Yey! For Reviews. I've started working on another Mary Sue Basher; it should be up in the next week dears!
Eadocce floated on her ethereal legs all the way to Edoras. It dearly upset Gwenel because she hadn't yet received the passage to become Gwenel the White, who was in all being stronger than simply Gwenel. She was more beautiful, more elf-like, and more dwarf-like, (although how an elf-dwarf would be beautiful, only a Mary Sue would know) more wizard-like, more hobbit-like, and more um… Super Sue-like.
Eadocce turned around and looked at Gorny and sighed. She floated over to him and smiled.
"Gorny, you will be king one day when this is all over and all will love you." She cooed.
He looked at her and smiled. "That is not what I was thinking of… I worry for Frodo, and Sam. We parted ways without even goodbyes and I wish for them to be alright. They carry heavy burdens upon their shoulders."
Eadocce was touched, and therefore remained silent. Gwenel on the other hand was silent for a different reason entirely.
-How can I speed up my coming to Gwenel the White? - She thought, angry at Eadocce.
-I should try to kill myself, for put myself in danger, therefore injuring myself, and like, die! Oh, death is like, icky! But I must like, undergo this… um, trial before I can become the magnificent Gwenel! But I, unlike Eadocce, shall make all bow to me, and love me and like, I will help Frodo to destroy the ring! After all, I'm like the smarter one!-
Gwenel looked up as they reached the walls of Edoras. She watched as a maiden disappeared into the fiery hall and then looked around her to see that the fellowship had arrived at the inner gate.
Gandalf quickly bought them passage into the halls of Théoden King.
"Grima Wormtonuge!" yelled Gwenel, setting her plans into motion. Gandalf spun around to her looking quite angry, but then Grima stepped out from behind the King's seat and smiled.
"I have long expected you, Mary Sue, to come and destroy my plans. But I have also long been prepared for your treachery, wicked Sue!" everyone gasped as Grima used her name that was thought to be unknown.
Gwenel pulled her Pink bow from the folds of her cloak, gifted to her by the Lady Galadriel, the Elf queen herself. But put on her by the sexy hands of Haldir…. Mm mm… She pulled out an arrow and fired it.
Gwenel, a Mary Sue, had the archery abilities of the great elves themselves and her arrow flew with the speed of the Valar into its target.
Grima's foot. "Like! Don't make me kill you, you evil do-er of EVIL!" She yelled.
Eadocce's white robes fluttered around her as she swept beside Gwenel, her long dark hair following about her, shining with the exuberance of the sun.
"I am Eadocce the White, and this is the Fellowship of the Ring! You shall obey me and drop your weapons evil Grima, um… like... NOW!" She bellowed with an air of importance.
"Child, we are not the fellowship of the ring. We have not been since its breaking when Frodo left." Gandalf muttered as he stepped forward and turned to Théoden on the throne.
"Tell me King Théoden… how fair you?" Gandalf smiled.
"Like that's not the line loser. The line is, 'the courtesy of your hall is somewhat lessened of late, Théoden-King' Like, duh." Gwenel said, exasperated.
Gandalf sighed. "Fool of a Sue! Next time you correct me I will knock your head against the wall and hurt you!"
Everyone turned to Gwenel, who in turn looked at Grima. "Wormtongue! Breath your last breathe for your death will like, be swift and like, full of pain!" She reloaded her bow and aimed it at his heart.
"GWENEL!" yelled Gandalf in order to stop her. In that specific moment several things happened. Guards came out of the dark of the room and grabbed the members of the Fellowship and held them back. Eadocce was hit over the head with a vase by a younger guard who started to tear open her robes, and Gandalf was attacked by another two guards.
Also at that moment, Grima whipped out a sword and ran at a distracted Gwenel. She barely turned around in time to deflect his blow. Her 'go go mighty morphin' power rangers' sword gleamed with the air of… well… a power ranger as she spun around deflecting fatal blows. Then the unbelievable happened. She faltered in her step and fell backwards onto the ground. Grima brought his long sword down hard across her chest as she screamed.
Legolas finished punching out the last of his attackers and turned around to look at his Gwenel on the ground. Outside Edoras the sun fell under clouds.
"Ai, Gwenel, my princess. Why you have saved us all by spilling your own blood!" Legolas cried as held his mortal… I mean his sue, because sues are not mortal, they are fair more supreme beings. Shame on me.
"Like, umm… I am thinking of something witty to say!" She lay gasping in his arms, and everyone waited on the balls of their feet for her 'witty remark'.
Gimli moved to a window and stated the obvious. "The Sun has fallen into Shadow!" he called.
Aragorn slowly removed himself to where Gimli stood. "Be still Gimli, we wait for Gwenel's witty remark, as she put it." Gimli rolled his eyes and continued to whisper to Aragorn, but being a Dwarf… and breathing so loud that the sexy Haldir could've shot him in the dark, it seemed like he was still shouting.
