Thanks to my reviewers. You rock!
Disclaimer: I don't own the Sound of Music, Maria, Georg, the Baroness, the real von Trapp's or any of the other brilliant Rogers and Hammerstein characters.
Elsa:
Elsa thought the months to Liesl wedding passed by quickly but the months to the night of the birth of Liesl's child were agonizingly long. Charles was gone. Life was dull and meaningless. Elsa, however, refused to believe that one had anything to do with the other. The news of Charles' departure and the oncoming baby preparations for her goddaughter made Elsa moody and difficult when she visited Maria and Liesl. The Baroness was prone to snap at the slightest nuisance and explode with rage at the smallest inconvenience. Elsa felt sorry for the people around her because of her terrible mood.
No one received the force of Elsa bad spirits more fully than poor Max. Max had been a true friend to Elsa longer than she could remember. He stuck by her when gossip ran rampant, made her laugh when life was depressing, and advised her, wisely most often, in matters he should know better than to address. Max, like Maria, understood Elsa's emotional defenses and most often let them go without so much as a word.
Achill wind was raging outside the von Trapp mansion and inside in the form of Elsa when Max made the mistake of giving advise. Max was the unfortunate victim of what Elsa realized for the first time was a problem so huge, intrusive and old she hardly even recognized it.
The day had started as pleasantly as most, considering at the particular moment Elsa despised Maria's cheerful smile and the soft laugher of the von Trapp children playing a game on the floor near the fireplace. Max and Georg had been chatting in the hallway when they entered the room and began talk to the children playing at their feet. Elsa watch with contempt as Maria showed Liesl how to sew a button onto a glove Liesl had brought over.
At nearly four months Liesl was showing no signs of her pending pregnancy, although Elsa had gritted her teeth the past few months as she listened to Maria relate all of Liesl's morning sickness experiences. Today Liesl's smile matched her mother's and it was only another irritation to Elsa. Eyeing Maria and Liesl with what Elsa knew was a vicious stare at a pair of innocent dew eyed lambs; her concentration was broken by the upbeat voice of Max. He looked up at her breaking from his conversation with the children. His tone gave her a headache.
"Come now Elsa," he began, with the admiring eyes of the von Trapp children on him, "Do tell the children about the time Charley tricked you into playing baseball with that mishmash team of boys he put together."
Elsa was much to annoyed and despondent to put any feeling into her reply. She smiled faintly, perhaps more of a smirk, and leaned back in her chair, her posture not its normal stiffness.
"I wasn't tricked. I rose to the challenge," she said.
Max seemed to get some delight from her answer but he happily took over the telling of the rest of the story. Elsa had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes and sighing disgustedly at Max's choice of entertaining story.
"Charley and Elsa were in an argument about something, I've forgotten what," Max said leaning down to address the children.
"His hat," Elsa replied, and by this time she noticed Maria and Liesl had put down the glove.
"Oh, yes, that's right," Max continued, "Charley bought a hat that Elsa thought was hideous and so Charley invited Elsa to play ball. He said if she could make it around the bases he would get ride of the hat."
"Did you do it, Baroness?" Gretl asked, her tiny sweet voice nearly making Elsa gag.
"Of course," Elsa answered from atop her lofty high horse.
"I'll never forget the look on the faces of the boys there as they watched Elsa slid into home," Max said laughing. The children and Georg laughed with him as Elsa tapped her fingers on the table top. Elsa glanced at Maria who was smiling in delight but did not dare to laugh.
"What happened to the hat?" Louisa questioned from a chair near the hearth.
"Charley presented it to a dirt covered Elsa with a magnificent bow," Max replied causing the roaring laughter of the children to once again fill the air.
It was then Elsa felt herself relax a little, as she too could not but help smile. The story was fondly remembered and Max had a way with entertaining people that was very charming. Somewhere in the attic of her now vacant Vienna home Charles Jackson's terrible hat still gathered dust. Elsa saved it for some reason and smiled at the thought.
"Father, can we have some cookies now?" Kurt asked after the laugher had ended. Georg eyed each of his children and then smiled.
"Well, I suppose you have waited all day," he sighed. Elsa was a bit alarmed at the mass exodus of the children to the kitchen. Max and Georg approached the table were Elsa and her two friends were sitting.
"I should write a book about the adventures you and Charley had," Max said to Elsa, leaning against an empty chair, "I would make a killing."
"Max, darling," Elsa teased in her most debonair voice, "Must you insist on exploiting my life for the sake of money?"
"Think about it," Max continued. Elsa had hoped her comment would have made him abandon the subject. She was touchy enough as it was without someone bringing up one of the two topics that plagued her most. Max had brought up the first.
