This one is specially dedicated to Clorinda, thanks to whom I actually considered this pairing feasible enough to be, well… considered. Here you go, Clorinda, and I really hope your expectations don't hit the moon, because, you know, I really like the tides…
Hope all readers out there enjoy, and review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hungry Heart or any of its characters -- just this plot.
Of Reasons and CrossroadsShe didn't understand.
Her eyes quickly scanned the laminated piece of paper in her hands – the schedule of the upcoming soccer tournament – turning the information in her head subconsciously, already devising ways as to how best the soccer team could prepare… their diet, exercise, practice routine… and a hundred other unnoticed subtleties that made all the difference in the world.
She still didn't understand.
When she had received her diploma two years ago, when she had looked at her certificate and permit – the precious, precious piece of paper that had materialised every single dream, every single wishful look that she had given successful businesswomen with practices as large as their ego, every night she had stayed awake reading until her eyes burned, every single sacrifice she'd made… and what had all that led to? A dietician and manager for a little-known high school soccer team? Had she, the girl with dreams as wide as the sky settled for such a life? Did she think that she was satisfied with that kind of a life?
Or didn't she just care anymore?
Kaori shuddered and tucked the schedule away in her folder.
The clock ticked inexorably in the darkened, lonely gym, in time to her throbbing head.
"Kaori… you know, about my little brother… could you help him?"
She'd let the 'man of her dreams' talk her into it. Being the fool she was, how could she refuse? Besides satisfying herself professionally, she would be returning something to him… Kanou Seisuke…
"You agree…? That's marvellous, Kaori, I'm sure that under your guidance, he'd… he'd…"
Reform himself? She had asked playfully.
"Hey, you've done it to me," he had said, a heart-melting smile curving his lips. "Why wouldn't you be able to do it again – especially to a Kanou?" Even then she'd had a chance. Even then she could've refused. Even then she could've protested, could've walked down a path filled with brighter prospects, deserving prospects.
But then he kissed her.
As his lips had pressed gently against hers, in an almost gentle, appealing, 'wide-eyed-puppy-dog' manner, she knew she couldn't refuse.
And here she was now, making a little-known bunch of tough-talking, sweaty high school soccer players her family for the past two years, while the rest of her life fell to shambles.
The memory of that wonderful kiss remained just that to her – a memory, a vestige of a better life she clung onto, a reminder of why she was here, why she was doing the things she was doing. But she hadn't seen him in such a long time, and, oh, she hated this life, this waiting game, this role of playing 'glamorous Mother Hen', and yet at the same time she couldn't think of any other place she'd like to be more (except in his arms) and where she'd be so happy, and…
She just didn't understand.
There were times when Rodrigo bade all machismo to hell, and sat down to think.
Well, such times were not often – thinking was painful in a vast number of ways – but, to his credit, he recognised the need for solitude in trying situations. Aside from the fact that it allowed him to stew in an embarrassingly satisfying rush of self-pity, it made him more focussed. Focussed on soccer. Focussed on his role in the team strategy.
Focussed on his poverty-stricken, starving family back in Brazil.
Focussed on the J-League team offer on which he had no clue how to act.
Ouch.
Rodrigo leaned against the entrance to the gym, in front of which he presently stood, shaking his head. Thinking was doing him no good if he kept focussing on the wrong things…
He stood straight and gently pushed the doors to the gym – the only place in the whole crazy dorm, he felt, that was even in the least way conducive to peaceful thinking – open.
And immediately froze, riveted at the sight in front of him.
Kaori's eyes stared back, filled with equal amounts of distress at having her solitude disturbed. Her professionalism took over quickly however, and she smiled at him – that same Mona Lisa-esque smile that haunted him with all the secrets it seemed to be saying it knew.
"Well, Rodrigo, hello. Come to exercise?"
That's got to be a rhetorical question, right? Rodrigo thought he caught a glimpse of a grimace ripple through her calm façade, as if she had thought of the same thing too, before she spoke again. "Would you like me to leave?"
Yes! "Er… no," Rodrigo said slowly, unsure of why he had just said that. "It's… it's alright. 'Sides, I'm the one intruding, right?"
"Oh, of course not!" Kaori replied, laughing, equally politely. "You can go ahead and exercise… I won't disturb you."
Shrugging inwardly, he draped his towel over his shoulders and got on to the gym cycle. For a few moments, everything was silent except for the ticking of the clock and the creak of the Rodrigo's cycle as he rode it faster and faster, unnerved by the silence…
"Are you worried about something?"
