I wake up slowly and reluctantly. I have been having one of those dreams again (probably also the dream of every woman in my building). The ones of Elliot Stabler: my partner and the man I love. When I wake up from these dreams, it's as if he's standing there in front of me, so big and strong and handsome. He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, and he closes it again. How I wish that the words, "I love you." would take shape in those red lips, lips I crave to kiss.
I remember the first day I met him. I awoke that morning nervous and excited. I was going to start my new job as an SVU detective. I wanted to make a good impression, so I spent extra time making myself up. Later, I learned that this was a bad idea, since it would all be ruined when I, well, did my job. I drove to my new office, wondering what my new partner would be like. I had not heard much about him, only that his name was Elliot Stabler and he had a reputation for scaring people if they were ever so unlucky as to be around him when he was pissed off. I had also heard that he was intimidating. I expected him to be old, fat, strict, and generally irritating, so I wasn't really looking forward to the experience. As I got to the SVU door, I braced myself.
I could hear the detectives discussing me, no doubt. My eyes traveled around them all. The first one I saw was short, with light brown hair that stuck up all over the place. The next one was old, with gray hair and dark glasses. Whenever he talked, he looked over the top of his glasses at whoever he was speaking to. When I looked at the next one, my heart beat pleasantly faster. He was gorgeous, and had blue eyes and dark brown hair that was cropped close to his scalp. Is that my partner? I wondered. I think I can get used to that. I reached out with a shaky hand and opened the door.
They lazily turned and looked at who was coming in. When they saw me, they stood at attention. I stood apart from them; meeting new people makes me jumpy. The captain came out of his office. I had already met him, so at least everyone wasn't new.
"Welcome, Olivia. Got here okay?" he asked gently.
I only nodded, unable to speak.
"Well then, let's get introduced," he said, and pointed to the short one. "This is Brian Cassidy, and his partner" (here he pointed to the old one) "John Munch."
They both shook my hand, and Munch gave me his over-the-glasses look. The Grecian god was still staring at me, and it was making me really nervous.
"And this is your partner, Elliot Stabler," the captain said.
Then a strange thing happened. When I shook his hand, I felt a connection that went from his hand to my heart. When I looked into his eyes, I saw something there. It was then and there that I fell in love with my new partner, Elliot Stabler.
I remember that day fondly, because it was one of the best days of my life. I found the man I'd always dreamed of finding, and I loved him purely, and without boundaries. I could only hope that he loved me back.
Work was hard those first few months, because we didn't know each other yet. Sometimes I watched Munch and Cassidy, and noted how well they worked together. And once in a while, I would turn and find my own partner watching me, and we would lock eyes for a few short moments before he would turn away. Those were the times I loved, when I could look at what I loved.
After about a year we became like Munch and Cassidy. We were finishing each other's sentences and we could tell, just by looking, what the other was thinking. This got cases solved a lot faster. I treasured each moment that I had with my partner. I couldn't imagine what he felt.
Then there was one day that really changed my outlook. I had been a very hard few hours. We had been to a lot of houses, asking people the same questions over and over again. No one wanted to help us. We were at a school, in one of the classrooms, asking a teacher about one of her students who had gone missing. For no apparent reason, she had gotten mad at me, and was screaming at me. She called me a few names, none of which I wish to repeat, and stomped out. I was so stressed and unhappy that I began to cry. I could feel Elliot's eyes on me, and that made me cry harder.
"Liv?" he asked (only he could call me that without getting his ass kicked).
"Yeah, El?" I answered through my tears as I tried, unsuccessfully, to calm down.
Suddenly I was in his arms. He pressed my head against his chest and stroked my hair gently and reassuringly. I listened to the thump thump of his strong heartbeat and I very soon stopped crying. Then I put my arms around him and pulled him closer. I could feel his muscles tense, then relax.
"Shhhhhhh," he whispered in my ear, his warm breath sending chills through me. "Everything's going to be all right." I almost lost mastery over my feelings and told him what was in the depths of my soul right there in the comfort of his arms. We stood there for a few minutes, each content to be holding the other.
The ride back to the precinct was silent, as we were both thinking about what had just happened. We didn't speak to each other much for the rest of the week, then dismissed it and became friends again. But I will never forget the feeling of his strong arms around me.
Thinking about the man I love, I am able to go back to sleep, knowing I'll be seeing him in a few hours. As I drift off, I whisper a little something to him: "Goodnight, El. I love you."
Oh, my man, I love him so
He'll never know
All my life is just despair
But I don't care
When he takes me in his arms
The world is bright all right
What's the difference if I say
I'll go away
When I know I'll come back on my knees someday
For whatever my man is
I am his
Forever more