Disclaimer: You know, if I was Veronica Roth, I would know my own social security number. And I would be able to use it to withdraw the money I made off of my New York Times bestselling book anytime I needed cash (which, admittedly, isn't that often. Yet.). Unfortunately, since I am not Veronica Roth, I am not a New York Times bestselling author, and have not made any money off of anything I have written. Yet. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a bank account I can access yet.

A/N: My god, this took me a month. Why? Can't tell you. I did update my other story, a short story called "And When You're Gone (I Feel Incomplete)", about Shauna's recovery, during this time, though, so check that out if you're interested!

Now, into the chapter we go!

When the wisps of consciousness begin to come back to me, the first thing I hear is voices.

"-bastard." The one growls. "He was trying to- trying to-"

"I'll kill him." Another responds, voice low and furious. "She shouldn't have to deal with this, not after Abnegation."

But the pull of sleep is still there, and it's getting stronger. The voices keep on talking, but they fade into the background.

Too tired to keep holding on to the real world, I let the darkness take me again.

The next time I wake up, everything feels clearer, sharper. With only a little effort, I open my eyes.

The room is dark, I notice, lit only by a small nightlight. I move my head slightly, taking in the simple furniture that lines the walls, the one wall painted with "Fear God Alone". Tobias' apartment, my brain supplies.

I shift my head the other direction, and blink in surprise when I see Tobias. He's sitting on what I assume is a chair, his head on the nightstand, facing my direction. His soft snores tell me that he's asleep. I feel a weight on my left hand; a quick glance in that direction shows me Tobias' hand laying on top of mine.

A wave of guilt consumes me. I forced him out of his bed, and made him sleep on an uncomfortable chair.

Something on the couch shifts, catching my attention. I squint at the figure, eyes widening as I catch the familiar mop of light brown hair hanging over the sofa's closest arm. Rowan.

Huh?

My mind starts racing with thoughts, with questions.

Why am I sleeping in Tobias' apartment? Why is Rowan here? What happened?

I wrack my brain for a moment, desperate to figure out what got me into this situation.

But when it finally comes back to me, I almost wish that it hadn't.

The man, J, how he knocked Rowan out, then came for me.

How I tried to run, but he wouldn't let me.

How he pinned me down, and whispered those horrendous things, things that I'd already heard once - twice if I count the second simulation - before.

How he was so close - how it could have happened again, and I would have let it.

How Marcus became the one hovering above me.

My breathing picks up.

Suddenly, the voices of Marcus and J start sounding, surrounding me from all angles.

"This is a special occasion, Camilla."

"I'm afraid that I can't let that happen, Camilla."

"Camilla, you need to stop being such a bad girl."

I cry out, shuffling backwards frantically to try and get away from them, when my back hits a wall. The voices get louder, and I can't breathe, I'm gasping for air, and all I can hear is my own voice-

"Stop! Stop, Marcus, please!"

"Away from you."

"Why does he hurt us, Toby? Why?"

"Cammi?" A new voice enters the scene, and I shrink against the wall, trying to get away from him, too. They're going to hurt me. They're going to do it again, and I don't want them to, I don't want to- "Can you hear me?"

I don't bother to respond, instead just hoping against hope that they'll all leave me alone.

"Hey, you're safe. It's Rowan." Rowan. My mind latches onto the name. He saved me from J. He drove Marcus out of the Dauntless compound once. Rowan is safe. I can trust Rowan. "You're having a panic attack, Cammi. Can you do me a favor?" I nod once, just slightly, without even a pause. The voices are still there, and I would do anything to get them to go away.

"Where did I leave off again? Oh, right. You can call me J."

"Okay. First, can you open your eyes?" I do as he says, albeit a little hesitantly, afraid to actually see Marcus and J in front of me. But, to my pleasant surprise, they're nowhere in sight. But that doesn't mean they're gone.

"This is for your own good."

"Now, tell me five things that you see."

"You. T-Tobias." My voice is shaky, but I can't find it in myself to berate myself for it, even with two concerned faces looking right at me. "The wall. T-The nightlight. The c-couch."

Marcus and J scream in my head some more, but surprisingly, I find myself able to ignore them. "Good. Four things you can feel?"

"The b-blankets. Tobias' hand. My clothes. T-The headboard."

