Disclaimer: See first Chapter

Notes: Sorry for the delay. This chapter has been uploaded for ages, but fanfiction-dot-net and my internet server had a disagreement, and that's as far as the chapter went. In actuality, the story is complete. I just have to locate the rest of it now, and everyone who wants to can read it. So now, for anyone who can remember what the story is even about...

Onward.

Chapter 6

Now, I have never been one for violent outbursts, but that night had to be one of the most frustrating I had ever experienced. It was near dawn by the time I gave up, probably five hours after leaving the house. Surely it was understandable, then, that I took my frustration out on the nearest inanimate object I could find. It happened to be a park bench. (Two days later Shiori pointed at a picture of a mutilated bench and made a comment about how sad the day was when gangs started vandalizing even those.)

I wound up on the side of a quiet road, tearing at my hair and bemoaning my own foolish loss. As the sun rose, people started moving about in their houses. It occurred to me that I was sitting in the middle of an unfamiliar neighborhood wearing only my pajamas. Not only that, but since I had stopped running around I noticed how cold it was, and my pajamas consisted of only thin cotton pants and a tee shirt. It was no longer summer, and in the damp dawn hours the air was cooler than what was comfortable.

Walking home was not unfeasible, but it would take a few hours. By that time I ran the risk of encountering students on their way to school—some of whom I might recognize. My reputation was not that important to me, but I did not care to explain the circumstances.

The closest familiar place was Yusuke's. Even then, it was a good thirty minute walk to his place, and I was truly exhausted by the time I knocked on his door. His mother answered.

Interestingly enough, this was the first time I had ever encountered Ms. Urameshi. I had seen her a few times, but never had I actually met her face-to-face. She was taller than she looked from afar, maybe just a little shorter than Kuwabara. I don't know why that surprised me, but it did. That, and her reaction to my arrival.

She looked me up and down first, then leaned forward and looked into my face suspiciously.

"You look a little young," she remarked. "I told them no kids!"

I stared at her uncertainly. Whatever she was talking about, I was pretty sure I did not want to know any details.

"Is Yusuke home?" I asked warily.

"Yusuke?" she blinked slowly, then looked me over again. "Oh, he didn't do that to you, did he? He's a little disrespectful, but Yusuke doesn't rough up kids who can't fight back."

I must have really looked bad for that woman to notice. With her bleary-eyed gaze, I was willing to bet she was hung over. Sure, I had been running all over town in my pajamas right after sleeping and having Hiei fix my hair for me, but it couldn't have been that bad.

Yusuke appeared in the hallway, mostly dressed and holding a comb. I could have passed off my bad appearance as Ms. Urameshi's bad eyesight until that point.

"Mom? Who was th—holy crap! Kurama! Who beat you up?"

His mother looked at me again, shrugged, and stepped aside to let me in. I kicked off my shoes and tolerated Yusuke's worried hovering for a moment. All the while, Ms. Urameshi was pacing around uncertainly, offering tea and muttering about unexpected guests.

"No one beat me up, Yusuke," I assured him. "It was just a rough night."

"No kidding!" he waved off his mother's attempts at courtesy and ushered me back to his room. "You look like the waking dead. Considering I used to be dead, I'm an expert on that."

Yes. Twice. But I did not comment on that.

"So what brings you around here?" Yusuke threw a blazer at me, which I pulled on with a grateful nod. The shoulders were too broad and the sleeves a little short, but if no one looked closely it would pass. That, or they would think I was poor. A pair of pants hit me in the face, and I eyed them dubiously before changing out of my cotton pants into those. Surprisingly, they were long enough. They were probably way too long for Yusuke.

"Just wandering the neighborhood," I said vaguely. I dragged my hand over my eyes wearily. More than anything else at the moment, I wanted to sleep. Though I had probably had more strenuous nights in the past, this one had drained me completely.

"In your PJs?" Yusuke asked skeptically.

"You know how I love a midnight stroll," I murmured and offered a weak grin. He was not buying it.

"Yeah, when you look like shit," he snapped. "You're a long ways from your house, Kurama."

I sighed.

"I was looking for Hiei," I admitted. "He… left."