"The story of you and Charley. I can see it on books stands now. Charley and the Baroness—"
"The Baroness and Charles," Elsa corrected smugly. Maria and Liesl were quietly changing their gazes from Max to Elsa and back to Max.
"Whatever," Max responded, "The point is, this story would have everything. Action, adventure, humor, boy, oh, boy would it have humor. Drama and most importantly romance."
Elsa's good mood vanished as quickly as it had come upon her.
"Romance?" she asked her voice void of anything but the most stringent contempt.
"Yes," Max simply replied. Elsa's arched eyebrows came together in a scowl that Maria, who was sitting directly across from Elsa, seemed quite terrified to get the brunt of.
"Of course, we will have to change a few things. You and Charley will have to get married in the book, and live happily ever after, that's what the people want today you know. Charley and Elsa riding of into the sunset, with a dozen or so children, maybe the orphan children you saved…yes, that would do it," Max explained matter-of-factly.
He had unknowingly brought up the second subject Elsa could not deal with. Children. The huge, intrusive problem was so old Elsa had not recognized it for quite sometime. She held her breath until Max was finished speaking then she ignited.
What she said and did next was a blur. She behaved badly, no question of that. She threw insults like they were candy and no one in the room was spared. Elsa could see she had nearly reduced Liesl to tears. Georg placed his hands on Maria's shoulders as if to guard her from the fiery flying insults. Max, though, poor Max looked so sad Elsa thought perhaps the skin of his face would droop right to the floor.
Max had put up with a great deal from Elsa, but even Elsa knew using words to describe him such as 'shyster,' 'brute,' 'parasite,' and 'reprobate' was probably going a bit too far even for her. Maria was the first to try and console Elsa after her rampage but Elsa was far too embarrassed remain after the scene she had made. At least, when Charles was around, her friends were sparred from her wild temper.
On the drive home, Elsa found herself wondering how she could stop herself from acting so harshly when her friends brought up the wrong subjects. The obvious answer was to face her demons, deal with them and move on. That was easier said than done, as she had refused to deal with the heart of the problem for twenty years. The expression on Max's white face after she derailed him did cause her, for the first time, to consider going back to church. Max forgave Elsa, although his pride was wounded and making it up to him had not been easy. If Max could forgive her, perhaps she could forgive God.
The thoughts about her outburst, Max's face, and church occupying her mind made the months go by much more quickly. Elsa soon found herself in the most unlikely of situations, staring down at Liesl in pain in bed at the von Trapp mansion as the contractions drew closer together.
Elsa exited the room and Maria followed close behind her shutting the door softly. If there was a worst possible time for Liesl to go into labor this was it. The doctor was out of town helping the war effort and would not be back until tomorrow morning. Georg, Jeof and the von Trapp children were with Max on a concert tour and would be gone for another few days.
"I sent a messenger to town to find anyone they can," Maria said nervously. Liesl's labor was premature which is why preparations were so lax. Elsa had never seen Maria so distraught. Maria was wringing her hands and small drops of perspiration appeared on her forehead.
"If we have to deliver this baby ourselves, we can do it," Elsa calmly told Maria placing her hand softly on the once governess' shoulder.
"I don't know anything about child birth," Maria said her voice strained. Elsa would have to call on her knowledge, that painful knowledge she had gained. She wouldn't think about how much it hurt, no, she would focus on helping the girl. Mother and child would both live this time. Elsa couldn't bare it if one should die.
"I know enough," Elsa said, "You must help me Maria." Elsa's voice was strong and determined and she found the same courage she had the night she swam the canal.
"Yes, of course," Maria said with total trust in her friend but her brow was raised in curiosity.
Elsa was impressed by Maria's ability to fulfill a command with swiftness and ease. The birth was a difficult one and the longer it went on the more worried Elsa became.
Then and there, in the room aglow with soft yellow lamp light, Elsa talked to God for the first time in twenty years. She promised Him if He spared the life of Liesl and her baby she would go back to church. The prayer must have worked because no sooner had Elsa thought it than Liesl delivered a lovely little baby girl.
A few moments more and a glowing Maria sat on the bed with Liesl, who held the baby in her weakened arms. The scene of mother, daughter and baby was too much for Elsa after the fatiguing birth. The air inside the room was thick and Elsa had to escape before she lost control of her emotions. The strain and memories alone had been almost more than she could bear.
She stumbled out of the room, forgetting where she left her cane, and gripped the white railing overlooking the entryway. If Elsa had not been so relieved she knew tears would be streaming down her cheeks. She heard a noise on the first floor and peered down to see Liesl's husband come running up the stairs.
His youthful face met the Baroness' eyes and she smiled at him.
