. How you been?"

Rikku stomped a foot and glared "Hey, I have a name!"

Gippal smiled and crossed his arms. "Brother doin' okay?"

"Same as ever. Buddy's around, too."

Gippal shook his head. "Same as ever is right." He turned to Yuna and then looked at Paine, forcing back his own smile. Time to prove I can be dramatic too! "You!"

"Paine. Nice to meet you."

Gippal blinked, and smiled again. "Uh-huh?"

"We're here for the interview."

Gippal's smile changed, and he lowered his head. "Well if that's what you really want." Gippal and Paine grabbed each other and began making out fast and furious. The crew gasped, staring at each other and then started laughing.

Yuna's jaw dropped and she could only laugh. "What the hell?"

Gippal took a break and looked up at Yuna and Rikku, sporting a very happy and mischievous grin."What? This is how I interview gorgeous young women." He also knew it didn't hurt that Paine was his real world wife either.

Same scene, take two.

Gippal and Paine dropped to the ground and continued making out as the cameras rolled. Finally Ryan seemed to have enough. He rose from his director's chair and picked up his megaphone. "Cut!"

Gippal looked up at him and grinned. "I'm not stopping."

Scene finished in three takes.

Yuna and the girls meet up with Isaaru at Yunalesca's chamber scene.

Isaaru walked up the steps, after the little test he had given the girls and sighed. Yuna frowns at him, and not because it asked her to in the script, he had gotten a part that she had wanted to in an anime voice over.

"Um, what are you doing?" Isaaru attempted to say his line, but as he walked up the steps, he accidentally stepped on a monkey's tail, and slipped back down them.

Yuna's eyes widen and she shook her head. "Isaaru!"

Rikku and Paine rushed after him, both girls staring down the stairs. A few minutes later a few crew members rushed toward it, with paramedics ready. "Are you all right?" the girls asked. The crew members helped the battered man up the steps, and the red headed man gave them a thumbs up and a weak smile.

Same scene, second take

"Um, what are you doing?"

"My job. I bring excitement to those who come to see this sacred place." As he was speaking a monkey skittered near him. "I too once traveled with the hope of seeing . . .," the monkey paused, looked at the camera, and decided to skitter a little closer to him, .". . . this place one day. Working here somehow, …," at that word the monkey decided to launch her attack, and scrambled up his pant leg, causing the man to stumble and do a jig as he tried to get the animal out. "WHAT THE FUCK!"

The crew burst into hysterics, and could barely hold themselves together as they tried to help him get the little animal out of the pants. As they worked Isaaru could only laugh and look at the crew, "I knew she liked me but this is ridiculous!" Finally the monkey was removed with the use of a banana.

Same scene, take three

Isaaru stumbled forward, his legs and back hurting from the previous two takes. Though he had loyalty to the cast and crew he had begun to wonder if this was all worth it, after all there was always an opening for the movie, Final Fantasy 2: The Spirit of Gaia Strikes Back. And he'd get to met Aki Ross, another plus!

The tall man sighed, fixed his pants and his hair, and looked at the camera. ". . . I too once traveled with the . . .," as he spoke the same monkey decided to play with him, and leapt at his face with a high piercing screech. Before anyone could do anything about it, the monkey crawled under his shirt.

Isaaru was furious; he kicked and screamed, looking at his laughing co-worker. "Oh come on people!" Another monkey decides to take the offensive and rushes up his pant legs as the crew laughed their asses off. Isaaru's eyes grew wide and he kicked wildly, grimacing in pain. "Hey, that's not a banana!"

Off screen, Ryan Stiles was rubbing his throbbing head and looked at the scene unfolding. "Someone take care of the monkeys' please!"

Same scene, take four

Now Isaaru was irritated beyond belief. How he wished he had taken that part in the second Final Fantasy movie. "I too traveled with the hope of seeing this place one day, working here somehow fulfils that wish."

"I see."

"I must apologize for the quiz. Here's something for your trouble." Isaaru handed Yuna the Heart Reborn Garment Grid, and while the cameras were rolling, also gave her the bird.

"'Kay! Thanks for coming! And remember, the ruins of Zanarkand will be waiting! Isaaru turned around and walked of the scene, not seeing the young Yuna's answer to his "bird", in the form of the "double guns".

Paine shook her head, and said her lines. "Ex-summoners come in all flavors."

Yuna's eyes brightened in a dark fashion, and she giggled, "Apparently Isaaru's is banana!" The crew and cast screamed with laughter, while Isaaru criticized her comedic remark off screen.

The girls find the broken sphere under Zanarkand scene.

Rikku looked tired and rubbed her arms as the cool air on the set, "We done here?"

Paine looked at the two girls and held out a small circularly device. "The sphere oscillo-finder picked up a signal. There should still be a sphere nearby."

"Oh."

Yuna nodded. "Right."

"Okay, let's try this again." Yuna's group moved on. In the area with a sphere...

Rikku smiled, and leapt into the air as she spied it. There was a reason she had replaced Tifa Lockheart in the hearts and minds of every man on the planet who were video game players, and she meant to keep it that way. "Aha! Found you!"

The ground began to shake, and something behind them hissed wildly as white smoke appeared from the darkness. Paine eyed the floor, and felt shivers run up her spine. "We're not alone."

Rikku looked at them and shrugged. "Think we need a password?"

Paine grimaced and held her sword chest level. "How about "kick...its...ass.""

The Guardian Beast stalked towards them, then paused and fell down, as its lower jaw slipped off of its upper one. High above the set an intercom burst to life, and a man's voice filled the whole studio. "The Guardian Beast is broken, repeat, the Guardian Beast is broken."

Rikku giggled and rolled her eyes. "Well duh!"

Yuna giggled as she looked at the broken machine and her eyes twinkled. "Hope you got a good warrantee for it!"

Three weeks later, the Guardian Beast is fixed, and the scene is finished on the second take.

Nooj addresses his followers outside of Kilika scene

Nooj looked at the large crowd of extras and a few important players and nodded his head. "Greetings, friends! An important sphere is hidden in Kilika Temple. A sphere documenting the true history of Spira. We are here today to demand that New Yevon make the contents of that sphere public. Yet, as always, the voice seeking truth goes ignored. My friends, I ask you: why?"

A very small girl in the crowd rose forward with an angry fist, clearly being overcome by the scene. "Because they're all stupid, ugly, stinky breath, poopie heads!" The cast and crew looked at the small girl and burst into hysterical laughter.

Nooj could not help but laugh as well. He loved children, how innocent and truthful they always were. Unlike his character in the game, he was a prankster, full of jokes and mirth, and when he was a small boy he wanted to be a clown. He chuckled again, "Well, I suppose that's one way of putting it."

Same scene, take two.

Nooj hobbled forward, his metal leg fake, but his cane and limp very real. ". . .My friends, I ask you. . .," he said, trying to finish the line. At that moment someone let loose a massive, earth shattering belch.

Paine held her nose and batted the air from her face, "Cute."

Nooj tried to continue his dialogue amongst laughter and moans, finally let the smell get to him, and he could not contain the humor within. "What in the hell crawled down your throat last night?" There were a few bits of laughter, and a few moans at his joke, and then they all set up for a third take.

Scene finished in three takes.