Disclaimer: Hola! So, Divergent was originally published by a wonderful woman named Veronica Roth. Ever heard of her? Yeah, me neither, absolutely not. She only published some of my favorite books, and I'm only using her world to write a fanfiction. Of COURSE I've never heard of her.
To clarify, that was sarcasm.

A/N: Holy moly, it's been too long! So, you remember how I kept mentioning I'd been procrastinating studying for my 3 upcoming exams? Yeah, I paid the price. A week before the first exam, I was like, 'holy moly, I haven't studied at all,' and then proceeded to speedrun learning a year's worth of content in a week. It worked - I got an A average on the exam - but the stress was not worth it. And then, I FINALLY completed driver's ed (the second exam) - I swear it is the most boring educational content in the history of the universe - so I'm getting my permit soon! The last exam is still coming up, and I'm making sure not to procrastinate for that.

Okay, okay, I'll stop. My life pales in comparison with Cammi's, so let's dive into it!

A dark hallway. A closed door. All the initiates, together. Uncertainty.

Could the first and second stages of initiation be any more different?

The Dauntless-born sit on one side of the hallway, and the transfers on the other. The separation between the two groups is evident, and the atmosphere tense, out of anticipation for the next stage, tension between the groups, or a mixture of both, I don't know. We were separated from the Dauntless-borns in stage one, Tobias said, but we will completing initiation together from now on. He also mentioned - probably for the sake of the more agitated initiates - that nobody was prepared for stage two, not even the Dauntless-borns, so nobody would have any advantages.

That makes me feel a little guilty, because I know what's going to happen in stage two. Even though I know that that knowledge is for my own safety, I will still have the advantage of prior training, and that that advantage may be the reason someone else is cast out of Dauntless.

I stare at Rowan's shoes as I wait. He sits across from me, but I can't bring myself to look him in the eye without blushing, feeling the ghost of his lips on my cheek every time I do. He is flanked by Chloe on one side, and Kian and Juniper on the other. Ethan, Julia, Lavender, and I are arranged similarly, with Julia on my left and Lavender and Ethan on my right.

I can feel someone glaring at me. It only takes me a quick glance to figure out that it is none other than Catalina. Ever since Rowan brought me ziplining yesterday, she seems to have it out for me.

Nobody talks much, just quiet murmurings to their friends every once in a while. Fingers drum against knees. People shift their weight from side to side. Eyes dart around, almost as though something will jump out of the room with the closed door and attack them.

Everyone, including the Dauntless-borns, is scared, and, in small, anxious ways, it shows.

The oppressive silence is finally broken by the sound of the door opening. Tobias steps out of the room, alone. It's a chilling pattern; two people go in, but only one comes out. I mean, I know that, logically, everyone who goes in there is probably going out of another door, but the intimidating aspect of that particular detail is still valid. "Catalina."

With one last glare in my direction, Catalina gets up, and walks to my brother, stepping into the room. Tobias shoots me a curious glance, before closing the door behind him and Catalina. I can almost hear his question in my ears, Cam, why was she glaring at you like that?

We continue sitting in silence. It takes just under twenty minutes - I keep track on my watch - for the door to open again. "Rowan."

Rowan stands up and walks to the door, glancing at the other initiates as he does. Somehow, he manages to lock his eyes with mine.

I feel my heart flutter as the moment from yesterday replays through my mind, but I push that strange feeling away firmly, and offer him a small smile in reassurance, as well as a barely noticeable thumbs-up. Rowan's eyes shoot down to my hand, then back up to my eyes. He smiles in return, then disappears into the room.

It takes ten minutes for the door to open again.

The minutes start turning into hours. Tobias opens the door again and again, calling more and more people, one by one, causing our numbers to dwindle.

Eventually, the only people left in the room are Kian, Chloe, and I.

This time, when Tobias steps out of the room, he calls the name I have been waiting to hear. "Cammi, come on in."

I push myself to my feet. Pins and needles instantly attack my legs, which were immobile for so long.

I walk over to and step into the room. The door shuts behind me. The noise is slightly terrifying, almost like it is sealing my fate.

I can't help the thought, even though I know it is childish.

The room is plain, with minimal light and no mirrors. A chair, similar to the aptitude test chair, sits in the middle of the room, as expected, with a familiar machine beside it. A desk, with a computer on top, is jammed into the corner.