The voices start to get drowned out by Rowan's soothing one. "What about three things you can hear?"

"My breathing. Y-Your voice. The air conditioning."

"Two things you can smell?"

"Sweat. Apples."

"And one thing you can taste?"

"Um… saliva?" I take one deep breath in, then out. The voices that haunted me seconds ago seem to wash out of me with my breath. Then, I look up, meeting the worried eyes watching me. "T-Thank you, guys. I'm sorry about… that."

Tobias leans forward and engulfs me in a hug. "You've got nothing to be sorry about, Cam." His voice is firm, and I don't dare start an argument I know I won't win.

"Are… are you both alright?"

Tobias, still embracing me, shakes his head for some reason, but indulges me with an answer. "Yeah, we're alright. Both of us."

"What happened to…" I trail off, unable to finish the question. But they clearly know who I'm talking about, because Rowan's face darkens, and Tobias tenses.

"Cam…" Tobias pulls back, still clutching my forearms, but I cut off his words.

"No. I need to know." I may not be in the best state right now, both physically and mentally, but I need to know what happened to him. "Please."

Tobias sighs. "We went back for him, but he was gone. He probably woke up and ran."

"Oh." Now that I'm more aware, I curse the weakness in my voice. I've stayed strong through sixteen years in Abnegation - why am I breaking down over this?

"Don't worry." Rowan finally speaks up for the first time since my panic attack, eyebrows furrowed in anger or determination, I don't know. "He won't get within ten feet of you ever again. We'll make sure of it."

"Okay." My reply is soft; I don't doubt that they will do all that they can, but they can't be my personal bodyguards forever. Both of them, especially Rowan, have lives outside of mine. And I wouldn't want them to be, anyways, and they know that.

"Do you want us to report this?" Tobias asks.

I think about it for a moment, then shake my head. "No. He's a member, I'm an initiate. We have no evidence. Nobody would believe me."

I would love to see that man get justice, but, logically, we have no evidence against him. The only thing that reporting the incident would accomplish is making some people - people like Eric - think that I'm looking for pity. And that's the last thing I want.

"Okay." Tobias doesn't sound very happy with my logic, but at least he's going with it. I look at Rowan, waiting for an affirmative from him too.

After a moment of hesitation, he sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. "I really think you should, but fine, if that's what you really want."

I don't say anything, just give him a grateful smile and nod in return. And then, I start moving, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, determined to stand up. Injured or not, I still have initiation today, and I don't want to face the consequences if I'm not there.

Tobias and Rowan both open their mouths to protest, but my pointed glare seems to bring my determination across. Tobias moves to stand beside me, arms tenses, ready to catch me if I collapse. I don't bother protesting; he probably needs the security more than I do. Rowan walks away, towards the door. After a second, the main lights of the room flicker on.

The lights temporarily blind me, and I wince. If my moderate headache and the painful sensation of the bright lights turning on is any indication, I have at least a mild head injury.

As soon as the worst of the pain from the lights fades away, I push myself up off the bed, stumbling a little as all my weight is balanced on my legs again. In my peripherals, I notice Tobias moving to catch me, but I regain my balance before he has to. I grin, even though the accomplishment isn't all that great.

"Does anything hurt, Cam?" Tobias questions softly.

"Nope." I lie. Unfortunately, Tobias knows me too well.

"Try again."

I groan dramatically. "Fine. My head hurts a little, but that's it."

He rolls his eyes, gently adjusting the bandage over my head, checking the second one on my nose. "I'm willing to bet it hurts a little more than a little, considering the concussion you have, but I'll accept that for now." But then, his small, amused smile vanishes, and a somber expression takes its place. "Just be careful today, alright, Cam? Rowan and I will watch out for you as much as we can, but I'd suggest sticking around your friends, especially the transfers."

I nod, understanding the unspoken reason behind his advice. "I don't think I'd want to be away from them after everything that has happened, anyway." The sentence makes me feel a little vulnerable, especially with Rowan only a few feet away, but it's true, and I don't bother to deny it. My friends are pretty good at combat, and have proven themselves to be incredibly loyal. If it comes down to it, they'll be able to protect me from… him.

Tobias' stern face softens a fraction. "Well, I'm glad we're on the same page, then." I smile at my brother's attempt to lighten the mood. "Now come on. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some breakfast."