"He left?" Yusuke demanded. "But he said—" He cut off, looking sheepish. Good old Yusuke, love consultant to the demons. Apparently Hiei had confided in him. But that was their business, so I did not press the issue.

"It didn't go well," I said instead. "I didn't give him the answers he wanted… so he left."

"So you're out chasing him all over town?" Yusuke asked incredulously. "You think that would do any good? Why didn't you go to the Demon World?"

"He never left this world," I shook my head wearily. I would have noticed if he had escaped through a Demon World portal. In fact, I checked there first. That was part of the reason it had taken me so long to get this far. "I don't know where he went. He hid his trail very well."

"And now you're over here skipping school?" Yusuke grimaced and shook his head. "Sounds like you screwed up, Kurama."

"Apparently so." He looked at me darkly, then sighed and shrugged.

"So what do you want?"

"Nn," I winced at the question. There it was again. Of course, Yusuke did not mean it in the same context as Hiei had, but it still stung to hear it.

"You okay?"

"I'm just tired," I smiled to reassure him. He did not need me loading my problems off on him. Nor did I have any particular desire to share them. "You mind if I stay here awhile? I'll be gone before you're back from school."

"With you here?" Yusuke grinned. "Hell if I'm going to school! Not when I've got an excuse to skip."

"Yusuke…" That was a bad habit to get into. He was going to flunk out of high school if he did not watch it. It was a miracle he had gotten into one in the first place.

"Yeah, yeah," he glowered at me. "Party crasher. How about you stay all day? You look like you could use it. I'll tell Kuwabara to get you some better clothes, and we can hang out and discuss your love life tonight."

"Oh, that sounds grand, Yusuke," I muttered. He grinned, knowing full well I did not mean that. The last thing I wanted to do was discuss my relationship failings with Yusuke and Kuwabara.

"See you later, then."

"Later." Much later, if I had anything to say about it. Seeing his grin when he left, I knew I would not be waiting for his return. However, Yusuke's pillow looked too inviting to ignore. I took a long nap before sneaking out while his mother wasn't looking.

I'll admit it. I was moping. After leaving Yusuke's place (and making a mental note to thank him somehow… I'd work out the details of that out later) and stopping at home to change into properly fitting clothes, I spent the rest of the day searching the city for Hiei.

It was not an easy task. Hiei was smart. If he truly did not want me to find him, then I wouldn't. Simple as that. I could brag and say the same, but with his Jagan, Hiei had this disturbing tendency to be able to find anyone, anywhere, anytime. If I felt like putting magical seals over all my powers and living out the rest of my days as weaker than human, I might be able to elude his eye. Since I did not have a Jagan, or have any desire to get one, I was stuck with the traditional methods. That is, I had to use my eyes and search for his youki on my own. I considered asking Kuwabara for help since he was more adept at finding things, but that put me back at sharing the problems of my love life with him and Yusuke. So I did it alone.

It must have been two hours past nightfall by the time I returned home. No one said anything when I trudged past the sitting room and up the stairs to my room. There were a few vibes of annoyance from Hatanaka, but those were easily ignored. Shuichi was in his room, so he did not notice my entrance until my door closed. No sooner had I sat on my bed, then he poked his head in my room curiously.

"Shuichi?"

Glancing away from the dark scene of our street, I met his worried gaze and inquired as to what he wanted with a rather listless, "Hmm?"

"Where were you today?"

"Out," I replied flatly. As in it was none of his business. But he knew that. I let him have his secrets, and he let me have mine. That was how we got along. When he grew invasive, I let him know I did not approve. Likewise, he got a little huffy when I pried into something he preferred to keep to himself.

"You sounded mad last night." He frowned anxiously. "When you were talking to your friend."

He had heard us. That was either frightening or infuriating. I was not sure which. Considering how inappropriate it would be to kill my stepbrother, frightening seemed the better option. I settled for wary caution.

"You shouldn't be eavesdropping," I murmured.

