I heart you Elfluver13! I also heart Emo Aniron and Phantom'sJediBandiegirl, you guys are like…Awesome. Like totally.
They ran without rest, or food for hours until they finally reached the borders of the Golden Wood. Both sues were bouncing off trees in glee.
Legolas observed them staring up through the trees and running about.
"Stay close young hobbits!" Gimli started, only to be cut off by the sues simultaneously shouting, "YOU BREATHE TOO LOUD!" and erupting into fits of giggles.
Then, the much awaited appearance of a certain March Warden came to a close.
"The Dwarf breathes so loud, we could've shot him in the dark." The tall elf said.
"HALDIR!" both girls screamed. Eadocce darted toward him and threw herself into his arms.
"Oh, Hal-hal. You are so sexy, your elf ears make me want to shag you senseless!" Haldir's eyes widened at the fresh girl in his arms. But as his eyes traced over her features, the March Warden was lost to sanity.
"My lady, you are fairest of all, my heart is devoted to thee." He breathed, in a dreamy haze. Eadocce batted her lashes as her little ring glowed a hot pink.
"Oh Hal, who you do anything for me?"
"YES!"
"Do the Macarena!" Haldir looked confused for a second and then he…started dancing the Macarena! Somewhere deep in the forest the fellowship could hear the Macarena being played as Haldir danced to it.
Then Gimli started screaming and beating his head to the nearest tree.
He looked up to the sky and yelled, "Hey! Hey lassie writing this story?"
"Yes Gimli?"
"Well lass, I was hoping ya could have one of these sues die, somewhere along the storyline…"
"Gimli, if one of the sues die she will return to middle earth more powerful than she was before. She will be more Elf/Hobbit/Wizard/Dwarf! You surely do not want that?"
"I just want ta have some reprieve from the insanity! Look at this one… She's got the princling tripping all over himself! And this one! She has Aragorn wrapped around her little finger! He loves Arwen, that Elf-Lass! This cannot be the fate of middle earth lassie; you have the power to change this!"
"And what would you have me do Gimli?"
"Who are you talking to Gimli?" Legolas said, looking quite confused
"If ya don't mind master elf, I am having a conversation about those… devils, with the author of the story…" Gimli huffed.
"Author? Gimli, have you been at the ale again?"
"You will come with me!" Haldir interrupted just as Gimli and Legolas looked about ready to exchange blows.
"I'm taking you to the lady Galadriel. Let's go!" Haldir marched the fellowship through tree and wood, water and land. Aragorn loomed behind in pain. How could Eadocce not be faithful to him?
They had all finally reached Galadriel's flet and they all stood awaiting the queen's arrival.
As Galadriel glided down the flight of the ethereal glowing stairs her eyes fixed the two sues.
They had bowed and were waiting to start talking. Celeborn stood beside his wife his eyes affixed on the two sues. He, unlike all others, was unaffected by their charms.
"10 there are…"
"But like, 11 set out from Rivendell!" finished Eadocce. Haldir gave a dreamy sigh.
"You, like, want to know where Gandalf is, cause you like, wanna talk to him?" Gwenel suggested.
Celeborn let out a short explicative in elvish and resumed silence.
Galadriel stood watching the girls intently.
"Like, he has fallen into shadow." Eadocce said, turning to Gwenel with a nod
"For we ventured needlessly into the doom, of Khazad DOOM!" Gwenel said, her eyes getting bigger with each word.
Galadriel who had enough of the two girls flew down the steps and grabbed them and lifted them off the ground.
"You two have completely ruined the events that I have foreseen!" She bellowed
Legolas stood in shock as the queen continued her tirade.
"And how dare you even think to seduce my March Warden, after you have seduced Aragorn!" She roared at Eadocce.
"Your presence in middle earth will be its ruin! If the fellowship fails, children of Morgoth, know this now, I swear on Nenya your death will be a slow and painful one!"
She dropped the two girls on the ground and took a step back. The girls each stood up and started brushing of their clothes.
"That like totally didn't happen in the movie." Gwenel said.
"Like yea, she was supposed to go all radioactive on Frodo… 'TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH!' like, whatever." Eadocce said rolling her eyes.
Galadriel took once threatening step towards the girls and both fell on the ground in fear. It seemed for a moment Haldir was snapped out of his trance. But, it was not so.
After the fellowship had been led to a glade to sleep, Haldir snuck down to see Eadocce again.
Aragorn was angered and stood up and yelled at Haldir. "She loves me ELF! Stay away!"
Haldir looked… besmirched… and then shrugged at Aragorn. "Listen, mortal, you have Arwen, so leave my Eadocce alone!"
"Arwen? Who's Arwen? I challenge you to a dance contest! The winner, like, gets Eadocce's heart." Aragorn retorted.
Little did he realize how the clearing received his statement. Gimli choked on his pipe, Boromir fell off the rock he was sitting on, Pippin moved closer to Merry and Sam. And Frodo stood up his mouth agape. Legolas looked terrified.
"Strider, sir. Do you realize you said… like?" Sam whispered lightly.
"What?" Aragorn questioned.
Just then 'Everybody Dance Now' started playing in the deep of the wood and Aragorn started dancing circles around Haldir. Haldir joined in and the Sues squealed. So did Gimli, but his squeal had something to do with his throwing up.
Galadriel heard the noise in the glade and came rushing down to see what was happening. Haldir stopped dead in the middle of a hip shake and looked aghast at the queen.
They all, I mean, all got to see the radioactive queen… again.
It was not long before the Lothlorien elves tied up the Mary Sues and threw them into boats and kicked the fellowship out of the golden wood. But first they all got presents.
"GORNY!" Eadocce yelled.
"Yes, cheating lover?"
"Untie me love."
"Will you cheat on me again? Perhaps this time with Gimli? What about Eomer?"
"EOMER!" Gwenel screamed, "He's like, the hottest man EVER!"
It was Legolas who responded this time. "Fair maiden, if you wish me to dance for you in order to win your heart from Eomer, than I think I should throw you overboard now, and not wait for you to wrench my heart from my living body."
Everyone was getting tired of the Sues, and Gimli still prayed for their deaths.
A/N: Hmm that was hard to write because I am running out of material!