"Yeah. That sounds nice." And with that, Tobias turns and heads for the door, which Rowan is standing by. I follow closely behind.

As we head down the walls, I have to suppress the urge to shiver. Even though I know this isn't the same hallway, everything is so similar - the lighting, the stone, the sounds of footfalls…

"Cammi?" I turn sharply, only to sigh in relief when I realize that it's just Rowan. I glance ahead of me, where Tobias is walking, before giving my full attention to Rowan,

"Yeah?"

"I know that your brother probably already asked you this, but… are you alright?"

I sigh, not feeling the usual bubble of anger that I get when people fuss excessively over me. He's worried, I know, just like Tobias is, and is only trying to help. For some reason, the words that spew out of my mouth in response are completely truthful. "No, not really. Physically, I'm fine, but mentally…" I pause, and Rowan tilts his head slightly, an indication that he's still listening. "Mentally, I think I'm pretty messed up."

I look straight ahead, refusing to meet Rowan's eyes after what I just revealed to him. I listen intently, though, waiting for a response, whatever it may be.

But to my surprise, Rowan doesn't sigh or try to reassure me, or take any of the other actions I expected him to. Instead, he chuckles. "Yeah, well, aren't we all?" I finally turn my head towards him a little, intrigued by his response. "After the fear sims, I don't think any of us are really all that mentally sound."

I find my lips twitching up in a half-smile. "I guess so."

"You know, sometimes I wonder." His voice changes to something contemplative, something thoughtful. "What do good people do to deserve such bad things happening to them?"

I raise an eyebrow, a little surprised at the depth and seriousness of the question, especially when compared to Rowan's usual easygoing exterior. I would have expected a question like that from Kian or Chloe, but not from Rowan. But I can't deny that it's not a question that I've asked myself sometimes.

So, I shrug, and offer my best response. "I don't know. The world doesn't keep score. It doesn't care about how fair someone's life is. I think it's just up to fate."

Rowan hums in acknowledgement, before offering a response. "That makes sense. Fate, plus the shitty people who like to do shitty things. But I also think it's kind of a test."

"A test?" I furrow my eyebrows, confused. "How could it be a test?"

He shrugs, "I don't know if this is stupid, but kind of like that principle we learned about in the biology unit - survival of the fittest. Every time someone survives some sort of ordeal, it makes them stronger, more fit for the world."

It makes them stronger.

Would I have made it this far in Dauntless initiation if not for my tolerance of pain, courtesy of Marcus? Would I be walking down this hall today if not for my determination to escape him?

"You know, Rowan, that's really smart." I spot red blooming on Rowan's cheeks at my compliment, and feel a similar red blush growing on mine. "Who knew we had an Erudite on our hands?" I tease.

He retaliates by shoving my right shoulder gently, with one hand. "Shut up." But the smile on his face - and the matching one on mine - give away our joking intentions.

"Hey, you guys." I stop once I realize we're standing only a few steps away from Tobias, who is beside the doors of the dining hall. "I'll go in first. Cam, Rowan, wait for a minute or two, then come in. See you both soon."

We both nod. And, with one last smile in our direction, he walks in.

Rowan and I stand in silence, waiting for the minute to pass. In that time, I steel my nerves.

It doesn't matter who is in there, or what they think. I have my friends with me, and they can drive off anyone who needs to be driven off. More importantly, I can defend myself just fine on my own, too. Nobody in there will hurt me. They can't hurt me. I'm safe. I'm safe.

When Rowan tugs on my arm, I let him lead me into the dining hall without hesitation. I keep my head high, refusing to acknowledge the confused or curious gazes directed at my bandages.

If he's here, he can't think that he's broken me. I can't let him believe that I'm an easy target. I've got to show him that he's only made me stronger, even if it doesn't feel like that right now.

I see Zayden, out of the corner of my eye. He snickers a little at the sight of my banged up face, but as soon as he notices me looking, he stops, and turns away.

Looks like we scared him pretty badly on rankings night. A small, satisfied smile appears on my face at the thought.

And then, it drops, as I spot my friends, Dauntless-born and transfers both, sitting at the same table, chatting away. Lavender is the first to spot us. She raises a hand to greet me, but then her eyes land on my bandages. She puts her hand down, face turning stormy. This prompts first Julia, then Ethan, then Juniper and the twins, to turn and look towards the source of Lavender's distress.