"So, Cammi," Tobias starts, his voice surprisingly even, as though he doesn't know me at all. I turn to look at him, a puzzled expression on my face.

We're alone. Why isn't he calling me Cam?

His gaze bores into mine, before flicking over to the corner, only briefly, then turns back to me again. "Stage two of initiation is fear simulations. The injection that I will give you, once you are ready, will induce a hallucination of a fear that you have."

I already know this. Why is he telling me this?

He repeats the previous action with his eyes: looking at me, flicking his gaze over to the corner, then looking back.

I glance at the corner that he has been flicking his gaze to. There's nothing there. Now, I'm even more confused than before.

"The hallucination will be displayed on the computer screen, and forwarded to the Dauntless administrators. You will stay in the simulation until you calm down, by lowering your heart rate and controlling your breathing. This will teach you how to control your emotions while you are in a frightening position. Do you understand?"

Dark blue orbs staring into my own green ones. Looking at the corner, for just a second. Looking back at me.

I look at the corner again, and try to see what he's seeing. My breath catches when I finally see what he's been trying to tell me is there all along; a tiny camera.

No wonder he's putting up this act. We're being watched, monitored.

"Yes. I understand." To the cameras, I seem to be responding to his earlier question. But the both of us know that I was really answering his unspoken one. Do you know that there is a camera?

"Good. Now, please sit in the chair." I do as he says, settling myself into the reclined chair.

I know what is coming, and it gives me a great advantage over the rest of the initiates. Yet, I can't help but feel terrified of what is to come. What if everything Tobias did, everything Tobias risked, taking me into his fear landscape to show me how to hide my divergence, is no use? What if I reveal myself anyway? What if my divergence, if revealed, puts my friends or Tobias in danger?

I can't afford to think like that. I have to keep my secret, for Tobias' sake, for my friends' sake, for my own sake.

I feel Tobias gently brush my hair from the side of my neck to the nape. Then, a small spot of cold metal touches it. I glance to the side, already knowing what Tobias will be holding, but just wanting to confirm.

I'm correct. Tobias holds a syringe with orange-tinted liquid and a long needle to my neck, about to push it in.

His eyes lock with mine again, asking a silent question. Are you ready?

I nod slightly, barely moving my head, not breaking his gaze. I'm as ready as I ever will be.

And then, I feel the cold metal needle insert my neck. As the liquid flows into my body, it sends a deep ache through it, one that I've only experienced once before, when I went into Tobias' fear landscape. I don't flinch; there are worse kinds of pain.

"The serum will go into effect in sixty seconds." He informs me, then falls silent. I know that I'm going to be consumed by fear in roughly a minute, so I try to focus on Tobias' calm face, hoping to capture it in my memory. Maybe, if I remember it in the fear landscape, it'll help me calm down too.

After at least half a minute, Tobias leans over me, blocking me from the view of the cameras. "Remember the landscape." He mutters, so quietly, that the words barely reach my ears. I can't bring myself to say anything, not with the serum so close to taking me, so I just give another small nod.

He smiles at me then, a smile that's somehow proud and sad at the same time. It twists my heart. "Be brave, Cam."

And the serum drags me under.

"Camilla Eaton, get down here, now!"

I flinch as Marcus' voice echoes throughout my Abnegation home, seeping under the closed door of my room.

This is Marcus. I can't ignore him, not if I want to live to see another day.

Filled with a heavy sense of foreboding, I open my door, as slowly as possible, but not too slowly; Marcus would call me out for being too slow, and I would earn myself more marks on my back.

I trudge down the stairs, and into the living room, only to stop in my tracks. My mouth shapes around the first syllable of his name. Tobias-

Tobias is in the middle of the living room, kneeling on the ground, shirt off, back bloody. From the way he's slumped, I would say he's unconscious.

A part of me wants to rush over to him, to administer first aid, then sob helplessly as I wait for him to come back to consciousness, to hope and plead and pray to the universe that he isn't taken from me, because he looks god-awful.

Another part wants to walk straight over to Marcus, and beat him within an inch of his life, just so he knows how much pain he inflicts on us, his children, the people he's supposed to protect and love with all his heart. It's a dark thought, but, then again, isn't telling your children that you're hitting them everyday to make them better also dark?

Because saying it like that, it makes it seem like love. But whatever Marcus has for us, it isn't love. It can't be.

In the end, I don't listen to either part of me, instead standing stock still, not tearing my eyes from him, feeling utterly useless.

