Chapter 9: Life as a governess
"No! Clara! It is not time to play yet." Elizabeth said.
"But Miss Smith, I finished reading the book. You said I could after I finished reading it."
"I said you can go to play once you finish reading and writing the words I asked you to." Elizabeth said firmly.
Clara looked at her with disappointment.
"Common now, you can easily write these words. Remember, we practiced these yesterday too. I am certain you will get them right. Maybe we can paint your favorite flower today after doing our lessons."
"Really? Is that a promise?" The little girl asked with excitement.
"Is it." Elizabeth said with a smile.
Adam looked at her and smiled.
"You always find a way to convince my sister, Miss Smith. She never listens to any of us."
"Why do you say that?"
"Mother says we never get along. She says I need to be patient with her. I cannot be patient when she does not obey me when we play."
"Adam, there is no use in trying to make her obey you. You can try to make her understand what you want to do and play with you without arguing. A little give and take will go a long way."
"I will try. I am happy that you are not like our previous governess. She punished me once for what Clara did." Adam said and winced at the memory.
It was a month since she had joined the family as the governess. The children liked her exceedingly.
Mr and Mrs Brook were happy with Elizabeth.
On the other hand, Elizabeth found her position very satisfying. Though Clara had been a little difficult to handle in the initial days, her patience and kindness helped to get the spirited child into a routine.
The family wanted her to take meals with them.
Elizabeth found the couple to be very kind and friendly. Everything was going well.
She wrote to Charlotte and expressed that she was content with the employment. In the nights, she fought hard to keep her thoughts away from Longbourn. She had sent a letter to Mary about the developments in town. Charlotte had ensured that the letter reached Mary through her sister Maria Lucas.
Being around two active children helped Elizabeth escape the torment of the past. All seemed well. But whenever she was addressed as Miss Smith, she felt a pang of guilt and shame. The questions about her birth tormented her.
I hope Uncle Gardiner returns soon. She thought.
The month of April brought many social engagements for the Brook family. They hosted several dinner parties at home. Elizabeth was forced by Mrs Brook to attend them.
"You must, Miss Smith. You are practically our family now. I would not want to keep you away from an entertaining evening. You have devoted so much time towards the children."
Elizabeth refused politely.
"I thought we had established a bond over the past month. But I understand you feel differently. You would not decline unless you feel I am your employer and nothing else." She said hurt.
"No! That is not true. I have expressed on numerous occasions how comfortable and happy you have made me feel in your home."
"Then, why do you hesitate? Please join us tonight."
Elizabeth accepted reluctantly.
She dressed that evening in one of the new gowns Charlotte had given her before she left. She remembered the conversation with her friend.
"Why would I need such gowns, Charlotte?"
"Of course, you would need them. You may have to dress up for some social engagement."
"At my present state, who will invite me for one?"
"Please, Lizzy, take them. When you use them, think of me and remind yourself that you have a whole beautiful life ahead of you."
Elizabeth smiled at her reflection in the mirror. Somehow, she felt more confident than nervous.
I have made it this far. I have tasted the air of independence. She looked at the money earned from her employment. Tears filled her eyes.
It was not tears of shame. Elizabeth was proud of herself. The words of her mother echoed in her mind.
You have nobody. Where will you go? You have no one except us.
You were wrong, Mamma! More than relations of the blood, I have built a friendship that has helped me survive.
The evening passed quickly. Mrs Brook introduced her to all her friends.
Some looked at her without care, and some conversed with her for the sake of their host.
Elizabeth did not care about anyone's judgement. She wanted to be there for the sake of Mrs Brook.
Some of the men came forward to converse with her. She heard some blatant praises about her beauty.
I wonder what Jane would think if she found out about these compliments. She thought and smiled to herself.
"I believe we have not been introduced." She heard a voice from behind her.
She turned and stared into the eyes of a handsome man. She tried to spot Mrs Brook in the crowd.
"Are you looking for my sister?" He asked with a grin.
"I am Tracy's cousin." He said.
Mrs Brook joined them.
"You have done it again, Simon. Have you not?" She asked.
"What are you accusing me of?"
