I wake up late at night with a smile on my face. I have been dreaming the dream of probably every man in my building: the one of Olivia Benson, my partner "in crime." I try no to allow myself to think, but the first thought that comes to my mind is I love her. I can almost reach out and touch her. I long to hold her in my arms and kiss her soft lips. She is so beautiful; my heart skips beats whenever I see her.
I can still remember the first day I met her. Munch, Cassidy, and I were talking about how hard it was going to be training my new partner. We had not heard a lot of things about her, only that her name was Olivia Benson and that she had a stubborn streak. I expected her to be short (that didn't matter, since everyone was shorter than me), dumpy, and demanding. I still missed my old partner, so I wasn't really looking forward to getting a new one, especially when I didn't think much of her. Then I heard the door open.
I looked around and jerked into a standing position. Walking cautiously into the precinct was the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. Maybe she mixed this dump up with the modeling agency - or heaven. I thought. Then it dawned on me: Is that my new partner? I think I can get used to that. I could really get used to it.
Cragen came out of his office and made all the usual introductions. I hoped Munch didn't intimidate her when he looked over his glasses at her (although I'm the one with the reputation). He doesn't mean any harm by it, I guess it's just to see better. Olivia seemed very nervous, and I wanted to calm her down. But the weirdest thing happened when I shook her hand that have never been able to explain: I felt a shock of electricity go through her hand to my heart. I felt her immediately relax. And it was then and there that I fell in love with my new partner, Olivia Benson.
That's the day I call into my head when I need a pick-me-up. If I think hard enough, I can see her in front of me, and I can almost touch her perfect ivory skin. All I hope and wish for is that she loves me back.
Those first few months, work was hard. We didn't understand each other like real partners did. When she looked at me to try and get a point across, all I could do was goggle at her and think how beautiful she was, and I would miss what she said. Then she would get annoyed with me because I wasn't listening. I've gotten over that now (sort of...not really...no). She could never stay angry with me, though, and neither could I with her.
Then a day came that gave me hope. It had been a trying day; we had been to countless houses, asking the same questions over and over again. Our last stop was a school, and we were questioning a teacher about one of her students who was missing. She had gotten offended at something Liv had said, and started calling her some names, which made me very angry and made me want to slap her, but I kept my temper in check. Then the teacher stomped out, leaving us alone. My eyes had been on Liv the whole time. I could see her fortresses breaking and then she began to cry.
It was painful to watch. I was irate at the teacher for making Liv cry, amazed because Olivia never cries (at least not when I'm around - sometimes I wish she would so I could hold her and comfort her), and helpless because I didn't know how to help her.
So I did the first thing that come into my mind: I took her into my arms. I pressed her head to my chest and stroked her silky hair. I could feel the tense muscles relaxing under my arms. I laid my chin on top of her head and took in her sweet scent.
When her arms went around me, I almost lost complete control (or what little I had) and spilled my soul to her right there while she rested against my chest.
Neither of us said a word when we drove back to the precinct. We were both thinking about what had just happened back there. We almost didn't talk to each other for the rest of the week, but when we got a few weird looks, we dismissed it and became friends again. But I will never forget the feeling of her in my arms.
Thinking about this woman that I love, I am able to relax and sleep. I whisper a little something to her as I drift off: "Goodnight, Liv. I love you."
Have I told you lately
That I love you?
Have I told you
There's no one else above you?
You fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
You ease my troubles
That's what you do