"Go in and see your daughter," she said. The immense relief on his face was evident and he rushed into the room. Peering over the railing Elsa saw the rest of the von Trapp's enter the house. Max came in carrying a suit case in each hand and…Charles Jackson. He was back? Charles was back. Elsa found herself smiling weakly in spite of herself. How had he found about Liesl and why was he here? Elsa rubbed her temples as if to force the complicated questions away.
Max stayed with the younger children below but Georg and Charles ascended the staircase and stopped to talk with Elsa.
"I ran into a messenger in town," Charles explained, "He told me what had happened and I sent word to Georg to board the first train he could find."
"He did more than that," Georg added, "He delayed his lumber shipment so our train could leave sooner." Georg was highly distracted as he looked at the closed door.
"She's fine, Georg," Elsa said calmly, "It's over now. Maria is quite the midwife. You can go in if you'd like."
Elsa had barely finished speaking when Georg brushed by her to rush into the room. Elsa breathed another sigh of relief now that it was all over and realized she was more emotionally weak than physically.
"Will you take me home?" Elsa asked Charles. She was too tried to argue with him or start a fight. She was too tried to ask why he had returned and if he was staying. She was only glad he was here now. He nodded and Elsa held onto the railing as she started toward the stairs.
Walking was difficult enough without her cane but the strain on her mind and emotions was an impediment to her coordination. In the excitement she had forgotten where her cane was. She felt a warm hand wrap around her waste and another lift her feet off the ground. Her first instinct was to object to Charles gesture as he carried her down the long staircase, but, to his luck, she was much to tired. He set her down once they reached the bottom and offered an arm for her to lean on as he led her to his car.
Elsa noticed Max look at them with a lifted eyebrow as they walked by. She returned his impertinent glance with scowl and had she felt more up to it the words 'ill-mannered peeping Tom' might have escaped her lips.
The drive with Charles was spent in silence. Elsa was comforted by the sound of Charles steady breathing. She knew she was safe as long as he was near her. Perhaps it was the fact he had always been there for her, perhaps it was Maria's uplifting friendship and faith or maybe the stress of the birth of Liesl's child; most likely it was a combination of all three that prompted Elsa to utter her next words.
"Could you," she began, and cleared her throat delicately to increase the volume of her tone, "Could you stop at the little Abby before you take me home?"
"I didn't know you were the church going kind," Charles remarked in his usual commanding voice. The familiarity of his voice was a great comfort to Elsa and took her mind off her aching heart. Charles was a man of faith. Elsa knew because he attended church with the von Trapp's nearly every week. She knew because he had always treated her as a gentleman, insults or not, until that day on the terrace.
Elsa did not reply to his words but instead held herself together until they reached the Abby. It was a small little brown brick building, with a lovely wall around the outside and a gated entrance. Charles opened the car door for Elsa and extended his hand to help her out. She swung her legs out of the car and avoided looking at the long scar that ran from just below her knee to her ankle. Elsa was grateful Charles allowed himself to be used as her cane. Leaning on his arm actually made walking much easier than her cane did. Charles was able to change his rhythm to match her step and correct the necessary amount to balance her.
"Mr. Jackson," said a nun who came to the gate, "How can I help you."
"We'd like to see the chapel," Charles explained.
Elsa was grateful for his tact. The nun nodded and opened the squeaking metal gate. The Baroness hesitated for a moment before stepping over the threshold. Twenty years had passed since she was last at a place like this. With a deep breath she drew up her courage and remembered the promise she made at Liesl's bedside.
"Right this way," the nun said as she led them through the courtyard.
From the moment Elsa stepped inside she felt her heart begin to pound. Why had she come here? What good was it to attend church after all that had happened? With each step her legs grew heavier and she fought the urge to turn and run back to the car.
The nun stopped at the entrance to the small chapel and smiled kindly at Elsa. The Baroness wondered if the nun could read the dread and sorrow on her face. Charles led Elsa into the chapel as the nun waited outside. They passed by rows of pews until the reached the rows of candles on each side of the alter. Elsa looked up to see a stain glass window over head. Christ was extending His hands outward to a little child; His face was soft and His eyes kind.
"Leave me," Elsa ordered Charles.
She felt his arm tense in surprise. After a moment he seemed to relax and he pulled his arm away. Without saying a word he left Elsa alone in the chapel. She waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps. She waited until the chapel door shut and the only thing between herself and God was the stale air of the old building.
Her eyes filled with tears, and not ordinary tears. It was almost as if there was a wine bottle full of emotion within her and over the last few months people kept shaking it harder and harder until the pressure had mounted enough to blow the cork out with extreme force. Elsa had intended on lighting a candle, saying a small prayer of thanks, and leaving as quickly as she arrived. Things did not happen like that. She stepped forward to the candles but the force of the emotions she was feeling caused her to collapse on the steps to the alter. She buried her head in her arms and let the emotions she had been storing flow to the surface.