"Of introducing yourself to my friends before I get the chance to do so. Miss Smith, may I introduce to you my cousin, Mr Simon Dean. She is Miss Smith. She has been a boon to our family. She is the governess I wrote to you about."
"Oh! My! Why did we not have such an enchanting governess instead of old Mrs Baily." He said and laughed.
His sister laughed along with him. Elizabeth somehow felt uncomfortable with his praise.
She met numerous other ladies and gentlemen. She thought she had navigated the evening better than anticipated.
No one was interested to know more about her.
No one cares about a governess's past. She thought.
In the next few days, Mr Dean was a regular visitor to the house. One day, Elizabeth saw him along with the family during supper.
"Do you see how well-behaved the children are because of their governess?" Tracy asked.
"Of course, I can see. Clara would hardly allow me to eat in peace before. I am certain Miss Smith knows how to keep things in order." Mr Dean said.
Elizabeth looked at him, and there was something about the look on his face that unsettled her.
"Is this your first employment, Miss Smith?" He asked.
"Yes, sir."
"I don't think lack of experience is affecting your teaching."
"Absolutely not. You must see the progress Adam has made. I am truly astounded." Mr Brook said.
"Really? Then you must be proficient in many things." He said with a rakish look on his face.
"More than being proficient, I am firm in many things, sir. More than lessons, I am very particular about morals, behavior, and values. And when I see that lacking, I cannot let it pass without correcting it." She said, smiling at him.
Mr Dean looked at her with confusion.
"But I must say Clara and Adam are wonderful children with good manners and values. I cannot give the credit to people who don't deserve it." She said with a piercing gaze at him.
That night for the first time in many weeks, she felt uneasy. The way Mr Dean conversed with her, she found inappropriate. But she noticed that neither Mr Brook nor his wife found it ill-mannered.
Maybe I am overreacting. No! I need to be vigilant. Something about the man unsettles me.
She learned Mr Dean was to be in town for some weeks. Mrs Brook was all praise for his cousin.
"I have no siblings. I have always been very fond of Simon. I am glad he is in town." She said with emotion.
A few days later, she found him in the breakfast parlor.
"Good morning, Miss Smith. My God! You are a vision in the mornings. I am truly lucky to be here today."
Elizabeth stared at him with irritation. There was no one else in the breakfast parlor.
"You may wonder what I am doing here in the morning. Well, I am staying here till I head home." He said with a look of victory.
"Would you not be happy to have lively company during the evenings?" He asked her with a smile.
Before she could reply, they were interrupted by the arrival of Mrs Brook.
"Good morning, cousin. I am so happy that you have decided to spend your last week in town with us. You will be sorely missed after you leave."
"Oh! Don't worry Tracy. I will leave lasting memories with each one of you before that." He said, looking at Elizabeth.
Elizabeth felt a shiver down her spine. If at all she was intimidated, she did not show it.
She sat down to eat without betraying her thoughts.
He is trying to taunt me. Maybe I can tell her that I am uncomfortable around him. But will she believe me? Maybe men are like this, vulgar and uncouth. What am I to do? Leave this house?
It is just a week, Elizabeth. Everything will be all right.
She reassured herself.
A couple of days passed swiftly. Elizabeth made sure she did not stay alone in the company of Mr Dean.
She usually spent a good amount of time in the library in the evenings without disturbance. But she did not want to take a chance. She kept to her room and engaged with the children the whole day.
One evening, the children finished their lessons and were playing on the upper floor. Elizabeth wanted to refer to some books in the library. She thought she could spend a few minutes and take the books she needed. She entered the library and found it empty. She quickly found the books she needed. When she turned around, she found him standing by the door.
Mr Dean quickly closed the door behind him.
"You have been very careful, Miss Smith. Those beautiful eyes have been watchful of my presence and carefully avoided me in all ways." He said and walked towards her.
"What are you saying? I have nothing to say to you." She said and tried to leave. He blocked her way.
"Do you think I would allow you to leave, my darling? I think I can use this opportunity to teach a beautiful governess like you many things you are unaware of." He said, licking his lips.
Elizabeth realised that her worst fear had come true. She knew she could yell for help, but it would be too late.
"I warn you. Step back. You will have to hang your head in shame in front of your relatives if I call them now."