"You were yelling at him, Shuichi," he said stiffly. That brought me up short. Yelling? I had only started yelling once Hiei left. Of course, Shuichi knew who Hiei was, so it made sense that he would draw the conclusion that he had been here… since I was not in the habit of hollering people's names at top decibel in the middle of the night. Well, there had been that one night when Shuichi thought it would be funny to sneak up on me while I was sleeping. Hatanaka and Shiori were less than amused when our shouting woke them. But in this case, it seemed that the only thing Shuichi knew was what happened after Hiei was gone.

Shiori looked in around Shuichi. Gee. Everyone was visiting me tonight. Not Hiei, but everyone else…

"Did you find him?"

Shuichi looked at her blankly, then turned his expectant gaze back to me. I looked at him with as much disapproval as I could muster. Shiori was one thing, but this really was not Shuichi's concern. So with some grumbling and a little nudging from Shiori, Shuichi shuffled away. After he had gone, Shiori closed the door and came to sit beside me. She waited patiently, not repeating her question though I took a few minutes to answer. I did so with a heavy sigh.

"No."

"Shuichi…" she echoed my sigh. Reaching over, she rubbed my arm. It was oddly comforting. "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." That one came automatically. I always told her everything was fine. When I had a hole in my stomach and was limping around for a few days, I told her I had bruised my side in gym class, and that it was fine. And no, I did not need to see a doctor. She had been leery then, but she usually let me slide by on poor excuses. That, and she was still recovering from her own bout with sickness and was incapable of pressing me to do anything.

Her eyes were on me. She did not believe me. There were other signs than the staring. The big one was how she kept edging closer. Closer she crept until her arm was around my shoulders. I sighed again and glared out the window, cursing the darkness and my weakness. That was what caused this, after all. If I was better—stronger, faster—I would have found him.

"I didn't want him to leave," I admitted eventually.

"I know."

I scoffed a bit at that, but she squeezed my shoulders and swatted at my arm lightly.

"I know, Shuichi," she repeated. "You think I'm just a dumb woman—"

"No!" I most certainly did not!

"You do," she laughed a little at my indignant response. "I think all teenagers think their parents are dumber than dirt."

"I don't," I mumbled. She laughed again and ruffled my hair.

"Regardless. You think I don't see these things," she insisted. "But I know you. I know how you act around the kids at school." She said that like it was a bad thing. I was perfectly civil to all of them. Then, her voice warmed. "And I know how you act around your other friends—Hiei, Yusuke, Kuwabara." I had some doubts about that, but if she said so… "It's different. And you know what I think?"

Once upon a time I might have said yes, but I had long since learned that, when it came to Shiori, I was usually wrong. It must have been the fact that she was human. Or female.

"I think you care for them," she said. "You boys are like brothers. I've never seen anything like it."

"It's not—"

"And I know Hiei cares for you more than that."

"Mom…" The comfort factor had dropped. A lot.

"You know it," she continued right over my complaint. "And you still want him to stay. Maybe you care for him more than you think."

I squinted at her out of the corner of my eye. She was being pretty straightforward about this. Most parents would have problems with it, but she barely faltered. Surely that was unusual.

She smiled and stood. Ruffling my hair again, she walked to the door. There, she stopped and fixed a stern look on me.

"Think about it," she ordered. She left.

And I thought about it.

The problem with thinking is that it does not always directly coincide with actual progress. I could think until my eyes crossed, but unless Hiei's train of thought ran parallel to mine, it wasn't going to get me anywhere. That was the dilemma as I returned to school and plodded through the next few days.

Yusuke called and gave me a piece of his irritated and less-than-coherent mind. I apologized, then flat out told him I didn't want to discuss my troubles with him. He was like the puppy who got kicked after that, and I had to apologize again. Apologize and treat him to an action flick. In hindsight, I think he was conning me. At least my conscience was cleared, along with my wallet. It might not have been so bad, but Kuwabara declared himself equally wounded and weaseled his way in on my tab. Those were some great friends I had.

Life went on as usual. The world kept turning even when I wanted it to stop and take care of my problems before anything else was done. Unfortunately, that never happened. I kept hunting for Hiei every moment I got. When Sunday rolled around, I even shot out to Genkai's, but Yukina said she had not seen him in well over a week. It was not much help to me unless she had spoken with him since after our last encounter.

