Hey guys! Dejichan here! Well, I decided to put a sort of "Epilouge" thing for this story. It won't make much sense if you haven't read the companion piece, "Just a Guilty Obsession", though. I love how this progressed. I sort of just went from one thing to another, without redoing anything, except the very end, and Yuki's motions. (I couldn't remember what he was doing, so I kept messing up.) Well, I hope you enjoy the FINAL part of "Just a Shadow", which is a lot shorter! Expect the next chapter of "Returning Relations" soon!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. -cries-

Just a Shadow Pt. 2

I open the door to my apartment. Wait, it's not exactly mine, is it? Home is where people love you and care for you. Home is where everyone belongs. Home is where you can be yourself. Home is where you can be happy. Home is where you are always welcome. THIS is not home. It doesn't fit under ANY of the necessary requirements.

For one thing, no one loves me here, except that Kumagoro doll in my room. But that's doesn't count, and you know it. I don't belong here, in Yuki's apartment. Yuki doesn't care about me; he only lets me stay because I'm a reminder of something he once had. I stay because it makes him happy, in a way, and that's all I can get from him. I can't be myself here. If I hug him and kiss him, he gets angry. THAT is me, the hyperactive kid, but I have to be quiet here. And I'm definitely not happy. Who could be happy when their whole world crashes down on them everyday? Lastly, I'm not welcome here ALL the time, only when Yuki isn't mad.

So…where do I belong? If no one cares about me here, what is this place considered? Yuki's apartment? I guess so. It can't be anything else, can it? That would be asking too much of Yuki. Still, I think I belong somewhere else, like maybe a dark hole filled with blood and dead people. I can't even please the person I care about the most, so I'm worthless, and I belong there.

I sigh silently. I don't want anyone to think I'm upset. That would just make them unhappy, though I don't understand why. So, I have to cover it up. I have to hide everything, because that's the way it is. I love it when I fall, because then I have an excuse to cry. No one knows what I'm really crying about, and I prefer it that way. WHY do I love Yuki? Why? I've searched for the answer for a long time, and I've come up with nothing. I guess my heart has something against me; it wants me to suffer by having me fall in love with certain people. That doesn't make me love Yuki any less though.

"I'm home!" I holler. I put on that fake smile that no one can see through. It's like a mask. Underneath it, there's a frown, but no one is going to find it anyway. I take a deep breath, and hope. I hope that maybe, just maybe, he answers me this time. I know that I'm just a shadow, but is a greeting too much to ask? Hmm?

Yeah, it is, I guess. Yuki doesn't even make recognition that he realizes I'm home. I bet he really doesn't know I'm here, or he doesn't care. I hang my head and slowly walk over to the couch. Maybe Ryuichi Sakuma is on TV. He's on it almost all the time, so there's a good chance.

I sit down on the couch and fumble with the remote until I get to the correct channel. Then I lower the volume so Yuki doesn't get angry at me. I look at the screen with little interest. There he is, Ryuichi Sakuma, my idol. He's singing a song, which I can't remember the name of. How is that possible? I always remember the names of Ryuichi's songs. This time, though, I don't believe I'm thinking properly. How can I, when I'm trying so hard to understand Yuki?

I admit it. Yuki is VERY confusing. What exactly does he want from me? Why does he love Kitazawa? Why can't he love me? Why is he always so cold? Why am I bothered by it? Why do I love him? I don't know, to tell you the truth. I don't know a lot of things, but these questions are some of those questions I'd die to know the answer to.

Die. I've thought about that a lot. Sometimes I wonder, if I died/committed suicide, would Yuki care then? I don't even know if he'd notice. He'd definitely be upset, but he'd scream, "Kitazawa! You died, AGAIN!" If I heard that before I died, I would die inside AND out. It makes my stomach churn. It seems so disgusting to think about.