"Oh! Really? Why don't you try. From the moment I set my eyes on you, I have dreamt about having you. You are not meant for a governess. You are meant to be my mistress. Come here." He said and grabbed her hand. He pulled her towards him for a kiss.
Elizabeth reacted quickly and reached the candle on the nearby table and shoved it into his face.
He cried out of pain. She did not wait to see what happened to his face. She ran out of the library and rushed upstairs. She found Mrs Brook in the parlour.
"Good God! What happened?" Miss Smith asked in horror seeing Elizabeth. She was trembling.
Elizabeth told her everything. She conveyed the horrific details of what happened in the library.
"He tried to compromise me." She cried in dismay.
She saw the face of her employer turn red with anger.
"You said what?" Mrs Brook asked with disbelief.
Elizabeth stared at her, dumbstruck. She does not believe me.
"I told you every gruesome detail. He has been talking to me with some hidden agenda since the day we met. Today he attempted to carry out his intentions."
"Stop it! You are talking about an honorable man. I will not let you ruin his reputation."
"His reputation? He tried to ruin mine."
"You are lying. I never knew you were capable of such a thing."
"Mrs Brook, why should I lie? What am I to get out of this?"
"I do not know. I do not know why you would say such a thing." She cried and left downstairs.
Elizabeth did not have the strength to follow her.
She went to her room and locked the door. She sat down and cried. She was angry at herself for trusting the people around her.
Why didn't she believe me? Just because I am a governess?
I think Mr Brook will believe me. She is talking out of affection for her cousin. She got up and washed her face.
The servant directed her to the study.
She entered to find both Mr Brook and his wife there. From the look on their faces, Elizabeth instantly knew that Mr Dean was considered innocent.
"How dare you harm him? Are you insane?" Mrs Brook asked.
"I had to do it to save myself."
"My foot. You are lying."
"I am not. What am I to get out of it?"
"Simon told me the truth. He told me that you asked him if you could be his mistress and when he denied it, you turned the story on him."
Elizabeth looked at her in shock.
"Do you.. do you believe him?"
"Of course, I do. I have known him since we were young. I know about people like you too. You cannot be satisfied with a decent income. You want more." Mrs Brook cried with spite.
"Please watch your words, Madam. I had humongous respect for you. Now I don't. What do you know about me to accuse me of such immorality?"
"Why you are an orphan. Who knows what you did before?"
Elizabeth trembled with anger and helplessness.
"Do you believe your wife, sir? "She asked, looking at her Mr Brook.
He looked at her with regret and confusion but said nothing.
"Thank you, sir. I understand you do not give me the benefit of doubt. I am telling you again. That cousin of yours is a rake. If I were you, I would not allow him even near Clara."
"Shut up!" Mrs Brook yelled.
"I will not. If not, today someday you will realise the truth in my words. I don't think I am required to prove anything to you about my character. I know who I am. You trusted me with your children for so many weeks. By not believing me now, you are only mocking your sense of judgment. I will no longer work for you."
"Yes! We do not want you to. Leave at the break of dawn. I will make sure you do not get employed anywhere." Mrs Brook cried.
"Do whatever you can. I do not care." She said and tried to leave.
"Wait." Mr Brook said. He held an envelope in his hand for her to take.
"Miss Smith, this is the money we owe you. For this month." He said, looking forlorn.
"Thank you. I do not want it. You may use it to treat Mr Dean's wound. I am certain this won't be his last." She said and left them.
She hardly slept that night. She packed her belongings and left early the next morning. She found it extremely hard to leave without seeing the children. I would not be permitted near them.
One of the servants offered to assist her to the coach.
"We are sorry to see you leave, Miss Smith. The children have been happy after your arrival." The servant girl said as they walked out of the house.
"I think they will find another good governess soon." She said nothing else. However disheartened she felt about her employers, she did not want to talk ill about them.
She felt guilty to head back to Charlotte's house. But she had no other choice.
I never thought this would happen to me, again. Why are people this way? Why can I not trust anyone around me? She thought.
She entered Charlotte's home with guilt.
The servant led her into the parlour. Elizabeth froze when she entered the room. Charlotte was seated along with someone else.
Impossible.
"Aunt Gardiner."