I can't let Marcus make it worse, because he might hurt Tobias more, and the best way to prevent that is to stay still, because it removes the chance of triggering him with anything.

"Yes, sir?" I croak out. It's only then that I register the bitter scent of alcohol in the air. It only makes me cringe more; he's drunk, and a drunk Marcus is a dangerous Marcus, because when he's sober, he at least knows when to stop.

"Get on the floor. Shirt off." The very visible shaking of my hands makes my fingers fumble as I pull off my top. I'm terrified, but, at this point, I think I would do anything to keep his drunken attention off of Tobias. I throw it to the side, in an attempt to make sure it doesn't get stained, and get down.

I stare at the plain gray wall, trying to calm my racing heart. But I can't, and now my lungs are burning, and I know what's going to happen, I'm gasping, and oh god, I can't breathe-

The belt comes down, and my back screams in pain. I grit my teeth, trying not to cry out. I won't give Marcus that satisfaction.

But the longer the beating goes on, the more my resolve is tested. Because even though I haven't made a sound yet, I'm trembling even harder, and tears of pain are leaking from my eyes, dripping onto my pants and the floor. Because it hurts so badly, and all I want is to go home-

Home.

I get a short flash of a memory; it is me, lying in the arms of the Dauntless, still filled with adrenaline from the zipline.

Be brave, Cam.

This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real.

But it feels real, it feels so, so real. The belt coming down on my back feels exactly like it did the last time, agonizing, blazing.

Blood drips onto the carpet around me, a morbid reminder of the devil in this house. Black starts creeping into the edges of my vision.

Thisisn'treal,thisisn'treal,thisisn'trealthisisn'trealthisisn'trealthisisn'trealthisisn'treal-

My back is burning, boiling, and I don't know how I can still hear the sound of the belt hitting my back through the roaring voices of pain that cry into my ear, begging for it to stop.

The belt hits again, and I let myself crack, just a little. "Stop." I whimper, my voice broken from my silent screams. "Please, stop."

But it doesn't stop. The pain just keeps coming, again and again and again, in waves.

You will stay in the simulation until you calm down, by lowering your heart rate and controlling your breathing.

Okay. I need to calm down. Calm down!

But the belt keeps hitting my back, steady and rhythmic, the worst kind of clock. I can't calm down. I can't, I can't, I can't.

Breathe in. My brother's voice, from years ago, comes to me. I listen, inhaling as much air as I can into my lungs, trying desperately to ignore Marcus and his torture. Breathe out.

I keep repeating the two-step process, although the snot in my nose from the crying makes it harder.

I need to slow my heart rate, I absently recall. I can't fight Marcus - that would give me away. The only other option is to surrender.

Just the thought makes me want to vomit - How could I give up, after fighting tooth and nail for so long?

But it wouldn't be real. I wouldn't be giving up, not really.

With gritted teeth, I force the muscles in my neck and shoulders to relax. Then, I move down my body, relaxing every muscle, even though it feels so wrong, until I am completely relaxed. The black has now almost completely obscured my vision.

Marcus' belt hurts, it aches, so badly, and I have to ignore my every primal urge to tense again, to try and protect myself from an iota of the pain.

I allow the darkness to swallow me.

My eyes snap open. The first thing I register is something cold and hard under me - I'm sitting in a metal chair.

A shadow falls over me.

I gasp, quickly bringing my arms over my head to shield myself, and wait, trembling, for his next move.

It's only after a few seconds that I register that he's talking to me, not going straight into swings.

I try to break past the muffled barrier that sits in my ears, and make out what he's saying.

"-alright, Cammi, it's over now, you're out of the simulation."

That isn't Marcus. That's Tobias.

I slowly remove the protective shield over my head that I made with my arms and look up into Tobias' gentle blue orbs, making sure that it's just him here.

Once I confirm that, it takes all my willpower to not fling myself into his arms and sob. The only thing that prevents me is the knowledge of the camera in the corner, recording our every move.

I know my eyes are still leaking tears, running over the older, already-crusted tear tracks on my cheeks. I know that I've finally broken the silent spell that I had enforced on myself in the sim, that I'm occasionally sniffing or whimpering between my tears, and I know that I look so, so weak right now, but I don't care. It's just Tobias here. And whoever is watching us. But they don't determine the rankings, do they?