Air was hard to come by between the salty taste of tears and the sobs that racked her body in jolts. Of all the reasons she had for weeping the most difficult one to face was the knowledge of God's love for her. From the moment she entered the chapel an overwhelming sense of peace and love descended into her heart. She had turned her back on her Creator for so long and even now after twenty years He was there, the same presence in her life as if she had never been parted from Him.
She asked forgiveness then. Forgiveness for all the wrongs she had done in the past twenty years. Everything she could remember being wrong about, every word, every action she had felt guilty about she wanted to purge herself of.
But above and beyond every ill intended thing she had done she asked forgiveness for holding the death of the precious sweet little child against Him. The memory was still blurred in the mist of unfathomable despair, but the pain of her wounded heart was eased by the spirit in the chapel. She didn't want to hate God anymore. She wanted to understand why things have to happen. The bitter feelings she might have felt towards Liesl were turned to feelings of gratitude and thanksgiving for a safe birth.
Her terrible sobs subsided a little then. Her body no longer jerked with the force of her weeping. Tears still flowed freely down her face but the worst of it was over. She felt a hand on her shoulder and for a moment thought perhaps Christ had reached down from the stain glass above to comfort her. She lifted her head from her hands and through her tears she saw the face of an elderly nun, smiling brightly. Elsa was stunned and embarrassed. She knew her face must be streaked with tears, her eyes puffy and red, her hair out of joint.
"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven," the kind old voice said, while the hand left Elsa's shoulder. The words held such meaning for Elsa she closed her eyes and felt more tears trickle down her face.
"Luke six, thirty seven," Elsa whispered. Before the horrible event that turned her from the gospel Elsa had practically memorized the entire New Testament.
"That's right my child," the woman replied. "I haven't seen you here before. I am Reverend Mother Mary Josephine."
Elsa thought it a bit odd to be introduced to the Reverend Mother of the Convent in such a way. She wondered how long the nun had been in the chapel. Elsa tried to get to her feet but stumbled. The Reverend Mother took her by the arm and led her to a pew.
"Sometimes it helps to tell a stranger of your troubles," the woman said. Elsa wiped the tears from her face and exhaled deeply, relieved to be getting some air back into her body.
"I hope we will not remain strangers," Elsa said, her voice was far weaker than she had ever heard it. The old nun smiled in calmly a look of understanding on her face.
"Our doors are open to you anytime, like the extended hand of the Lord," the nun told Elsa gesturing toward the stain glass painting.
"Would you help me to the door," Elsa asked the nun, feeling like she could fall asleep right there on the pew. The Reverend Mother happily agreed and lead Elsa toward the door. Before they exited Elsa pulled the Reverend Mother to a stop with a good deal of force.
"Wait," Elsa said and pulled a tissue from her pocket. She frantically fixed her make-up and hair and noticed the nun eye her curiously. Elsa would never allow Charles Jackson to see her so distraught.
"Alright," Elsa informed and the two stepped out the door.
Charles was spread out on a bench in the courtyard his long arms extended across the back of the seat. He suddenly sat up straight and then stood when he saw Elsa. With a concerned look on his face he approached the two women and Elsa wondered why he seemed so anxious.
"Is everything alright?" He asked his dark gaze concentrated on Elsa.
"Why wouldn't it be?" Elsa asked her voice back to its deep emotionless flippancy. The Reverend Mother's eyes were wide when Elsa looked over at her.
"You were in there for two hours," Charles stated, his voice not unkind, "I began to worry and sent for the Reverend Mother."
Elsa looked in surprise from Charles to the nun. She had no idea of how much time had elapsed. No wonder she was so exhausted, she had been crying for two hours.
"What time is it?" was the only response Elsa could come up with. Charles looked at her with annoyance in his manner.
"Nearly midnight," Charles replied.
"It's late," Elsa began, letting go of the Reverend Mother's arm, "Take me home now. Goodbye Reverend Mother."
Elsa latched on to Charles' arm with ease and both of her onlookers seemed a little taken aback by her behavior. After what had happened Elsa did not want to have to explain herself to anyone. The Reverend Mother understood that, but Elsa knew Charles had difficultly.
Few words were uttered between Charles and Elsa as he drove her home. She was grateful for his moodiness. Whenever he was moody he stopped talking. He led her to her door and she briskly said goodnight to him. It was a bit rude after all he had done for her that night, but she was too tired to care. For the first time in twenty years she slept without tossing and turning.