Title: Boy-Who-Lived: Father-To-Be

Author: SweetMercy

Rating: M

Warnings: mpreg, slash, may have small references to HBP, has naughty swear words!

Pairings: RL/HP

A/N: OMG! What's this? It's...it's...it's an UPDATE! This chapter is NOT good, just thought I'd warn you. Explanations at the bottom.

Chapter 23: It's Not Regret

Harry flung the last baby towel he could find into the bag and straighten up, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. Packing was a lot harder than he remembered. But then again, he was taking care of three little people as well as himself so that was to be expected.

He levitated the trunks over to the front door, dropped the bag on top of them, and flopped down into the welcoming comfort of the sofa. It had taken him almost three hours to get everything packed away neatly. After he had finally found all the tiny shoes and gloves that had somehow managed to end up in cupboards and down the sides of chairs, he had had to make sure that all the 'important baby stuff' was packed last so he could just reach in to the trunks and get it in case of baby emergencies. After that was all done it was time to pack the baby bag full of instant milk, bottles, fresh nappies, and teddy bears.

Remus would have helped, naturally, but he had been so grateful for what Sirius had done (the pretend engagement) and was so happy to have his best friend back that he had gone over to Sirius' to thank him and make him one of the Godparents to all three babies.

Harry and Remus had talked about it late into the night and had decided that the babies should have the traditional three Godparents each. For Leanna they would have Mcgonagall, Dumbledore, and Sirius; Joshua would be a Godson to Ron and Hermione, as well as Sirius, and Skylar would have Sirius, Molly and Arthur. Harry secretly knew in his heart that if anything (God forbid) did happen to Remus and himself then the children would go to Sirius – naming Dumbledore and Mcgonagall Godparents had been Remus' idea and was out of politeness and was meant as a big thank you for all they had done for him over the years. Harry agreed with this but knew that the babies were going to grow and see them as grandparents rather than godparents. Besides, they were too old to look after children. But all the same, it was a nice gesture and they had appreciated it.

Ron and Hermione, undoubtedly, would leave Hogwarts, get married, and populate the world with more Weasley's than was entirely necessary and would therefore have far too many children of their own to be able to cope with Joshua. Of course, they were both ecstatic when Harry had asked them and he knew they would do all they could to care for him, but Harry was just thinking realistically and was glad that Sirius was there 'just in case'.

As for Molly and Arthur, that had been a gesture on Harry's behalf to say a huge thank you for everything they had helped him through since the day he had met them. Obviously, they both had plenty of experience with bringing up children but Harry didn't really want to land them with another child when they had finally gotten rid of all their own. Nah, Harry knew that if anything happened to them, the babies would all go straight to Sirius.

All in all, it was a lot more trouble than it was worth.

So…Harry flung himself down into the comfort of the sofa and closed his eyes, glad of the moment for peace and quiet. Before Remus had left he had told Harry to leave all the packing to him and he would do it after he got back from Sirius's, but the babies had been sleeping so peacefully all day that Harry just hadn't been able to sit still any longer and had started to pack their things up for Christmas. He still cringed inside when he remembered all the Christmas shopping he still had to do and there was only one week to go. He made his mind up there and then that as soon as he got settled back into Grimmauld Place tomorrow, he would drag Ron and Hermione out with him to London.

There was a knock at the door and it clicked open. As soon as he saw Hermione come in he knew she was in a mood. Her hair was more dishevelled than usual and she had angry red blotches in her cheeks. She dropped down besides Harry and huffed.

"What's up?" Harry asked, sensing that he was going to get no peace.

"Ron," she said, crossing her arms.

"What's he done now?" he asked with a sigh.

"Nothing," she said crossly, "Absolutely nothing."

"Then why are you…"

"I mean he's done nothing," she stressed. "He left me to do all his packing because he had a late Potions assignment to finish, then he got me to do the bloody essay because he remembered he had detention with Mcgonagall. The first years are all hyped up on sweets, the fifth years won't stop complaining about the amount of O.W.L revision they're been given, and Lavender's far too emotional about the fact that she has to leave her beloved Seamus for three weeks. It's driving me insane!"

"So it's not just Ron then," said Harry, leaning back.

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm throwing all this at you," she said, her mood softening, "It's just this sort of thing happens almost every year and, well, it's our last year…I just want it to be perfect. I don't want to look back on it and feel angry."

"Christmas only happens once a year," he smiled. "I'm sure by the time June arrives you'll be in tears 'cause you don't want to leave."

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure," she muttered darkly, which was so unlike her that Harry had to look back at her.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Harry," she said in all seriousness, "Have you actually given any thought as to what you're going to do once you leave Hogwarts?"

"Well I did have a plan," he told her, "After I'd laid the smack down on Voldemort's ass, I was going to get a nice place somewhere in the city and train to be an Auror. But now…" he trailed off, picking at a thread on the sofa.

"And now?" Hermione prompted him.

"Now, well…I have three kids to look after don't I? I can kiss work goodbye for the time being. But I know Remus isn't going to leave me so we'll probably just get a place somewhere in the country, away from everything, and…I dunno…"

"But what about money?" she pressed.

"I have plenty of that in the bank to get the five of us by nicely enough for a few years of so," he said, "Plus Remus is going to carry on working here isn't he?"

"But if he's working here then that leaves you on your own to raise three children."

"But he's going to be coming home every night," said Harry, not really wanting to talk about the future.

"With all the work he'll have to do? Harry, he'll need to be here for the students," she said.