I was getting discouraged. Shiori noticed right away and tried to cheer me. She even had Hatanaka come and give me one of those "man-to-man talks" that I'd heard so much about but had never experienced. It was full of awkward silences and nervous hand-rubbing on Hatanaka's behalf. I still don't know what he was trying to tell me. He must have known that by the blank stares he received the entire time. Fortunately, he finally decided that dinner was overdue in coming, and the talk ended.

By the end of the next week, I was beginning to expect Hiei would not be coming back. That notion was ridiculous. It had only been a week… or two. The last time I saw him, several weeks had passed between visits. Nevertheless, the feeling grew. Like a dark, devouring tumor, it threatened to consume me.

"Minamino?"

"Eh?" Even so far that my attention was slipping in class. My classmates looked at me worriedly whenever the teacher caught me ignoring him. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

The teacher frowned at me but made no comment. Instead, he held up a slip of paper.

"You have a pass to the office," he said.

My stomach bottomed out. That was what was called a conditioned response I believe. The last time I was called to the office, it was so they could tell me Shiori had collapsed at work. Otherwise I was a decent enough student—not even decent, but best!—that I never saw the principal's office. Naturally, I thought the worst.

Gathering my books, I took the pass and walked out of the room. There was a long moment of nausea, but I forced that down and glanced at the slip of paper in my hand. It just had my name on it and a brief note explaining I was excused to go to the principal's office. Just like last time, except then they had called me over the intercom. Minamino Shuichi, please report to the office.

It was a bit of a relief then, when I found someone other than a police officer in the office. Well, that's not entirely true. The guy looked like a police officer. He even dressed like one. But anyone with a handle on reiki (or youki in my case) would have seen what he really was.

Then it occurred to me how precarious this situation could potentially be. It was not as though I could yank out my rosewhip and take the guy out in the school office.

I stopped in the doorway, eyeing the so-called officer and waiting for the principal to motion me in.

"Ah! Minamino!" the man was a friendly guy. I rarely saw him, but from what I knew people liked him. Unless they were in his office to be suspended. "Come in. This is Officer Minamigawa. He said it was urgent he speak with you." The principal paused then, glancing at the man (demon, my mind whispered) in mild disapproval. "Though he has not disclosed any details."

Of course he hadn't. Even as the demon stood and faced me, I was taking full stock of the situation. The name was a big tip-off as to who he was, not to mention the way his body filled out from the waist down. The principal did not see this. He probably only saw an average-looking man of thirty. And he had not met this demon's kin.

"Minamino, I need you to come with me," he told me. Perfectly pleasant, this guy. The warning bells were practically shrieking. It would be a bad idea to follow this… Minamigawa anywhere. I decided it would be better to remain in a more public setting.

"I'd rather not," I said stiffly. "What is this about?"

He looked annoyed. Apparently he thought I was naïve enough to take his hand and follow like a dumb puppy.

"I have a few questions to ask you," he said finally. "About a Kitagawa Kenichi."

So that was it. In this situation, it was irritating being right. Damn it, but these demons were so predictable. Kitagawa. Minamigawa. They had to be related. Siblings, perhaps. And he was exacting some sort of revenge? That brought up an interesting question: Why was he going after me? Yusuke was the one that killed Kitagawa. I just got thrown around a bit.

"Kitagawa? Never heard of him," I stated. A bald-faced lie, but I was very good at that.

"Is that so?"

It felt like every eye in the school was on me. In reality, it was only the principal and the demon, but that was enough. This kind of thing could ruin me. If people started connecting dead bodies to me, whether or not I was involved—it hardly mattered—I was going to be the source for gossip and a target for, I hated to think it but, hazing. It was a sad world when I was dodging not only demons but the humans as well.

Not only that, but he was getting closer. On his feet, he approached me while I edged back toward the door. The door which had, regrettably, closed behind me.

"Mr. Minamigawa," I said reasonably. "I'm a little confused. Maybe if you tell me why you think I know this Kitagawa person and what knowing him means—"

His hand closed around my arm. That was bad. He was looking at me with a predatory smirk, but his back was to the principal, so all I could do was stand there and let him grab me.

