"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite, or you will fall. Each race is bound this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the Ring, Frodo." Lord Elrond opened the council with these chilling words. But no one noticed, because everyone was so captivated by the beautiful, dainty, lovely, wonderful, voluptuous, sensual, radiant Mary.

Elrond sat down on his chair with his head in his hands. Everyone had fallen in love with Mary Sue. Her coming to Middle Earth was going to ruin everything. Sauron was going to take over Middle Earth and everyone would be too captivated by Mary to even notice! He sighed, frustrated. Just then, the unbelievable happened. A loud thunder clap sounded from the heavens and a girl fell out of the sky and landed in Aragorn's arms.

Her long shiny, beautiful, glistening, super straight, super duper sexy brown hair that shone with highlights in the sun covered her face and most of Aragorn's shoulders for that matter too. As the girl came too, her small dainty hand flew to her neck where she wore a silver necklace with a small ring attached to it.

Elrond's eyes grew wide as the girl took one look at Aragorn and jumped to her feet and started screaming, a lovely, dainty, lady-like scream. Most obviously… Like, Duh.

"Like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! I'm like, so in love with you, like oh my god, since like the first movie, like I loved you! Oh my god, I'm like in MIDDLE EARTH! Oh! Ohmigosh! Where's Legolas?" She turned around and was met by a hard slap across the face.

The blonde Mary Sue was raging, "Like, who are you?"

The brunette Mary Sue looked at her in anger, "Like, what the hell is your, like, problem?" She slapped her back.

Blondie, screamed, a lovely, dainty, lady-like scream. Like totally. "Ohmigosh, like, Legolas is mine, back off bitch!"

The Brunette screamed back, a lovely, dain-… well you already know. Definitely. "Shut up, he, like, loves me more!"

"NO! He's mine!"

"Fine!" the brunette murmured. Then her big, deep green, like a lush forest, emerald sapphire, gem-like green eyes watered and she cried.

Everyone present felt there heart wrench for this beautiful, lovely, dainty, voluptuous, alluring girl. The world was saddened as she cried, the sun disappeared behind the clouds, and immediately everyone in her proximity rushed to hold her to his breast and murmur endearments to her.

Of course, Aragorn got to her first, and held her to him, as tears glistened in his eyes at seeing the beautiful maiden upset. After she calmed down, everyone was relieved and the sun shone upon Middle Earth once again.

Elrond took a deep breath and stood between the Blonde Mary Sue and the Brunette.

"What is your name, my dear child?" he asked; fear gripping him at the answer he already knew.

"My name? It's Mary!" she beamed and put her hand on his forearm and tilted her head to the side. Her shiny, glittering, super straight, super sexy, super duper lovely hair fell to the side like a cascade of water off a waterfall.

Elrond gave a wary glance heaven-ward.

The Blonde Mary screamed, a lovely…aw, whatever. "You like, stole my, like, NAME!" she lunged at the other Mary, who threatened to become hysterical again.

Legolas stood up and put his arms around the blonde Mary and spun her around.

"Mary, is it true that you love me? Is it true that your heart belongs to me?" She melted into his strong arms.

"Oh, Leggy-poo! YES!" She reached up to kiss his chin, but he had already taken her into a long, beautiful, romantic, lovely, soul warming, earth shattering kiss.

The other Mary spun around to look at Aragorn, who then proceeded to take her into a long, beautiful, uh… kiss.

Everyone in the council then stood up and started fighting. How could the Mary Sues love Legolas and Aragorn and not them? How could this happen!

Then Elrond stood up on his chair and screamed at everyone, a lovely, dainty… oh no, no, he just screamed. Yea.

"We are here to discuss the fate of the one ring! We cannot afford to be side tracked!" The Mary Sues helped to calm everyone down and then both chimed, "Yes, cause we totally have to cast the ring into the, like, fiery chasm from whence it came!" They both glared at each other and then took seats by their chosen beloveds.

"It is a gift! A gift to the foes of Mordor---" Boromir began, but he was promptly cut off by Mary Sue I & II.

"Boromir! No! Like, the ring must be destroyed!" Again they glared at each other.

"Shut up Blondie, that's like, my line!" Mary II heaved. A lovely, dainty, lady-like heave. I mean, would you expect anything else? Seriously.

"You ditsy pooey poo poo, you don't know anything about what happens, I like, watched the movies!" Mary I yelled. A lovely….ehm.

"HA! I totally watched the movies, and I like, read the books too!" Number II yelled back.

"Ha, you can't even, like read."

"Girls!" Elrond intervened, "We are getting side tracked again. Please, sit down."

"Oh, brother. I will take the ring to Mordor, if it will make them stop fighting." Frodo said.

Gandalf smirked. "I shall help you bear this burden Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear."

After another 2 hours of arguments that erupted from the two girls, 11 people stood before the council.

"11… So be it, you shall be…."

"Like, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING!" the two girls screamed. (two lovely, dainty… oh I give up.)

A/N: Tune in next time for like, the Birdies of Dunland.