Disclaimer: Characters belong to JKR.
Notes: Another old story I'm only now uploading here. I don't remember what inspired it, but hey, whatever. Don't like slash, don't read. Comments are welcomed.
Backward Glance
Had I known the rush of power I would get from this deed, I would have agreed immediately to help him. All of my life I had been a mere spectator. One of the multitudes of admirers who flocked around you three. I wasn't as brilliant, skilled, powerful or attractive, and unfortunately I was not made more popular by association.
I played the role of mindless sycophant. The chubby, ugly and devoted follower of the illustrious three, allowed to associate with them only because I was in the same year and house.
You three always granted me more respect than the rest of the school. I was let in on your secrets, and your pranks. We were friends, and you all did care for me.
Just never enough. Never in the way I wanted you all to. Never in the way I wanted you to care for me.
Perhaps I felt so powerful because it was Sirius Black I was controlling and deceiving. With just a few well put words with just the right touch of concern, I had him doubting the loyalties of his own lover. I knew perfectly well that Remus would sooner have died than betray you, but Sirius was not beyond doubt, and it was I who planted those seeds.
Sometimes I think that it was only the sense of duty your family had instilled in you since your youth that made you marry Lily Evans. I've no doubt you did love her, but I also have very little doubt that you would have run off with Sirius in your youth and never allowed yourself to fall for her in the first place had your family not ritually lectured you almost every weekend once you hit puberty.
It was obvious to Remus and I how intense your feelings for each other were. Sirius was the only one who could make you behave. The only one who could reign in your mischief, not that he bothered all that often. Nor did you bother to restrain him when he stepped out of line. You were inseparable, the two halves of a whole.
And I envied him for it.
Remus was displeased about it as well, though he never spoke a word about it. When you married Lily, his life lit up and Sirius was finally his. He knew perfectly well that Sirius would not have fallen into his arms if you had called to him instead. However, he was content to count his blessings and they were happy together.
Though on some level I think Sirius resented Remus, because he wasn't you. It was this resentment that gave me the power over him. The power to make him question himself, his lover, and to give me the prize my Master was seeking. Your location.
I arrived on the scene only minutes after you were killed. I stepped gingerly through the rubble and found your body. You were mostly unmarred, eyes closed as if asleep. Gently I smoothed your unruly hair back and kissed your forehead.
You were never mine in life, but you could be mine in death, for I was the one who caused your death. In death, yes, you would always be mine.
And in pain and jealousy I made my next move, to frame the one who truly held your heart.
Amazing, is it not James, how love can go so wrong when thwarted? If only you had given me a second glance. Then you may have realized that I was in love with you. Too late for 'what if' now though. There's no going back.