"That ditz of a Lass! Sauron will have taken Middle Earth into his arms if we are to wait for her to say a 'witty' remark! Aragorn, we must leave now!" He danced around on his toes when he said 'witty'.
"Gimli that is not such a nice thing to say!" Aragorn warned
"No? What about the other lass? 'I am Eadocce the White', unlike Simply Eadocce, for I am far stronger than Eadocce! But you can still call me Eadocce because it's easier to rememba then, oh let me think… Eadocce! Tell me Aragorn, how many times can she say her name in one breath?" Gimli shouted, shaking his hefty fist at the future king.
"Oh! Like, I can't think of any great lines from the like, movies!" Gwenel sobbed. By now Legolas was soaked in blood, but Gwenel was still alive.
Eadocce turned to her and smiled, "How about you say something that one of the characters that dies says?"
"B-but you used Boromir's lines! A-and then Boromir used your lines that you like used that were like, his! That's like, unoriginal." Gwenel sobbed, losing another one or two or three pints of blood.
Legolas looking befuddled looked from one girl to the next.
"Oh! I have like, thought of something!" She smiled as everyone gathered around.
"Your quest! It, um… stands upon the brink of a knife! Oh that's like, not the line." She sighed and laid her head on Legolas's arm.
"How about um, this one," Eadocce clapped her hands together and smiled as she mouthed something to her partner sue.
"Oh, yes. Okay everyone listen!" She coughed a bit then turned her eyes to Legolas.
"Leggy-Weggy-Poo, I like, totally love you. And hopefully one day I will be your queen and you my king in Mirkwood! To the rest of you I have but one, like, important thing to say…" Suddenly the beautiful dying, um… sue, for a lack of better terms began to sing, and as she sang, the Sun shone once more, and relief washed over the fellowship. Legolas was so moved that tears overtook the poor elf and his shaking frame made everyone sad again.
Legolas shed tears, and as Gwenel's fair mouth and fair eyes closed for a final time, her fair hand slid off the fair elven cheek that was of the fair prince Legolas, of the fair elven realm, of the fair Eryn Lasgalen, which was also know as the fair Mirkwood, where the fair Thranduil reigned as the fair king of the Fair land of Mirkwood, or the fair land of Eryn Lasgalen, or whatever your fairness may fair to fairly call it.
What was the song that the fair Gwenel sang for the grieved fellowship? Here it is for the viewers' pleasure:
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham
I do not like them
Sam, I am
I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in a boat
I would not, could not, with a goat
I will not eat them in the rain
I do not like them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I will not eat them with a fox
I do not like them in a house
I would not, could not, with a mouse
I do not like Green Eggs and Ham
I do not like them
Sam, I am
Green Eggs and Ham
Green Eggs and Ham
Don't like Green Eggs and Ham
The silence overcame everyone and then Eadocce picked up some of the blood in a magical bucket and threw it on Grima. Who was standing there the whole time… not running away or anything, and the reason for that is when a sue dies, EVERYTHING stops. So the bloodied Grima started running around in circles, covered in blood.
"OH NO! I'm… I'm… melting! I'm melting! Oh what a world, what a world!" and with that, poof… Grima the evil do-er died too. And King Théoden was Théoden King, fair mortal king over the fair land of Edoras, which in reality isn't a fair land, because it isn't a country, so it would be better said that he was now fair King of the fair Rohan and all the fair riddermark, but he was also King of all that was unfair, for the orcs and urak-hai had pillaged many fair rohirric villages, and made them most fairly unfair.
Théoden looked about him and sighed. "Gandalf friend, where is Sister Son Eomer, and Sister Daughter Eowyn, and Son of Mine? Tell me, why have you come so late?" Like she was summoned, Sister Daughter Eowyn appeared in her shimmering white dress, although upon being in the same room as the GREAT Eadocce the White, who was no longer Simply Eadocce, who we are permitted to call Eadocce, for short, Eowyn Sister Daughter of the Fair Théoden King of the Fair Land of Rohan, and the fairly unfair villages in Rohan, her dress shriveled to a dull pasty looking color.
The group turned to a big drawing room, that was also fair, being in the fair walls of the fair Edoras, which we can say is the fair capitol of the fair Rohan, and the fairly unfair villages of Rohan… the Fellowship entered the room, leaving guards to remove Gwenel's massacred fair… body.
A/N: I simply must write a fair disclaimer, for this fair chapter, for I fear I have fairly unfairly ripped off many fair stories…
Disclaimer: Anything in this fair chapter, written by this fair author, is for fair non-profit humor. Songs belonging to Dr. Suess, the fair author of Green Eggs and Ham, Lines belonging to screen play-writer of The Wizard of Oz, Scenes and Words written by JRR Tolkien and any references to 'Power Rangers' are made strictly for entertainment purposes and do not reel in any profit for me. Thank You and HAVE a fairly fair day.