Pretending
"I guess some people just aren't meant to be together."
It had meant to be a release. That seemingly small, insignificant sentence was supposed to be a sign of her moving on, proving that she had finally gotten over him.
But she hadn't. It was a lie. Just a mask that she hid behind. On the outside she was normal or normal for her. She smiled every now and then, and had moved on with her life. But on the inside she was slowly dying. Overcome with pain and sadness caused by him. And yet she still loved him, and she doubted that she would ever get over Gil Grissom.
Grissom's POV- Beginning of shift a couple days later
What Sara had said earlier had confused him. What was it again? Something about gray hair being attractive? He shook his head. Only a couple days ago she had seemed to be over him, which had hurt him deeply. But after that kind of comment he didn't know anymore.
Sara's POV
She had been playing the "I've-moved-on" game for months now, but it was getting harder. What she had said to Hodges and Grissom earlier was a mistake. It accidentally slipped out of her mouth. She sighed as she walked down the hall. I can't keep pretending anymore.
End of shift
When Grissom walked into his office later that day, he was surprised to see a letter and a small package on his desk. Opening the package he found a shiny CD. Completely confused he opened the letter.
Grissom,
I've tried to move on, but I can't.
I can't keep pretending anymore.
Sara
His heart was racing. It always did when Sara Sidle was around, or even at the mention of hr name. Still completely confused, Grissom slipped the CD into his CD player, being careful to keep the volume low. A couple of seconds after he pressed play, soft guitar music accompanied by Sara's breathy soft yet beautiful voice, drifted out of the speakers.
I can't hide the way I feel about you, anymore.
I can't hold the hurt inside,
Keep the pain out of my eyes, anymore.
My tears no longer waiting,
My resistance ain't that strong.
My mind keeps recreating,
A life with you alone.
And I'm tired of pretending,
That I don't love you anymore.
Let me make one last appeal,
To show you how I feel, about you.
Cause there's no one else I swear,
Holds a candle anywhere, next to you.
My heart can't take the beating,
Of not having you to hold.
A small voice keeps repeating,
deep inside my soul.
It says I can't keep pretending,
That I don't love you anymore.
I got to take the chance or let it pass by.
If I expect to get on with my life.
My tears no longer waiting,
My resistance ain't that strong.
My mind keeps recreating,
A life with you alone.
And I'm tired of pretending,
That I don't love you anymore.
Grissom jumped out of his desk. I'm not too late! She hasn't moved on! He took in a few shaky breaths before heading out of his door in search of Sara Sidle.
He found her alone in one of the computer labs researching some names. He walked up to the door, and coughed slightly to grab her attention.
Her head shot up at the sound, but turned back to the computer when she saw that it was him. "Sara, I think we need to talk."
She laughed bitterly. "Save it Grissom. I didn't attach myself to the victim, and I didn't become emotionally involved."
"Actually it's not about the case at all."
"It isn't?" She spun around in the computer chair. Her face was confused. "Then what is it?"
"Umm it's about that CD you lent me."
"What CD? The only CD I ever gave you was the one I put…. Oh." She looked down at her feet, and she could feel her face redden.
He walked across the room and crouched down in front of her. Putting his hand on her knee he continued. "Thanks."
Again her face portrayed complete bewilderment. "For what?"
"For not moving on…. Only pretending……For loving me."
She could feel her cheeks blush. For once she was at a loss for words. She had difficulty looking into his eyes.
He took her hands in his, stood up, pulling her with him. She looked at him with a what are you doing? expression on her face. He pulled her towards him and intertwined her fingers with his.
As the distance between them closed she looked into his eyes and whispered. "What are you doing Griss? Don't do something you'll regret later." Her breathing was heavy and she could feel his pulse race.
He pulled her closer still and closed the gap between their faces hovering just above her lips. "I'm taking a chance before it passes by. And I could never regret this." Then he leaned in and kissed her lovingly. It only took Sara a millisecond to recover from the shock, before she kissed him back matching his passion with her own. The two were surprised by the electricity shared during that first kiss. Breaking apart for air, Sara leant into Grissom, resting her forehead against his.
"Wow." Grissom couldn't think of any other word in his entire vocabulary to describe it.
Sara just smiled her hear-melting, jaw-dropping Sara-smile.
Grissom wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her as close to him as he possibly could. Her arms snaked around his neck, as she rested her head against his chest. "Sara?"
"Mhmmm."
"No more pretending."
She looked up at him and smiled softly. "I couldn't even if I tried." With that said, she snuggled close to him, and he lent over and put a lovingly gentle kiss on her head.
"I love you Sara Sidle."
"I love you too Gil Grissom."