I threw away the answer of dying almost immediately after I had thought of it. Then I thought, "How about I go a bit less extreme?" I would still be alive, but maybe some of the emotional pain would go away. Physically pain numbs the emotional pain, in a way. I'd gladly break every bone in my body if all the questions would stop haunting me, but there'd be a risk of dying if I did that. So I thought, cutting? Nah, it'd be too visible. I didn't want Yuki to know, because that would make him unhappy. The reason I'm doing this is to become numb, if only for a moment. I thought of other things, but I found no solution that would work for me.

Ah, I forgot that Ryuichi was still on TV. I can barely hear his voice anymore. It used to reach out to me all the time, because I had no worries. Now, sometimes I can't hear his breathtaking lyrics because I have so much to think about. I wish that I could just forget everything for a moment, and watch Ryuichi in awe again. I miss those days, when Yuki didn't overflow my mind with uncertainties.

I'm "zoned-out", so to speak. I decided to concentrate on Ryuichi's performance contently. Maybe, for a little while, I can go back to those times, when I was more than a shadow. I hear creaking; Yuki must be walking around. Is he getting a beer or something? I shrug it off and continue to watch TV.

"Uh, Shuichi…" Yuki sputters. I'm look at him, and he bites his lip. I'm surprised, but I don't show it. I'm too "lost" to understand anyhow. Yuki examines me for a moment, and then he looks super-nervous. I decide to answer him.

"Yeah?" I ask casually. I grab the remote and turn the TV off. He seems relieved. I wait for a moment. What could he be asking? Does he want me to leave? Will he tell me to "Drop dead" again? Or worse? I'm worried now, but I keep my calm composure somehow. Don't ask how, okay? I just do. Being worried and anxious, I want him to hurt up and tell me whatever he was going to say. I feel like screaming into his ear, but I resist the temptation. "What is it, Yuki?" I ask quickly.

To my utter disbelief, Yuki slowly but surely walks closer to me. He plops himself down next to me, shaking. I'm astounded. I don't know what to say. This must be bad, if he's sitting down next to me. Did I do something wrong? Oh, I hope not! I don't want Yuki to be angry! Wait…Yuki doesn't seem angry. He looks…sad…? So, he wants to break up with me? NO! Or…is he dying? Does he want me to leave for "awhile while I get some space"? In my mind, awhile without Yuki, even though it hurts, means forever. It's strange, but true in every aspect.

"Look Shuichi…," he whispers hoarsely. Did he catch a cold? Oh no! Yuki can't get sick! EEP! Wait, he doesn't look sick, just…nervous? Maybe he wants to break up with me, but he'll regret it? Damn, this sucks… Why me? Ugh… Yuki gulps.

He's looking directly at me, and I notice something… His eyes… They look different. Sure, they're the same color, size and shape, but there's something else… It seems like…he's actually seeing ME! Could it be possible? Is he noticing that I'm here this time? YES! I know it, I just know it! His eyes tell me everything! Oh, I can't believe it! I smile warmly at him, holding in all my joy for the moment. I can dance and sing at the top of my lungs at Hiro's tomorrow.

Yuki's eyes widen. He's admiring me…? I feel like I've died and gone to heaven… "I…I…l-l-lo…," he begins to say. Wait, is he trying to say…that he loves me? I understand now! I understand! Yuki DOES love me! He DOES see me now! He really does! Yuki looks upset though. Ah, I get it.

He can't say it. I realize something. I don't need him to say anything. I know now, and that's all I need. I nod, and examine him thoroughly. I wrap my arms around my blond lover and close my eyes. Yuki even hugs me back. Everything is so perfect…

Maybe I can't be his first love. Maybe I can't be that handsome brunet with light brown eyes that he used to adore. But he loves me and wants me here, so I'll stay, and love him even more, if that's possible. For him.

I love you, Yuki…

A/N: Well, how'd you like the conclusion? Pretty cool, eh? Well, I hope it was Okay. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! Thanks in advance! All reviewers will be given eternal thanks for their precious, invaluable review! -hugs- Thanks for reading!