CHAPTER THREE
Third group of Bloopers -- Trouble in the Temples Scene
Yuna's group boarded the Celsius set and the crew activated the alarm as they walked onto the bridge. Buddy looked at the with wide, Al Bhed eyes. "Trouble, and I mean big time! Fiends are pouring out of the temples!"
Rikku looked at the black Al Bhed and frowned, "Which ones?"
Brother threw his arms in the air like he just didn't care and vibrated his body, "Only all of them! It's a freakin' state of emergency! What should we do?"
Yuna looked puzzled. The game was at the half way marker, and she had yet to consider f she should take up the offer to play a role in the FFX-3 movie, or pose for Final Girls Gone Naughty.
"Is it Gullwing time?" Brother asked.
Shinra shook his head back and forth, "Not exactly sphere hunter work."
Buddy nodded thoughtfully, "True. But seeing Yuna out there could calm people down."
Paine stomped a foot and put her hands on her hips, "They'll expect her to do the dirty work."
"Yeah, but Yunie wants to help," Rikku added, looking at her cousin. "Don't you?"
Everyone looked down, this story bumming them out, the chance of success starting to lower by each day. Brother had to resort to dumpster diving to find his meals, Paine had agreed to participate in the Surreal Life, and the game wasn't even out yet! Only Rikku had managed to keep all her jobs and popularity from fading, and she was being sued by Tara Strong for personality infringement.
The young, pretty Al Bhed smiled and bounced up and down, "Hey, I got an idea! We can be 'Your Friendly Neighborhood Gullwings'!" All of a sudden Stan Lee and Spider Man appeared out of no where. Stan Lee reached into his pocket and pulled out some papers. "My lawyers have asked me to deliver this too you as fast as I could."
Buddy crossed his arms and sighed, "Um, what is it?"
Shinra looed at the paper and back at the group, "It's a picture of Stan Lee in tight, small blue and white undergarments!" he said with a shudder. He looked at the comic mogel and kicked his shin. "Pervert, I'm just a kid."
"Oops. Sorry about that, "Stan Lee said, snatching the papers from the boy's hands, and delivering a new group of legal pages. "These were for my wife for our anniversary, to meake up for that fiasco of creating Striperella."
"Hey, I auditioned for that show!" Rikku said, much to the disgust of everyone around.
"You do know what it was about, right?" Yuna asked.
The blonde Al Bhed frowned, and tapped her foot, "Um, about a super hero?" she asked hesitantly. Her cousin leaned over and whispered in her ear. "EWWWWWW!"
"So what is the new paperwork, Shinra?" Wayne Brady asked.
"Didn't you leave?" TheShoelessOne, Vanguard Ziggy's ultimate number one fan asked, appearing out of no where.
"He couldn't remember who was the last director, so he put me in," Wayne said.
"It's a lawsuit, for using the words Friendly Neighborhood, so and so. We're being sued for fifty thousand dollars."
Wayne sighed and silently cursed, "Could anything else go wrong?" He stepped off his chair, and pulled a string from a piano, and then tried to hang himself with it. Spiderman quickly shot a web, and stopped him from doing so.
"So what if we pay you thirty percent roalyties to use those words?" Yuna suggested.
Stan Lee frowned and tapped his foot, "Makie it thirty for each word, and you have a deal."
"Twenty-five," she snapped.
He wasn't about to be out dickered, "Twenty-seven," he quipped.
"Twenty-six and I don't gut insect boy here," Paine said, holding a blade to Spider-Man's throat, the poor ero cursing that his spider sense did not work in this world.
Stan Lee sighed, "Fine." They signed the paperwork, and Spider-Man and Stan Lee left.
Scene finished in two takes.
Yuna and Company view sphere after trying to cheer up LeBlanc scene
Logos sighed and looked at the present company, "Whatever this Vegnagun thing is, it's clearly dangerous. Nothing the likes of we sphere hunters have any business fooling around with. But if the boss knew Nooj were involved, well, there'd be no stopping her. If anything were to happen to her …"
Rikku cocked her ehad, "You guys got it rough, don't you?"
He nodded, "If only she noticed."
Yuna's group received Logos' and Ormi's Spheres. Yuna searched tge set and saw another sphere. "Is this one from Bevelle too?"
"Ooh, been taking naughty pictures again?" Rikku teased.
Logos frowned and answered gruffly, "I didn't shot this one. I found it."
Yuna turned the sphere on and watched as the recording played. A gray haired man in a red sweater walked through a brown wooden door. He turned to the camera and smiled.
"Hello, won't you be my neighbor?" the man asked the sphere audience.
Rikku grabbed her head and ran out of the room screaming at the top of her lungs. Wayne Brady screamed, "CUT! Who has been recording PBS again?"
Same scene, take two.