Rodrigo abruptly stopped his pedalling, the chains humming as the pedals whirred with his momentum. "Worried?" he echoed. "Oh not much. Just… you know, about my future, about my family, ambitions… all that boring stuff." He hated himself for sounding so bitter.
Especially in front of her.
"Do you need to discuss it?" Kaori asked softly.
Great, she's going all psychological on me now. "No, really, I don't… I mean, I can manage on my own." A scowl appeared of its own accord on his lips. "I just need time to think, that's all."
"Talking might help – sometimes, more than just thinking about it." She crossed her legs – long, tanned, well-toned legs, Rodrigo noted – and smiled her secretive smile once again. "Are you thinking about that offer?"
She talked of it so casually, as if it happened everyday! As if he were some spoilt Japanese kid, for whom this decision didn't make a huge impact on not only his life, but also his family's, their lives, their future, their survival… a huge impact on his friendships and school life, where the camaraderie and support had lifted him to heights he never thought he could reach, taught him lessons of love, respect, dignity, sportsmanship…
"Yes, I am."
Whether she had expected such a quick admission he didn't know, but he did know that something completely screwed up must have possessed him when he said that. He didn't need pity (other than his own) and he especially didn't need pity from her!
"I know it's a tough decision." She sighed. "Do you fulfil your ambitions – your wildest dreams, or do you continue nurturing friendship… love… knowing that it'll never come back if you broke it? Either way, there's no real winner, Rodrigo."
Rodrigo leaned forward on the handlebars, not saying anything. This was the first time he had heard Kaori – Miss Kaori – sound so open, so vulnerable. She continued.
"I mean… I've gone through what you have, Rodrigo, though I believe it's on a much smaller scale. I made my decision, and I haven't regretted it. Yet." She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her crossed thighs. "Though sometimes, I wonder, would I have been satisfied if I had taken the other path…?" Her voice reduced itself to a whisper.
"The grass is always brighter on the other side," Rodrigo misquoted blithely. Kaori laughed. "You mean greener on the other side."
Rodrigo shrugged, feeling strangely glad that he had been able to prevent Kaori from falling into that uncharacteristic despondence. It wasn't like her, and he felt there was already enough depression in the room to choke even Kanou, and besides…
She looked pretty when she laughed.
It wasn't the sort of 'pretty' that Sakai casually threw about – rather it was the genuineness with which she expressed her merriment… the way her eyes sparkled, head thrown back, long hair floating on an invisible breeze…
Besides, it was way better than her Mona Lisa Smile.
Any day.
"There is a reason you chose what you chose, right?" he ventured after another bout of silence.
She tilted her head. "I guess."
"Then you just have to remind yourself of it." He resumed pedalling. "I mean, if it were powerful enough to steer you down one path, then it must be powerful enough to keep you on the path." He paused uncertainly. "I guess."
Kaori laughed again. "Sometimes I wonder who's the doctor and who's the student." She got up from the bench and took a seat on the gym cycle adjacent to the one Rodrigo was using. "But what you say… makes sense. A metaphorical way to put it, but…" To his complete surprise, she blushed. "It's true."
And before he could say another word, she had leaned forward, and her lips were on his – brushing tentatively at first, then intensifying in passion. Rodrigo found himself subconsciously responding in kind, until reality suddenly entered his numb mind, and reminded him that, hey, this was the team dietician he was kissing, a woman seven years older than him, a grown woman – an engaged woman. Rodrigo thought for a moment, then decided on something.
To hell with Reality.
He gently brought her into an embrace, and the two lost themselves in their divine moment.
After all, he needed a reason, too.
It was amazing what could happen in a few minutes.
Kaori smiled wistfully, the kiss still lingering on her lips, as she sat in the now-empty gym. And though she chided herself for feeling like a shy sixteen year old experiencing her first kiss – which, interestingly enough, Rodrigo was supposed to be – but there was something refreshingly fresh about that feeling, like she was ready to face life again.
She reached into the folder by her side, and pulled out a single, white envelope. The top of the letter was visible at the cut end, and if one peered closely enough, one could make out the word, "Appointment". Fingering the envelope for a brief moment, she finally tore it in half, then quarters, then into the tiniest pieces she could manage, scattering them into the dustbin by her side.
With a sigh, she got up, clapping her hands together. "Now that that's done, I'd better go check on Miki and Kyousuke before they blow each other's heads off." The light, warmth and chatter of the dorm assaulted her in a pleasant way as she stepped out of the dark gym, and any lingering vestige of regret vaporised in the light.
She had finally understood.
Finis