"Then I'll move here!" he shouted. He wasn't aware of having stood up but when he looked around he found himself on his feet. He shook his head and muttered an apology before moving off to the kitchen and he heard Hermione follow him.

"It's me who should be apologising," she said softly, "I shouldn't have pressed the matter."

"It's ok," he muttered. "It's just that this is our last year here and I'm dreading it ending. I know we're all going to stay in touch with one another but…I don't know…it'll be different…no more getting up early for classes, no more wars between the houses, hell, I'll even miss Snape giving me detentions every 10 minutes," he laughed.

"Yeah," she sighed, "I guess I'll miss watching him yell at you too. When we get back in January we have to make sure we enjoy ourselves more than usual."

"Would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't have the triplets," he sighed.

"Harry, you know you love them more than anything," she smiled, although Harry could have sworn he had seen a flicker of worry cross her face at his words. He reached for a glass off the side and put it under the tap to fill it with water but he didn't answer.

"Harry?"

He took a sip of the drink and looked at her again with a sigh. "Of course I love them," he told her, "I just sometimes wish that…things were different…I haven't had a lot of spare time recently have I? And they're brought me loads of trouble from the Ministry."

"But they mean everything to you," said Hermione as if she were trying to remind Harry of this.

"Of course they do," he said again, "But sometimes I just wish that they weren't here…not that I don't want them!" he added quickly, seeing Hermione's eyes grow wide, "I'd just rather they'd been born in a few years time rather than now. I'm 17 Hermione, I'm still in school, still studying and learning…still got the whole Voldemort thing looming over my shoulder…I miss my life."

He drained the glass and put it in the sink before turning around and heading back out into the living room. He felt a tremendous amount of guilt about saying these things but he realised that, as he said them, as they formed coherently in his mind, he knew them to be true and it hurt terribly to know that.

"You don't mean that Harry," she said, "I know you don't. You love them so much, anyone can see that."

"I'm not saying I don't love them," he told her, "Because I do – they're my flesh and blood, how can I not? I'm just saying that…well, the Christmas Holidays are making me realise how much of my life I'm missing out on. I mean, I have to arrange for myself to spend time with Remus when I should be doing it naturally, you know?"

"But I've watched you care for them so lovingly for the past two months," she said.

"Because they're mine," he said, trying to make her see what he was struggling to say. "Obviously I feel a huge responsibility for them and I don't want any harm to come to them, I love them so much…I just wish that all this baby stuff could have happened later on, not now, not when I need to enjoy my youth. We're leaving school Hermione, we're never gonna get this experience back."

She had been sat silently through all of this, watching Harry's face shine with emotion. She knew how much this was hurting him to say it but it was obvious he needed to say it otherwise all he would have would be these thoughts pounding in his head.

He sat back down now with his head in his hands, a glimmer of tears building in his eyes but he didn't give way to them. He ran his hands through his hair and sat back, biting his bottom lip. He was over tired, he knew he was. He was stressed and exhausted from all the different emotions that had took over him since the birth of his beloved children. He knew he'd worked himself too hard, knew he'd worried too much, and now all these feelings were coming to the surface in a brutal way that made him feel enormous guilt.

"The Christmas Holidays are going to do you a world of good," smiled Hermione, breaking the silence. "You're going to get lots of well-needed rest and a nice, long, well-deserved break. Everyone in that house is going to be only too pleased to look after the little ones whilst you and Remus get some quality time together. Now, I know what you're saying and I understand…you were robbed of a proper childhood and you desperately carve these teenage years. But you can still have them. I'm here and so are Ron and Ginny and Sirius and Dumbledore. We're all here and wouldn't mind one bit if you left us in charge of the little darlings for a few hours a day. I know you say you don't want to miss this experience and we won't let you miss. But don't forget that your experiencing parenthood and you have yet to hear your children's first words and watch their first steps. And that, Harry, is going to be a magical experience."

Harry lay in bed that night with his mind still stuck on what Hermione had said to him. She was right of course; she was always right when she made big, dramatic speeches like that. He did long for the day when Skylar would call him 'daddy' and when Joshua would be able to fetch his favourite teddy from the floor where he so often threw it. He even longed for the day when Leanna would learn to walk, even if it did mean that she would be a constant nuisance. They were his children, he and Remus had made them (unintentionally) out of love and parenthood was defiantly one hell of an experience and he still had it all to come.

He heard Remus get into bed and he rolled over slightly to receive his kiss goodnight before snuggling back down into the covers, Remus' hand snaking around his waist and holding him lovingly.

He sighed deeply. Tomorrow they were going home on the train for Christmas and it was inevitable that the triplets were going to be playing up. And Harry was looking forward to every moment of it.

A/N: I am so SORRY! I know most of you have heard vis private messages and review replies and I did put a little thingy in my profile. But here it is again for those you I couldn't reach: My computer broke, I couldn't even turn the bloody thing on. So I had to wait until after Christmas to get a new one, but then I realised that I hadn't save my work on to any devices so I real trouble writing this chapter coz I'd completly lost the thread. Then I had loads of coursework to do (still have but its half term so I have all week now), then I got really ill. BUT I managed to produce something in the end. I promise the next chapters are going to be longer and better coz I'm picking up the thread again. I'm so annoyed, I had such a cool chapter written for chapter 26 but its gone! ARGH!

But I'm back again. Thank you all so much for sticking with me and I hope you're not too mad.

-hides in corner and prays for lovely reviewers to come back-

Review? Please?