Then, I feel something touch my hair, and start stroking it - Tobias' hand. The motion is so familiar, so comforting, so Tobias, that I almost break down.

"You're done for the day." He murmurs, running his hand over my hair one more time before pulling away. I whine almost inaudibly at that - I know that we need to appear distant, but at this moment, there is nothing I want more than the comfort he provides.

But I can't have it, not now. So I force myself to get out of the chair and stand on my own two (shaking) legs.

"I guess…" I wipe at my eyes and cheeks quickly, trying to look a little more presentable. "... that everyone is exiting out the back door?"

"Yep. Right this way." He gestures towards the back door. I glance at him, seeing a few little details I didn't pick up on right after the simulation ended. His mouth is in a tense line, his face a little strained. But what captures my attention the most is his tortured eyes.

I wince. I completely forgot that Tobias was watching the simulation. This must have been hard for him too - it is one of his fears, after all.

I step out the back door, and spin around to say goodbye to my brother, only to blink in surprise when he steps out after me. He beckons for me to follow, and leads me down the hallway, stopping about halfway through.

If I had to guess, I'd say this is a blind spot to the cameras. After all, there's nothing particularly special about this place. I'm only wondering why he wants to talk to me without surveillance.

Almost immediately after he stops, Tobias turns around and engulfs me in a hug.

I'm caught off guard, to say the least, but I don't turn down the comfort I have been craving, ever since the end of the sim, and stretch my arms around him in return, gripping him tightly.

We just stand, hugging each other. He doesn't say anything, and neither do I; after all, what is there to say? I don't want any sympathies he might offer me, and he knows it.

The images, the feelings, from the sim flash behind my eyes. I guess I understand why the Dauntless put initiates through the simulations - they want their members to be able to think clearly, even when fear is consuming their mind. The Dauntless are soldiers, and soldiers need to be to keep their fear under control.

But, at the same time, I wish that they had another way to overcome cowardice, any other way, because that - that was pure torture.

More tears sting my eyes, and I desperately push them back - I've cried enough for one day.

"How long did I take?" I finally ask, quietly. It felt like I was in the simulation for days, but I know that isn't true. I brace myself for a ridiculously long time.

"Five minutes." My eyes widen in shock, and I pull away from Tobias abruptly, staring at him. He just smiles. "You did better than everyone else so far. You didn't show any signs, either. Good job!"

"Wow." Just then, another thought occurs to me, and it makes my stomach sink. "How many more times are we going to have to do this?"

Tobias' smile drops. "Six more times."

I cringe at the number; will I have to face Marcus' wrath six more times?

Somehow, Tobias takes one look at my face and instantly realizes what I'm thinking. "Most initiates never see a fear in the fear simulations twice. You probably won't get the same fear again, Cam."

His words do reassure me, even if it's only slightly. Then, Tobias lifts both his hands and places them on either side of my face, using his thumbs to wipe the remaining tears off my face. His expression is sober, but the kiss he plants on my forehead is as soft as a feather.

"Cam, you've got this. I believe in you."

I smile at him in thanks, and, without another word, we go our separate ways, Tobias back to the simulation room, and I back to the dorms.

Tobias' words bounce around in my head, full of so much trust, trust that I'm not sure that I deserve.

I believe in you.

A/N: And that's a wrap!

So, little bit of insight into my thought process... In the original book, Tris had a very strong reaction after coming out of the fear simulation, because she thought that she was still in it. Let's assume that the simulation serum is injected into the bloodstream via the jugular veins, which are on both sides of the neck. I have a theory that Tris reacted so strongly because she got out of the simulation insanely fast (three minutes!), and the serum didn't have enough time to find its way out of her blood yet. If I go by this, then Cammi, who got out in about five minutes (still a freaking amazing time), should have less serum in her veins, and therefore react less strongly.

Did any of that make sense? I hope so.

Also, the length of my chapters have been extremely inconsistent. My last few chapters were 7,000-9,000 words, and this one is only about 3,300. I hope that nobody minds this...

Anyhow, I hope to update a little more frequently, now that the worst of the exams are over. Band camp's coming up, though, which could be an issue... we'll see.
In Divergent, the chapter after the first fear simulation was Tris running into drunk Tobias. Before you ask, NO, nobody's getting drunk in Cammi's initiation. It's going to be pretty chill, actually. And that's good, because the few chapters after that... are going to get pretty heated.

Nos vemos, mi brilliante estrellas!