Yuna turned on the sphere, and this TIME, they saw … A dork of a man, wearing light gray suit, red tie, and a short brown hair, sitting on a chair with eyes, a mouth, and moving arm rests. The set around him was like a club house, but was extremely corny. He wiggled and giggled as the chair tickled him playfully. He tried to stand up, but the giggling chair, brushed his back to her cushion, and continued the tickling.
Yuna stood motionless, unable to take her eyes off the sphere. "Pee-Wee's Play House?"
Paine looked almost as aghast as her cast member, and she shook her head. "This show won numerous Emmy's for children's programming?"
"I don't know, it's kind of cute, don't you think?" Rikku giggled.
Pee-Wee looked at her and smiling shifted his weight. "Chairy, she said cute! That's the secret word of the day!" he said in a nasally, annoying voice. Everyone on the set of the series screamed and the camera focused on my extreme close ups as the word cute flashed on the screen over and over again.
"And now I see why he was arrested at the theater," Paine said.
"It does make sense," Yuna said with a nod of her head.
Same scene, take three
Yuna viewed the sphere. In this recording …
A young woman in a nineteen seventies hairstyle looked through a magnifying glass. "And I see Laura, and Peach, and Daisy, and Carmelita, and Ashlin, and Rikku, and …,"
Rikku leapt out of her skin at the mention of her name, "Ooh, ooh! She's seen me! I've waited forever for her to see me!" she turned to see a dozen or so horrified and shocked faces.
"Just how old are you, anyway?" Paine asked, raising an eyebrow.
Rikku shrugged, clueless, "What, so I watched Romper Room when I was really little, who cares?"
Yuna giggled, "And here I thought I was the older cousin."
Same scene, take four.
Yuna viewed the sphere, praying to Yevon that nothing wrong would happen. In the recording …
An elderly man with a Julius Ceasar type hair cut and a red varsity jacket appeared on the screen. Wayne was nearly ready to yank his eyes out, or tear out his brain, whiever would have come out faster, "Now we have Captain Kangaroo? When is this insanity going to EEEEENNNNNNNDDDDDDDD?"
"What's next?" Paine asked, "Seseme Street? The Electric Company?" Somewhere, someone yelled out, Hey you guuyyysssss! and Paine turned into her gunner sphere dress and blew him out into nowhere.
Same scene, take five.
And yet again Yuna viewed the sphere. In this recording …
A naked hairy, bald man wearing a shower cap, and scrubbing his hairy back in his bath tub appeared. He was singing to himself, and as he turned to look at the camera his eyes went wide as he tried to cover himself up with the shower curtains. "AHHHHH-A, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA!"
"Oops, whoopsie," King Triton laughed nervously. He swept in and took the sphere from Yuna. "Sorry, my bad, this was a gag reel from my show."
From out of the darkness another high pitched, annoying voice snapped, "From whose show, trainee?"
King Triton sighed and looked at his tail fins in despair, "From yours, oh mighty overlord." He sighed again and slinked off into the shadows.
Paine looked into the camera and shook her head. "If we don't get this scene right in the next couple of takes, I'm going to cut my eyes out and force feed them to my damn agent."
"Now this is what I'm talking about!" Wind Seal laughed.
"And who are you?" Paine asked.
"Just another reviewer of Vanguard Ziggy," the fan said.
Scene finished in seven takes.
Yuna and company talk about the holes in the temples scene.
Yuna's group exited the temple and the blue flames in the orbs turned back to normal. After that, they boarded the Celsius. In the bridge …
Rikku groaned, "Mmm … I don't get it!"
Shinra smiled, "Fortunately, I know everything."
"So why are fiends coming out of the temples?"
Shinra grinned wider, "The fiends didn't come from the temples. They came from the Chambers of the Fayth."
Rikku blined, ready for the answer, forgetting it was scripted. "Right, exactly! But why?"
Shinra paused for a moment. "I'm just a kid."
Paine sighed and looked at Yuna, "The holes in the Chambers of the Fayth-were they there before?"
"No."
Rikku began piecing bits of the puzzle together, still forgetting she was in a game. "So the holes must be new, right?"
"There was one in Bevelle, too. A great hole …" Paine said thoughtfully.
Rikku shook her head, "But that one was made by Vegnagun, wasn't it?"
Yuna nodded, "That's true, but they're connected somehow."
Brother took a step forward, "The holes … are connected?"
"Yes, but it's more than just that. Somehow I think there are deeper connections."
"Ohhh… That is deep, Yuna." You skinny little twit, why couldn't they have given me better lines?
Viktor E. Frankl, an existential therapist from the nineteen forties walked forward and nodded his head. In a deep, Austrian accent he said, "Yes, deep, but does it say why we're all here in the first place?"
Brother looked actually excited, "Oh, that's deep too!"
Buddy looked at his friend and blinked, "What the…?" He grabbed Frankl by the collar, "Get out of here would you? It's crazy enough without dead European head shrinks coming onto site." He threw him off set, walked up to Brother and slapped the back of his head.
Wayne groaned and sighed. "CUT!"
Scene finished in two takes.