"I'd like to take you in for questioning," he said darkly. Oh, that was bad. Nope. I was not leaving this office. I refused to be alone with a demon who had it in for me. Especially this kind of demon. I knew what the last one had been able to do, and I had sworn I would never face that again. Or if I did, I would kill it before it could hurt me. So far, that plan was not working.

"For what?" I demanded. "I haven't done any—ow!"

Something jabbed into my arm. It was strange, considering most people's palms were not usually that sharp. Well that settled it. This was harassment, which meant I could retaliate without fear of being persecuted. And if I kept my voice low enough, I could do some threatening without the principal ever knowing about it.

"Let go of me," I growled.

Minamigawa smirked and pulled his hands away, holding them up as if to say he was completely innocent of wrongdoing. That was a bad sign. I expected more resistance than that, or at the very least some insults before he released me.

A quick glance informed me that little damage had been done to my arm. The sleeve of my uniform was torn, and there were some bloodspots on it, but it did not look dangerous.

"You know, I'm used to people doing what I want, Minamino," Minamigawa remarked. I stared at him. This was really beginning to worry me. I touched my sore arm. He had done something. It had to be more than just cutting me. That had to have been a distraction. He was going to do something else. Or he already had. "And when they don't do what I want, I make them regret it."

"Excuse me," the principal had heard that and did not like the sounds of it. No matter what Minamigawa's status, the principal, as an adult supposedly responsible for the well-being of all the students in Meiou High, could not stand back and let him speak in such a manner. "I think you're going a little overboard, officer—"

"See you later, Minamino," Minamigawa hissed, then shoved the door open behind me. I stumbled back into the hallway, trying to get out of reach. Oddly, he did not touch me again. With how furious he looked, I was certain he would attack me, even in front of the principal. It was not as if anyone else could stop him. But he just walked past me with a sinister giggle. He needed to work on his evil laughter. That sounded a little prissy.

Abruptly, my vision doubled. Startled, I staggered a step, trying to relocate my balance.

"Minamino?" Someone grabbed my arm. Worried it was Minamigawa, I yanked my arm away. That only served to send me tripping backwards. The principal, probably the one who had steadied me first, caught the front of my uniform and held tight. "Watch it, Minamino. Are you okay?"

If he could discount for the fact I was seeing four of him, then yes. I was fine.

And then I had to be down. On my knees. Because if I wasn't, then bad things were going to happen and I didn't want that. No, I didn't want that at all. But I couldn't bow because I wouldn't. I never bowed to anyone, and this was no different. It was worthless to fight it, but I had to. I was helpless and weak, my own delusions of grandeur having carried me far enough. It was done. My time was up. And it was just as well because Hiei would never want someone like me, who couldn't defend himself, who didn't give a damn about anyone, and who couldn't see past his own worthless existence long enough to consider anyone else's.

My head hurt. Really hurt. And it spread to my limbs and chest where it burned out everything in my body.

Someone was screaming. I think it was me, but I really could not be sure. There was a lot of shouting going on. Some of those voices definitely were not mine. And someone was pushing me down, pressing me to the floor. That was beyond tolerable. I could get away from that. Or I thought I could. I tried for awhile. Then more hands joined in, and I couldn't anymore.

It was hell. This is what hell looked like. And I stared at it forever. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I did not belong there. I wasn't ready. I needed to do so many things yet. I wanted another moment with my mother. It was the first I'd ever had a mother who actually cared. I had to see her.

Then I knew I didn't deserve it.

Hiei. Nothing had been resolved. He was still missing, and I had to find him. If he was off hurt and dying somewhere, then it was my fault for letting him go. I had to make him know I needed him. That I could not have him leaving at his convenience. Not until I told him.

But Hiei's fate was no longer my concern because I did not deserve him.

I had cheated death before. I could do it again. Life would return, better than ever. Although if I had to, I would die. I was not afraid of dying. With an immortal lifespan, years started to get long, and at times I would have welcomed it.

But even death was too good because I did not deserve release.

I did not deserve anything.

Ever.

Notes: Whew… a little dark there. Just goes to prove I can't make any story all comedic. Yes, it's a cliffhanger. What's the fun if every chapter winds up nice and clean? See you soon.

Maeniel