When they see me, their expressions shift, looking horrified, angry, or a mix of the two. I can't say I blame them; I may have not looked in a mirror yet, but I'm fairly sure I look terrible.

The questions start as soon as I slide into an empty seat beside Lavender, Rowan sitting down next to me.

"What happened?!"

"Are you okay, Cammi?"

"Was it Zayden again?"
"Did you-"

"GUYS!" Rowan raises his voice a little, to to heard among our concerned friends, which effectively quiets them. "We'll answer your questions, just give her a moment."

I flash another grateful smile at Rowan, before allowing my eyes to wander over the faces of the group. One of Ethan's hands is clutching one of Lavender's, and his other hand is clenched in a fist. Lavender is much the same. The other three Dauntless-borns look incredibly tense, their expressions mirroring a pack of hungry wolves.

But the expression that catches my attention most is Julia. Her head is partially ducked, inclined towards her arm, which is still in a sling, but her eyes are laser focused on my own injuries. Her jaw is clenched so tightly, I'm surprised we can't hear her teeth grinding together.

I just hope they don't go on a spree once I tell them what happened. Because I get a feeling they won't take no for an answer.

"Um, well…" I take a deep breath, trying to ground my rising panic at the mere thought of the situation. "Rowan and I got attacked last night. By a man - he called h-himself J. He knocked Rowan out almost right away." I pause, taking another deep breath, trying to erase the images that are attempting to force their way into my mind. "And I took the brunt of it, I guess." I leave out the part about what- what almost happened. I don't think I could get through that part without breaking down.

"Why would a random man attack you, though?" Julia asks, staring at me intensely, almost as if the answer is printed on my skin, and she'll see it if she looks hard enough.

"Um." I gulp, wanting nothing more than to sink into the ground and disappear. "I'll let Rowan tell you t-the rest. I'm going to get some breakfast."

As I'm rising from my seat, I make eye contact with Rowan. No words are said, but, if the way that he gives a small nod is any indication, I think he caught the hidden message behind my words. Don't tell them about Tobias.

With that, I walk towards the line for breakfast. My body acts for me, picking up food by instinct, rather than actual thought.

I get through the line far too quickly. Only after I walk away from it do I glance down at what I grabbed. A bowl of plain oatmeal. Pancakes, with no packets of syrup or jam accompanying them. Abnegation food.

I wince at the thought. My eyes wander to my hands, which are gripping the tray so tightly, they're turning white.

I pretend not to notice their additional shaking, as well.

I stare resolutely at the ground as I slowly head for my table. Every step feels like impending doom.

What will they think? Will they look at me in disgust? In anger, for letting him hurt Rowan? In pity, for what could have been?

Unfortunately, there's only one way to find out.

As I approach the table, time seems to slow. Voices grow muffled, and people fade into the background. I can hear my friends fall silent at my arrival.

I stare at the ground for another second, before gathering the courage to lift my head. How do I expect to be a part of the faction of the brave if I can't even look my friends in the eyes?

For a moment, all I do is stare at them, and they stare back. Even though I know that it's only a second, to me, it feels like forever.

But then, Julia starts to get up from her seat. Everyone's eyes shift to her, but she pays them no heed. She gently takes my tray, places it on the table, and then, abruptly, throws her one good arm around me in a hug.

I stiffen, surprised by the action. But she doesn't let go, and so, I relax, slowly lifting both my arms and mimicking the action.

And then, I feel another set of arms surround me. And another. And another.

Before I know it, thirteen warm arms surround me. The action makes something warm and fuzzy kindle appear in my stomach, and start spreading, through my whole body.

They're angry - I can tell from the tenseness of their muscles. But they're hugging me, so it doesn't seem directed at me. They're not babying me, either, and that's everything I can ask for.

Of course they wouldn't. These people are my friends. Every time I doubt them, they prove me wrong all over again. That's not their fault - it's more my own insecurities than anything else - but they don't deserve such low standards.

For who-knows-how-long, I just stand there, surrounded in the embraces of my friends, letting their unspoken, but still there, promises of safety and protection comfort my fears.

Julia, Lavender, and Ethan walk around me in a protective semi-circle as we make our way to the fear landscape room.

In my peripheral vision, I catch Zayden, falling back so he stands right next to Lavender. I sense my friends' muscles tense.

I guess he isn't as scared as I thought.

"What do you want, Zayden?" Lavender asks sharply, her voice holding none of its usual cheer.

"Oh, nothing much." Zayden's voice oozes faux innocence. "Just wanted to know, what happened to you, Stiff?"

Anger bubbles up inside of me, and I reply before any of my friends can. "None of your business, Candor."

"But you're my fellow initiates. It is my business." Zayden continues, staring right at me with that stupidly blank face.

"And unless you want your fellow initiates to beat you up worse than we did on rankings night," Julia cuts in, apparently having heard enough, "I'd suggest you go away."

Zayden's face pales slightly at the mention of rankings night. It isn't a lot, but enough to be noticeable by Julia and I. Julia smirks at him, and that's all it takes for Zayden to speed up his walk. He continues this until he's closer to Tobias (who, I only notice now, is watching our interaction concernedly) than he is to our little group.

We watch him go, and my friends only relax once he's a good distance away. Lavender frowns at Zayden's back. "What a jerk."

I'm the first to notice that something's wrong.

We're walking through the Pit behind Tobias, on our way back to the dorm after our visit to the fear landscape room. My friends still stick close to me, and it warms my heart every time I witness their efforts to make me feel safe, after the recent incident.

I'm laughing at something Ethan just said, when my eye is drawn to several people leaning over the Chasm railings, staring at something down below. My laughter dies away.

Julia is the first to pick up on this, and she turns her head so she can see what I'm looking at. "What's going on?" She questions, her smile quickly turning into a thin frown.

"I don't know." Is my slow, hesitant response.

"Well, then," Ethan starts walking over to the Chasm, only stopping to turn around and look at us. "Let's go see."

Julia and Lavender follow him almost immediately. I hesitate for a second, before doing the same. My mind is racing.

Something is very, very wrong, I can tell.

Everyone looking into the Chasm is frowning, and some look pale. Other than that, what could they even be looking at in the Chasm, anyways? There isn't much besides rocks and water, and those shouldn't make people look like that.

Ethan is the first to get to the Chasm railing. He looks down, squints for a second, and then gasps, backing away, looking like he's about to vomit.

My mind screams at me. Notrightnotrightnotright-

Lavender is immediately deterred from her path, clearly concerned for her boyfriend's well-being. She's at his side in an instant, whispering words that I can't hear into his ear.

Julia, on the other hand, frowns even deeper when she sees Ethan's expression, but, seeing Lavender taking care of him, continues on towards the ledge.

When she reaches the edge, her reaction is almost the opposite of Ethan's; she freezes, color draining from her face. The skin of her good hand grows white, a sign that she's squeezing the railing for dear life.

Julia is always calm, composed, a lot like my brother. Never like this.

Notrightnotrightnotrightnotrightnotright-

Against all my instincts, I step to the edge beside Julia. With one more deep breath, I look down.

Once I do, I instantly understand my friends' reactions.

There, splayed on the rocks at the bottom of the Chasm, is a body.

I bring a hand to my mouth, trying to quell my gag reflex. But, just like Julia, I can't bring myself to tear my gaze away.

Something sparkles on the darker rocks beside the man, but I don't pay attention to it. All I can see is the still body, the blood-stained rocks, and…

The face.

I know that face. After the events of late, I can't forget it.

Icy blue eyes.

The face is J's.

A/N: What happened to J? I guess you'll have to wait and see...

Okay, so, let me address the panic attack and the scenes afterwards. This is basically a disclaimer; I've never had a panic attack before, and I'm extremely grateful for that. However, in this case, it means I have no clue how to portray a panic attack and what an appropriate comfort would be. Like, I read about the 5-4-3-2-1 method, but would she recover so quickly? In the cafeteria, would a group hug make Cammi feel comforted, or trapped, based on the trauma she recently faced? No clue. I just went with what I thought seemed appropriate based on how realistic it would be and Cammi's personality.

Anyways, the next chapter is already a work-in-progress, but I can't promise anything about the release date at this point. I'm never consistent. It's one of my most consistent qualities. Please come back for it, though! Cammi needs to deal with the aftermath of J's death, not to mention the plans of a certain leader of Erudite...

Gracias por leer, mi estrellas! Tu siempre son muy, muy maravillosos.